For the week of: 4/23-29/2001
“He hath eaten my out of house and home.”
Henry IV, part two-0, [II.i.75]
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Aries: In certain quadrants of the sky, things are picking up speed. Most notably, in a special section of the Aries sky, Miss Venus is starting to get her act together. Everything, which she has undone, will get dressed again. It’s like date I once had, many years ago, the first piece of her attire was in the living room, then there was this trail of clothing which naturally lead to the bedroom. Hey, before you you get carried away with analogy, remember that I presently live like a monk. Anyway, Venus is like that date, and the clothing is scattered around, all leading inexorably to the bedroom. This week is the next the day, and slowly, Venus is gathering up her clothes as she heads for the door. Pull yourself together, and be as nice as possible. Last night, in Venus terms, wasn’t some kind of a fluke. This is actually the start of something good, believe it or not.
Taurus: One of my favorite earrings is a little sliver of silver metal — most folks think it looks like a silver feather at first glance. It’s actually a Side Winder Spoon, only the fishing hook has been replaced by an earring hoop. Come on, just how masochistic do you think I am? Really. But with a couple of planetary players in Gemini now {Saturn and Jupiter}, you need to consider some of this duality stuff — like my earring. It’s a matter of allocation of resources, that’s a fancy way of suggesting you have something which might serve double duty, or something which was intended for one job, and you find it works better at a different task. Give this a spin — you can never tell what will work until you’ve tried. Like my earrings and fishing lures.
Gemini: Work, work, work. Yes, for the time being, that’s all I’m going to talk about. Too bad you don’t have a job where fishing is part of the job title, then you could spend an inordinate amount of time not doing much of anything, like I do. Mr. Saturn, he’s a heavy hitter, and you’ve had a taste of this guy before, and he’s back. Like a sequel to a sequel which eventually becomes a series on regular TV, you’re going to get hammered with the work thang. Sorry about that. I know that you know that work is way overrated, but an employer, I like to get folks with a Gemini chart, just like yours, because I know I can count on you doing about fourteen things at once. That’s a problem, right now, though, as Mercury (your main planet thing) makes himself comfortable in Taurus. As long as the work triple play is going on, try and focus on one task at a time. I know you can do more than one — usually. But humor me, as an employer, and try to focus on just one item on your list, just one thing at a time.
Cancer: Ever notice how good the world wide web is for goofing off? You log on to look something up in a research database, then you click on an ad, and that reminds you to check a friend’s web site, then there’s a link from there to some picture you want to look at, and from that, there’s a snarky comment about something in the news, and link to a network news article, and the next thing you know, you’ve just squandered the better part of the morning, doing nothing of real value. Sure, you’ve kept yourself interested, and even amused, plus you’ve uncovered some very interesting facts. Did you know that fully 43% of the facts posted on the web are fiction? This meandering horoscope sort of fits with the way times are for you, especially this week. You’re all set to do one thing, but that leads to another, and suddenly, you’re not really accomplishing what you set out to do. It’s not really a problem for me, I call it all “work” and don’t feel the slightest twinge of guilt. I’d suggest you follow my lead, and not even bother with feeling like you’re wasting time — all this disparate collections of facts and links will make more sense, like maybe next week.
Leo: I have a very interesting theory about shade trees. Along the banks of the river, here in my hometown, I’ve discovered that the shade of a willow tree averages two to five degrees cooler than the shade of something like a live oak, or even just a regular oak, or even a pecan tree. Why should you be concerned with the quality and temperature of a place to rest? I’m so glad you asked. Consider for a moment, the idea of setting yourself in an idyllic spot — preferably under the gentle, long leaves of an old willow tree. You need to take a break from the spring time heat [look: it’s a hot spring up here in Texas], or at least you need to take a break from the heat of the office/work/store/relationship situation, and a little contemplation, under a willow tree would really help. Stop yourself long enough to make some thoughtful considerations about what direction this particular problem is going in, and give it a little time, and give yourself a little time, too, and see if you can’t come up with a better solution. Because Leo’s are always so hot, I figure the cooler shade is more important right now. Find a willow.
Virgo: I did a fair bit of research with this one, along the lines of attempting to come up with something that made sense for this week, rather than the endless, “love and money” stuff proffered by so many of the practitioners of the hoary art of astrology. One of my favorite analogies is the veritable brick wall, a fixed, immovable, stubborn object placed in our collective (Virgo) path, something destined to be a challenge to us all. The deal is this: you’re not at the same location as that brick wall, not yet. If you squint your beady Virgo eyes a little, though, and peer into the distance, you can see that obstacle, just up ahead on the horizon. Astrology is like weather forecasting, too, and all I can say is it’s time to start your plans for getting around, over, under or through that obstacle. A perspicacious Virgo (and there really is no other kind) can see that some sort of plan is necessary. Fortunately, you are a mutable sign, and as you draw closer to this wall, your plans might need to be changed. But start planning now.
Libra: The little Venus tirade over the last couple of weeks has left you feeling a little tired. And at this point, you’re not really in position to argue, either. As a point of astrology, in fact, I would suggest you keep quiet about “it,” whatever the antecedent to it is. We have two things kicking in your chart right now. One is the fact that you are, indeed, feeling much better. The second is the idea that even though you are feeling better, your ability to communicate your thoughts and feelings, and especially as this relates to the last few weeks, your normally innate sense, which allows you to use the right word in the right place, well, it just ain’t a happenin’ thang. Consider Horatio’s line in Hamlet [Act V, scene ii]: “His purse is empty already; all’s golden words are spent.” You can use that quote when some particular person demands an explanation about your apparent mute silence. It works rather well in my family.
Scorpio: The other day, I was just about to take a daily walk around the lake, a little time spent on the hike and bike trail for exercise. I put on my silver aviator shades, and headed out the door of the trailer. As I went to lock the door, I realized I forgot to grab a shirt. So I went to the mailbox, checked for fan mail, then came back, and I did remember to grab a hat, to smash down over my hair. I was thinking, “Shades, hat, what am I missing?” I started out the door again, and realized I forgot that pesky shirt, again. I unlocked the door, went back inside for a third time, answered the phone, talked for a few minutes, and went to leave again. Forgot the shirt for the third time. Unlocked the door again, stepped inside, grabbed the shirt, and then went to leave again. I got halfway around the lake before I realized I had managed to get off without grabbing either my cell phone or beeper. While this is remarkably freeing at times, it also means I was completely cut off for a couple of hours. Now, as you get ready to leave your trailer, especially this week, make sure that you have everything you’re going to need. Phone, shades, hat, shirt. That letter you meant to mail. The Taurus birthday card. You have a tendency, especially now, to go off and leave something unattended, and it might be something which you really should be paying attention to.
Sagittarius: I was playing around with astrology software, trying to do a little research, figuring the last time we all saw something just like this. According to one source, it’s been at least 1500 years. I got to flipping through old charts, spinning the astrology wheel around and around, making years go by in the blink of an eye, and I found some interesting stuff. It was only about 200 years ago when it was last like this. Then I looked again, and it was only like, a few months ago. Here’s the hint: you’ve got something back, something which demands your immediate attention, like right now, and it’s something you need to be paying attention to. It could be from 200 some odd years ago, but I doubt that. It could be from 2 years ago, but I think it’s more like something from about 6 or 8 months ago, and you really should have attended to this problem then. Only, you’re like me, and we both thought, “This won’t come back to haunt me,” but like an old lover who suddenly resurfaces as if from a freshly opened grave, you’ve got s situation that is developing, and you need to attend to this matter this week. Please. Before it gets any worse.
Capricorn: There’s not a lot of direction I can give you this week. There’s not a lot of really tasteful, good stuff happening in your corner of the sky. In fact, you might want to consider skipping your horoscope because you should be working right now. There’s a problem with this extra emphasis on work — you would like to be collaborating — but your would-be collaborators are less than willing to work with you. Instead of trying to commandeer them, coerce, or otherwise try and force your would-be conspirators to work with you. Instead, focused, hard work, in the solitude of your own cubicle, office, or even trailer, is the best idea. And spend a little less time looking at silly, mundane horoscopes, too — none of us have a clue what will help above and beyond the work thing. It’s up to you to get the job done.
Aquarius: There’s good times, and there are times which should be good, but a little killjoy always gets in the way. Around here, I usually call the guy “an officer of the Texas Department of Fish and Game” and he usually wants to see some piece of paper called a “fishing license” when he spots me with poles, tackle, bait bucket, and other stuff in my boat. If I know I don’t have a current piece of paper on me, the first thing I do is start making up stories. “Really? I need a fishing license? But I was going water skiing. No, really….” The circumstantial evidence does suggest otherwise. Like as not, you’re going to be confronted with a similar situation. Now, it might not be a fish and game peace officer, but you’re starting to get the idea, it will probably be a uniformed member of some branch of the government [city, county, state, federal and so forth], and this authority person needs to make sure that your paperwork is order. You can rely on story telling to a certain extent, but I’ve found the more expedient route includes having that one piece of documentation handy.
Pisces: Instead of being a fish, or a acting like a fish this week, instead of feeling like you’re on the end of line with a hook in your mouth, how about pretending you’re on the other side of the fishing pole. The deal is this, it’s a time when you feel like you’ve got a big fish, perhaps something that’s not the most attractive fish in the sporting realm, but a fish with a lot of fight in it. Now, to make this an even more sporting proposition, imagine that the fish weighs a lot more than you’re planning. You’ve got light tackle, maybe a four pound test line, and this is a critter with a lot more behind him. You’re going to be forced play this guy a little more than you’re used to. You have to work the line, spend some time letting the fish run with it. He dives, weaves a little, runs upstream, and he might even try that really dirty trick of cutting under your boat. I hate when they do that. So do you. Be prepared, when it looks like it’s heading that way, be ready to walk it over to the other side. End result, after several hours of struggling, is you get to reel in a prize catch. Just make sure this one doesn’t shake the hook before it’s too late.
(c) Kramer Wetzel, 2000, 2001
