For the week of: 9/10-16
“I noted her not, but I looked on her.”
Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing [I.i.152]
Sound familiar? It should — sounds a lot like some folks we all know. The cat liked the idea of music trivia question, so we’ll all bow to her, and keeping with last month’s travel itinerary, where did Lyle Lovett attend high school, and what was the name of the school? Correct answers, good guesses, and any graft qualifies for a chance to get a free [e-mail only] “Fishing Guide to the Stars Planet Profile” [abbreviated].
Aries: You know, I hate to do this to you, but I’m here as a friendly reminder, you know, a quick little mental note from your Fishing Guide [to the Stars] astrologer to you, the Aries, and you know, it looks like you’re getting a little frantic with one particular project from work. I know work is usually a four letter word around here, and in your case, that’s no different, especially not now. It’s not like this is going to be particularly easy week, but the problem has to do with work, and nothing more. Get out one of those pieces of paper with lots of horizontal and vertical lines on it. Remember what they look like? The paper, I mean? Accountants and Virgo’s use this stuff a lot. Now, why do you need the paper with all the lines? I want you add some stuff up. Take a moment and do a little accounting. You’re figuring your own, personal, profit and loss statement for right now. Take a good, hard look. What I would be looking at, you have this one pet project, one item which is consuming far too much of your time and energy, and it’s time to look elsewhere. I’m not suggesting you so much drop it as I’m suggesting you put it on a shelf in the tool shed for a spell — an indefinite spell. We’ll get back to it later.
Taurus: Might as well get this over with: see, there are some things, items, belongs, personal possessions, whatever you want to call that stuff, and it’s high time you cut loose from some of that stuff. I’m reminded of a song, “Too much stuff, too much stuff/It’ll mess you up, fooling with too much stuff.” (Delbert McClinton) — and it’s time for my dear Taurus friend to clean out some of that stuff. Load up the truck. Maybe, you don’t want to haul it to the dump, though, maybe you want to find a charity and drop it off with them, “Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration Charity Center, — vintage, resale, and other good stuff cheap.” I’m sure you’ve got place just like this, somewhere in your town. Now the real trick here, when you’re sorting through this stuff, the real trick is to make sure you don’t go back to that same store, and buy the stuff back. “I used to have a shirt just like this one, only, the one I had didn’t fit. Here, maybe I can squeeze into this one….” Got the picture? Once you unload it, don’t buy it back — that doesn’t work.
[“Women every which way messin with my mind/You know I fall in love every day three or four times/Too much stuff, too much stuff/It’ll mess you up, fooling with too much stuff.” McClinton, Delbert. Delbert McClinton/Gary Nicholson. “One of the fortunate few” album 1997, Nasty Cat Music]
Gemini: There’s this one emotional attachment I’ve been haranguing you about, this one “tie that binds” to something, and you need to assess this connection you have. You need to think about it. You need to give it a certain consideration, and decide whether it’s really worth it. This is a sensitive, emotional issue, as well, not something to take too lightly. I’m serious, now. You’ve got to assess whether it is nobler to hold onto this one item, this one issue, or let it go. It’s very much like an irrational attachment I have to one T-shirt. The cloth is thin, almost threadbare in place, the ink for the silk-screen image is faded, almost worn out, and the article of clothing (if it could even be called that still) is so worn out, it’s so worn, I doubt it would even make a decent rag for mopping up grease, the shirt might just disintegrate. But I’ve held onto this, it has great sentimental value as it’s a motorcycle shop which is no longer around, an outlaw shop, a great place where I worked once. I understand your attraction and affection to this one item, but like my old shirt, it might be time to recycle it.
Cancer: You’re going to wonder about me, wonder about repetitions, wonder about the echo effect, and wonder if I’m just picking on you for no known reason. I’m not. I’m on your side, no, really, I am. Trust me. No sooner do I utter those fateful words, “Trust me,” than a little red light appears on the Cancer’s “heads-up display panel,” suggesting that there might be a problem. “Cancer, we have a problem,” comes the voice in your head. But trust me, because there is something going on, and I might be able to save you a lot of the trouble. Look: Mars has just entered the tropical zodiac sign of Capricorn. That means he’s moving in a position which is opposite you. Maybe not yet, maybe he’s already passed the special point. Or maybe he ain’t there yet, and you should trust me. Be prepared to cut your losses. Be prepared to stop doing what doesn’t work, and be prepared to leave the situation which ain’t working. As fishing metaphor? How about, “The fish ain’t bitin’ here,” and it’s time to move the Good Ship Cancer to another location? Does that work? It’s a new beginning, comes up soon. Think about it, and trust me on this one.
Leo: You’re going to encounter one person, pretty soon now, and that one person will fail to understand that the easiest way to deal with a mighty Leo like yourself, the simplest way to work with a Leo is to let the Leo go first. As long as we bow to your Leo wonderfulness, then everything works much better. I’ve always said that Leo’s are the easiest to manipulate, just start out by telling them how wonderful they are, then you can get them to do anything, like, you know, take out the trash, that sort of thing. But we’ve got to take that first step, take the initiative, we have to be the first to grovel. And this is time when you’re going to encounter one, unenlightened soul who fails to grasp this simple, easy to follow instructions for dealing with a Leo like yourself. So you’ve got one soul who fails to understand that Leo’s are, indeed, the best, and fails to grasp the simple little task of prostrating ourselves at your Leo paws before we try anything else. So when you encounter this little problem person, fall back on your Leo wonderfulness, and take it in stride, not everyone has the keys to the Leo kingdom, so you’ll just have to forgive them — at least — for the time being. Don’t worry, I still know you’re the greatest.
Virgo: Things suddenly got a lot better in Virgo land. “No, no they didn’t,” I can already predict that one response from a particular reader, but other than her, things really did get a lot better. I told you there was improvement on the horizon, and it’s here, like, it’s here now. When I heard astrology and karma being bantered about in mainline advertising, I knew there was something up with that, maybe a sign of the end, maybe a sign of a new beginning. I prefer, especially with as hopeful as things are for you, I prefer to see this as a new beginning, a start to a good cycle for you. It’s as if the Virgo Birthday stuff is all, finally lining up the way it’s supposed to be. Happy belated birthday, or for that one, happy birthday. In any way, shape or form, with one possible previously alluded to exception, this week marks the beginning of a new cycle. It doesn’t really get kick started until the weekend gets here, but in the meantime, you can see that most of the little planets are lining up in a way to make you happy.
Libra: There comes a time in every fisherman’s life, there comes a time in every Libra’s fishing lifestyle, there comes time when it is best to work alone. Launching the boat, parking the truck by the bank of the river, throwing tackle and rods into the boat, you just have to go this alone. We both know that you like to work together, you like to assist and be an assistant, but in this case, you need to manage just one person, that one person is your Libra self. Just for a little while. Now, consider the image, you, the bass boat, the lake, the afternoon sun, the little fishes, the bait, the fishing rod, you get the picture, and you can deduce what follows next, I hope. Success is not guaranteed, but working alone, following your own Libra spirit right now, doing this without any assistance from outside sources, this is the answer to the question you didn’t ask.
Scorpio: There are a number of Shakespeare festivals in Texas, Ft. Worth has one, as Dallas, El Paso, and so does the University of Texas (Winedale, actually), and I’m sure I’m missing some. What I never quite understood is why these have to go on in the middle of the summer. What are these people thinking? It’s Texas, it’s summer, I’ll bet it’s really hot in those costumes. But the Austin Shakespeare Festival, now those guys are a little smarter, they don’t start performances until September, and run it until October. That’s a much better idea. [They have a great Hamlet this season.] It’s a little cooler out, a little nicer, a little more enjoyable. Like that Austin organization, you’ll notice that things are just getting a little bit better, maybe not that much better, but the temperature won’t hit 100 for several days, and you start feeling a little better. In fact, you think a frolic in the park might be a good idea, and I’ll suggest that it is, especially for you, my fine Scorpio friend. Doesn’t matter where you are, either, the searing heat which has been roasting Scorpio’s is over, and it’s time for a play in the park.
Sagittarius: I was in a little state one time, a place called New Hampshire, and the instructions to get someplace was comical, at best, and you just have to imagine a New England accent on this one, “Ay-yup, it’s pretty far away, about ten minutes up the hill from here, it’s the next town, you see….” I live in Texas. We have counties bigger than New Hampshire. Shoot, I think I’ve seen belt buckles bigger than that little state. I’ve got friends who commute further than that state is long. Or wide. And that’s every day. But distance is a relative thing. What’s “right next door” for a Texan, that might be a truly unimaginable distance to a New England native. But I’d use that New England form of measure right now. Right around the corner, and I’m not talking about a Texas friendly neighborly 200 mile distance, no, I’m talking about a New England Mile (must be like a New York minute, whatever that is), and I’m suggesting that there is a break, right around the corner. Next door. Just over yonder. Short distance to me. Your mileage may vary, but you get the idea. Right quick like, it’s a good break.
Capricorn: The real office manager at FGS World Headquarters is a cat. She’s just a fat, somewhat lazy, over-fed, pampered girl cat, kind of a gray tabby sort of critter. She’s not lazy when there is hunting to do, either in — or out — of the trailer. When birds are feeding at the bird feeder outside, this somnolent cat creature turns into a very she-devil herself, hiding, plotting, and getting ready to pounce. I’ve even seen her bang her head on the plate glass of the trailer’s window, making a lunge towards a bird. This mighty cat of prey is an example of what you’re like, now. You’ve been slovenly (for a Capricorn), perhaps a little lazy, maybe you’ve been sleeping a lot, having those cat dreams where everything tastes like fish, and no one gets upset when you eat house plants. But very soon, like sometime this week, you jump into action. You see the flicker of shadow out of the corner of your eye, and from being a lazy, over-fed office manager who doesn’t earn her keep, you spring, cat-like, into action. The change is instantaneous. From a lump on the couch, drifting in dream land, you suddenly become an alert, sinewy, poised and ready to pounce, killing machine. Thank you, Mr. Mars. Now, just be careful, you don’t want to bump your head on the plate glass, like some Capricorn Cats we know around here.
Aquarius: In case you didn’t get that one, special memo, that one special note that suggested I’m more fond of Aquarius than any other air sign, in case you didn’t receive that communication from me, here I am, putting it into print, and it’s just for you. Or you. Or you. (Got to make sure I’m covering all the possibilities here.) The deal is this: you get a weird communication from someplace. Buried deep in your psyche? From a distant love? From a former person you once held affections for? From the great beyond (whatever that is)? Well, whatever. I suggest that with a somewhat resigned tone in my voice because there’s something which doesn’t quite add up right. It’s not wrong, but you suspect that all this adulation is just empty praise, devoid of real meaning. It’s not, but there’s still something which doesn’t quite ring true. But you are special, and someone will notice that. I hope. If no one seems to notice, then remember that I still think you’re extra special, and I still feel like it’s a good week to be an Aquarius. Something of note — a good note — will happen.
Pisces: Credit cards are both a boon and a curse. And while it might not actually be your credit cards that are giving you fits right now, I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re in a position like I just was, one of those times when you get in a battle of wits with the person on the other end of the phone. I would never, ever suggest that the customer service representative is a complete fool. Or an idiot. I’ve worked customer service lines before, I know what it is like. But before you dial that toll free number to vent your aggression, stop and marshal up all your facts. Not just some of them, all of them. Get all the facts, all the little pieces of paper that are required, get all of it together before you jump into this battle scene. Then, remember to count backwards from ten before you start telling the customer service representative what you think and feel about their dubious parental lineage. Take a deep breath. Then calmly ask to speak to the supervisor. When that doesn’t work, ask to talk to the boss’s boss. Before the end of the week, I’ll bet you can have their vice-president begging for forgiveness. But you have to be nice about it, in order to get there, from here.
(c) Kramer Wetzel, 2000, 2001
