For the week of: 12/24-30/2001
“All may be well; but if God sort it so,
‘Tis more than we deserve or I expect.”
Shakespeare’s Richard III [II.iii.36]

Nice little eclipse action in Capricorn and its opposite sign, Cancer. Since we’ve already covered what an eclipse means, it sort of depends on where this energy falls in your chart, but we do take a lot this eclipse action into consideration with the horoscopes. Still recommended: Robert Earl Keen’s Holiday Book.

Aries: We’ve worked on the laugh — that maniacal noise. We’ve worked on the shopping thing. Now, there’s not much to do, other than tend to others. See: there’s a theme at the holidays, and this is the idea of helping out other people. I know, you’d really like to be the center of attention, if only for a little while, but that’s not going to be happening anytime too soon. Yes, it’s the holiday time, but you know, after the madness is over with, after you’ve listened to holiday songs just about enough, after it’s all over and done with, a little time alone isn’t such a bad idea. I put a little red ribbon on the cat, instead of her usual flea collar, and I added a little Xmas bell to the ribbon, sort of festive note. But as soon as Xmas in the trailer is over with, she’s more than ready to have that thing off her neck. The bell has the nicest little noise to it, but it greatly hampers her stalking of birds at the bird feeder. I seriously doubt that my cat will leap the eight or ten feet to catch one of those birds, but she still thinks it could happen. And that bell is getting in her way. As soon as you can, do something nice for someone else. Even if it means taking down a holiday decoration. The cat is appreciative, and your good deed will not go unnoticed.

Taurus: It’s nothing short of party time in the Sign of the Bull. It’s not always the best of times, but you know, this isn’t the worst of times, not for you. I should write a classic with that sort of an opening, but I think it’s already been done. Anyway, your little holiday stuff right now is good. Period. No other answers will be allowed, either. Now, you need to watch out, because not everyone around you is having as much fun as you are. That’s their problem, not yours. I know you feel our pain, but it’s not like this is really a big deal. I’ve found the best course of action is to don one of those Santa hats, and make merry. Hopefully, you’ll evoke a little light hearted laughter, and you might be able to help lighten some other person’s day. But don’t let their burdens become your own troubles. Your job is to make happy, not carry our troubles, too.

Gemini: There’s a prevailing sentiment that it’s a good idea to write off the rest of this year. During the time from Xmas Eve until sometime after the New Year, no appreciable, useful work is accomplished. I’ve got to take issue with this, as I’m sure you’ll agree. I know you’d like to high tail it out of town and off to the ski slopes, or the comfort of a beach house resort on a distant island, whatever your vacation idea is perfect for your Gemini world, but alas, I’m going to make a different suggestion, and once again, my esteem in your Gemini eyes will drop for this suggestion: work. No, really, look at this way: everyone is gone. You can actually get a bunch of stuff done, around the holiday. Log in, boot up, roll your sleeves up, get after it. I’m serious, you can actually do about three days’ worth of work in one afternoon, if you just put your more than capable Gemini mind to it. Consider, if nothing else, banging out all the stuff for next year’s taxes, that sort of thing. I realize it’s not a good idea to remind you about work during the holidays, but it’s your chance, why not go ahead and use it?

Cancer: Ask my sister about this one, it’s a family tradition, after the big frenzy of opening packages, after the big party, after the weird relatives have all stopped by, after it’s all over with, usually Xmas Day afternoon, after that huge meal of excessive proportions, and after that second helping of dessert, the family tradition involves stretching out on a couch to watch a football game. Tradition is tradition, and should never be eschewed. Your week has that same sort of frenzied pace, then it’s nap time, then it’s back to full throttle. It’s the Sun/Moon thing, and no sooner do you reach a high point than it’s time to take some much needed rest. Then jump back into the fray. Pay homage to this time honored tradition of a nice, long nap, after you’ve got a full belly, and relax some. Then get prepared for more activity. Rest when you get a chance as it looks like you’ve got a slightly frantic week getting cooked up. The high points have their reciprocal low points, but if you balance the energy right, you can do like I do, and sleep through the low points. I always figured that’s what they’re for.

Leo: With the Capricorn Eclipse action, you don’t have a lot to worry about. In fact, you have nothing to worry about. The biggest problem you have is trying to get some real world work accomplished during a period when no one has even the remotest intention of working. It starts on “Boxing Day,” which is the day after Xmas, in the English Calendar. And that’s when you’re ready to get a few spurious details out of the way, clean some stuff up at work, and get ready for a new year. Problem being, everyone else is busy doing a lot of personal work, or taking time off, and not a lot of energy is expended in the direction of getting useful stuff done. This is like fishing without bait. You feel like you’re just flicking a bare hook out into the lake of life, and that hook isn’t snagging a lot. Opportunities are weird, though, and sooner or later, you’re bound to snag something useful. Keep tossing that bare hook out at work, and see what you catch.

Virgo: There’s this one, special Virgo. And even though I think highly of this one Virgo, there’s always a problem with what she thinks of me. Or, like most Virgo’s, there’s also a problem with her thinking — I suggested something she did was “pretty cool.” “Pretty cool? You mean it’s not cool enough? It’s not the coolest? It’s not the absolute best? I’m crushed.” Right. A superlative comment gets turned into a negative expression in the simplest turn of a phrase. Lighten up, some. It’s not a bad time for you, not at all. In fact, there have been any number of minute, minor, small, almost undetectable advances which are good. Nice, little jumps forward. The trick, what with all this Solar and Lunar action, the trick is to use that good Virgo discernment, that special critical eye, and use this to determine what’s really good. It’s there, you just have recognize it. As soon as you admit “pretty cool” is a high compliment, you’ll start feeling better.

Libra: Hey, it’s the big holiday time, right? Right. Don’t let the little disturbances in the universe, the little upsets, the little, day-to-day problems, don’t let those get you down. No sooner does the coffee machine quit working than someone gives you a new coffee maker, right under the Xmas tree. See how that goes? If you don’t panic, don’t get upset, and don’t have a conniption fit, you’ll get more than your just desserts. Of course, it’s a matter of getting there from here, and what with the frantic holiday madness upon us, it’s a tough time to be patient. It’s tough time to be a Libra, too. These eclipse patterns tend to rock you a little bit, and whether that’s “rock your world” good, or is that, “rock the boat” bad, that’s sort of a definition which is best left up to you. But a little more patience, a little more understanding, and you can make this a good time. It’s just matter of not pushing some issue right now, not pushing it too far and too fast.

Scorpio: Have you ever heard about a special disease, it’s a lot like the Mad Cow scare, or, in some circles, the Mad Squirrel scare (yes, there was supposedly a mad squirrel disease, like the mad cow thing), but the real ailment I was addressing is one that I’m very familiar with myself: Foot in Mouth ailment. It’s temporary — usually not fatal — but you can never be too careful. Watch what you say. You should be feeling better than usual. You should be doing quite all right. You should be feeling as if you’re on top of the world, and, in a moment of exuberance, you might say something a little incriminating. That’s called “foot in mouth,” or, as we more calmly call it here in Texas, “You’re chewin’ on some top grain cowhide boots, now ain’t chew?” [“Ain’t” and “you” get run together, the correct pronunciation is something akin to “ain’cha” or “ainchew.” Which is not to be confused with “ancho chile sauce.”] It’s the planets, filling you up with all kinds of good energy, but you have to be careful you don’t over step your limits, and say something you’ll regret. It’s like revealing just a little too much information about yourself, or where you were last night, or who you were with, that sort of thing. Sometimes, the best answer is just a knowing nod.

Sagittarius: I found some quotes from the joke list, attributed to Homer Simpson, the patriarch of American [TV] Literature: “I want to share something with you – the three sentences that will get you through life. Number one, ‘Cover for me.’ Number two, ‘Oh, good idea, boss.’ Number three, ‘It was like that when I got here.'” Now, you’re wondering what some cartoon figure has to do with your week. I’ll explain. It wasn’t all the statements I was interested in, but for the sake of keeping this in its original form, I had to use all the quotes. It’s really the last one that I liked best. Homer [Simpson] has earned a spot in my heart as a very Falstaff type of character. And it’s that last excuse that fits so well into our Sagittarius week. You might be called upon to use a remark just like, and you can do like I do, I pretend I’m quoting Shakespeare when, in fact, it’s some unnamed writer for a TV cartoon character. If you get questioned thoroughly during this holiday season, remember those famous words, “It was like this when I got here.” You can thank me next year.

Capricorn: There are good things working for you. No two ways about it. I’ve tracked this one carefully, and the book says one thing, and good, old Kramer [Fishing Guide to the Stars and ardent fan of all things Capricorn], he suggests that the book is wrong. In the local parlance, with a bit of a twang to add emphasis, “Thangs is jest good round har.” You’re going places, doing things, and you’ve become center of activity. You’re having fun. If you’re not having fun, well, you’re supposed to be. Remember that, as a Capricorn, you have a slightly more quirky sense of humor, and that strange set of values are going to be called upon. You will find that this is the time when you can console heartbroken friends, gently take certain individuals to task for their indiscretions, and then diplomatically patch up old problems. Me? I’m an old grouch, and I care not for this season of good will. But you? Hey, you’re having a good time, enjoy it!

Aquarius: Holidays are a strange time because of the outside forces which affect your lifestyle. Choices that are usually straightforward and clear-cut, decisions which are usually pretty easy, a simple “Yes” or “no” situation, something that in normal conditions has a simple answer isn’t always so simple under seasonal duress. Write it off to the holiday madness, the euphoria, the marketing, the hype, the general tone of the times. Then, get on back to your regularly scheduled life. You get a break mid-week, and it’s up to you to make the most of this little vacation. In fact, there is probably not a lot which can be accomplished all week long, unless you’re that one, lone Aquarius stuck in retail. If you are, then you have my apologies, and my sincerest, heart-felt, sympathy. Other than that one Aquarius, though, the rest of ya’ll should kick back a little. There are three things you wanted to get done this week. I’d call it a success if manage to get one done. I realize the numbers don’t add up on that tally, accomplishing only 33% of what you wanted to get done, but seeing as how there’s the holiday excuse, then you’ve got a way out of this. Take it easy, especially on yourself.

Pisces: Whew. That’s all I can say. Pisces is sure getting a work out right now, what with all the holiday madness. It’s like another quick trip out to mall, another quick trip to the store because you’ve forgotten one thing. Doesn’t much matter what you forget, it seems like there is always something, someone else, you were supposed to remember on your list. You did check the list? Scariest time I had, I was riding long in a Pisces truck, and the Pisces driver was about to head back to the ranch, when all of sudden, she stops, and starts digging around behind the seat, “I know I’m forgetting something, where’s that other list?” I was just grateful she stopped the truck. Nothing is more frightening than that Pisces driver not paying any attention to the road. So when you have that last thought, and even if you’re in transit, why not stop the vehicle before you start digging around in the back of the truck, or behind the seat, when you’re looking for that scrap of paper with a phone number, a list, a name, something which you did write down so you wouldn’t forget it [you get the picture?] Stopping in the midst of your headlong rush into oblivion is a good idea. Then continue. Get the image? It’s a week full of stops and starts, and then start over. Much easier that way — and you’re less likely to cause a traffic hazard this way.

(c) Kramer Wetzel, 2000, 2001

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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© 1993 – 2023 Kramer Wetzel, for astrofish.net &c. astrofish.net: breaking horoscopes since 1993.

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