For the week of: 12/3-9/2001
“Adversity’s sweet milk: philosophy.”
Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet [III.iii.55]

(The quote has a lot to do with shopping, and remember, it’s called “shopping,” not “buying,” like we say around here, “It’s called ‘fishing’ not ‘catching’.”) The occasional weekly quiz is in Capricorn, unlike Venus, who is in Sagittarius.

Aries: There’s a pretty fancy place to dine, not far from here. It’s different from my usual haunts in that this is place where you have to dress up bit, even by the local standards, and the place is only open in the evening, and it has one of those “impressive” wine lists. You get the idea? Not my kind of place, but not without its own intrinsic charm, either. Getting a good picture? You need to upgrade your Aries image, and no place would be better than hanging around just such place. Hey, there’s real linen on the tables, a nice set of silverware goes with each setting, I mean they have those little salad forks, the bigger entree fork, and then the little dessert forks, unlike most of the places where I dine, I consider myself lucky if the silverware is even clean. Astrologically speaking, you’re hot. Do something to upgrade your image with this heat. Them nice places, that’s not a bad place to start.

Taurus: I was listening to a special Taurus lady, just the other day. Her comment was particularly appropriate because she was watching some rodeo event on the Neighbor’s TV. “Forget the bull, let me ride that cowboy!” It has to do with the way certain individuals appear in a certain brand of western wear. How can anyone not look at a certain featured portion of the anatomy, especially when this one brand of jeans seems to direct the viewer’s attention right in that direction? It begs us to look. That’s the Taurus view for the week, too. It begs to answer that cry, something about forgetting about why we are all here in the first place, and let’s get down to some real business. Since Taurus is all about pleasure, that “real business” should be the business of having some fun. It is the holidays, and there ain’t no time like the present that’s much better for having some kind of fun. Determine what works for you — not every Taurus likes cowboys — but find what works for you, then let out a squeal [or holler], and go for it.

Gemini: The pre-Xmas season is always a little weird for Gemini’s. And this one is even weirder than usual, especially now. There’s a bunch of stuff stacked up in the sky, all over yonder in Sagittarius. And Saturn is still making himself at home your sign. Makes for a lot of uncomfortable little bumps in your Gemini pathway. Not bad, just weird. The “One Minute Manager” series needs to be adapted to the Gemini style of doing things. Instead of a one minute program, there needs to be the Gemini equivalent, the fifteen second manager (or mother, father, secretary, employer, employee — and so forth). Whatever position you’re supposed to be filling, plan on being that for about 15 seconds. Sometimes, even 15 seconds is a long time to a Gemini. You’ve got a lot of pressure — astrological pressure, so to speak — and this is piling up against you. But the same planets are also offering some relief. Highs and lows are the same energy with different expressions. Back to the 15 second job thing: If it doesn’t work (whatever you’re trying to accomplish) then drop it. Move on to what’s next. That unfinished project will wait until you’re ready, or, you’ll wait until they’re ready, and in the meantime, you can apply your quick and efficient self to other tasks. What takes most people a minute of more, you can get done in 15 seconds.

Cancer: As your favorite astrology writer, I probably made a recommendation you didn’t like, not long ago. And you know the old saying about “What goes around, comes around,” right? Looks like my recommendation is back. We have an update to the “goes around, comes around” comment, one we use here at the office: “What goes around, comes around, only, it’s usually more annoying the second time.” Get the hint? You’ve got something you put off, against my suggestions, and what ever it was that you put off, it’s back. And it’s not really a problem, it’s just annoying that it’s back. Deal with it. Deal with it now. Deal with it while you still have the energy. Get it over with. Put it behind you. This time, don’t ignore it. Other wise, you’re going to have to deal with further down the road, and then it gets more annoying. So you either find a coping mechanism now for that little problem, or it will be back, and it will be an even larger problem then.

Leo: In the blink of a beautiful Leo’s eye, in the briefest of moments, in the tinniest fraction of a second, all of sudden like, there is a shift. It’s a subtle one, and then, everything starts getting better. Pick one of more of the choices: work life, social life, internal feeling of well-being. Could any one, maybe all three, maybe even an undetermined column not yet listed. The holiday cheer, the holiday season, the sentiments, the fun stuff, the parties, the colorful decorations, the idea of having an Xmas tree, all of that stuff catches up with you, and it is time to play. Did I mention holiday food? Oh yes, that too. You’ve been starving yourself for a while now, and it’s high time you stop doing that. So get over it. Get on with it. When life offers you an “all you can eat” buffet, it’s your duty as a Leo to help yourself. Grab as much of the good stuff as possible.

Virgo: It wouldn’t feel like the holidays if there wasn’t a certain amount of just sheer frantic activity taking place. You can attribute this to the fact that there’s a major jam of planets over in Sagittarius, a sign you may — or may not — get along with right now. Could go either way. The nicer you tend to be, the more helpful you attempt to be, and the more willing you are to work with whatever crops up during the next few days, the better off you are. There’s, like, a major amount of stuff vying for your attention, and trying to sort what’s important, and what’s not important, that’s the idea. Of course, you can obsess about details until you get the point where you can’t see the big picture at all. Borrow a page from the Kramer “Book of Sagittarius,” and try to look at the big picture. Step back from the minor annoying problems, and see if you can’t get a glimpse of the bigger overview. Doing so will help put some of the hectic stuff in proper perspective.

Libra: If you look around you, you’ll notice that there are a lot of folks having a tough time with this whole holiday thing. They just don’t get it, you know? But you do. Your mood should be good, and there’s a certain relaxed pace you should be moving at, working steadily towards your goals. In fact, there are two areas that are good, one is work, and you’ve got a project which is doing okay, and it just needs a little nudge to get together. It needs one of your fine, little Libra-like nudges. Then there’s the social life, and it’s doing okay, too, it just needs a gentle reminder that it is the holiday season, and that’s all you’re supposed to do. Sometimes, something as simple as a “happy holidays” message, devoid of extraneous content, something as simple as that message from you, is all it takes.

Scorpio: My dear, sweet, much maligned mother is a perfect Scorpio, and no where does this show up than the present. She gets in panic. She’s got Xmas gifts stashed all over her house, some in the closets, the garage, the attic. The biggest problem is remembering where she hid everything. Instead of getting caught up in the frenzied pace engendered by the holidays, take a little breather. When no one is around, check all your secret Scorpio hiding places. The little nooks and crannies no one else (supposedly) knows about? Check those exact places. Remember the bookshelf? The one package you hid back behind the great works of Western Literature? The one you were sure that no one would find? Make sure you dig that one out, too. You need to make sure you haven’t stashed something so well, have something so well hidden that even you can’t find it. “Out of sight, out of mind,” was a good mantra at the time, but right now, you need to turn your house upside down to make sure you’ve got everything ready for the holidays.

Sagittarius: I like a holiday season which gets a good, resounding start like it gets this week. It’s as if you were sitting in the front portion of my fishing boat, and it’s as if you were idly dozing away, waiting on something to happen, and then, all of a sudden like, the fish strikes. And it’s a big one. The biggest mistake when you hear that fishing line start go spinning out of the reel, the most common error? You’d be surprised at the number of people who actually drop the pole. It’s amazing the number of fishermen, when startled from their dreamlike trance, you’d be surprised at the sheer number of folks who fumble, and drop the pole. Don’t do that. Not right now. The fish you catch could be big, the prize is too hard won, and you don’t want to look like a fool in front of your Fishing Guide. Even though you appear to dozing, try and keep one Sagittarius eye on the ball. Got it?

Capricorn: “Ain’t nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so….” [It’s really a quote paraphrased from a Shakespeare character, and if you want a free planet profile, FGS style, then find the real quote, include the character’s name, act and scene number, and e-mail it to us here at HQ, and we’ll see about hooking you up. E-mail: contest@astrofish.net.] And therein is the conundrum for your week, is it really bad? Or are you just looking at a small problem and seeing a huge problem? Or are you thinking too much? Are you letting the little demons in your mind run away with a problem, letting that darling Capricorn brain of yours get carried away with one small, almost insignificant detail, and letting that one small preoccupation get the best of you? Could this be the case? Could this be the problem? My wager for your week is that this is the deal: stop thinking so much and watch the problems become less problematic.

Aquarius: Finding fun stuff in the most unlikely of places is important. Here (Texas, Northern Hemisphere), it’s winter time. On a cold and chilly night in December, cold dairy products (ice cream) are not the usual fare. But because the local variation of this type of store is open, wandering into an ice cream parlor is a good idea. The staff gets to select the music. The employee is probably a little bored because who wants ice cream when the night time temperatures approach the same level as in the freezer? But bear with this allusion, because it is in just such a place that the most remarkable things happen. That music, the melodic tones drifting in from the sound system, it’s something a little unusual, a little different. And there is the idea. Go some place different, away from where the holiday crowds are gathered, and see if you don’t get that wonderful bit of inspiration. See if there isn’t a melodic strain which is just different enough to pique the truly Aquarian side of your brain. You’re looking for something, and I’ll tell you that you find it — just check places you wouldn’t usually go to, that’s all.

Pisces: Before this week is up, before this week is over and we launch into next week’s horoscopes — horrible scopes — according to one Pisces — before we get there…. There is a let down coming along. Now, the way I see this, it’s lot like letting the air out of a balloon, it makes a noise which is akin to a bodily function, and the balloon, as it deflates, goes ricocheting all around the room, then it finally comes to a rest. I’ve timed it before, and the right balloon can stay aloft for a five full seconds before it finally stops. While it is usually good for for a few seconds of entertainment, and there is one office worker here who scurries under the couch when this happens, it’s ultimately a cheap trick. Shakes them up, gets the heart racing, then nothing. The problem here, if I’m the practical joker with the balloon, then everyone else is obliged to laugh because I sign the paychecks. And if I’m not the one with the rapidly deflating balloon, then I jump and scowl, too. And like the cat, I’ve been known to want to hide under the couch, as well. But when it’s all over, there’s a lot of commotion made about something which really isn’t that important. Careful with your balloon game [or trick].

(c) Kramer Wetzel, 2000, 2001

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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