It gets weirder every minute of the day

It gets weirder every minute of the day. The security guard in Austin looked at my T-shirt, Cafe Excalibur – Red Light District – Amsterdam, “That a good place?” Sure. “What is it? Seafood?” No, long pause, coffee? “It’s in Houston?”

Then, despite having a connecting flight through SeaTac, on a sunny day in Seattle, I still had to go out and back in the security thing. The guard – a mere pup – took a look at my laptop, “Hey, he’s got one of those hippie Macintosh computers….” And grinned at me.

Then, I stopped and asked two uniformed officials, one was a cop, one was a sheriff, neither were third-party security, where a particular gate was, you know, the kind used by the small airplanes.

They directed me to the gate, but then laughed, “Is your insurance paid up? Those small planes, you know….”

They were just funning. Everyone in SeaTac was so nice. Almost put the Houston people to shame. Almost. I never did figure out why one traveler was connecting from Boston to Houston to SeaTac, but then, I don’t run airlines. Just seems like it’s the long way around.

That last update was from the departure lounge at the airport. I’m pleased with the throughput on their wireless network. At least, it’s a lot easier too get the airport on time, and bringing my own sweet roll is a lot cheaper than buying airport food at airport prices. Bubba called me while I was waiting a the airport, and I assured him I’d love to lunch, but he’d have to buy a ticket to get in the door where I was. But I assured him that I had nothing but his best interests deep in my heart, to which he responded, “You can try that line on chicks, but I’m not that dumb.” Had me laughing into the phone at the airport. Might’ve been the sweet roll, too. All that sugar, making me giddy.

Road One –
It’s been one of those mornings already. I had to run to the bank, sort of an unexpected and gratefully received deposit to make. And as long as I was at the bank, I jogged up to Jo’s for coffee. I couldn’t believe that people ventured forth from their domiciles at such an early hour (9:00 AM.)

At Jo’s, I snagged some coffee and a fresh cinnamon roll, rolled home, and tossed the roll into the carry-on. Perfect airport food. If I ever find that “airline food” website again, I’ve got pictures for them. I just had to have one last dose of Austin before taking off for weekend with family. Coming back from Jo’s, I ran into a guy who was out walking his bird. Guy had a parrot, probably a macaw, really, and he’d gone for a cup of coffee, and the bird had gone, too. Pretty thing, almost two feet tall, orange and bright blue feathers. This is normal.

Only in Texas – via Amish Tech Support – a heads-up about the new cheerleading squad in Planet Houston.

Then while I was avoiding work, I found an item on an ex-girlfriend’s boyfriend’s sister-law’s blog, talking about their kids, “She took her first step today towards being a teenager, she got a cell phone….” Might’ve been a cousin of a former lover who’s engaged to this guy, and his sister has a brother-in-law, and that’s where I found the quote. I couldn’t duplicate the link a second time, I have no idea where that was.

Cars, man, that used to tell the men from the boys. Cars. Some kind of a car. Wheels. These days, and I guess it comes earlier, it’s that “first cell phone, baby.” Or, that first cell phone for my baby boy/girl? I still remember one Gemini I was chatting up, and she said, “I couldn’t believe it, my niece is almost ten, and no one’s taught her how to shoot yet!” Yes, firearm safety is important.

I didn’t set out to make it a long afternoon wandering around town. I had a scare at the post office as I was sending a pocketknife via Priority Mail [insured>. Look: I’ve received lots of these items via Priority Mail – for years. Best service, no lie. The USPS Priority rocks for eBay orders. But the clerk, I did business with him the day before, asked what it was, breakable? “No, it’s just pocketknife, smaller than this credit card.” He paused, was going to have to check it out, then looked at the line, and I assured him that I’ve done this many times, both sending and receiving, and it was perfectly legal. I don’t do anything illegal. Ever. Except jaywalk, but I have to do something to still feel like rebel.

Meandering along took me into the former Ruta Maya coffee house, now called something else. There was an intriguing menu item, but when I inquired, it wasn’t quite what I thought it was, Green Tea Latte. I was hoping it was really a frothed, espresso-style preparation. Nope, just some mix. Never mind, make mine a regular cappuccino. I want nearly boiling water pressured through good ground beans, milk that’s been fluffed up with steam, something with some body, and smooth, too.

I was going to go straight home, but I got call about some service and support, and I needed to hit the bank, and that turned me towards South Congress. Been a while since I’d meandered further south than Jo’s, so I stopped, got another coffee [served by a Taurus>, then stopped at Guero’s while I answered another call on the cell phone, trying to fix a computer. I shrugged into my shirt because I was availing myself of their patio. I could hear it in the background, though, “It’s Kramer, I’ll bet he’s got a drink in one hand and his shirt in the other, walking around downtown half naked.” It’s well over 90 degrees, you bet I have my shirt off. Anything more than a loincloth is probably overkill. Exactly how practical is suit and tie in this weather? Or maybe that’s just me.

Magnolia isn’t much further along, so I made a special trip, had the lunch special, which was my breakfast, or dinner, late in the afternoon. Called it a day.

Airports and points way far north on Friday.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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