For the Week Starting: 11/20-26/2003

“I profit not by thy talk.”
Shakespeare’s Troilus and Cressida [V.i.13]

It’s like riding in a boat that has a leak or two, we’re bailing here as fast as we can, and we’ve got almost all the holes stoppered. However, if you encounter any technical difficulties with the website or accessing the current scopes, mail the webmaster from the site index link. And like the website, we’re still sweeping up from that last round of lunar actions.

Scorpio: Watch this weekend. Watch out for a big blow-up of some kind, something that really gets under your Scorpio skin, and whatever it is, there’s a high probability that this event will just piss you off to no end. Could be something as simple as an editorial in the paper, or an editorial comment by a friend, or, in my case, an editor that doesn’t like my choice of words and lack of coherent thought.

Patience, my fine Scorpio friend, patience. This little conflagration will pass. I know it upsets you to the very core of your existence but if you’ll wait for a few minutes, a few moments, or even a few days, you’re going to find that the truth will emerge, and once again, the world will recognize that you–yes, you the Scorpio–were absolutely correct. This is a lot like deer hunting, as apt a metaphor as any. You have to spend a terrible amount of time in a deer blind, just waiting for that one shot. Patience is important. Patience is in short supply. The good hunter, the good Scorpio, is willing to wait, in order to get the best shot. Or win. Or both.

Sagittarius: Gearing up for T-Day is a big deal. But the week preceding it, the duration of this scope, especially the weekend that’s almost here? Take it easy. Until the Sun himself pokes his unruly head into Sagittarius, it’s best to go slow, take it easy, make a list of people you want to see when it’s your birthday, and make serious Sagittarius effort not to step on anyone’s toes.

You’d be inclined to go stomping through some other sign’s quadrant, turf, or field of vision, and you’d be inclined to upset what’s going on with their world. You and me, our Sagittarius selves, we’re not the kind to go and walk daintily when it’s just so much easier to go striding and stomping. The problem is, until it’s actually Sagittarius time, such actions tend to draw a little extra, unwarranted attention to ourselves. It’s a good weekend for some signs, and it can be a good weekend for us, but it’s also a good time to lay low. How much longer? Just a few days. Next week? Sagittarius starts. Stomp, stride and make all the racket and commotion you want. Until then? I’m hanging out inside, out of harm’s way. Sitting–instead of stomping.

Capricorn: I was dining with a friend of mine, nicknamed Bubba, the other evening. Until he got his most recent girlfriend, he was loath to carry a cell phone into a restaurant as he considered that an example of rude behavior. Never bothered me, but I’m not up on the latest cell phone etiquette. The phone chirped, he glanced at the incoming number, didn’t recognize it, and he answered politely. He listened for moment, then had this great comeback, “Killing him would certainly help you feel better about yourself, plus you’d be doing the rest of us a favor.”

The conversation, pretty much one-sided, continued for a few more minutes before he rang off the call. “Man, I didn’t recognize the number, I couldn’t get a good picture of who it was from the voice, I didn’t know who it was. Took me a while to figure it out. That why I said that, trying to get a clue, you know, maybe she’d say a name then I’d know who I was talking to.”

Like my friend with the nickname Bubba, you answer a call, or get an anonymous note, or something similar, and you’re stuck, trying to figure out from whom it came. You can try on of his less than delicate ploys, but I suggest that a more forward, “Who is this?” works much better. I know, it won’t look good, or sound good, at the time, but sometimes, appearances aren’t what they seem — ironic, isn’t it?

Aquarius: Seems like I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time watching the cat lately. Means I’ve been stuck in a little trailer, doing my best to observe nature, such as it is, right in front of me. You’re like me, see, we need to spend a portion of this time relaxing within the confines our own domicile, or whatever you care to call your Aquarius domestic situation. The cat likes it. The days are noticeably shorter, and the early evenings just seem to invite staying inside.

I was watching the Mistress of the Trailer while she was either gorging herself on sumptuous brand name, old lady cat food, or, a little later, she was cleaning her self as cats are wont to do. She was in an awkward position, and she glanced up at me, then let loose with a little mew of distaste. Seems that part of her copious body was out of reach. She would reach and stretch, but given her considerable girth, there were just some places she couldn’t quite reach.

She didn’t growl, it was more a complaint. It was also an event, a little picture, that I wouldn’t get a chance to see if I hadn’t been home on a winter’s evening (it was cold that night), and if I hadn’t been looking at the cat for some way to tickle the muse. You’re face to face with a similar problem. I seriously doubt that you’re trying to lick portions of your body, or that you’re covered with a silky fur, but you never can tell with Aquarius. There’s something that’s little out of reach. Problem being, there’s not much you can do but complain. I’d suggest staying in for a night or two, just to relax some.

Pisces: One of my friends who works the same circuit as I do had snapped some pictures of me. In the picture, one of my fishing buddies had stopped by to ridicule me, and maybe get a reading about his future winter fishing prospects or something. He was wearing a camouflage hunting shirt, and seeing us both in the same picture, me with a Hawaiian shirt, him with a camo shirt, I noticed something kind of spooky: On film, in the picture, the two shirts looked remarkably similar. In fact, at first glance, I just thought he was making fun of me by wearing a similar print shirt to what I usually wear.

Not quite, but it took a little extra time to study the photograph and realize just which shirt he was wearing. Now, in the immediate Pisces future, I can see that you’re going to be face-to-face with a similar proposition. You take one glance at a piece of evidence, and immediately assume that someone is holding you up as ridicule, maybe making fun of you. Before you get too hasty about the conclusion, though, look carefully at the evidence. With some fashion trends, with some of us clothes horses, it’s hard to tell Hawaiian Print from Camouflage. The question might not be about fashion, either, but before you reach a hasty and negative conclusion, consider looking at the picture again. Mars makes you hasty. No need to get too hasty.

Aries: There’s a very slow shift occurring, and as next week gets here, I mean, after the weekend, then you’ll agree that you can feel the shift going on. But until the weekend is over, I’d suggest that you just hold it down a bit. It’s not as bad as it has been, but you’re not really on a solid foundation quite yet. Great ideas, good stuff, a little low level depression is lingering, but that’s more like weather, although, its roots are astrological weather.

In the northern hemisphere, the days are feeling a lot shorter, as the wintertime really sets itself in. Nothing is more enjoyable on these long winter nights than being up under the heat of the reading lamp, the cat asleep on my belly, some good book keeping my attention. Until you can actually feel the shift, the Sun going into Sagittarius, the Moon slipping through Sagittarius, too, until that’s done with, it’s going too be a little off, but trust me, “It’s getting better all the time.” (the Beatles) If you don’t feel it right away be patient with me. Also be patient with your self, it’s going to be getting better.

Taurus: Life is getting easier. Maybe not quite yet, as there’s one decision you have to reach before we can all move forward. For me, it was a simple, binary choice. I had to look at the weather and make a guess whether or not I could fish this weekend. “You’re in the business of prognostications, what do you think?” My fishing buddy asked me. As far as fishing went, the best I could do was a definite “maybe.”

I wanted to wait and see if we really had one of those, high, cool, clear mornings that are bitterly cold by my standards, and then as the sun creeps up in the winter sky, it just all gets really nice. I wasn’t sure that I was up for sitting in a boat, freezing and shivering, and then having to peel clothing off as the day got warmer. So when you’re faced with a binary decision, there’s no room for waffling. It’s either a yes or a no, but not some place in between. I opted out of fishing that morning, even though it did turn into a nice weekend. I’m a bit of a pansy when it comes to sitting in boat in subfreezing temperatures. Just not my style. Might not be yours, either. It’s okay to forgo some pleasures like fishing because the weather might or might not cooperate. Or some a similar decision.

Gemini: “A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke” [attributed to Groucho Marx]. After last week’s deluge of questions about which quote I was referring to, I couldn’t help but run with it. So that’s the quote and the attribution. Whether or not it’s really true, whether or not Groucho really said that, I tend to believe that it’s a subjective answer. Particularly in the company of certain cigars, I would tend to believe that even a mid-range cigar, something that used to be referred to as a “cheap cigar,” one of those is really pretty good.

Wouldn’t know a thing about a cheap women, despite my reputation, it’s not a topic I’m familiar with at all. The planets are creating a little disturbance of sorts, not like it’s a big deal, but there’s a lot of little deals that are trying to get you upset. Sometimes, a good, inexpensive cigar, a few moments of time spent caressing, the circumcision, and igniting is almost as important as the cigar itself. Might be the little rituals that you do, might be actions, or it could be you’re just relaxed from going through the steps, but there’s something to it all. A good, cheap cigar is my suggestion–or whatever it is that you do–to relax.

Cancer: I had this witty, written repartee going back and forth with a particular Cancer girl, all e-mail. It was cute, it was fun, and it worked for a spell. But there was a problem, see, in an effusive moment, I had gushed something I ought not have gushed. Or written. Man, that’s the problem with e-mail, once it’s committed to a print medium, some folks save that stuff, like, forever. That one gushy comment came back to haunt me, about a year later, when she reminded me, in a subsequent e-mail, about something I’d written a year before.

“But you promised, remember?” was the comment. In my mind, that was then, this is now, and the two are separated by a wide gulf of time. That’s a problem, at least, for me it was. I’d forgotten everything I’d promised. But a quote from that original message was fired back to me, just to remind me. The problem you’re facing this next couple of days, especially on the trailing edge of the scope, like the beginning of next week, is that someone is going to fire some bit of text back at you. Or remind you about a snarky comment you made that might–or might not–be funny. Or it could be something that you really don’t want to be reminded of at all. “But you promised it would be better, and that you would fix it yourself,” was how my note started. Never hurts to be a little prepared for this stuff.

Leo: The week before the big holiday season starts is usually fraught with tensions. Marketing hype, media, it all plays on both on our conscious and subconscious minds. You’re going to keep thinking about things you’re supposed to do, places you figure you’re supposed to be, and certain events that require your attention. “I should have gotten that T-shirt (bauble, trinket, expensive toy) for my favorite astrologer,” is what would typically be running through your mind.

Yes, I’ve got birthday, the day after T-Day. Don’t worry about me, a nice card* will package up those $entiments just fine. It’s the thought that counts. Deal is, your fine Leo mind is racing, and there’s no slowing it down. The other part of that “racing mind” syndrome is that the rest of the world isn’t up to speed with you. That’s a problem. I can help with the frustration you’re feeling, but I can only offer a little assistance. “Recognizing that you have a problem is the first step in fixing the problem,” is the sad and tired platitude bantered about. Leo: you’re faster, better equipped, and brighter than everyone else at this point. Go easy on the rest of us, let us catch up to you.

*Kramer Wetzel
P.O. Box 684516
Austin, TX 78768
Virgo: I had to call up the bank the other day to straighten out one of their errors. My first call got switched into a place where you have to punch in your account number, the code number, an all kinds of useless details like the dog’s name. I don’t even have a dog, don’t ask me what that had to do with anything. I settled down, one hand wrapped around a mug of tea, another idly caressing the phone as I got switched from one perky operator to another, and then that first call eventually hit dial tone.

I was sort of expecting this to happen, you know, after you’ve dealt with Federal, State and Local officials, plus the odd cop or two, I understand that everything is done a certain way to insure my privacy and protection. Check out my disclaimers some time, which about covers it all. So I took sip of the tea, and started dialing again. Did I mention I was using a headset? It’s the only way to deal with such exigencies. Besides, I knew that it was going to take some time. I had to dial about four times, I had to enter account information a half-dozen times, and I finally got some customer service.

The account problem was–eventually–solved. Now, I could have gotten all worked up over this. I could’ve gotten all bent out of shape, but that wouldn’t have turned up the missing $10 any faster. Besides, no large corporate banking institution ever wants to admit that it was wrong. So when they start asking for the dog’s name, or some other question, take a sip out of the hot cup of tea, feel the tepid brew warm your bones, take a deep breath, and answer patiently.

Libra: You now that Turkey Day is just around the corner? I was hoping you were paying attention to such details. See, there are some events that are fast approaching the Libra section of the sky, but these events are not here yet. You can, however, get prepared. Nothing like doing a little work in advance–in order to be properly prepared for what’s ahead. I was thinking about one particular Libra personality, I worked with this individual off and on for years.

Funniest thing happened when that one personality got distressed, he would forget some important comment made moments earlier. I had to remind him about 43 times that I wasn’t available on a certain date. But he had it stuck in his head that I was going to be there, and I couldn’t get him to shake the thought. “So you’ll be there this Saturday?” he would ask. “No, I’ll be out of town,” I would answer, “I told you three weeks ago.” I think he was planning on fishing, only, he forgot that he did check with me, and I was busy. Or something. “So I can count on you for Saturday morning?” he would ask a few minutes later. While I was infinitely amused by this exchange as I could see the comic elements, I’m pretty sure my Libra friend wasn’t nearly as amused as I was.

In the next few days, you can’t say that I didn’t warn you, you’re going to be just like my Libra buddy, going back over old ground, covering material you’ve already covered, and I only hope that you’re dealing with someone like me–a person who understands that you’re little distracted. My other suggestion is to take notes. You might need to refer back to some point that you absolutely refuse to hear.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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