For the Week Starting: 12/4-10/2003

“If you be mad, be gone:
If you have reason, be brief.”
Shakespeare’s 12th Night (I.v.200-1)

Still holiday shopping? Couple of three ideas, and one is — of course — a chart report from us here at the main office. The other idea is rather controversial, but fits out humor.

Sagittarius: Pretty spectacular birthdays this week. Much fame, much fortune. Much good stuff. Don’t you just hate when your birthday falls so close to Xmas? It’s not like you haven’t heard this one before, “Here, it’s a combined birthday/Xmas gift…”

Look on the bright side, at least you’re getting something. Some of the other signs? They’re not that fortunate. Money’s tight, and it will be a while before anything really opens up. Put on that Sagittarius happy face and enjoy whatever the next couple of days beings by way of good fortune.

The approaching full moon will set off a few alarms in your Sagittarius head. “Don’t panic,” as those alarms are tending to be false alarms these days. I watched as a Low Rider with a rather loud sound system rolled slowly past a parked luxury sedan. The bass from that modified, lowered vehicle was enough to set off the alarm. You can be either vehicle, but the fancy car with its alarm? The battery drained before the alarm shut off.

Capricorn: Direct your copious Capricorn attention outside of yourself. Direct your attention elsewhere. Someone needs your assistance, and only you can save the day. It’s up to you. You do have Venus in your sign, and she makes everything you touch seem to go better. Mostly. So use that extra fine, delicate expression and make life better for someone else.

Use your Venus-inspired ability to figure out what you can do for that other person. Might be a big deal, might be small deal. “God is in the details,” is the expression I’ve heard, usually bantered about by a certain Virgo. But maybe if you relax a little, and take an extra moment to look at those details, you can help someone out. Being of “Southern Extraction,” means that I had good manners beaten into me. So when I’m talking about being nice, or doing something a little extra, it can be as simple as holding the door open for someone. The last time I tried to help a little old lady across the street, given my slovenly appearance, I was rebuked. Details, remember it’s all in the details.

Aquarius: Let’s start with the end-of-the-year wrap-up. It’s too early for some signs to be thinking about this, but frankly put, Aquarius is as ready as the next guy to get this last year behind us. To help, I’m suggesting that you take a full and thorough accounting of the last 11 months. I realize we’re barely into the buying season, but this is worthy of your consideration. Mistakes? We’ve made a few. Triumphs? Couple of those, too. Egregious errors? Sure, happens to all of us. Brilliant, but misplaced intentions? Sure, some of that as well.

This is starting to look like a pathway that would lead you to a dwell on the past, and maybe not in a good way. That’s problematic. You’ve got to take the good with the bad. I’m urging you to start plotting a new course. You’re going to make some course corrections to this new plan in a about two weeks, but for the next few days, look back at the last year’s mistakes, and figure out what you can do different so you don’t have to traverse that old ground yet again.

Pisces: Putting up Xmas lights is supposed to be a big deal. There is, that one street in Austin, where they started planning the light show last July. That one stretch of pavement–they now have a website and national recognition–gets a little carried away, in true Texas fashion. Or maybe it’s just the infectious holiday spirit.

The relative proximity to an Amy’s Ice Cream is the big selling point for me. Cold winter nights, hot Xmas lights, cold ice cream, it’s a study in extremes. Naturally, the nights around here aren’t always that cold, and of course, the lights don’t really generate enough heat to keep me warm, but it’s a nice idea.

Pisces is experiencing a similar set of conditions, a study in extremes. Deal is, the close proximity to the justifiably famous ice cream place? That makes all the difference. Doesn’t much matter where or how you’re located, you’ve got a couple of extremes, and some of these are not as extreme as you think they are. You’d be surprised how ice cream can warm you up–and ease the holiday tension–on these cold winter nights.

Aries: Every week or so, in the winter time around here, we get these cold mornings that aren’t quite as cold as they could be, and there’s this heavy fog on the lake in front of the trailer. That fog snarls traffic as well as acting like a big, thick, wet blanket on top of any idea of activity for a day. It even dampens the road noise from Riverside Drive and Barton Springs Road, which can be considerable on some mornings.

That fog, though, is just beautiful. It covers the landscape and mutes the sunlight. The atmospheric conditions have to be just right, and I suspect the fog has something to do with the body of water right in front of my “porch.” Careful observation reveals that it sure looks like little tendrils of moisture are either drifting or clawing their way upwards.

That same atmospheric condition is settling on the Aries chart. It’s like a fog, and it’s going to be lifting soon. Or burning off, depends on how it dissipates, or it could depend on how you want to see it disappear. The problem with the fog, whether it’s on the riverfront by my porch or the lake in your Aries head, is that this condition doesn’t last too long. But it also goes away slowly and gradually, and that’s where you’re going to have to be a little patient for the time being.

Taurus: It’s no secret that I love certain aspects of language. I’m not poet, nor will I ever be one. However, I love language and the nuances of language. One area that I’m fascinated with is accents. I can usually tell a UK accent from a speaker who was educated with British English, but is not a native. Then there’s the Australian accent, again, not to be confused with either the South African dialect or a New Zealand tone.

I have one friend who can place a Texas accent within 50 miles of the homestead, that is, she can get with 50 miles of where the person is from after listening for a short period of time. It’s the nuances and the slight twang, the way the words are formed, and to me, there’s also a quality of speed, i.e., how fast the words are delivered. Houston folks and Dallas people tend to have a slightly different cadence, the speed nod goes to the Dallas people. Houston is less uptight.

You’re delivery during the next week or so tends to be a little faster, perhaps a little more abrupt, than your usual laconic Taurus delivery. If my friend was guessing at your location, she’d be wrong because she’d be figuring a big city. Part of this is due to the globalization of voice patterns, mass media and TV. But part of your subtle quickening is also due to an obscure astrological influence having to do with the Moon. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself repeating your question once or twice, just trying to get the point across.

Gemini: Everyone else is playing, and I’m going to suggest that you get serious for the next couple of days. It’s just that simple. I was playing around with your chart, and I kept coming back to the idea that the planet voted most likely to affect Gemini (that would be Mercury) is in Capricorn. Now look here, my fine Gemini friend, this isn’t so bad, but I’m serious about you getting serious. Sounds rather like tautological argument, but I mean it. Let’s get down to the business at hand.

A Gemini buddy of mine has an advanced degree in linguistics. That’s pretty cool. He’s also got a drone job working in a cubicle someplace, doing something important with computer stuff. That’s pretty boring. He’s worked his way around some of the firewall problems with his employer, thwarted some of the net security software, and he does get a chance to play while at work. He’s a Gemini–this is to be expected. In two years, he’s only been caught once for “unauthorized net access.” It was my site that got him caught, too, which gave us both a good laugh.

Over the next few days, though, I’m hoping that my buddy doesn’t spend too much time fooling around with this sort of “unauthorized internet access” thing. It’s not a good idea. Besides, like I’ve suggested before, there’s a pile of work stuff that needs your Gemini attention, and it’s a good time to be serious.

Cancer: I listened patiently the other day when I was doing a reading for a special Cancer girl. I was careful, and I took note of a few dates she mentioned. Then I got started on the standard talk about what was going on in her life, and how the planets were affecting the outcome. Of course, given the circumstances, she was more concerned with the immediate outcome, and as a Sagittarius astrologer, I was more interested in the long-range overview.

My concern had more to do with the “big picture” and she was completely lost in immediate, and to her, pressing details. Makes for a little bit of short-term discomfort, that Saturn influence. Especially in her chart. Once again, there’s not a lot I can do about that. I’m looking down the road some, and I can see that there will an opportunity or three. I can easily see new pathways branching out from where you’re standing. It looks like limbs on a tree.

The trick these days, what with the approach of the holidays and all, is not to extend yourself out on one of those limbs too fast. In other words, don’t chase an idea down to the point that you’re too far gone to get back. When that happens, the only way out of the tree is to let go. Falling’s not so bad, it’s just that sudden stop at the bottom.

Leo: Most of the pressure is off by now. There’s just one little, tiny problem with Leo-Land. Illusions. There are just certain illusions that you’re clinging to, some folks would call it denial, and far be it for me to sweep away that thin veil of self-induced deceit to reveal what the true nature of the problem is. I’m figuring this is more a long-term function of a slow moving and mysterious orb rather than the paths of the inner planets, but this is a problem.

Don’t get me wrong, that denial and self-deception isn’t all bad. It’s one of the ways we all cope, from time to time. This is like one of my fishing trips, my buddy caught bass that must’ve weighed a good seven pounds. Fortunately for him, we’d left the scales behind, and we have no way of knowing that the monster fish was actually seven pounds. I’m not one to suggest that a fisherman would ever exaggerate, either. However, the next weekend, with scales in hand, the next fish that was exactly the same size, tipped the scales at a mere 4 pounds, 11 ounces. See how this works?

Virgo: I met this Virgo girl once, and she was entranced by my ability to discuss a number of arcane subjects with great fluidity. In other words, I felt like I had a great line of organic bovine fertilizer I could spread around. She then insisted on a private audience with me in the confines of her domicile. In other words, we went back to her place, I amused her for a little while, then she got me to quit talking and doing something more useful with my mouth, like kissing.

I’ll leave the rest of the experience out of print, and let your little prurient-minded folks make up your own details. (Remember, I live like a monk.) Made me feel pretty good about myself. I felt like I was wanted for my mind and my body, a rather holistic form of desire. Never heard from her again. I’d say it broke my heart, but then, I didn’t have enough time to let my heart get involved. I’m not saying that a gypsy Texas Sagittarius will float in and out of your life in the next few days, but I wouldn’t be astonished if you have similar meeting of some kind. And I wouldn’t surprised if your Virgo self has a much better way of looking at this Sagittarius influence than I do. Consider it no more than a blip on the Virgo radar screen.

Libra: I was riding along with one of my buddies, and I was sitting shotgun in his truck. He made an off-color joke about something, and I feigned politically correct shock. Next thing you know, he was talking on his phone to his girlfriend at the time, and the joke was forgotten. It wasn’t exactly a three-way conversation because I was listening, and mumbling next to him, unable to make what she was saying, but from the conversation, I could catch the general direction.

Driving and talking on a phone, especially talking to your significant other, isn’t a hot idea, even under the best circumstances. With me riding shotgun, it can be a nightmare because I try to inject myself in the conversation.

At one point, between the politically incorrect humor, the girlfriends, and me, I finally told him to stop the truck and get out, as I wasn’t go to have that going on while I was riding someplace. “Dude,” he stopped talking to the girlfriend, “it’s my truck. I’m driving.” The implied irony was lost on him, while he was dealing with the girlfriend question.

Are you the driver in this situation? Maybe the passenger? Or are you like that girlfriend, hopelessly mired in a three way conversation that you’re only a distant party to? Personally, I prefer the bumper sticker that says, “Hang up and drive.”

Scorpio: Weather’s a weird topic, particularly in Texas. It’s pretty unpredictable. Not that it’s bad, or good, it’s just what it is. I discovered that the true joy in living where I live is that there are winter days when the sun is high overhead and the temperature gets up 70, when I finally get out of the trailer, I’m able to comfortably wear shorts. This is important to me. Just the way that I am.

Then, after that winter sun sets early, like around rush hour, and when I’m home, a chill starts to set in. I’ll go from comfortable day-time wear of shorts, almost a tropical look, to winter pajamas. Flannel. Soft, worn out in places, one set has a broken fly on it, but I’m home, alone, that doesn’t bother me much. Besides, it’s warm, and that’s all that matters.

Your Scorpio life is feeling a little similar. Warm days, cold nights. After an active day outside, or at work, or doing whatever else it is that you’re doing, just getting back to the domicile, and slipping into a flannel pajamas and threadbare old robe to shuffle around the living room is a good idea. Yes, it’s holidays, and yes, there’s much to do, but this might not be the time that you want to be out. It’s cold out there, and that flannel night wear is rather warm and inviting. You make the call, but I’ll be snuggled up at home.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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