For the Week of: 12/11-17/2003
“They that dally nicely with words
May quickly make them wanton.”
Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night (III.i.14-15)

Mercury is starting his retrograde pattern. In Capricorn. Soon.

Interested in what your New Year holds? Order a report here. Or subscribe to the current weekly scopes here.

Sagittarius: I was watching a vaquero and a cowboy working some horses in the corral the other morning. The cold winter sun, low and hard against a clear blue sky, the breath of the horses steaming the air — there’s always one horse that has to be a little different. That mare, she was pulling at her reigns, straining the harness, rather upset about wherever it was she was. Nothing seemed to fit her right, not the tack, not the saddle. Maybe it was the color of the saddle blanket, didn’t go with her horse eyes.

Whatever it was, me and that horse were on the same wave length. Something just ain’t right. When the cowboy let her reins go, that one horse would drift off towards a less populated portion of the corral. The vaquero, now he had her number, as he would approach, and snag the reins, and talk gently, in Spanish, to that one horse. Sometimes, it takes a different touch to get a horse properly motivated. Something might not be a quite right, but with gentle Sagittarius guidance, it’ll start to work out. Spanish horse-whispering might be the secret.

Capricorn: I was in social setting the other evening, one of the “pre-Xmas” kinds of thing, and as I got introduced to the various couples, I noticed that the dominant theme was that the other couples were all second wives. Sotto voce, I referred to this arrangement as the “trophy wife club,” however, that term was not met with any kind of acclaim. I don’t think any of the women enjoyed that idea. I meant it as a compliment, never mind that these were all long-standing relationships, married for more than 20 years.

I was just observing that the female contingent seemed to be a lot younger–and better looking–than their male counterparts. From my point of view, that term, “trophy wife,” was supposed to be a compliment. One of the girls giggled, one looked at me with “that look,” and my date corrected me. “You’d better come up with a better term, Mr. ‘astrology writer’ boy.”

Words and terms are important. It’s the holiday season. I’m sure your Capricorn self would agree that calling all those wives “trophy wives” was the correct way to address the situation. But not everyone will agree with you or me. I’d urge you to curb some of your funny nuances with the language these days. Might not be met with the same enthusiasm that you–or me–intended.

Aquarius: One day, I was half-naked, sweating lightly in the middle of the winter afternoon, not a cloud in the sky. The very next day, something happened to the weather, and the cat was busy trying to nudge her way under the covers with me. It’s Texas weather, and it’s highly unpredictable. Aquarius weather is like this, as well, one minute, hot as can be (for the given situation) and the next minute? It’s cold. Very cold.

We were up to our hips in snow, or so seemed, must’ve been most near three quarters of inch of snow. It happens around here, in alternate years. The word is to be cautious. Texans tend to be rather precarious drivers, even in the best of conditions, and that little bit of snow? Even just some precipitation? Doesn’t take much to upset the Aquarius these days. Go slow. Matter of fact, maybe don’t go at all. You can always call it a snow day, even if it really isn’t snowing.

Pisces: I was riding to the airport with an unnamed cab driver. We were exchanging horror stories from the road, and when he found out I was westward bound, he launched into a tale about his interaction with the Border Patrol at one particular stop. “Man, I’m a shaman, you know, so I have this big bag of mugwort with me. They were just sure that it was a big bust. Back in the hutch, there was one native–I guess the guy was an Indian–who was just laughing his head off. He knew what it was all about.”

Turns out, further into the tale and the collected road stories, that the guy was saved by a seemingly miraculous action. As far as I know, it all could have been a fabricated story, but the improbable tales usually have more than their share of truth. You’re liable to have a similar encounter with some kind of authority figure–maybe even federal agents–and never mind that your Pisces self is right, there’s always a hint that some of the officers are not amused. Be sweet, and you’ll have miraculous tale to tell, too.

Aries: I was looking at a new fishing catalog, one I got in the mail the other day. I noticed a line of lures that I found rather amusing. There were “Flashers, dodgers, & teasers” on one page. I’m not sure if it was intentional or not, but I found those names rather seductive. I almost whipped out the plastic, right then and there, and I almost called up the order line to get me some of those guys.

“Flasher, dodgers & teasers.” While these were just fishing lures, I found that the listing of those names seemed to fit rather well with what’s going on in your chart. It’s a Mars thing, and I’m sure your Aries self thinks I’m making a big deal out of Mr. Mars, but see, he’s about to enter your sign. I’d take one, long, hard look at those lures and their names, then I’d figure a way to apply them in your Aries life. Day-to-day, moment-by-moment. If the titles were just “flashers and teasers,” then I’d think this was an overtly sexual reference, and maybe not a good one, at that. For the next couple of days, though, it doesn’t hurt to hint rather than come out and say, so that means you need to imitate the action of all the lures mentioned. That includes being a dodger.

Taurus: Focus. Concentrate. Pay attention. Sure, it’s Xmas time, but that’s no reason to lose track of what it is that you’re supposed to be doing. Hawks, especially the native Red Tail Hawk, is fairly common around here. You can find them sitting on telephone poles and high wires, sometimes riding winter thermals generated by parking lots, all over Texas. Those hawks are pretty majestic, soaring, or just looming like they do. They also seem to have a lesson or two for the rest of us.

Those hawks don’t get their feathers ruffled if some human gets too close. The hawk will just lift itself up on its wings and move someplace else. We don’t seem to bother them too much. Those birds of prey maintain a steady eye for intruders, and those birds do fairly good job of staying out of our way while still looking for a tasty morsel. I can’t think of a single Taurus who would consider a field mouse as a tasty afternoon treat, like for tea.

So take this hawk-like symbolism and apply it with a little caution. But watch one of those guys, and you’ll notice that they don’t let most distractions interfere with their goals. Even Mercury doesn’t get to those guys.

Gemini: It’s a childhood fear. It’s fear that’s haunted me most of my life. My father, Pa Wetzel, taught me how to shake Xmas packages to guess at what’s under the tree, back in the old homestead, many years ago. These days, though, I’d be a little afraid to shake any package that isn’t packaged for shipment. I’d be afraid to just grab any old package out from under the tree and give it a good shake, fearful that it might contain some easily damaged goods.

Of course, it’s not like I receive much fine china these days, not given the peculiarities of my lifestyle. But it could happen. I’d hate think that I was rattling a wrapped gift, only to discover that I broke something while playing at guessing the contents. “Wonder what’s in this one? Sounds like a lot of broken glass–now.” That’s your cautionary note for the time being. No need to guess at something that is supposed to stay wrapped until December 25th. Got that? It’s a trick of the trickster Mr. Mercury, and I wouldn’t worry about it too much.

Cancer: It was a cold, clear morning in Lubbock. I was in a room on the top floor of the local hotel. My room faced south. As the sun came streaming in the window, I couldn’t help but notice that I felt like I could see all the way into Mexico from where I was perched, way up on the top floor of that local skyscraper.

Your Cancer self might not be in the Texas Panhandle this coming weekend. You might not even be in Texas. You might not even be in the penthouse suite. I would hope that you’re facing South, but that’s just a personal preference. You will see, through a trick of the planets (Mercury versus Saturn), that you feel like you can look across the vast, barren expanses and the vista that unfolds before you eyes, you’re going to feel like you can see forever. Or all the way to Mexico. It’s probably a trick of the light, or the way the terrain in front of you fools you into this sense that you have decent overview of what is going on. But yes, you can see the big picture rather clearly. Doesn’t make any of this better. After looking out the window and marveling at the beauty, I still had to go downstairs and go to work. Same series of events for you. Just remember that omniscient view.

Leo: Ever have that feeling that there’s an inadequate supply of material resources to cover a given situation? It’s like that old parable about the guy with a few fish and loaf of bread or two, you know, and he fed the whole party with just a few little sleight-of-hand tricks? It’s my guess that your weekend, stretching on into next week, is looking a little bleak. You’re like that one feller, standing there, trying to figure out how to feed the hordes of folks coming over for a holiday meal.

Mercury is heading backwards soon enough. This can work in your favor, believe it or not. You can get Mercury’s evil little mischief to work for you, if you’re willing to play along. In order to cut some corners, and to make that fish and bread product stretch as far as you need it to go, try a little sleight of hand. I know it’s been done before, but I was reminded of this recently. For a while, California Cuisine was all the rage. That meant it was a big plate with small portion in the middle, and some sort of fruit juice concentrate was drizzled all over it to make the package look more appealing. Use Mercury’s mayhem to make what you’ve got stretch to fit the task at your Leo’s hand. Like that trendy food.

Virgo: I went by a buddy’s place the other evening, a Virgo buddy. Xmas lights were all over the place. His girlfriend was telling me about it, “He was out, the day after Thanksgiving, stringing those lights up.” It’s a Virgo attribute, I’m sure. “Yeah, five or six cars went by while I was doing it,” he was telling me, “I got proposed to twice and at least three guys shot me the finger.” On another level, I’m sure I feel his pain. It’s not unlike my Virgo buddy Bubba stringing up the Xmas decorations, right on time. 2 people stop by to give you accolades. Maybe two, or possibly three, folks stop by to give you a dirty look for doing a good deed.

No good deed ever goes unpunished. Don’t let a couple of folks get you down. Never hurts to be too prepared, either. My buddy? He wasn’t in trouble or anything. He was just doing a good deed to make the girlfriend happy. Payback was immense even though in the face of mounting public opinion, he was a little too good. Don’t forget, some of the neighborhood males were “less than enthralled” with Bubba’s domestic display. Don’t ask me about setting a good example, I’m not Virgo, but setting a good example, even in the face overwhelming odds, is bound to insure domestic bliss.

Libra: I passed by a fishing buddy’s place the other afternoon. His boat, his pride and joy, our trusty fishing vessel was parked on the street. I hammered him about this as it was obviously too cold to be fishing, and I surmised–correctly–that he was coerced to move the boat out of his garage for some activity related to holidays. I took advantage of his situation to chide him about that prize vessel being parked curbside.

But look at the way this works out, his boat resides happily under cover, in the safety of the confines of his garage for 11 plus months. That boat only has to live outside for short time in December. Besides, with a tarp thrown over the craft, it’s safe. Let’s look at this, like, on a spreadsheet or something, from January until mid-December, his boat is secure from the elements. Besides, it is a boat, it can stand a little moisture. So for a couple of weeks, the boat sits outside. Got a good image of this? He wins close to 95% of the time. Those are good odds, better than you get in a town like Vegas, that’s for sure.

A little give and take is important now. Mars is moving some stuff around, and it’s not a bad idea to go ahead and give in for a little while. In the name of compromise, just for the holidays.

Scorpio: We stopped for gas on one of those Texas back roads I’m so fond of. It was little town, on the edge of the prairie, and one of the main industries in the area is cattle. So there were a number of cattle trucks stopped at the same place. Being in a small town and all, it’s safe to assume that the cattle trucks, close to a half-dozen of them, were stopped for some social interaction as well as fuel.

What caught my eye, though, was the way a couple of the trucks, big 18-wheeler cattle hauler rigs, were done up with Xmas lights. To borrow a cliché, “they were lit up like Xmas trees.” Which was the point. Made for a mighty fine rolling art show, as well. As I walked around the little truck (relative to the big boys) that I was driving, one of the real cow trucks rumbled and I kept hearing a shifting noise.

A cursory examination revealed that there was a load of cows in it. (Burger & BBQ on the hoof?) Still done up like an Xmas tree, the guy was having a good time while working. It’s a trucker’s way of expressing a creative, holiday energy while still getting the load to its destination. You’re going to light up like that truck, like an Xmas tree. Which doesn’t mean, after you stop for coffee, you can’t get on down the Scorpio road and actually deliver what you’re supposed to deliver.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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