For the Week of: 11/25-12/1/2004

“There is no terror in your threats;
For I am arm’d so strong in honesty
That they pass by me as the idle wind.”
Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar [IV.iii.66-9] Birthday quote, just to remind me — of something. Happy T-day? Happy B-day, & etc. Did I mention the Mercury thing? Guess not.

Aries: “Kramer Lane” is up yonder in North Austin. There was this one Aries girl, and she was mightily irritated with me. Whatever it was that I was — or wasn’t doing — obviously, I was at fault. Truth be told, it sometimes doesn’t take a lot to irritate a good Aries person. Yeah, I know, T-Day, holidays, Black Friday and all, but there’s something going on that’s going to come across as highly irritating. Like that one Aries girl and me. Just something I was doing. Or maybe it was something I wasn’t doing. I got a call, about 48 hours later, “Okay, okay, I’m on Kramer Lane. What’s up with that? Are you, like, just all over this town?” Maybe it’s a sign. I doubt you’ll wind up on Kramer Lane. And I doubt you’re really pissed off at me. But you are going to run into the same kind of energy where all the signs keep pointing to one, very clear conclusion.

Taurus: Used it before, and as the holiday is here, I’ll use it again: “Praise the lord and pass the ammunition.” Something’s bound to have you all wound up. I take one glance at your chart, and I can pinpoint the source of the trouble. But that’s me, and I’m an astrologer. I see the problem as being Mars and Venus in Scorpio — diametrically opposed to your good, sensitive Taurus feelings. That’s the problem. I’m not sure that there really is an easy way out of this one, as those two planets in concert with each other seem to push just about all the available buttons you’ve got. Okay, so folks are pushing your buttons to see how you’ll respond. It’s a holiday weekend, right? Old stuff bubbles up from the past, and it when folks are all sitting around the grand dinning table, they’re going to take a shot or two at your delicate Taurus self. My idea? Use that line. Might help keep the button-pushers in line. Or, at the very least, give them a little respect.

Gemini: It was a fishing trip, a couple of months ago. During September, maybe it’s cool in other parts of the country, but it still feels like summer around here. Means we like to fish early in the morning. By the time the sun starts to get high in the sky, I figure me and the fish, we’re both ready for a mid-morning snooze. Seems like the fish stop biting in the middle part of the day. Sun was arcing high in the sky, getting warm out. I was ready to call it a day. Just then, though, I got strike. Not like, a really big fish, but just about the biggest fish of the day. It weighed in close to 4 pounds, a decent end to the day. Deal is, not five minutes before I caught that fish, I’d suggested that we call it day. Had enough fun, time to get back on to other business. I was just casting off the front of the boat while my buddy started to stow his gear. In comes my decent fish. I doubt your fishing this weekend. I doubt that it’s warm enough to be there on the prow of bass boat with you wearing no shirt. I doubt it’s time for fishing. But the point isn’t about fishing, it’s about timing. Sometimes, that extra five minutes? You’d be surprised what that will bring. Or what you’ll net in that time. Mars, Venus, Jupiter, and so on? They’re liable to bring you something, if you’ll just stay a little longer.

Cancer: “You’ve got to take your chances if they ever come along. Don’t really matter if you’re right or wrong….” Lyrics from a B-side from a good, little-known album. It’s a song about redemption. Sort of. Plus, that’s the theme for the next couple of days. But it’s like this: this is not about romance. It is about interaction between people, it’s about all the stuff of relationships but romance. None of the gooey, sticky problems associated with romance. Everything but. Nope, I’m going to take my chances and make some predictions that romance isn’t in your immediate future. There is exactly one Cancer I know, and romance looks good for that one person. But for the rest? For the other 99% of the Cancer slice? Relationships — how you deal with other people? That all runs really smoothly. What doesn’t work? Romance. Now, if you’re like me, and you’re looking someone or something to blame? Blame Saturn. Or Mars and Venus. Don’t blame me. Plus, I can be wrong, but when the romantic interlude doesn’t work out? Don’t blame me because I told you so.

Leo: I promised it’s going to get better, and it is better. I’m trying to reconcile that with another image I’ve got stuck in my brain. It’s one of those cult films, and that one image is lodged right here in my frontal lobes. It’s two clerks, in a convenience store, one if the clerks is leafing through a magazine, and the other clerk is ringing up desultory customers, one at time. The conversation that is the focal point is the way the questions of life intersect the day-to-day little purchases. What I find amusing, is the way this scene has been re-interpreted a number of times. In a variety of mediums, too. So here it is in a horoscope. For Leo. “I’d like this job if it wasn’t for the customers.” “Which ones” “All of them.” So it’s all about the other people. Sounds like familiar strain. But like that one clerk, you really don’t have as many problems as you think you do. My suggestion? Avoid the problem people during the holidays. Unfortunately, you’re going to run into a surly clerk that one, sooner or later. Way it goes. If you use those quotes, though, you’ll find they win you some small degree of appreciation.

Virgo: I realize it’s long before Xmas really gets here, and to be truthful, I’m more interested in the solstice rather than Xmas. In fact, I’m probably more interested in my own birthday, to be bluntly honest. But the holidays are here. You have this wonderful drive through this weekend. You’re excited, joyful and the family dynamics are okay, for a change. But watch yourself. Every high has a corresponding low. For all the “good stuff” that you feel over the holiday weekend? There’s a low spot, comes next week. I was commuting back from the Left Coast one year, and I got stuck in the Phoenix airport on the Monday after a T-Day with Sister. I “volunteered” to get bumped from a flight for free ticket and some extra miles and other perks. But that also meant I was stuck in Phoenix’s Sky Harbor for an extra 6 hours. I pulled out the book I was reading and plodded through it. Then I pulled out the laptop and worked for a spell on some items I’d wanted to close out. Then I worked on the palm top handheld for a little while, then I my all my batteries were drained. I was too tired and restless to work or read, and I was kind of hemmed in, stuck at the airport for another couple of hours. All the fun grinds to a stop. I could use the miles and the free ticket for an upcoming business trip, so it was worth it to me to get bumped. But I didn’t have quite enough material to keep me occupied. Poor planning on my part. Highs and lows. It all works out in the long run.

Libra: Some years ago, based upon several recommendations, I bought a little book by one of the James brothers, and that text was titled, “The Varieties of Religious Experiences.” There’s a bookmark lodged about a quarter of the way through my copy, and I never finished reading the text because it’s in that archaic style from previous centuries. Just never got up and galloped along for me. But I’ve held onto the book itself as a reminder that, especially considering my line of work, I should be reading it. Or study it, at least once. I’m admitting to my weakness as a scholar so you I can save you a purchase or two. Sometimes, just buying the book doesn’t get the task accomplished. Just owning the text doesn’t mean that your Libra mind has absorbed all the data, or had a chance to the research. There’s the idea, too, that having an impressive library is good, but if you haven’t had a chance to absorb any of the material, what’s the point? Several influences are at work, but most notably, there’s Mr. Jupiter. He makes you insatiably curious. But just buying the book doesn’t always buy you t he time to read the book. Weigh those decisions a little more carefully.

Scorpio: My season is pretty much over for the year. I don’t anticipate much more income from doing readings for the next month or so. There will be a few, forward-thinking individuals who will seek me out in the next couple of weeks to get a glance at what the next year looks like, but that’s the exception rather than the rule. Most folks wait until January. So I figure, if I haven’t bought that Xams gift by now, I’m not going to be in position to purchase one until next year. As such, I was digging through my desk drawer, looking for a pen, or some ink, or some other office supply type of thing, and I cam across a sweet little pocketknife I’d purchased a few months ago. It wasn’t intended for me. It was intended as a gift. A birthday gift. Only, I forgot. Which meant, in moment of searching for ink or something, maybe a paperclip, I hit upon this great idea. Since I missed the birthday window for the recipient, I can just use this as an Xmas gift. Perfect. One problem? There’s a card that goes with the token gesture, and it’s obviously a birthday card. That’ll never work. Toss the card and recycle the forgotten then discovered gift. You’re gong to be digging around, maybe no in your desk drawer, but someplace, and you’re going to stumble across a similar item. Might not be a gift, but it’s something. Something important. Something important that you’ve overlooked.

Sagittarius: Birthday week! Yee-haw. Now, it’s time to slow it down, see, pacing is very, very important. This party’s going to last for a month, it’s a Sagittarius party, and it’s not just for me, but it’s for all of us. There are actually a couple of good reasons to celebrate, but I’m too lazy to enumerate them all here. Just take my word for it; life is pretty good in Sagittarius land. That’s the good news. This comment about pacing, though, that’s what’s so important. Pacing and timing. Trying to do too much, trying to have too much of a good thing all at once isn’t such a hot idea. Slow it down and draw it in. One of the reasons I love using astrology as a metaphor is that the Sagittarius birthday parties, they start around Thanksgiving and last until almost Xmas. Got it? Pacing is important. We’ve all got to watch out that we don’t try too much, try to have too good of time, too soon. Nothing’s worse than a bar patron who’s been, to use the correct term, “over-served.” None of my Sagittarius friend want to be that person because it’s sloppy, presents an unprofessional image, and after all, it’s a party time, right? Nothing’s worse than having to cart the party animal off to the pokey for being a little too happy. We’ve got a whole month when folks can buy us drinks — go a little slower than usual — trust me.

Capricorn: It’s pretty strange, I mean what’s going on right now. There’s a harmonic imbalanced. It’s like the little thing that sits on the end of the crankshaft of most infernal combustion motors, the “Harmonic Balancer.” Only, the Capricorn balancer ain’t working right. To be blunt, you’re out of whack. It’s not bad, see, either you’re feeling really, really good, and no one seems to care that you’re in an upbeat mood. Or, you’re down in the dumps, and no one is around to cheer you up. See what I mean? There’s an imbalance of sorts. It’s an odd combination of factors, all going back to certain astrological configurations, and there’s not a lot I can do to make it change. It will change. But I’d suggest that if you’re down, you just do what you have to do in order to feel better. And if you’re up, but no one cares, then do what you have to do to enjoy yourself. What works for me? This might sound a little strange, but I hop over to the super sporting goods store. Place is a big box, about three of four acres, and I wander aimlessly along the fishing aisles. Look at a pole, test its action. Check out the latest model of spinning reels. Check the heft with a filet knife. Look at the wiggly lures. Then I wander over and look at the “sale” table. That’s merchandise that never moved. Usually, what’s on that sale table? Good stuff to stay away from. Unless, you find something that you know that works. Wandering the aisles of a super sporting goods store might not be exactly what you need, but some similar type of action might improve the imbalance you’re feeling. Works for me.

Aquarius: Funny thing, here in Aquarius. Strangest thing in the world. There’s been a cloud, maybe not, like, you know, a big black cloud or anything, but something akin to the morning fog that floats up off the river in the wee hours before dawn. It’s a gentle, gray mist. It’s not bad, it’s a just a little confusing. Not really a good time to be out on the lake in a boat, as the visibility isn’t too good. But it’s starting to part, that mist. As the day warms up, or, along the lines of my thinking, as the week warms up, this mist gradually burns offs. Or, more scientifically, it becomes transparent water vapor in the atmosphere. Whatever. The image I have fore your next couple of days, though, is like two giant hands, pulling apart this veil of mist. Suddenly, there’s a host of joyous voices from the heavens, and the mist parts, swept aside. You can see clearly. What was once obscure? It’s now clear as can be. Problem being, not everyone is an Aquarius, and the problem with that scenario is that not everyone will understand that your Aquarius self can see clearly. Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t push ahead, but it wouldn’t hurt to exercise a little caution. Like that early morning mist, not everyone can see as clearly as you can. It’s Jupiter and Neptune, moving in concert together.

Pisces: I read the movie schedule wrong, and I wound up at the movie theater about an hour late for the film I wanted to see. Or the film I thought I wanted to see. Wasn’t a bad deal, it’s one of those mega-multi-plex affairs, and there was a movie on, starting in about ten minutes, right after I arrived. So it wasn’t like, a total loss. The movie I saw? Wasn’t what I was planning to see, or, for that matter, it wasn’t a movie that I would’ve intentionally stirred forth from my humble abode to go see, but, as it turned out, I was pleasantly surprised. In the listing online, in the paper, someplace, I must’ve read the schedule wrong, I probably got confused about what movie was when. Although, I’d tend to blame them for changing the schedule, but let’s be honest: my bad. That simple. Or maybe we can blame their fine print in the schedule. Doesn’t much matter, I wound up in the wrong place at the wrong time. Or, because I did enjoy the film I saw, and because it was a good outing, despite my mistake, maybe it wasn’t a loss, but a success. My dear Pisces friends are going to find themselves in a similar situation, something’s changed. Or maybe, just maybe, you didn’t read the fine print, or you got confused about the time. Or something. But where you end up being? Maybe that’s where you’re supposed to be? Sure, run with that idea.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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