Fishing Guide to the Stars 12.25.2008

Fishing Guide to the Stars
For the week starting: 12.25.2008

“Some say that ever ‘gainst that season comes
Wherein our Saviour’s birth is celebrated,
The bird of dawning singeth all night long.”
Shakespeare’s Hamlet, Price of Denmark (I.i.178-80)


The year ahead: 2009? Venus RX from Mar. 5 until Apr. 15, Mercury Retrogrades Jan. 11 to 31 (Aquarius-Capricorn), May 7 to 22 (One degree Gemini-Taurus), Sep. 7 to the 28th (Libra-Virgo), Dec. 21 to Jan 14 (Capricorn), Jupiter basically spends the entire year in Aquarius, and Saturn is (still) in Virgo until the end of October. Mars starts an RX pattern in Leo, around Dec. 20, 2009 (until March 2010).

But what does all that mean? Three options: horoscopes for free, subscribe to the current scopes or order up a reading.

 Capricorn: I was reading a report that promised it was drawn from “reliable sources,” and it was “proven factual,” even though, I’m pretty sure, it wasn’t. The author’s style was more along the lines someone writing about Bigfoot or the (personal favorite) Chupacabra. Less about reality, more about the area that might — or might not be — mythology. However, a good mythos is sometime more important than straight up fact. That story, it was widely read even though it was pretty clearly heavy on the myth and light on actual fact. The sensationalistic telling of the tale, that was a bonus feature, as far as I was concerned. But that’s where the trick lies for Capricorn, see, you can tell a tale, in such a way, as it appears to be a tall tale, yet, unlike the story I was reading, you stick to just the facts. It’s less about what the story is about, and it’s ,pre about how you can say it comes “straight from reliable sources.” That’s usually a good sign.

 Aquarius: “West Texas,” to me, would include portions of western pieces of the state, but that wouldn’t include far west Texas, like, the last little arm that’s way west. Although, and this upsets many of my friends in South-Eastern New Mexico, spiritually, Texas extends throughout the eastern portion of New Mexico, right to the Rio Grande. There’s a portion of New Mexico, the state’s SE corner, and parts of it are referred to as “Little Texas,” which is amusing on several levels. We can’t do anything small in Texas, and as much as the New Mexicans hate Texans, naming a portion of their area after Texas isn’t helping the situation. I was thinking about this state taxonomy, geography and naming conventions because the rest of this year, from Xmas to NYE, it’s like those attempts of arriving at terms, which can completely ignore common sense. Naming conventions that seem arbitrary, at best. There’s a great deal that seems arbitrary to your Aquarius mind. I’d call it a function f the Sun and the Moon, and the relative positions. But that’s just me. You can call it what you want, and as an Aquarius, you’ll be with me on wondering why “West” Texas is east of part of Texas. Argue and wonder, all you want. Doesn’t stop them from making decisions that seem a little weird to us.

 Pisces: I was at a friend’s place, and I know that this Pisces has been dabbling with Feng Shui. The art of placing, arranging, and decorating in such a fashion as to insure the best possible (whatever). The toilet is in an inauspicious location. There’s a new piece of art, a stained glass window, over the toilet. It’s familiar — to me — image of two fish, head to tail. Located over the toilet bowl? I was sure that it had something to do with improving the “chi” of her place.

I made a comment to that effect, and she looked at me quizzically. “Huh?” Imagine a little question mark over the Pisces cartoon head. So it was just a happy coincidence that the fish were the right symbol for Pisces, and the right symbol to improve the “flow” of the home, and the correct way to ameliorate the toilet’s location vis-a-vis with the Feng Shui chart of the house. No big deal, not to me, I understand coincidence. I happily bought the idea that she didn’t know what she was doing. Turns out, subsequent questions on my part, the placement was purposeful. Two Fish are Pisces, and the location, color and so forth? It was intended as a harm, or whatever, to help. Does it help to try every New Age, old-school superstition? Sometimes it does. But as we wrap up the year? Play dumb.

Aries: “It’s a language barrier,” the young Aries was reporting, “I told it to the cook just like you did, but the kitchen? They don’t speak English.” Which, while might appear that way to the little blonde Aries, I seriously doubt that it’s really a language problem.

She was young, cute, and very, very blonde. And most of the staff was Latino. Dark, hopefully mysterious, and Spanish-speaking descent. Heritage, anyway, this is Texas. I think the guys in the kitchen were just having fun at that poor girl’s lack of experience.

While I doubt they only speak Spanish I’m sure their border patois is good enough to make it appear that way. Are you a blonde Aries this holiday? Can be either, but I’m just saying, look out for falling for those old tricks.

Taurus: “I told him the first door on the right, he went to the first door on the left, my brother was in there, cleaning a shotgun.” Any wonder why the woman can’t get a date anymore? Poor dear. To some, of course a brother cleaning a shotgun is a perfectly normal and acceptable piece of a business, however, for a prospective date? I’m sure it could be a little unnerving. According to the story, that guy left, and was never heard from again. All from mixing up left and right. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone around you made a similar, to me, comic mistake. Left instead of right. Bedroom instead of bathroom. Brother instead of toilet. I’m sure my own sister would have a similar tale, but I’m nit sure she can be trusted for absolute truth. The Merry Xmas caution is about confusing left and right, either when giving directions, or receiving directions, but more than likely, when giving directions.

Gemini: “Mashed tamales, I was asking where they kept that at the grocery store, and the lady looked at me, ‘you mash them yourself’ and pointed to the whole tamales.” I can just imagine an indignant woman, and I can fill in the rest with “I don’t think so!” That’s the merry part of the Xmas equation. The rest of the holiday cheer is how yo deal with a little upset. It’s not major, not really a big thing, but mashed tamales are part of the holiday recipe, and they don’t sell those things in grocery stores. Not usually.

 Cancer: I was doing a reading on a young Cancer’s astrology chart. After I got about halfway through, she quipped, “Better get used to Roman Noodles. Huh.” Which was kind of a fallacy, what she intended, I think, was Ramen Noodles. And that wasn’t the way it was going, not for Cancer, not in the coming year. However, for the next few days, as we al get closer to the fateful New Year’s Eve? Yeah, get used to a slightly more constricted intake of comestibles. Not always bad, just a little less after Xmas day. It’s a matter of slowing down. Not stopping, not quitting, just slowing down a little. Not moving as fast, or, at least, not consuming as fast. That’s part of the point. Might be the whole point, too, just not consuming a much, as quickly. Not a sudden stop, but a gradual slowdown. And it’s not about money, it’s about food. Or food-like stuff.

Leo: The days, it’s the old mythology, but the days are getting longer. The sun is reborn, although, in the northern hemisphere, except for a few places in South Texas, it’s really cold. Winter, right, going to be like this, for a few months yet. I can’ wave a wand and make everything better in Leo land. But I can tell you to let it go. The old is done with. Once the Sun slipped into Capricorn, the solstice, it means that life in Leo land is warming up. From here, it’s a long walk to Leo time. But this is the beginning and from hence forth, no whining allowed, it’s all better. It’s a gradual shift, and one you might not notice right away. But by degrees, in small pieces, in little places, you’ll start to notice that it’s getting better. Part of this is the conflict left over from the recent political upheaval, and part of it due to the way you feel like you’ve taken on the Leo nose. Chill. Which isn’t hard, it is winter.

Virgo: All about the wind-up, isn’t it? The suspense? How you get ready for whatever it is that you’re delivering? The set up to the delivery, the parts that go with making it a complete package, right? I was testing a fishing pole in a sporting good store, and I just lifted the pole up and felt how the end whipped back forth, just testing, not really thinking about the pole. I have certain requirements, and at the time, I was looking for an “inshore” pole (green water). Good poles are very expensive, and I couldn’t really afford one. As I hefted the pole, I turned to my date, the woman with me at the time, “How much do you love me, honey?” She looked at the price tag on the pole next to tone I was testing, “Not $500 worth, sorry.” The problem, it’s a bigger problem than just the price tag of the pole, there’s also a reel that has to go with that pole. Looks like the price is climbing. It’s all about the set-up and delivery. There really isn’t a punch line to this, either, so that’s my fault since I’m not a Virgo. But that pole I was thinking about? I’m too busy for the next month to even think about fishing. Well, not too busy to think about it, but I won’t be fishing much because of pressing business matters. That’s like a Virgo, huh.

Libra: With everything in the Life of Libra seeing to come a little unglued, what can you do? Stick it back together, one little piece at a time. Then, too, consider that there are some items that are coming unglued, and it’s not worth the effort to glue them back together again. Thee was one stocking, at our place, and that one stocking kept getting more and more stuff pushed into it. The stocking were hung, not exactly with care, but they were hung on these little hooks that aren’t that strong.

So that one (Libra) stocking kept coming unzipped from its designated position. Eventually, by consensus, the (Libra) stocking was left to sit on the floor, close to where it should be hanging, but not exactly hanging there. Close enough, right? Or, as the trite expression goes, “Close enough for government work,” although, that might not really be the case. Close counts, and in the approximate location — or close proximity — that all it takes.

Scorpio: “I’m a Scorpio,” read the e-mail, “and so is my EX. So when I read about good things, I always wonder, does that mean he’s got good things, too?”

Well, yes, it does imply that, now doesn’t it? That’s the hazard of dating someone who is the same sign as you. Personally, I like the Scopio-Scorpio combination as there’s usually enough friction to make it really interesting for the outsiders. Unfortunately, for us outsiders, we’ll never know if it is everything that we suppose that it is, in that Scorpion’s nest. Scorpions do tend to be a little secretive. There’s always the amusing part of this, that secretive side, the Scorpio will be dragging out presents for Xmas, days after Xmas itself has passed.

“Yeah, I had this stuck in the closet, on the top shelf, forgot all about it, but here, meant this for Xmas for you….” Scorpio trait. Scorpio tendency. Either scrape out the hiding places ahead of schedule, or consider that it’s just the way it goes.

 Sagittarius: “My idea of longer term relationship was 48 hours,” I was explaining, and the other Sagittarius girl quipped, “Right after the tranquilizer wore off?” Chuckle. There’s that Sagittarius sense of humor. Kind of blunt and off-color. And our Sagittarius humor goes under-appreciated these days.

My biggest Sagittarius suggestion is to follow the city, county, state and federal employees this week. From Xmas to NYE? Recoup, regenerate, and otherwise do stuff, maybe at home, maybe at a different location, but not anywhere near traditional work places. Most of those folks have the time off, anyway, and if you don’t have it off, not completely, at least partially, you can still do a lot of “not really working” stuff, even if you are at work.

Satiated — or depressed — from the holidays, there’s still a time to cool off, chill out, and otherwise spend a certain amount of time just messing around. I can still hear the comment, though, “after the tranquilizer wears off.”

copyright (c) 2007, 2008 Kramer Wetzel, for

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at

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