Horoscopes by Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 3.22.2012

    “Love’s heralds should be thoughts,
    Which ten times faster glide than sun’s beams,
    Driving back shadows over lowering hills.”
    Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet [II.v.6-8]

astrofish.net Aries: Mercury eventually retrogrades to Pisces, the Sun, Moon and Uranus all conjoin this week, and Mars is still backwards in Virgo. I’d suggest the usual Aries brilliance is doubled, or even tripled by this kind of alignment. The Sun/Moon/Uranus is the brilliance. Timing, which is what astrology can really help with, the timing is off. The two retrograde planets will have an impact on the rest of the situation. I’d expect a delay. Or two. Or even an event that seems like a major set-back.

Heading out to a lake, for fishing, I encountered typical Austin rush-hour traffic. Seething, teeming, bumper-to-bumper, big-city angst-riddled drivers. Terrible stuff. As it turns out, my fishing buddy was running late, too. We met, half-hour later than planned, and fished, successfully, for the rest of the morning. Looking at the fishing solar-lunar chart, turned out, the bite didn’t turn on until later, so we were right on time.

Available now: the Mars Minute.

astrofish.net Taurus: I tend to favor a certain type of mechanical pencil. Pentel, Farber, 0.5 mm lead. I used them in art classes, I used them for class notes, and I’ve liked them ever since. I tend to carry one for making margin notes in books. Although increasingly, with e-texts, this is more difficult, if not impossible. However, as a Mercury Retrograde idea, consider the pencil. Terribly analog, not efficient, yet, mutable (erasable), and fairly effective for notes on the fly, or shading a diagram.

The problem with my preferred kind pencil, I think “lead holder” is the proper term, the tip. The end of the mechanical pencil has a thin, almost needle-like tip for the lead. Great for control. Problematic, at best, for rugged travel conditions. That thin, needle-like tip gets easily bent. Then the lead doesn’t come out — at all. Then there is no drawing or writing, no note taking, nothing. No marginal notation and phone numbers. Perfect example of what happens, this week, you, like me, pull out the pencil, because, after all, it should be Mercury Retrograde-proof. In times like these? I carry both pen and pencil. Simple ball-point pen, I can use it, and damn, the ink leaked everywhere.

astrofish.netGemini: I used to buy the pre-packaged vitamins, A, C, D, E, B14, E, etc., all in a little plastic wrap. Probably seen a similar deal at the convenience store, the gas station, other places where there’s a cash register and point-of-purchase display. “Boost the immune system!” “Instant energy!” Best of all? “Get Healthy!” Sure, and as it turns out, the vitamins in those packages are almost useless to the human body. While technically, there’s a 10,000 milligrams of Vitamin C, the human body can’t absorb all that at one time. Only some of it makes it through. The real science is still obfuscated as to whether or not vitamin therapy like that works as advertised. However, as precaution, I used to do this when I traveled a great deal, I felt better knowing (thinking) I was operating with a boosted system. Fact is, probably didn’t do that much; however, I felt better — knowing — thinking — feeling — like I was more vitamin-protected. Those little packages of vitamins, I’m not sure how effective they really are; however, as a precaution, until Mercury goes direct? Good idea for Gemini.

Cancer: “Mercury is retrograde,” is hardly the source of the ire in the Cancer’s chart, but good enough to start there. Blame the little one, although, I would address other issues, too. Uranus and the Sun, both playing off each other, in Aries, that would be a real source of the problems, as well as the little Mercury thing, as it slides backwards into Pisces. The message, this week, it’s about the weakest link. The little issue that you avoided? The problem that you pretended wasn’t a problem, and you hoped it would go away on its on accord? Which it hasn’t? Its back and there’s an annoying little light, like a flashlight with weak batteries, flickering on and off, but still, the light is shining on that problem. The issue didn’t go away. There’s a benefit, right now, to using a “band-aid” approach to the problem. Issue. Whatever the bothersome detail is? Slap a quick fix on it. Address it now, or it will get worse. Promise. The better news, while this looks like a quick fix, it might surprise all of us Cancer-types and last.

Leo: Yes, I’m a big fan of the whole, “Law of Attraction” thing. Concept. New Age Hokum. Still, I’ve found it to be quite good material, both in practice and as an adjunct to other spiritual or religious practices. Look into it, if you haven’t already. The whole “Law of Attraction,” simply put, is about “like attracts like.” If you sit there and complain, and do nothing, then nothing will happen. That simple. None of this is bad, but it’s not good, either. Matter of slugging forward when the forward motion seems most difficult. It’s not, not really. Figure out a single Leo step to take, a simple idea, one step that will help solve the immediate and pressing Leo concern. A simple, direct plan of action. As a Leo, you’d like to have all that lined out, with promise and reward at every step of the way. I can’t do that. I can tell you, though, sitting there, pouting, although, you can pout better than anyone else, sitting there, doing nothing, then nothing will get accomplished towards moving you towards that goal. I’m not asking for much, two choices, go look up the stuff about the Law of Attraction, and second, Mercury is retrograde, so the next choice about action has to adjustable, for later.

Virgo: I’ve got a client, she’s had me help pick times for C-sections. Most of her babies, then her grand babies, they’ve all been born at specified times, and I help. I’ll consult on a number of matters, and this is one of the more curious. We were looking at charts and talking over material, it was a consultation on my part. I looked at the chart of one of her children, noted certain aspects, then I asked if that child was born at a predetermined time, like, did she pick the time for the birth? “No, that’s before I was into astrology,” she said.

I pointed out that there were chart indications of strength, intelligence and beauty. All true. Great kid, excellent parent. And that one popped out, all natural and wonderful on its own right. Part of this is about weird questions and grandmothers who are into astrology and part of this is about letting the cards fall where they may.

This weekend? Don’t try to force an issue. This weekend, no need to Virgo “attention to detail,” which some folks interpret as “micromanagement,” no need to employ that. This weekend, New Moon Aries. Next week? Start with Moon in Taurus. Settle in, and make plans, then be willing to adjust the plans as need be. It will work out, just not on the Virgo timetable. It can work out — perfectly — just not on the schedule you’re setting out.

Libra: This stuff writes itself — I handed her a ten, she tried to give me 17.93 in change. I was in a coffee shop in Austin, the Libra taking my order had the usual Austin adornment of interlaced and individual tats scattered across her arms and poking out of the top of her blouse. Slightly frayed look, too. Like a Libra will look right now. At the moment this occurred, I was strapped for cash. Little heavenly sent cash? I couldn’t take it.

“How much did I give you?”

“Ten. Oh.”

Because I am like that, I threw a dollar in the tip jar, walked away with my pile of change paltry few dollars and thought about it. This stuff writes itself. Real life example of what is happening to Libra, at this very moment. Which one are you? The cash-poor astrologer, trying to do the right thing? Or are you, as I suspect, the girl behind the counter, nice tats, making change incorrectly? If you’re lucky this week, a nice Sagittarius will save you from yourself. If not? Your Libra till might come up short from a mistake where you keyed something into the computer and it said, “$17.93,” which, I might add, was the computer’s mistake. Trusting the machine? That’s the Libra’s problem.

Scorpio: I was using a Shakespeare “Ugly Rod” with its patented “unbreakable” tip. Used to have, I still have some of them, used to have a lifetime warranty on that tip, and it truly is, near as I can tell, unbreakable. It’s particularly effective for some types of fishing, too. However, sometimes, that tip just isn’t sensitive, doesn’t transmit the correct signal in the shortest time, just doesn’t work for me. When a finesse tip, or light and very tentative fish bite occurs, that tip isn’t right. Having shattered more than my share of rod tips, I see both sides of this problem. Shakespeare (fishing) Rods, cheap, dependable, and as the name implies, strong. Nearly unbreakable.

As the planets move, I’d say through this weekend, there’s the urge to grab the finesse pole, the expensive graphite, carbon-fiber fishing rod that is light, strong and sensitive. Need a little more brute force and unbreakable tip kind of tool for this week. If there is a choice for pretty or strong, go for strong. If there is a choice for more power or more control? More power. While I like that lightweight, fast-action tip on the finesse poles I’ve got, the way this works, we’re more clumsy and less worried about fish that don’t want to commit.

Sagittarius: I’ve “lived” in three Southwestern States, one Northeastern State, and I was born — and raised — in Texas. It’s home. I’ve tried other places, but the native insanity and inherent wildness of Texas appeals to me. The South Texas winter weather is excellent, too. Maybe snow, maybe rain or hurricane, every once in while, just to remind us that we’re not the boss, and we’re still subject to the tides and whims of Nature. There’s also an innate grandiosity that I’m fond of. Still the largest unfrozen state in the Union, and the state that was a country (Republic of Texas, 1836-1845), before it was a state.

I know where I belong. From the Red River to the Rio Grande, or, short form from the Red to the Rio, I’m quite sure where I belong. Eccentricities, oddities, just plain weirdness, I fit right in. This is about place, a sense of place and sense of understanding where our Sagittarius selves belong. I know, I’ve tried, process of elimination. Trial and error are good Sagittarius teachers. What works, what doesn’t work. Wandering around is an excellent way to discover ourselves, but ultimately, even as a wanderlust-driven Sagittarius, there’s no place like home, wherever it is that you fit in. You can look, but I’ll suggest you wind up right back at home. Where we belong.

Capricorn: I’ve been doing so much tech stuff lately, I’ve lost track and lost touch, with the real world. It happens. Too much time spent shuffling bits and bytes, pushing pixels and punishing electrons as they get stripped of their shells, and I start to think computers are people. “I have a Mac. I named her Beth.” Hardly an original joke. Also, just for a certain Capricorn, an omen of bad luck. Never mind that now. This is about hope, and getting out from behind the computer screen. In my case, it’s much worse, getting away from the computer, the electronic tablet and the mobile (phone). Here’s a hint, from my inshore fishing adventures. Take a plastic bag. One of my favorite images from coastal flat fishing? Took that picture on a phone. Phone rode around all day in a plastic bag, in the dry storage, under the seat of the boat. Pulled it twice, once when the fish were not hitting and once to take of picture of me with a fish. That’s less than ten minutes of electronic leash in an 8-hour fishing trip. That was cool. That, my fine Capricorn friend, is what you need. Maybe not inshore fishing, or now, as the bass spawn, they get finicky, but still, something. Away from the ties that constrain you so.

Aquarius: What do you do with an offer that’s good, but just not right? I got one. Great deal. Promise of future profit. Much good. Still, it wasn’t quite right. I knew something was off. I knew it wouldn’t work, as I’m not what he was looking for. I’m an adept technical astrologer. I can fiddle the chart, spin the dial, as well as the next guy. I tend to shy away from tech talk, though. It annoys me. Get astrologers together and their language becomes a series of symbols, which, while quite potent in their own right, that banter becomes useless to mere mortals. I know, I’ve tried. I spent enough time explaining the intricacies of the chart, a chart, over the years. So this offer came through, and let’s look, Mercury is backwards, and the Sun is lining up with that very Aquarian planet, Uranus. Cool.

No, “Cool!” Got it? However, that just means the deal, the offer, the proposition that has bounced through at this time? Stop. Wait, yes, no, maybe. I’d like to think that this is the beginning of something great. But this is just the first offer. No need to jump on it, not just yet. Right? Yes, no, maybe. Too good to be true? Might not be. We’ll just wait and see, and enjoy the Sun shining on Uranus, together again in Aries.

Capricorn: Old hiking buddy of mine, as a gag gift, gave me my first Kinky Friedman book. I recall, as I still have that book in my library. The basis of the gift was the title to the book. However, after reading that novel, I embarked upon being a fan of that author. Kinky Friedman, he’s Scorpio, you know, and yes, I voted for him when he ran for governor. I found his (very loosely defined) murder-mystery stories to be fun. A little light on content, and it wasn’t until he got about halfway through the series when he started trying to develop plot. I know, I heard him say that a book-signing. Always fun, when I run into him, be it the streets of Austin, or book signings, he looks at me with rheumy eyes, and I can see the wonder, “Do I know you?” I’m not old enough to have been his running buddy, but it’s fun to watch him measure me, size me up. I was considering the whole, accidental way that trail got from a gag gift to a life-long adoration of a Scorpio (and very Texan) author. In part, some of his work influenced me mightily, especially when I was just learning how to carve out a decent Capricorn horoscope. There’s a highly weird and totally accidental way these things work. Gag gift, influence my style, listening to raucous Kinky Friedman music, years later, all accidental, based on a friend handing me a book, one year with a weird title. Strange connections. Sun/Uranus, in Aries, this week, flavors the days (and nights). Weird coincidence. Use them.

Aquarius: Romeo and Juliet’s balcony scene is, justifiably, famous. I’m also sure, that same scene, it is the source of much lampooning and tremendous satiric treatment. It is a trope, overdone with hyperbole. Originally, it was — and remains in my mind — as quite touching. I’m sure, though, I saw it as a cartoon element long before I saw the original. Target of derision and the butt of jokes, or the touching and sadly longing love scene? I’d guess, it depends on how you want to see it. I can’t think about it, even now, without seeing a Looney Tunes version, and a certain cartoon rabbit, cavorting in mock moves. The difference between satire, and just open mocking? Thin line at times. Got to watch that line, especially in Aquarius, as the acerbic and wonderfully intellectual Aquarius? You’re going to want to gently mock, or maybe pay homage, to a certain point. Satire, in its finest (Aquarian) fashion. Remember Mercury, retrograde? I’ll find this as a witty riposte. I’m far from mainstream. I get it. The other people, I mean, the rest of the world? Might want to hold that barbed and funny Aquarius witticism until later. Or shoot it to me in an e-mail Might not want to utter, or otherwise, post it. Not yet.

astrofish.netPisces: I was helping take care of an aging aunt. The TV in the living room was blaring. A local superstar athlete walked onto the screen, announced something about pizza, I wasn’t listening. The pitch, order a pizza from this one store, get the pizza delivered and get a free 30-day membership to a local gym. I’ve never been asked to lend my name to a particular enterprise. There are a few products and brands that I do endorse, but that’s from long years of use, trial and error. I’m unsure of how that pizza thing worked. Get a pizza delivered, and get a free gym membership. The two are, in theory, supposed to cancel the effect of each other. I’m not sure I understand. I understand how the pitch works, I’m just not sure if I understand the connection between having pizza delivered and joining a gym for free. It’s a safe pitch for the pizza place, I’ll assume, as people who get pizza delivered to the couch rarely get up and go work out. Best of intentions, I’m sure. As a professional athlete and spokesperson, the concept of exercise is a sound endorsement for that guy. Stop and look at this. Everyone benefits except the person, on the couch, eating the pizza, intending to go to the free gym. Odds on them making it? As a Pisces, don’t get suckered while Mercury is retrograde, now in your sign.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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