Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 12.20.2012

    “Fool, away with this strained mirth.”
    Shakespeare’s Two Noble Kinsmen [III.iii.43-4]

astrofish.netCapricorn: This is it. A little less than a year ago, I was at a (marginally) famous TexMex palace in South Texas. “We Never Close,” that’s the line. Perfect Xmas Eve place to be. All kinds of humanity went swimming past my eyes. The traditional understanding was that the Jews would eat Chinese on Xmas as it’s not a holy night or anything. In South Texas? They would eat TexMex, although, I’m not sure there’s much Kosher TexMex. That’s an idea, though. So this place was crowded and I kept thinking it was a perfect holiday, perfect Capricorn way to look at the world. Sitting in a TexMex Palace, built of grease and corn meal, various meats simmered and grilled to pieces? Truly a stew pot of humanity as cultures cascaded end-over-end. The fusion was colorful and — to me — exciting. I enjoy watching the roots and branches of Americana and Texana coalesce and reform in new patterns. In a way, this is microcosm of the world, even now. The week starts with a bang and finishes with a bump.

    “That’s it?” < –Capricorn
    "You were expecting what, end of the world?" <–Me

Now’s the time to get caught up on what next year will be like,
and do this before Mercury is Retrograde Aquarius: Mars is about to blaze a trail through Aquarius. Mars is a beacon. Mars is an active participle. Mars means motion. Mars also creates haste. Yet, Mars isn’t here, not quite yet. Almost.

Mars hits right about the same time the fat man is supposed to slide down the chimney. Coincidence?

I think so.

For a few years, I would travel on Xmas day. Xmas Eve with family in Austin, then hop a short and mostly empty flight to Dallas for my mother and father. Get all the family in one day, all taken care of. Great plan, too, as traveling ON a holiday, not the day before but the day of? Like, traveling on Xmas day? It’s great. Staff and support crews are skeleton and jovial, traffic problems minimal, and the experience is better. Consider a move just like mine. Doesn’t mean you should travel, but attempt to dodge one of the usual Xmas day things that is so aggravating. Mars makes this easier, if you know what you’re looking for.

Pisces: Some folks will guess I was motivated by a song, and that might be partly true. I like cheap sunglasses. I’ve found that sunglasses, as an accessory, sunglasses tend to be ephemeral. Don’t last long. To be honest, I’ve got two pair that I’ve held onto for a record five years or more, cheap sunglasses, but I started buying these so long ago, I can’t be sure. I tend to be harder on some equipment and sunglasses are prone to mishaps. Last good pair got sat on, and that was a different tale. So, as the new year is looking around the corner, and as Xmas draws to a tumultuous close? There’s one item that you’ll need at the dawn of the new year: a good pair of sunglasses. I realize that the advice won’t stretch for 1/12 of the population, but the sentiment plays out like this: instead of getting cheap and quantity? Get one good one. That’s your target, now, especially for the next couple of days. One instead of many, and just one good one.

Aries: A couple of weeks ago, I had what I thought was some good advice. From the feedback, maybe not as good as I had hoped. Consider, good advice before Xmas but even better after the big day? Consider ordering what is appropriate for the location. I don’t go into a Waffle House and expect fine French cuisine. Flip that around, and at one of the 5-Star food trailers? I do expect my taste buds to be tingled and excited in a new and unusual way.

Fancy trailer park food. I expect good, greasy TexMex in place festooned with pink, maybe green, orange and white, trimmed with gold? I expect good TexMex. I don’t expect good ambiance. This is about the Sun, in Capricorn. Makes life a little uncomfortable. Hits that point, right around Xmas day, where the Sun creates a tension angle with Uranus, in Aries. Means that Xmas day might have you jumping faster, like you can see through the package’s wrapping. Stop. Like the earlier recommendation, what’s the best thing to do? What fits? Slow down? Speed up? As situations vary, try to figure what’s the best way to approach this — best way for Aries. I think there’s a point where you have to just see it and then feel your way along.

Taurus: I walked outside into the brilliant winter day. Sun was high, low, on the southern horizon (I live in the Northern Hemisphere, do the math.) Warm day, here, I had on shorts and floral print shirt. I had sun glasses. I patted my pockets and there was a piece of mail I wanted to drop off. I had forgotten it, probably left on the counter. I turned and wandered back inside. I left the sun glasses on and I was temporarily rendered blind.

But I looked cool.

Still, I finally caved in and pushed the glasses up, grabbed the letter, it was a reading package, CD, chart, card. I let the glasses slide back into place, and I was super-cool again (in my mind). The temporary blindness, from the white brilliance of the sunlight to the cave-like interior, and then back? Apt metaphor for Taurus, like to be cool and stumble? Or be not-so-cool, but see where you’re going? Simple choice. I’d suggest you slide the glasses up, or down, as the individual case may be.

Gemini: Metaphor time! Class (Gemini), in the history of portable, disposable media, which was a technically a better format? Sony’s BETA or the more universal VHS? Answer: Sony’s (closed) Beta. Which one is still around? VHS. Not for long, and I, personally, have no “tapes.” Although, in an interesting turn, when I digitally record something, I still tend to say, “Here, let me turn the tape on.”

Tape, tapes and the VHS/Beta battle is now all a mere footnote in the history of mass communication. It’s about how fleeting some of these influences can be. As Mercury courses through Sagittarius — opposite you — and as Jupiter is still backwards, in your sign, stop. Before you commit to a single format, before you say, “This is the way it will ALWAYS be!” Before any of that? Consider how ephemeral some of these formats are. How long will it last. Digital lasts, like, forever. As long as there’s electricity to gain access to the data, right? Always a catch.

Cancer: I got hooked on a certain brand’s “Egg Nog Latte,” which in the real world, is raw egg yolks, heavy cream, sugar, more sugar, and some flavorings, but mostly empty, holiday calories. I think, properly prepared, like a real holiday treat, it’s both tasty and loaded with more calories than I would burn in a week. Can’t have more than one. Can’t have too many. Sugar, caffeine, and sweetness. Aching, tooth-rotting sweetness. Properly, there’s supposed to be rum or something with egg-nog, but it’s a tradition that is lost on me. Yes, there is occasional cold weather here, but not for long. This is a treat that doesn’t fit, not locally. Doesn’t stop me from hankerin’ for one, but that doesn’t make it right for me to have one. It’s Xmas, the big day, the time surrounding is madness and mania unto itself. Like me, you have a Cancerian hankerin’ for something achingly sweet, possibly loaded with a long list of ingredients we’re all supposed to stay away from. Restraint. Just a little restraint this holiday week will meet with success as soon as Mars bumps on over in Aquarius, like the big day, or thereabouts.

Leo: It rained, well, less like rain and more like a heavy sprinkler system working, just enough to make almost everything wet. Winter shower in my part of the world, not a big deal. I was out, afterwards, walking. The air was rich and damp with expectant possibilities. The winter weather is strange, to say the least. Looked like I should have on an overcoat, when, in fact, I was in fine in shorts and floral-print shirt.

The atmosphere was redolent in the sick, fecund smell of high winter around here. Someplace, a crew of day laborers were laying down some fertilizer. The mostly, moistly, manicured gardens and beds that reeked of horse manure, perhaps sanitized cow-pie, cedar, and something else. The moisture, it carried an additional aromatic blend I was at a loss to identify. The redolent aromatic blend, though, it almost festered with a fecund sense. It feels ripe. Here, in Leo, things feel ripe. Rich, ripe, ready. Problem: next week, Xmas day, Mars enters the sign opposite you. Be ready to burst forth, and from what I’ve seen, a little ahead of schedule.

Virgo: As the Sun slides on into Capricorn, there’s going to be an increase in the tertiary insanity. This doesn’t land on your sweet Virgo cranium, but it sure feels like it does. Most of this can be attributed to Jupiter, poking backwards in Gemini and generally making life uncomfortable in a small way. Big planet, small way. Small weigh. Never mind, see? That joke didn’t work, and it just served to irritate you. The “Jupiter Effect” won’t last too much longer, and as the Sun gets closer to Pluto, and there’s an added relief, the day after Xmas, as Mars gets situated in Aquarius. Uncomfortable for the fixed stuff, but wonderful Virgo? Not a fixed sign. The previously alluded to insanity? Don’t touch it. If you don’t touch it, it can’t get to you. That tertiary insanity is like that. Viral.

Don’t touch it? Won’t infect you.

Libra: Because of peculiar British ties, I’ve long since been exposed to the English tradition of Boxing Day. Day after Xmas. Dec. 26. Box what you don’t want and give it to someone else. Maybe give it to someone who would appreciate it? Sure, that works. One of my fishing buddies gets an inordinate amount of “Look, it has a fish on it, I thought you’d like it” kind of gifts. There’s only so much room in the garage and the workshop for this kind of stuff. I had, one apartment, a bathroom dedicated to Elvis. Perfect place for the artifacts I was bequeathed, like, at this time. These days? Boxing day. Recycle, reuse, and replace. Consider some kind “Boxing Day” tradition for Libra.

Scorpio: I’ve worn sandals for most of my adult life, preferring, as I do, to spend my time in the sun belt, as it were. The American Southwest. Only makes sense, most of the time. As I’ve drifted further and further south, arriving sometimes at a point that is West of Key West, my time for sandals gets longer and longer. Almost, not quite, but almost year-round. Which is, was, is, an unstated goal. Didn’t set out to be like this, but it’s happened now. Mostly, close enough. What I shoot for is something that is most comfortable. Least amount of effort.

The holiday season is still in full swing. Madness runs deeps.


Sagittarius: One of my favorite cult classics is Bob Dylan’s “Subterranean Homesick Blues.” The nature of the black & white video production, the spartan lyrics, on cue-card like pages, the simplicity and yet and not-so-simple execution. The poetry of the lyrics, too, I’ve always enjoyed the layers of metaphor buried therein. What does Dylan’s song have to do with this week? Imagine yourself, my fine Sagittarius friend, we’re delivering a notation, I’ve always wanted to do a horoscope like that, and we’re flitting through the cards in pre-arranged order. Can you hear the music that’s keeping us in time?

Staying with the beat, bit of a Sagittarius challenge, that’s what this next couple of days, what it’s all about.

“You don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows…”

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at

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© 1993 – 2022 Kramer Wetzel, for &c.

  • Sarah Smith Dec 20, 2012 @ 13:55

    When marching to a different drummer, it’s hard to keep the beat. But I’m trying, really I am. (My mother used to say, “You’re really trying, all right.” You have to imagine the tone of voice.)

  • jose quinones Dec 21, 2012 @ 3:25

    When are you coming down to the magical lands of West Texas? I’ve got some warrior buddies seeking wise counsel from thy majestic Shakespearan mind. So much for the Mayan prophecy huh! Those Mayans, bunch of amateur astro-anomalies!

  • Anna Beth Dec 31, 2012 @ 9:23

    Prospero Año Nuevo Kramer! Looking forward to catching up with you somewhere the year as I’m beginning my new endeavor as a natural nutrition coach… If interested, any advice or comments welcome.
    Happy New Year!