Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 1.3.2013

    “Out of my door, you witch, you hag,
    you baggage, you polecat, you runnion!”
    Ford to Falstaff in Shakespeare’s Merry Wives of Windsor [IV.ii.159-60]

    Falstaff is disguised as an old woman.

Reruns for the New Year:
Uranus square Pluto and Saturn in Scorpio. Eclipse pattern in 2013.

Capricorn Capricorn: There’s a creek, close to where I live, some willow shade along the banks, gentle pools with eddies, and fish. There are a couple of over-sized Tilapia, not exactly native, there’s also some blue gill, sunfish, perch. Sort of fun to catch. There’s also, or least I’ve seen them before, what looks like Guadalupe Bass, the Texas State Fish. I use a light pole with light line when I’m fishing there. It was warm day, not long after Xmas, and I wandered down to the creekside to fish. I wasn’t really fishing so much as passing idle time between Xmas and New Year. We had some warm weather, not uncharacteristic, so I was in shorts. Slipped on the bank of the creek, one foot got wet. My butt was covered with slime, dirt, dirty creekside mud and it looked like slime. At first I was upset. Toasted because I slipped, stupid call, not even smart to be fishing in the city, in the first place, and then, walk home covered with dirt? However, by the time I got home, I realized the only damage was to my pride. Looked like I took a roll in the mud. No problem: I was pursuing a dream of fishing. Pursue the dream. Might get a little messy, but then, we are doing what we really want to do.

Aquarius: I’ve spent so much of the last few years running up and down the highways in Texas, parts of them are my backdrop. One item I’ve observed, this is about Highway Patrol, is the way drivers react to a visual. Imagine this, driving along at the posted speed limit, and there’s a black and white, parked, radar-gun thing pointing down the highway, the ubiquitous “Speeder Waiter.” By the time you get to its location, if the officer wanted to apprehend you, the red lights would be lit up.

There’s a purely psychological effect, easily observable, and probably has some technical name, but the part where folks instinctively slow down as they pass the parked law officer? That drives me crazy. I’ll be navigating at the posted speed limit and suddenly, the truck in front of me is crawling along at what seems like half its original speed. Inches passed the cop, then hits the accelerator again. If that cop wanted to bust the truck? It would be over by now. Posted limits. Stick to the posted limits. No reason to act guilty if — like me — you’re not breaking the law.

Pisces: I learned that Home Depot was a place to pick up artsy women. Who knew? Maybe I’m way late to the party. Completely new information. As this year starts out, and what with the current astrological climate, all I’m suggesting, Pisces, be open to new information. I don’t know if it is all about places to pick up arty women. I don’t know if this is about what is really on the horizon, as Neptune is getting comfortable in place where he likes to be (Pisces). The February Pisces feel the pull of Neptune the strongest, but the effect is long-lasting and ever-present. There’s new information. There’s new, incoming data. There’s also a way to put this data to work for you.

Aries: As the new year dawns, bright and early, as Aries gets up? Look around. Still here, right? I told you so. Mars is cooking along in Aquarius, and Jupiter is yet retrograde in Gemini. There’s but one solution a new year, a new dawn, new beginnings, isn’t that redundant?

“New Beginnings?”

Adopt a new, more positive outlook. New year, fresh start, right? A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

Taurus: One of the saddest pieces of email to cross my server was a woe-stricken lass whose NYE was a complete debacle — as the oracle (me) predicted. This is about a lesson learned, and this is for my Taurus friends. Right now. There was single, perhaps not so good, event, and it was probably associated with New Year’s Eve. Two, three days ago. New Year, new stuff, leave the old behind. That single NYE-triggered event? That’s symbolic of a situation, person place, ideal, belief, one of those, that needs to be abandoned. Just like that.

Time to pick something to jettison.

Pick an item to toss.

Gemini: I was up too early the other morning, getting a jump-start on the first of the year. I was a little freaked, celestial mechanics is part of my deal, and I was looking at the sun rising in a place I’m not used not seeing the sun rise. Narrow canyon between two mid-rise building, and there was the sun, just starting to light up the dawn’s sky. Seemed like sunrise was in the wrong location. I’m not used to being up before dawn and making solar observations. It was just weird, last time I’d been up and out at that hour, I’d been heading off to fish. Sun was in a different location last summer. Spring has started, and the coldest days of our winter are just up ahead. As a Gemini, within the next couple of days, a single fact is going to reach up and slap you in the face. Biggest hint? Roll with that punch. I could make a point about how the sun was coming up in the wrong place, but even a Gemini knows we can’t argue with the dynamics of the universe. Well, you can argue, but like me, you’ll probably lose.

Cancer: Your new year has yet to start. “But the party’s over, and everyone is hungover and crabby!” Yes, I’ll agree, but the Cancer, Moon-Child New Year starts next week. That implies that this is like the last of the year, even though, the calendar has already rolled over. Here’s the goal, the deal, what you’re looking for: energetically? You have an extra week, almost a whole seven days to clean up and finish what you didn’t get done for last year? The stuff, goals, tasks, drills, chores, one or two last and lingering projects? Seven more days. It’s like you got an additional week to finish up this last year. The year 2012 is gone, mostly. So consider this like an extra week of vacation to get your house in order before you start the new year. Which, for you, doesn’t start until next week.

The (mighty) Leo: There’s trouble brewing in the Leo chart. Not big trouble, but a problem I would dearly like you to avoid. I was riding shotgun, buddy of mine was driving, fishing trip, and the cop pulled us over for a burnt out taillight. Speeding, but the taillight was the excuse. Cop said that because the brake lights never flared after he pulled in behind us. My buddy, not named “Bubba,” but thanks for asking, he just eased off the throttle. Kicked the cruise control off. Coasted to slow down instead of stepping on the brake. We were polite, asked where we were going, gave my buddy a warning ticket, then the cop — State Highway Patrol — looked me over closely.

“I know you?” No sir, don’t think so, but you do look a little familiar. “Ever been in trouble around here?” No sir. Last jail time was Central Texas, and I haven’t even gotten a ticket in close to a dozen years. We laughed. We motored off, a little late, but we drove the speed limit the whole way to fish. There’s a going to be an interruption for the mighty Leo. Laugh it off. Feign ignorance. No donut jokes — trust me — cops really don’t appreciate those. Play dumb and be nice. Much easier. I want the new year to get a good start with Leo and that single authority figure. Mars is opposite you. Can’t say I didn’t try to stop this from happening.

Virgo: The pure and simple truth about what’s going on? Ever notice that the pure and simple truth is neither pure, nor, for that matter, simple? Never underestimate the Virgo ability to analyze and over-think. Looking at recent events, it’s abundantly clear that some other signs need to learn a thing or two about thinking, but not so much with Virgo. My little Virgo friends, there’s a tendency to over-analyze, over-think, and sometimes, I know this is hard to understand, obsessively spin those Virgo mental wheels too much.

You can spend too much time worrying about the situation rather than taking action. Too much time spent talking instead of taking action. Too much time reading a stupid horoscope by a stupid astrologer instead of getting out and getting on with what must be done. Less talk, more action. I think that’s clear? Right? I’ll also hazard a guess that you’re going to make a serious error, and then, blame me for the mistake even though, that was two right, one wrong with a net gain of two, if I’m correct about that. Stop pondering and take some kind of action. Not all the action will be right, but enough of it will be fine — if you do instead of pontificate.

Libra: One last moment, one last thing, one last item, right? There will, forever, be a slightly unfinished feeling with Libra. Part of this is due to your very cardinal and air nature, the qualities and elements that define you. Still, there’s sense that there’s something left unsaid, undone, maybe even forgotten.

If I knew what it was, I’d tell you. As the astrology reader, all I can do is look at the heavens and illuminate some possibilities. There’s one piece of unfinished business? Maybe leave it alone for now. Leave with that unfinished feeling? Sure.

Scorpio: There is a strong — Scorpio — urge to tear down the walls. No doubt this a “Mars is in Aquarius” Scorpio-infused sentiment. What it means, though, is that this isn’t the time to tear down the walls. This isn’t the time for a Scorpio insurrection. No Scorpio uprising. There’s a longer-termed influence we have to deal with. Sometimes, we have to buckle down to the pressure. If you have enough time, and can read French, Albert Camus has a short treatise called “The Myth of Sisyphus,” and the novella deals with mythology and existential themes, philosophy and so on. The short version, my short version? You put yourself here. Work with what you got. Can’t be wishing for what’s not there. Besides, if you had to do it all over again? Probably do the same thing, same mistakes. Saturn is here for a while, but this minor obstacle this week? That’s just Mars, won’t be around for long.

astrofish.net Sagittarius: Next week starts the official Sagittarius new year. I know, you think it started a couple of days ago, but the problem with that thinking, is that it doesn’t allow for the lunar phase. There is a pile of planets headed to Capricorn and by next week? It all does something symbolic. Well, really, the planets don’t do anything, but the alignment is deeply symbolic for Sagittarius.

This is about house-cleaning. The term “house-cleaning” can refer to a domicile, a place where you live, or it can be a cubicle, an office, a trailer, something similar. In some cases, to me, anyway it is as much a website or main computer I use, and part of this is about tidying up, tucking stray electrodes, wires, and stuff that’s gotten scattered, just tucking all away. I have several storage units for fishing equipment. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of digging through the old stuff and tossing out what is no longer serviceable, or useable. Or maybe, just saving it for later.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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