Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 2.20.2014

    “But when the planets
    In evil mixture to disorder wander,
    What plagues, and what portents, what mutiny,
    What raging of the sea, shaking of the earth,
    Commotion in the winds, frights, changes, horrors,
    Divert and crack, rend and deracinate
    The unity and married calm of states
    Quit from their fixture!”

Ulysses in Shakespeare’s Troilus and Cressida [I.iii.94-101]

Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 2.20

piscesPisces: Some days, and even weeks at a time, it seems to drag ever onward. Just can’t seem to get a grip on the situation? The winter clouds, the fickle weather, we get a couple of days of cold, dark clouds, no rain, just the threat of rain, and it seems depressing. This is not how I want to start a missive to my most excellent Pisces friends, some of whom are having birthdays this week. No, this isn’t the way to get this going. However, as a suggestion, one Pisces foot in front of the next. Metaphorically, or realistically, one of those. There are some almost mindless, I’d bet household, chores that can use attention. For me? It means washing the bedding. The sheets. This is less about doing laundry and more about a simple, routine task that needs your attention. “But I want to go out, I want to party in the Pisces way!”

We’ll get to that. To overcome this subtle ennui? Simple tasks, routine work, just a few moments of your precious Pisces time…. Spend a few moments with a task that seems rote and repetitive. Step through the routines and find that clarity and joy follows.

Aries: Exacerbated by Mercury in Retrograde, and what I’ve been tentatively working with each Aries on, for the passed few weeks.


Mars is virtually stationary opposite your Aries selves. Going to get more and more pronounced before it gets easier. This is all about how you handle a confrontation. This is about — six, even eight weeks — of how you deal with an enemy. How you deal with an opponent. How you deal with confrontation. What do you do when someone, something, some situation, what do you do when it really pisses you off?

It’s important to blow off Aries steam in a healthy and productive manner. That’s the little secret to making it through. Think healthy and productive use of that pissed off Aries. Find that high road?

Taurus: The problem being as humans, we always willing to make emotional decisions. The problem with that? An emotional response, from Taurus, for a rational decision? It’s not going to work. Great idea. Love the passion your Taurus self invests in this process, the bigger obstacle being, it’s an emotional decision when rational is better.

Cloudy day at the lake. Water’s “stained,” means muddy. I’d grab dark, if not black, plastic-worm-looking thing. Works best under these conditions. The Taurus, in the back of the boat? He grabs a bright candy-stripe pink and white worm. By mid-morning, I’ve boated three or four fish and the Taurus? Nothing with that delightful-looking, tasty, but altogether wrong bait. Emotionally tied to that bait? See how an emotional decision doesn’t work to serve you best? Unless, of course, not catching fish was the plan.

Gemini: I’d like to think I could make a whole career out of suggesting when not to panic. This is another time, when, as I already alluded to before, we are best served by no panic. Stress? Sure. Worried? Sure that, too. Concerned? Of course! Panic? Totally uncalled for. Freaked? Maybe a little. There’s a single Gemini issue that still needs your attention — all of it not just some of your Gemini attention. Little issue. Big issue is inside, trying to get out.

Don’t let the little issue get blown up into a bigger and bigger problem. You have a single shot at making this problem go away, once and for all.

Wait, where’s the fun in that? Having it leave, once and for all? No more worries, no more troubles, no more Gemini freak outs?

If you want peace, even a little bit of peace? Get after it, this next few days. You’ve left this one hanging, way too long.

Cancer: I easily recall the first time it happened. Austin, way back in the day. My “date” at the time was tall, stately, elegant with a substantial chest showing. On the street, the crowds parted as we walked down 6th (far enough in the past that it was fun place, devoid of danger). The woman I was with, she parted the crowds thronging the street, part was presence, part was her attire (Neo-Punk/Metal), part was carriage.

To face the oncoming week you can do a couple of things. One would be fashion, as the stern, apparently war-like attire was responsible for part of the response. Part of it was attitude. Part might’ve been stature. Most important, though, was the way she carried herself. Makes me think about the figurehead of tall schooner’s bowsprit. A figure cutting through the sea like she went slicing through the crowds, hot knife through warm butter.

Carriage is the trick term. It’s not how you dress, or walk, but how you carry your fine Cancer self. More this week, but you get the idea?

The (mighty) Leo: The next few weeks. But this week sets a tone? The next few weeks aren’t about how working together. They are about how you communicate with the people with whom you work. Convoluted enough? It’s not about working together, it’s about how you communicate with those you work with. For. Communication.

I belong to loose and ever-changing band, an unofficial group that includes hacks, grifters, con artists, and genuine fakirs. True prophets and some? Only in it for profit. I make an effort not to judge; although, certainly, on some occasions, I’m sure I do. This isn’t about our loose band of misfits, this is about how you communicate with these associates.

It’s about how you communicate with the people around you. Make nice, my Leo friend, make nice.

Virgo: Over the next two months, this week is a preview, over the next two months? I got this one Virgo fishing buddy, and — too cold to fish — for us, anyway, and he wanted some help with a boat’s motor. We took it apart, cowling off, new spark plugs, and this was over several weekends. Long-term project. We did NO (none) heavy, motor work. Didn’t pop the heads off, didn’t replace a crankshaft, no new rings and pistons, just pulled various parts that are easy to disconnect, pulled everything off, and then, gradually, put it all back together. I think there might be a picture on the site someplace, the whole motor, parts all laid out, on a plastic tarp, on the deck of the boat.

No heavy lifting and nothing that required accurate measurements or thoroughly sterile (in a mechanical sense) environment. Just a thorough cleaning. Over the next six weeks. We’ll miss at least one really good weekend for fishing, but time spent doing maintenance is important. This next synodic period of Mars is all about that. Clear out the cobwebs and the metaphorical dirt wasp’s nest. Nests. Just clean up as much as you can without worrying about intricate details. Nothing to hard, just pull the easy to service parts off, service, and replace.

Libra: Over the next six weeks, like some of my favorite lines from little-known Shakespeare play suggests, there will be a marvelous amount of disarray. “The unity and calm of states/Quit from their fixture!” You have one shot, before this all falls apart, to make good. One chance to figure this out. Once opportunity, and wait, did you wait too long? Might’ve missed the chance, already. Next couple of days, get the one problem, issues, thing, one item, corrected.

I was looking for a certain kind of lure. Saltwater Zara-Spook. In clear. With a patented ball-bearing inside it. I hit two monster super stores, a number of the local sporting goods places, and finally, I trekked all the way out to the big Bass Pro, in SA. Nothing. On the way through Austin, stopped at Cabela’s: none on hand. Then, the old sporting goods store closest to me? They had one on the shelf.

I guess I could’ve ordered it from Amazon, but I needed it, like, last week. Quick coastal fishing trip.

Scorpio: Many years ago, I was at the mercy of a “webmaster,” as in, I wrote the horoscopes, but another person was responsible for the heavy lifting. Updating, style, design, and a light copy-editing, all of that. I was the brains, but not the architect of my own design. Over the years, I’ve found it necessary to learn how to do rudimentary coding, cyber-security, and even a some binary image work, all part of being dependent on no one.

With it all being independent? I can fix it myself, or it stays broken. As a Scorpio, you can fix it yourself — or it stays broken. Simple message. One lesson, I’ve learned over and over, “If it’s meant to be then it’s up to me.”

As a Scorpio, if you want something done, you’ll have to figure it out yourself. What’s worse, or better, looking at this week’s planet in disarray? I’d suggest there’s one shot you have at fixing something. And given Mercury/Mars? Might take longer to fix, or, if you’re like me, it might take three tries to fix it.

Sagittarius: I first saw this as a bumper sticker, but more commonly, it’s one of those annoying picture memes. Still, as a guideline for this turbulent period? “Cats were worshiped as gods by the ancient Egyptians, and cats have never forgotten this.” The images get better, as an aloof cat and annoyed cat is a fairly common scene. I thought about that as I was forwarded one more image. I’d be annoyed, except it was subtle reminder, as a Sagittarius, that we’re half-human, half majestic equine. Few people realize this.

“Yeah, Kramer is half-man, half horse’s ass.”

It’s not original, but I have heard it as well as claimed it, on more than one occasion. But with this week’s energies thusly arrayed? I fear many may have forgotten our natural, innate wonderfulness. OK, the trick is? You know that, I know that, but we don’t need to call attention to it. Lets keep it to our Sagittarius selves.

Capricorn: “I have never felt such a burning sensation.” Really? Then you haven’t had good TexMex. At breakfast, early, cold January morning, the salsa was piquant, redolent with smoked peppers and more than a hint of garlic. It’s important.

Warms things up.

With the big holiday passed, and the planets in a virtual evil disarray? The simplest suggestion to add spice to Capricorn? Hot sauce.

I don’t have a cure for everything, and I can’t fix all that ails the Cap world, but some hot sauce goes a long way to making it more palatable.

Aquarius: As an Aquarius-loving astrologer, over the years, I teased, chided, and goaded my Aquarius friends in particular directions. Since the first of this year, it’s been even more important. In the last few weeks, there’s been a direction, an idea, a plan I’ve put in place, and I’m here to help you see this to fruition.

Let’s rock this baby!(1)

Here’s the pieces, now in play: you, as an Aquarius, you’ve already done the work. There is an idea, a connection, a script, a piece of work, something you’ve done before. It needs to be adjusted, repurposed was a good word, recycled, trimmed, edited, enlarged, added to, some action. Needs work. Here’s the point: you already did the hard work.

In one, very specific example, I have an Aquarius buddy, darling you know who you are, and all that needs to happen is to load paper into the printer, and hit the “print” button.

Yes, with Retrograde Mercury, you’ll run out of ink, toner. Off to the store to buy more. Then, install it and hit “print.” Could be that simple.

    (1)Let’s Rock this thing? Let’s rock this house? Let’s rock this (person)? Adjust the words as need be.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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