Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 10.16

“Why then the world’s mine oyster,
Which I with sword will open.”

— Pistol in Shakespeare’s The Merry Wives of Windsor (Act 2, Scene 2)

Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 10.16

Libra: Further, faster, more, better. These are words that echo along the Libra mental pathways, the canyons of the mind, echoing off the distant hills. These are the words that seem to have a certain dose of recrimination in them, a hint of a sneer. Not really birthday stuff, now is it? But it is!

The Mercury Retrograde, this one, right now, the tone is set for the next year, and what the message is, since we’re not all clear? It’s about relationships. Past, present and future, but the emphasis is on “past” relationships. Bad movie, good star, the “ghost of girlfriends passed” is my own haunting, and for Libra, there’s a similar hint. Now, birthdays and all? Let’s agree that there’s a message in the hidden passed. It’s okay to listen to that message. Repeating it, though, over and over? That’s not the idea. This is mere Mercury Retrograde material. Need to look at it. Don’t need to wallow in it — birthday times and all, you know.

Scorpio: I was digging though an old file, a loose collection of papers, looking for some particular document. Piece of paper that proved I was right, I think. Excavating non-digital material is bizarre, as I only keep absolutely necessary scraps of paper. I came across an unused Valentine’s Day card.

My twisted humor shows up as I tend to make a joke about the approach of Halloween, and Valentine’s Day, as both are full of candy, creatures of the night, and fantasies. Even, sometimes, fantasies with creatures of the night. The valentine card reminded me about the old Taurus joke of mine, “To the only girl I ever loved or current resident.” Apparently, my intended wasn’t moved by the bulk mail stamp.

This is about two events, in Scorpio, seemingly unrelated. One, it’s about going through old material and uncovering some object like an unused Valentine’s Day card, and then, two, it’s about sentiment attached to that unused card. Now that recently uncovered, blank, card should trigger memories, ideas and possible plans of Scorpio action. That’s the two parts, hand-in-hand, something triggers a thought, a memory, and that thought — or memory — offers a direction, a plan of (Scorpio) action. Plan. Mercury, remember that? With the other influences (Mars, Uranus, Pluto?) Plan some action. Plot a course. Maybe not embark, just yet, but get the plans into action.

Sagittarius: “This call may be recorded for quality control.” Ever heard that? Little trick, here, try repeating that phrase back to the call center employee you’re talking with, as our Sagittarius selves attempt to get problems (Mercury retrograde, no doubt) resolved. I’ve had a variety of responses. More than once, the call center person just hangs up. Other times, I get unctuous and overeager to please people. The worst was one Apple employee, “I really understand what you’re going through and I understand the problem, but for your own safety, we can’t…” The problem wasn’t going to be fixed by that person, although, he did make all the correct and reassuring noises, attempting to feign empathy for my issue. My problem is that my current phone doesn’t have a two-way record-this-call button. My “reading line” phone does, but that’s a number I typically just use for professional phone consultations.

Sagittarius: When faced with the now-universal tech/phone/whatever support call? Start by parroting their phrases back, “This call may be recorded for quality assurance control.” I’ve listened, one time, for I think legal reasons, the operator could not hang up fast enough. “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t have you record me. Good bye.” I’ve long covered this kind of legalese and jargon in my own version of the FinePrint. Recording a call, and then having it for playback? That’s what helps us. It’s like record keeping, and now, with the most heinous of little Mercury Retrograde —

The trick, with those tech/issues calls? The trick is to say, “You might be recorded,” and that means it’s legal. I think. I’m not lawyer, so I can’t say, for sure. It’s a little (Sagittarius) trick for helping with Mercury and its issues. This week. Mars, too. Surely you can do a voice recording on your phone, right?

Capricorn: Sometimes, some folks have way too much fun with this. I woke up from a weird dream, I imagined that my neck was really stiff and aching. Like I slept on it wrong? Or I had the AC on last night, and it blew cold air on my exposed neck and because I was out like a rock, my neck was sore and very, very stiff. In the dream, I woke up and couldn’t turn my head without muscular pain. Not neck-bone pain, just the muscles, frozen in place by careless sleeping. It was a dream. Might’ve been the peppers and spices on dinner. Might’ve after dinner activities, who knows? I woke with this fear I wasn’t able to turn my neck and then, as I got up to get coffee, before my feet even hit the floor, there was no pain. It was an illusion. In the dream state, I was busy trying to figure out which chiropractor and massage people who owe favors, which one to call. No need! Just a dream, bad, horrible dream, but thankfully, not real. Know what direction this is going for Capricorn?

Aquarius: Two words, cure of this week’s woes. Two words. Can it be done in two words? Can’t say for sure, unless we try. There’s also the problem with using the word “cure,” legal issue. If it doesn’t cure you, can I be sued? This will be about what, because my purported “cure” doesn’t cure. However, as a brighter than your average person Aquarius, you understand that this is an astrological cure with a small amount of pure magic leavened on top, like a sprinkle of fairy dust. Or something. Magic dust. The solution for beating and besting the “Mercury is still horribly retrograde” woes is to use your peripheral vision. Out of the corner of your eye. Not looking directly at it. Whatever the target is, whatever solution you’re trying for, whatever the battle you’ve engaged? Peripheral vision. Two words. Told you. Two words.

Pisces: A number of my early jobs were ‘food service’ or ‘service industry,’ at the time. Fry cook, bartender, short-order cook, then I graduated high school and got away from that kind of job. However, I used to associate food prep with drudgery and low-paying jobs. In the last few years, I’ve grown to enjoy cooking more, but it’s on a small scale. I’m also a nibbler. Means, no matter what I’m preparing, I’ll taste, sample, partake, and otherwise help myself to whatever it is. Chopping vegetables? I’ll sample them raw. Berries, fruits, just about anything. I’ve been known to sample grains, like various flours, but I’ve been broken of that habit by the lack of success. Can’t say I didn’t try though, especially with some of the grain-like “flours,” almond flour comes to mind. Dry stuff. There’s a joy I find in simple meal preparation, especially when I start with an idea rather than a recipe. As this Mercurial Period unfolds, think about idea and concept instead of recipe and rules. You’ll get there faster. If not, like me, you might enjoy the stuff you’re preparing.

Aries: Running late, I stomped on the accelerator for the little hybrid and goosed it up the freeway on ramp. Not really a big deal, given Mr. Mercury’s disposition, as I figure in flex time and schedule wiggle room, especially now. Still, I squirted up the ramp and came to a sudden halt as the traffic as backed up.

One option is to bang on the steering wheel, and curse the odd gods, the planets, and the stupid driver in front of me. I settled back, squirmed in the seat until I was comfortable. I flicked the front of the phone, a gentle song rolled over, and I tapped the accelerator and then tapped the brakes, made sure the car behind me was awake.

Feel like me? Can’t get anywhere fast enough? Two points, make sure there’s adequate scheduling time to insure we’re not late due to traffic. Secondly, realize that the truck on the left will try to merge on top of us. Tap the horn.

Taurus: Heading up to Austin from San Antonio, on the freeway, there’s a relatively new sign, “Austin City Limits” and right beside it? “Travis County Line.” At one time, these were separate entities. At one time, the Austin city limits were miles within the Travis County Line. Success, growth, politics, money, politics, and government districts, all of that plays in, with politics, too. I’m sure there’s a good reason it grew like that. What used to be separate entities, still are, but the two occupy the same space, now. I breezed past that sign, then hit Austin’s legendary traffic, stop-and-go the rest of the way.

Dealing with Mr. Mercury and his errant ways? Got two things that used to be separate and now? Those two items occupy the exact same space. Work with it. It’s like that Austin traffic.

Gemini: There are certain feelings I miss. It’s a simple scene really, and not uncommon in Austin. Almost unknown in other parts of the world, be my guess. I grew up with this so I’m good. It’s two guys, two dads, watching kids at a pre-Halloween church festival. One dad has on shorts and a white t-shirt, with a pony tail that stretches to his butt. Pony tail is his hair, not the t-shirt. The other guy, next to him, I watched as they pointed and watched their kids, the other dad was Wrangler jeans, roper boots, couple of leather bags tied at his belt (large folding knife, phone, dip), tight t-shirt, tucked in, and a straw cowboy hat. Not supposed to wear straw after Labor Day, but this is a warm Central Texas afternoon. Affable, communal, very different apparent styles, bonding over the kids playing together. I grew up with ropers and dopers getting along — it’s an Austin thing. This scene is “Best possible outcome” for Gemini. Bond over similarities and overlook (Mercury) differences.

Cancer: Being largely self-employed, like I am, makes it easy to set — and adjust — my office hours. I tend to start early, as that’s when I’m most clear for writing horoscopes. I also prefer to keep regular office hours, like, I seldom book readings after 5:30 PM, although, I’ve been known to make exceptions. I tend to work hard in the morning, take a break and walk out to meet a client, go to the mailbox, and tend to administrative tasks like that, then work industriously until evening. I used to work about 6 hours a day, but as complexity and regulations demand it, I’ve had to work longer and longer hours. Some weekends, I’ll pull ten and twelve hour days, easy. We have, courtesy of Mars and Mercury, touched by the Sun in Libra, some rather long hours for Cancer. I understand that you want more play with less work. I can’t arrange that, just now. Longer hours? Sure. Here’s the deal, it pays off. Soon.

The (mighty) Leo: Hungry? Angry? Lonely? Tired? You know how you get when just one of those discomforts presents itself in the mighty Leo Life, the epic life of Leo. Now, the real culprit is not any of those feelings, but that doesn’t stop you from feeling that way. Don’t let it interfere with your forward progress. Hungry? Find food. I’d suggest beef jerky, as it’s high protein, and chewy, tough, stringy. Give you something to chew on besides what’s eating you (Mercury inspired, no doubt.)

I can’t help with anger management other than exercise, and that would help. Unless you’re tired, then a nap might be best. Lonely? That’s the biggest problem, at this moment. I’m all for you, but that’s it. Just me. The minions seem to have all but abandoned you. A little less time moaning about the limited resources, and how Mercury done you wrong, and a little more time attending to the immediate problems that you can lick. Action. Might not be good, but action is required. Start taking steps.

Virgo: Local “haunted house,” “scream factory,” and something called the “13th Floor,” all are big deals. Pay money, come in, get scared. After a couple of wives, it doesn’t take much to scare me, or scar me, and I’ve decided I don’t need to spend that kind of money to get scared. There’s at least on former girlfriend who would be much more frightening than anything the haunted house circuit could offer. It’s a seasonal business model, I’m sure, but I’ve been assured, that the haunted house deals are a full time job with planning, promotions, staffing, the properties, all of that. Gallons of fake blood. Or ketchup. Not sure what they use, I never asked. As the fear factor gets ratcheted up in Virgo? Ask yourself if you want to spend hard-earned Virgo dollars on that particular purchase, be it the “Fear Factory,” “House of Screams,” or whatever.

Unless, you know, you go for that stuff.