Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 11.27

    “Unreal City
    Under the brown fog of a winter noon
    Mr. Eugenides, the Smyrna merchant
    Unshaven, with a pocket full of currants
    C.i.f. London: documents at sight,
    Asked me in demotic French
    To luncheon at the Cannon Street Hotel
    Followed by a weekend at the Metropole.”

    Excerpt From: T. S. Eliot. “The Waste Land.” (206-)

Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 11.27

SagSagittarius: Never try to outdo the locals. In San Antonio, one of the main attractions, both historic and touristy at the same time, can be the Riverwalk. Best idea, and on my wandering miscellany, I’ve listened to various boat tour guides deliver numerous snippets of history, real or imagined, as they glide along the water. Having a tourist in tow, I took a ride. Worth it. Can’t recommend it high enough as a tourist thing to do, but as I boarded the craft, the guy started with the jokes, and I mentioned I was from the South Side. Really, not more than a mile or so further south, but who’s counting? Quick quips from the boat tour guide indicated I was up against an armed and properly equipped opponent who, given any opening or sign of weakness on my part, would reduce me to a wordless idiot in less than a minute. Here’s the tip: don’t argue with the locals. It’s a Sagittarius birthday time, mine, too, and the best source of action, from this tale of being a tourist in my adopted hometown? Shut up and let the driver drive. Let the speaker talk. Happy birthday. Don’t try to outdo the locals, they are better armed for these situations. I shut up. I had a great time and learned some more arcane bits of history.

CapricornCapricorn: There’s a sound that I keep thinking of, and the words that go with that noise? “Just keep motoring along.” Sort of a post T-Day refrain, as we gear up for the next holiday season, with all the good — and tough — stuff ahead. Next few days are more tough than good, but you’re Capricorn and you wouldn’t want it any other way. “If it’s easy, well, then it’s always too easy, and I suspect something’s wrong.”

Heard similar line from Capricorn, heard it exactly from in conversation, too. Makes it a bit bizarre. There are twin influences, I’d look at, and let’s concentrate on Mars and Pluto. Both are active. Both want action. Both lend Capricorn drive. Like you needed more drive? Most important, though, this is about direction. Unlike before, be willing to amend your choice in direction. Consider it an oblique course correction rather than a huge shift. Course correction, and, with that twin influence? Might take more than one try to figure out the degree.

aquariusAquarius: ever try to find food that contains no salt at all? No sodium. Not “low-sodium,” but no sodium, no sodium chloride whatsoever? Not an easy task. Sure, some of the fresh veggies in the summer, some of those are salt-free. But as the winter veggies come online, there’s less and less that I can find with no salt. Salt is what adds flavor, heightens the crispness, and works as a preservative, plus, it satisfies cravings. Like most of what I enjoy in life, someplace, someone has deemed this “bad” and as such? It’s on the “no” list. So, back to my question, for Aquarius, have you ever tried to find a completely salt-free diet? Not low-sodium, heart-smart, no, I mean no salt at all. Look for in this next week, with the seasonal assault of holiday foods, look for a no-salt item or two. Like all my advice, though, you should take this with a grain of salt.

PiscesPisces: “Sur La Table” was a kitchen appliance store I wandered into. I’m always interested in breakfast libation (coffee & tea) hardware, latest, greatest, coolest, hottest toys. Tools. Kitchen tools. I’ve referred to places like that before as “Kitchen porn,” as the the pictures are so wonderful in the catalog, and the achy feeling of longing, frequently un-satiated, yes, usually that kind of place is “kitchen porn.” After looking at the prices, though, the heartbreakingly careful display and arrangements, with the occasionally sparsely simple setup, it was clear this wasn’t average “kitchen porn.” It was truly “kitchen erotica.” Think, 50 shades of spices, just to get a handle on it. Maybe. The simple change was a word change, and as Pisces, there’s a simple word change that’s required. Doesn’t have to be difficult, it just implies a cut above the rest. Not “porn,” it’s now “erotica.”

AriesAries: Waitress looked up at me, and from her vantage point? I must be at least foot taller than she is, she asked, “Is it an egg or wienie day?” This one tacqueria, they make the best “egg and wienie” breakfast tacos. I suppose the repast could be good for any time of the day, and why an egg and hot-dog bits is strictly a breakfast deal, before 10 AM? I can’t answer that as I’m not fluent in the logic. That’s how it is, though. Before 10, it’s breakfast and breakfast tacos, and after that is lunch plates. Simple, no guess work. Not worth arguing, as the staff has assured me, over the years, I’m not going to get breakfast served all day, “Hey, white boy, you can read the sign, ‘no breakfast after 10!’ So what’s the problem-o?” The first try was good-natured, the second time was test, and the third time? There was no third time as I listened to another table ask the same question and the rebuke was not as kind as I received. I tabled it. So here’s the deal, this week? “Egg or wienie day?” Simple, binary question. Pick one answer. Stick to it. As far as arbitrary lines we don’t always get, like no breakfast taco after 10 AM? Not worth arguing.

TaurusTaurus: Mercury moves out of opposition, and the rest of the planets are stacking up in a way that’s asking a very pointed and specific question of Taurus. Stay or go? Work with us, or be against us? Where do you stand? I have a bit, little long for a bumper sticker, but might work.

“It takes two to Tango, but only one to walk away.”

Your call, Taurus, this week. You decide.

GeminiGemini: There’s a legendary Border Patrol stop along Interstate 10. I was stopped, not long ago, and the officer shined a flashlight in, asked if we were US citizens, looked at me, with a certain female in tow, and he asked, “Are you married? Or are you friends?” I didn’t say anything. Woman with me giggled. Agent stopped, and thought about it for moment, then just waved us through. Interesting question, like, married people aren’t allowed to be each others’ friends? Border Patrol is Federal, so that would be a Federal mandate, maybe even a law. As a Gemini, you have to see the humor here. Amusing contradictions, open for discussion, and gave me material for the future. “Friend or Married?” Planets want an answer.

CancerCancer: Where the Pearl Brewery was first built? Now downtown San Antonio, but that first location? The “cellars” were above ground. The reason for that, should be obvious, right along the shores of the river, the brewery’s first location was chosen for water. Land of 1100 springs? As such, the ground is kind of porous, a little soggy, subject to frequent flooding. Underground “cellars” just wouldn’t work with the existing technology.

The beer is now brewed elsewhere, and “The Pearl” is another one of those fancy remakes, with upscale housing and bistro dining. (And one great Vegan restaurant, but that’s a different story.) The “cellars” above of ground? This is about what works for local conditions, and where naming convention and function don’t always match up. There’s a situation — holiday just up ahead — there’s a situation that’s going to require you to consider a different naming convention, or otherwise, just kind of bending the rules. Like the original Pearl Brewery, with its cellars above ground? Just like that.

The LeoThe (mighty) Leo: Ever find yourself dancing in opposition to the rhythm?

I’m white, straight, male, which means I’ve got poor fashion sense and NO rhythm. Can’t dance. Finally learned that it’s too hard to look good, so I don’t. I have no problem accepting my limitations and understanding them.

However, I’m not Leo. You’re going to find yourself moving opposite from everyone else. Is this bad? Depends, your Majesty, can you learn to say, “I meant to do that,” and make it sound sincere?

VirgoVirgo: Hang around, learn a few things. One of my little clients was explaining that vodka can be used as a bug repellent, hair conditioner, and useful for jellyfish stings. The jellyfish stings are rough, in another month or two, along the Texas coast, it gets “bad.” Winter brings out the man-O-war fellers, and they can be quite unpleasant. Not deadly, just painful. The way that one Virgo was explaining it, the vodka is poured onto the wound. I envisioned a completely different scenario, medicinal vodka, drink shots until the pain eases. The pain might not go away, but after a couple of shots, one doesn’t really care. The part about vodka as hair conditioner is the one that first puzzled me. “Drink this or put it on my hair?”

Or bug repellent? “Drink this or rub it on my skin?”

Virgo: do I really need to answer the questions for you? This week, seriously?

LibraLibra: I have an automated system that delivers email. The only cost, so far, to me, is time, and I try to make sure it’s accurate before the stuff hits the wires, or before it hits the “wireless,” I guess, is the more correct term. Still, with all automated systems, the computers can really screw some things up. The Wednesday e-mail went out on a Thursday, the message was a week late. One week that was clearly scheduled never left the launch pad.

The biggest trouble was material that mislabeled. Automated delivery is fine, but even after the Mercury Retrograde is long over, we’re still straightening up some messes left behind. Good, bad, indifferent? Diffident? I’m Sagittarius, if I’m not right, I can be wrong, loud and long. As a Libra move, though, my methods probably don’t work. There are two options, shoot from the hip like me, and accept that there will be mistakes — public mistakes. Or, try a Libra-like tactic, “I’d like to do this right now, but I need to look at it one more time to make sure that I’m sure.”

ScorpioScorpio: I looked up at a waitress. “What’s your birthday?” She rattled of a date, and I said the sign, and then I looked befuddled. I was sure, the hair, the style, the location, the air with which she carried herself? I was just sure she was a different sign. She brought back morning coffee, and I asked where she was born, fiddling with my phone. She came back, and I asked if she knew if was born in the evening, like around 7 PM.

“Yes, how did you know that?” I’m good at what I do, and adjusted out, I picked up a Moon/Rising sign rather than Sun sign. Not bad, and I felt a little better. She eventually asked for a card, but I doubt she’ll read this as she wasn’t Scorpio. Took some digging, but I did guess the correct sign, albeit, not quite the correct order. As everything but Saturn shifts out of Scorpio? You’re back to being right most of the time; only, like me, it takes a little digging to make sure that your Scorpio facts check out.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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