Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 12.4

“Two heads are better than one” ~ Zaphod Beeblebrox

    Kissing under the Mistletoe dates back to the Medieval times, and the original tradition was that a berry was removed from the mistletoe after each kiss, and the kissing stopped at the end of the berries. Aren’t we glad some traditions have changed?

Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 12.4

SagSagittarius: Love me some gospel church. It’s not entirely part of my background, but then, I’m no stranger to it, either. The evangelical zeal, that’s what I’d like to focus on, as the Sagittarius birthdays roll along. The evangelical zeal. We have it. We have the power, we feel the connection. It’s, as if, it’s as if someone hooked us up with the divine and plugged it into us, we’re wired for 220!

    “This thing is going to go sky-high!”

The biggest issue is we might be the only people who understand, feel and appreciate this kind of energy — at this moment. The biggest challenge is trying to relate to other people without letting our enthusiasm carry us away. Being filled with spirit is great. It’s how we choose to convey that I’m suggesting we can watch a little closer.

    We may be wired for 220, but the rest only handle 110.

CapricornCapricorn: I have a love/hate affection for this time of the year. Love it because it’s cold outside, most of the time. Hate the cold. Love it because some of the fishing is really quite good, the winter bass. Hate it being so cold out on the lake. Love the short days and long nights. Hate that there’s not enough sunlight to get anything done while it’s warm outside. Love and hate? Mars moves out of Capricorn and Venus moves into Capricorn.

There are twin emotions, like my love and hate of the season, and those twin emotions are quite close. Two sides of the very same coin. Can’t flip the coin, no answer there, no, this is about emotions that are almost too close to each other. Instead of trying to see any of this in a rational way, though, realize part of this is just holiday madness exacerbated by Pluto and Uranus, with Capricorn catching much of the weight. Someone has to do it, and few people are strong enough — good thing you love this. Or is it you hate this? No, I think you like the extra weight, as only a good Capricorn can bring the correct “gravitas” to the image.

aquariusAquarius: Activity, just for the sake of activity, that doesn’t always work. However, with Mars just crossing into the sign of the Water-Bearer? There is now a need for activity. As an Aquarius, I prefer to give this activity a direction, a function, a goal. Just pointless meandering, sure, that fits on laconic summer days, but here in the Northern Hemisphere, the days are short and the night are long, and we can’t spend too much time just meandering around, not doing anything. The perfect way to use this week’s energy is to perform the “Walkie-Talkie.” News reporters do this, and it’s a common element in most movies, some TV, too. Walking and talking, directly into the camera. For real, either with a Steadicam operator, a camera on dolly, or maybe just as a selfie. This week is about perfecting and using the “walkie-talkie” for Aquarius.

PiscesPisces: For several years, I’ve been on this one guy’s e-mail list. He’s a marketer. Means he sells stuff. His weekly missive hits the wires at an odd time, and he flies in the face of convention. Convention and conventional wisdom don’t work for him, which, at least one reason, I like the guy. Like his work. I bought one of his products, once. Good stuff, it was exactly as described and worked, just like it was described. Begins and ends there. I stay on his list for two reasons: one, he’s highly entertaining, and two, it comes out once a week. No more, no less, regular, once a week.

Once a week, regular as clockwork. Reminds me of a girl I dated in college, once a week, kept us barely alive. The intervals, once every week, for the e-mail? It’s perfect for my style. Not too often, so it doesn’t annoy me, but frequent enough to maintain my interest and as a weekly? There’s enough continuity to develop a narrative. Tells a story, of sorts.

I’m not sure what the correct frequency is for every Pisces, but for the Pisces I know? Maybe twice a week is what works, like Thursday morning and Tuesday morning. It’s about rhythm and what works best for you. Get that pace. Me? Once a week; perfect rhythm for me.

AriesAries: “Helotes,” to me, is place just west of San Antonio, renowned for its dance hall (live music venue), Floores Country Store. Along with the Broken Spoke in Austin, Gruene in Gruene, these are legends of the Texas Dance Hall variety. Helotes also means “corn” in Spanish. So there’s some confusion, but not much. I was looking for a healthy alternative to some of the sugary-sweet concoctions we face, like coke with its high-fructose corn syrup that is, allegedly, bad for us. The local Latin culture features “Corn on the Cob,” Roasted corn, and “helotes in a cup” as frequent offering, I was going to combine those and see about a corn smoothie. At first, there might be a question, but as an Aries, you need something this week that is fast, tasty, and nutritious. Corn smoothie fits the description. Look around, Aries, it’s two things that you wouldn’t normally put together.

TaurusTaurus: I met this one woman, the first time, she had on jeans and a t-shirt. Casual. Very casual attire. I found her to be devastatingly attractive. The next day, she showed up in a fancy, frilly dress, kind of long, with some fluff and poof to it, so her butt looked more fluffy that it was in jeans. Her friends present, they all complimented her on the outfit. Didn’t do a thing for me. My tastes tend towards ease of ingress and egress, then what looks good to my eye? It’s more about function rather than fluff, pomp, and frills. The jeans and t-shirt left nothing to the imagination. I’m not complaining, but I found out later, the dress was supposed to catch my eye, and that’s what it didn’t do. To be effective in the next week, as a Taurus, understand what your target is, and understand what your target wants. Use the correct dress and attire to get the Taurus Target’s attention. Depends on what you’re looking for, too.

GeminiGemini: This week is about form and function. Fit the form to the function. Fit the function to the form. To make this work? It’s going to require some Gemini attention focused on the outcome. What’s the goal? What are our Gemini selves aiming for? Determine what the desired outcome is, first. Then we’ll fill in the details on how we get from here to there, or, at the very least, we’ll have plan. I’m not sure exactly how this pans out for the first item for the Gemini brain, this week? Let’s start out with a preferred destination. Where you want to end up at the end of the weekend, next week, where you’d like to land? How do we get there, what’s the next step to getting towards that goal?

“It’s all about next steps, buddy, all about ‘next steps,’ you know….”

CancerCancer: I’ve alluded to this before, but it’s time to bring it back. In London, UK, at one time, the center of the world? There’s one of those double-decker buses, a regular city route, I think it’s either Number 11, or 17, maybe 42. No idea, I don’t recall now, but the bus’s route starts at one end of town and winds its way along the most historic parts of the town.I took the ride, one time, and it was the best dollar tour I’ve ever had — anyplace. House of Commons, Palace, Westminster, all of that, if I recall. Been many long years since I was last there, so I’m unsure if that bus line and its number still run. I’d bet they do. While it’s a frankly tourist activity, there’s an element of the gritty city, too, as residents, denizens and assorted urchins hop on and off the bus. Single, very cheap, tour. It crosses several millennia of history, cover a huge swath of tourist destinations, and from the top of the double-decker bus? Affords a good view. Cheap, yet effective. What we’re all looking for. Try the Number 11.

The LeoThe (mighty) Leo: Jupiter is stationary, and I’ve warned you about this. Check last year’s advance warning network via astrofish.net, and you’ll find that I suggested this is a momentary frustration from stationary, to backwards. What happens, Mr. Jupiter, from moving things along at a high rate, is suddenly slowing down. It’s not bad, it’s not good, it’s not anything. Just means some folks don’t quite “get it,” and your Leo self won’t be satisfied quick enough. There’s a cosmic “pause” button, and someone — not the Leo — pushed that pause button. Means everyone, everything, is slowing down. “But the holidays, and I have so much to do!”

Pause, with everyone else. Stop long enough to take a breath. As Mars moves opposite from you, the trick is to harness the abundance of energy, put that extra “juice” to good use. Pick your direction, then take off. Not the other way around.

VirgoVirgo: I tend to listen to music when I’m working alone. Not always as the silence is calming, too, but yes, I’ll tend towards some kind of electronic, voiceless, disco, pop, grunge metal, acoustic music of one form or another. The way I heard it once? “Sweet, country, acid-house music.” However, I took a call, switched the music off, and I never turned it back on, left me with the rhythmic sounds of the keyboard, and not much else. There’s the faintest buzz, and if I’m quiet enough, I can hear the backup hard-drive start to spin up at the appointed time, every hour. Matter of listening, being quiet, and being careful. Attentive. With the shift with Mr. Mars, as a Virgo, what we want to do is be a little more attentive. Very simple. Pay attention. As Jupiter stops, in Leo, there’s a time to speak and time to listen. Listen, now. I even left the earphones off, just this time. Listen. Be attentive.

LibraLibra: “Damn, it’s hot out there today!”

Now you know why I run the AC in December, right? Against Libra sensibilities, I had the Air Conditioner on. It’s December, but this is Texas, and it’s been known to happen, seriously hot days. Yes, it’s the middle of the winter to some, although, strictly speaking the winter isn’t official until the solstice. However, it’s been cold, but then, this far south, it warms up. Warm enough to justify the AC? Yes, that hot. There are some extremes and unless you’re in my neighborhood, you probably didn’t need to run the AC, but it’s not unheard of.

Some extreme. Seems out-of-place. Seems unlikely. Like AC in December, but then, this is Texas. Or Hell, depends on who’s asking and who’s telling.

ScorpioScorpio: Best tourist question, from a “resort,” which, if we’re being truthful is a loose term for that place but it is kind of nice, and the good fishing is close, so anyway, the best question?

“Are the hot tubs heated?”

Look out the window. There’s steam rising from the hot tubs, like bubbling, boiling cauldrons, ready to roast up some tourist as a fancy treat. Sure, the hot tubs are heated, but I figured that went with the name, if not the obvious steam escaping from the surface.

Have to ask yourself if a question like that is necessary, but given my tastes in dive-like joints, it’s easy to see me in place where there’s only a mud-slick of an oil-stain at the bottom of the shattered concrete hole that used to be a swimming pool. I like such places, when I travel alone. So the question, in that light, is a fair one, but you have to consider the source.

“Are the hot tubs heated?”

Ask yourself, my Scorpio friend. Ask yourself.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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