Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 1.15.2015

    “Thou damned and luxurious mountain goat”
    Pistol to a French Soldier in Shakespeare’s Henry V [IV.iv.19]

Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 1.15.2015

CapricornCapricorn: While I tend to be a minimalist, as much as possible? Genetically, I have “hoarder” tendencies. It’s a familial trait. I’ve traced it back at least three generations, and I’ve not been able to totally extinguish the behavior, further proof this is genetic, not learned. Fortunately, in this digital age, most of my collection and collector tendencies are bits and bytes stored on various hard drives, and similar media. This Mercury Retrograde for Capricorn?

It’s about cleaning out the old stuff. Maybe not throwing anything out just yet, but still, gathering it up to toss. Duplicate and triplicate of files, leftover material from abandoned graduate studies, material along those lines? Possibly, now is the time to let that material go. At the very least, pile it all on one hard drive then unplug that device. See if the material is missed. Didn’t throw it out, didn’t erase any data, just unplugged the storage (Mercury Retrograde in Aquarius).

aquariusAquarius: Poor little Mercury was so vilified in astrological news, again and again, I finally curated my best “Mercury Retrograde” material, and I popped it all into a slim chapbook, “The Portable Mercury Retrograde.” There are cautions, especially now, and especially in Aquarius. There are warnings, dire and otherwise, now, for Aquarius. End of the world? Hardly. What to pay attention to, though? What’s mostly important under this influence?

It’s about metaphorical house-cleaning. Not the real kind, but the hopes, dreams, and resolutions for the new year? Pick and choose. This next few days, I’d suggest, we’re modifying and few of the “new year resolutions” because more information has become available. In one example, recent one, at that, one of my previously “vegan” Aquarius buddies started incorporating some (animal flesh) in some of her meals. Little change. Little, almost insignificant change, but for the better. Increased energy and vitality. Little, Mercury is Retrograde in Aquarius, inspired change.

PiscesPisces: Mars triggers Neptune, or maybe, Mercury confusion on my part, Neptune triggers Mars. One of those. Maybe it’s just Mercury, but that’s not all that I’m looking at, not for Pisces. In the next week, this kind of trigger is going to hit the Pisces button. There’s a good chance that your Pisces self will argue long, loud, and probably incorrectly, for a very valid point — only to discover that your point might not have been based in fact. Illusion, deception, faulty presentation and, just maybe, as a Pisces, that Mars, Neptune, sprinkled with Mercury’s errant behavior? Maybe your Pisces perceptions are a little slanted.

Me? I never claimed to be objective. I never claimed “fair and balanced.” I never made such a promise.

As a Pisces, at the end of the week, be willing to look back and see where you might’ve been incorrect in your assumptions.

My old rule? “If the facts don’t fit the situation, then the facts need to be changed.”

Does that one work?

AriesAries: I have one Aries client, and this one lad, he can be counted on taking the easiest way out, of any situation. While I deplore being too lazy, I admire the extent to which this laziness can be carried.

The shortest route is often blazed by the laziest person. As an Aries, with the previously alluded to Mars and Neptune, Mercury thing ongoing? Follow the path of least resistance. Follow the route that seems, appears to be, the shortest way to get from where we Aries are today to where we Aries want to be tomorrow. Shortest distance. Easiest route. Fewest loops, no sidetracks, avoid all detours — if possible.

That’s the stated goal, the stated and agreed upon Aries goal. From here, to there, shortest route possible. No detours.

“Whoa! Would you look at that?”

(Can’t say I didn’t warn you about getting sidetracked.)

TaurusTaurus: I admire people who have a steadfast belief in one particular faith. “The Bible said it, I believe it, that’s the end of the discussion.” The Book of Mormon, the Koran, the Torah, whatever the book is, whatever the basis for the faith, OK, I’m not a big fan of hardcore Muslim, but that could be me and that could be a personal issue. Still, I admire that whole-hearted, unwavering belief.

The Taurus faith is tested. Either a big test or a little test, but you’re going to get tested. How you answer this, think about all the stuff headed towards Aquarius, think about having an open mind. Just because it’s not your belief system, that doesn’t mean you can’t listen, observe, and respect the beliefs.

Simple expression for this next week?

“Sure, I can see how that would work for you.”

GeminiGemini: I got one Gemini who is “an early Mercury Retrograde alert” system. Person. Gemini. Vocal Gemini as Mercury slows down. Not to mention the action of the retrograde process. So this is the early Mercury Retrograde period, according to that one Gemini, and this is about everything falling over, falling apart, running amuck, and generally, not behaving in manner that the Gemini would like.

Here’s the bigger problem: upper management has no sense of humor.

There’s one Gemini I know who is in “upper management,” and he’ll smirk, but then, his board of directors will have no sense of humor about this situation. The mercurial situation? Yes, that one. Can’t fix it, and you can anticipate it. Make the most of the mayhem. Float ideas that are clearly crazy, maybe a dream or goal that is certainly unattainable, and put it out there. Never can tell what will stick. Personally, I doubt any of it will stick, but the crazier the idea, the more far-fetched the dream? The better off you are, saying that material out, now.

“What could possibly go wrong?”

Wait, Mercury Retrograde?

CancerCancer: Last December, I assembled three-four goals I was looking at for the New Year. Not resolutions. For sure, not “New Year Resolutions.” Just amorphous “goals,” business, professional, personal. Items like, “Eat healthy,” and “quite wasting hours on useless social media,” and several other “bumper sticker” ideas. Not targets like “Lose Weight,” but more goal-oriented, like “eat healthier (in the new year).” As a Moon-Child, it’s time to look over those goals, possible destinations, directions, and the focal points therein. Stop, look, wonder. What happened? The “eat healthy” went away at the first sign of stress that required Tex-Mex, a huge plate laden with ground beef, greasy cheese, and unidentified sauces. Still, there’s hope and possible course corrections. That’s what this next few weeks are about. What was a patently stupid New Year’s Resolution? What was one that there was really no hope of actually getting to? Dump it. Forget about it. Didn’t work. Move on the next item on the list.

The next few days are about adjusting the goals. One of the little tricks — try it my fine Cancer friend — I employ is to break the big goals down into smaller, more easily digestible targets. I’m not going to say, “I’ll eat healthier all this next year, all this next week,” what I’ll suggest, is, “I’ll eat healthier the rest of today.”

Adjust the goals. Make targets that you know you can hit.

The LeoThe (mighty) Leo: Review and revise. In a short paragraph, I’m going to condense years of “writerly” advice, writer coaching, and the best practices to use. Write the story all the way through. Don’t stop, don’t look back, just pick up and carry forward until we get to a time like this next four-week period. Time to stop, assess, correct, proof-read, adjust, and otherwise tune-up what’s been done so far.

As The Leo, you’re brilliant. Scintillating words. As The Leo, you’ve got a canon of work, a project, a set of goals, new year’s resolutions, and so forth, stuff you want to get accomplished. This next four weeks, it’s all about going through the material you’ve already laid down. Consider this is a time to start combing through the old works, the material that’s already in place, time to sort through that with a careful (Leo) eye towards improving the quality. Revise. Really, two R’s, “Review and revise.” This next week is about review. Two R’s, theme for the next four weeks, but for the next few days? Review.

VirgoVirgo: I’ve had a warning about this rapidly approaching Mercurial Mayhem period for over a year. Can’t complain that this “snuck up on you.” With this next four-week period, there’s going to be a certain amount degradation of Virgo-Value. The most highly prized Virgo quality is mental acuity and that’s exactly what’s going on vacation. The normally sharp mental set is taking a break. The rapid, insightful, razor-like wit, thought process, analysis, and all the other concomitant brain functions are going on a leave. Absence. Your thinking becomes muddled and confused. “I think I want this,” or, “maybe that, over there, instead.” Maybe, embrace that the confusion reigns supreme for the next four weeks, and if there’s a decision to be made? Don’t.

It’s that simple. Nothing you can’t put off until later.

LibraLibra: Unless you’re buying a shirt for me? Stop. Put the plastic away. Fold your hard-earned Libra dollars over, and place them in your pocket. I’m a big fan of “voting with your cash” to make a point, and right now? This week, especially? Not a good time for your Libra self to be “voting with your cash.” Normally, and nominally, you have rather good taste. This aren’t “normal” times, as if I ever had a clue about what “normal” was, in the first place, besides a setting on the dashboard.

“Like what you see? Buy one.” In several instances, a particular author comes to mind, I’ve not only bought the hardback, luxurious first edition of the book, I’ve bought the digital eBook version as well. One looks good on the shelf and one is easier for me to read. That shows I support the author. That’s what I’m suggesting, now, for Libra? Now isn’t the time to be showing your support. As a writer, be nice if you did throw a few dollars my way, but we might want to wait, unless, you know, it’s my “Portable Mercury Retrograde” book, and even then? Might want to wait a few weeks before buying.

Double your money. Fold it over and stick it in your pocket.

ScorpioScorpio: Warm winter and that means I was in shorts much longer than usual. Which means, the first “winter” trip I took? I forgot to pack socks. More than a week with just one pair of socks. We stopped on place, and I thought about purchasing a bag of tube socks, but then, that’s just more stuff I don’t need. What I need to remember is to pack socks when it gets cool out. In my current arrangement, I don’t have to wear long pants almost ten months out of the year. Sometimes, I can get away with shorts year-round, as it happens. Works for me. The problem occurs when I head out to the high desert, and I have to wear boots, which require, as noted before, socks.

SagSagittarius: This next “mercurial madness” — the next few weeks? For our Sagittarius selves, this is about clear communication, and the how we deal with inefficient operations. I ordered my usual drink at none-standard stop for me, in other words, I was in a chain of coffee shops, but no one knew me. I asked for “A quad-grande-nonfat Cap.” Kind of busy, they charged me, nice woman behind the counter, rolled her eyes at some young kids cavorting about the store, and then, she scribbled my name on a cup.

A few minutes later, the coffee-maker person called my name and and handed me “A Grande Latte.”

From four shots to two, from a dollop of foamed milk to a whole serving, the proper course of action is to be ugly and demand what I ordered, how I ordered it. Communications are a problem and it’s only getting worse. They got close with my name, and it was coffee, and at this point, is it worth trying to force an issue?

If that’s not clear, this is just a minor communications breakdown. Going to be a long four weeks, but at least I got some coffee.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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