“Consider the work of God: for who can make that straight, which he hath made crooked.”
Ecclesiastes 7:13 (KJV)

Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 3.5.2015

Pisces:

Love me the King James version, not that I like getting all “biblical” on Pisces, but it fits this week. If the King James Bible is too heavy or possibly offensive, and I understand that, then consider the literary device, Deus Ex Machina, or the Greeks’ version, “The gods in the machine.” When nothing else works, when there appears to be no hope, when our sturdy Pisces protagonist, the player, you (Pisces), when our backs are against the wall with no way out? Suddenly, the heavens open up and machine, driven — supposedly — by the gods themselves, a mechanical device rolls in to save the day. Save the bacon. There will be bacon-saving, soon. Whether it is a belief in a specific deity, like the King James Bible, or something else, in my system, there’s room for them all, and that’s what appears. This week.

Or, as one of my fishing buddies recently noted?

“Holy crap, did you see that, do you believe that?”

Aries:

Three passes, three tries, three attempts to make right what has been rent asunder? Sure that’s the short version. No need to go any further. Mars, Venus, and as the focal point? Uranus. Which means?

Three passes. Three attempts. Three concerted tries to obtain whatever it is that you’re trying to get. Sun and Neptune are in the solar 12th for you, which means, it’s not your time, not yet. However, telling an Aries to stop isn’t going to happen, so there’s that, right? Instead of stopping, instead of telling you to cease and desist? I’m suggesting — if you go in with the understanding that it might take more than one trip to get everything across, if you grasp the concept of more than a single series of efforts to obtain the goal, if you get the idea that it takes more than one shot to finish this off? To seal the deal, it will take more than one.

The planets are not “stacked against you,” it’s just that nothing is quite lined up well enough to make this as easy as you’d like. Might take more than one effort to get what it is that you want. Plan on making three attempts to win the Aries prize. Plan on three. If you get a hole in one? I’m happy for you.

You know my advice, right? “Try, try again, but don’t be a fool about it.”

Taurus:

Not yet, not now, not at all.

“I didn’t even get a chance to ask a question!”

Even with that notation, my suggestion? Not yet, not now, maybe, not at all.

As the Taurus, you have a great idea. As the Taurus, you have a wonderful sentiment. As the Taurus, I’ll agree, it — your idea — does merit further consideration. As an astrologer? Now might not be the time to take action. Now might not be the time to open your mouth. Now might be the time to announce it. This might be the best time to hone the idea, whittle away at what you’re working with, sharpen the idea, in private. So, in other words, “Not now, not yet, maybe not at all.”

Why I get paid the big bucks. There’s one too many items that are pushing, and perhaps, pushing in away that benefit you the most. Not bad to be pushed, cajoled, and otherwise manipulated, I’m jet suggesting that this isn’t the best time to jump forward in a public way. Hint: your time is going to arrive, just not this week.

Gemini:

I’m pretty sure “bird” season is mostly over. Still, even in this day and age, there’s a group dedicated to preserving and enjoying wildlife as both a visual treat and as dinner. So it was a specific kind of “gala” event I got an invitation to: Skeet shooting cocktail party fund raiser.

Firearms and alcohol, what could possibly go wrong? Looking at the trigger points in the Gemini astrology chart, it’s easy to see that type of event might be appealing, drink some beers, run a box shells through the old shotgun, sure, big fun. Perhaps a more rational person might find a problem with this. Never said that “Gemini rational” was the same as other, less amusing signs.

My advice, though? I know this sounds like a fun event to attend, alcohol and firearms, two of the big three, right? I’m just suggesting this isn’t a good week for your unarmed Gemini self to walk into such an arena. Normally? You’re fine. Maybe this week, send regrets to such an invite, although, it does sound fun, now doesn’t it? What could possibly go wrong?

Cancer:

One of the warehouse stores I shop at, Costco, changed its entrance a little. The first time I walked up to the new arrangement, I was confused. An elderly man was sitting on his walker, wearing the company vest, so I asked what happened. The greeter was wearing the vest, not the walker. “Executive decision, which means, some one at corporate decided this was better even though it’s not.”

Isn’t that the way of the world? Somebody, someplace else decides what’s best, and that becomes the new and improved which is rarely new and even less frequently improved. He smiled. I smiled back and went in the wrong way after flashing my membership card. I have roots in orderly civil disobedience as a way to effect social change; it’s in my blood.

Mine was a small act against a large situation and me, and that elderly gatekeeper, we won’t be noticed. Doesn’t matter; we acted accordingly. As the delicate Cancer person, though, what should you do? What will you do? Other than a slightly defiant act of walking in the exit, I don’t think our efforts are noticed. As such? We’re less likely to cause problems — for ourselves.

The (mighty) Leo:

Let’s do this a different way, which means, we’re not doing this like you did it before. “But it worked, last time,” one Leo moans. Yes, and it required twice as much effort. Three times as much Leo effort was required to get this done, and that’s too much. So let’s try a different way. Here’s the clue, there’s an easier route to get there, from here, for the mighty, mighty Leo, if you are willing to look at another route. Another way. A different approach. Different is the clue. Change the target angle. Change your trajectory. Change the way you plan to arrive. Change the way you plan to get there. Change.

I’ll grant, “change for the sake of change” isn’t always a winner, but the last time, you didn’t change? It hurt. You know me, I’m about preventing Leo pain, so the idea is to change.

Second clue? New, unusual, and different. Try something that qualifies as new, unusual, and different. Change. Change is good for the majestic Leo soul right now. Seriously, less painful to change than to remain the same.

Virgo:

There was an image from one of the states where pot is legal, and in that image? It was a medical marijuana store with the ubiquitous Girl Scouts selling their “crack” cookies. Very few of of my contemporaries can pass up “Thin mints,” or some other kind of cookie that the Girl Scouts pedal.

Cute little pre-teens and tweens, with their even cuter Girl Scout Moms, begs for attention. In front of a pot store, no less? Last time I encountered this locally it was out in front of a certain brand of coffee shop, along the highway, folks coming out with a steaming cup of high-octane caffeine, and there they are: peanut-butter crack cookies, oatmeal laced with heroin, and so forth.

Perfect place to prey on weak minds. As a Virgo, you can, especially now, fall more easily into the little Girl Scout snare, “Just one box,” and then you’ve eaten a whole three boxes and are headed to diabetic coma.

Tip for this week? Tip for the weak? Tip for the Virgo mind? Don’t make eye contact. Look down, look away, but don’t make eye contact.

“Oh, I’ll get just one box, no just two boxes; how much for a dozen boxes?”

No eye contact, no sale, no problem.

Libra:

As a child, even as a young adult, I read much of the Golden Age of Science Fiction material. Novels, mostly, and the New Wave of Science Fiction became more dark and dystopia-like. The Golden Age, even like old Star Trek, the old stuff usually had a “Force Field” that served as protection. Many of my New Age friends use a similar term and description for a similar kind of protection, albeit, it can sound a little fruity to some. Still, the idea has merit, even if it regulated to new age fruits and halls of hallowed Golden Age Science Fiction.

Those ‘force fields,’ those ‘shields,’ the psychic barrier between your Libra self and the onslaught of the Martian Rays, compounded and accentuated by Venus and Uranus? Those shields, real or imagined, is what’s required. There will be some “material” that hits the fan. This material will not be evenly distributed, nor, for that matters, will it all be directed at you. However, as a good Libra, you’ll feel like you’re catching it, catching it all. Which is why, at the start of this, I suggested something like the golden age “force field” that protects you. Won’t stop everything, but a good defense is better than nothing at all. It flies your way; watch out.

Scorpio:

I went to get the car serviced. Anymore, a car is nothing more than an appliance, to me. Put gas in, the little bells and computer-chip-thingy alerts the driver when the car needs gas, oil, service and so forth. Most near everyone in my family drives late-model hybrids, so there’s that, too. This one dealership, it always hoses the little car off, too. Nice gesture, and one day, last time, they didn’t have a working car wash, so they just handed me a coupon for a free car wash, down the street. Couple of days later, I run the little car into the car wash place. Car gets rinsed, lathered, vacuumed, and so forth, smells nice, looks clean. On the way home to park the car? It started to sprinkle, then rain. I just had the free car wash. Free car wash, looked good again, for a few minutes, then rain.

We’ll take the rain, we need it. Is this, ultimately, a serious problem? No. Is it inconvenient? Sure. A huge problem? Much as we needed the rain? I might get the car washed again. As a Scorpio, is it bad? Sort of depends on how you look at it. I cursed my luck, seems like bad timing. If I had just waited one more day, but then, the line at the car wash would’ve been too long. “There’s just no pleasing some people,” huh. As a Scorpio, this means you can wait, but you might want to go ahead do that task you’ve been putting off, just to get it done.

Sagittarius:

I used to commute around on commercial jets. Most of my earlier career was built upon places that a certain airline would fly, originally, just places in Texas. My brand of localized insanity and inanity isn’t always welcome elsewhere. So I’m used to being nice to the seat-mates, other passengers. Polite. Sometimes talkative, and sometimes reticent. Have to know when to shut up, Sagittarius.

I was seated next to a comely lass of approximate proportions and interested in conversation without appearing unctuous. I noticed she had a bible verse prominently displayed on her phone’s screen. I bypassed the “what’s your sign, baby” part of the conversation because that can be problematic. Not always: witness — this week starts with a King James quote. But sometimes, this is a problem. Know when to shut up. Know when to talk about local sports or the weather instead of astrology — or other topics that can raise ire. Know when to read the obvious symbols. There are strong indications you’ll be a in a similar situation. Read the symbols and follow the lead; no need to cause further problems.

Capricorn:

In one shopping center parking lot, the place is usually quite empty in the odd afternoons that I’m around. So I’ll drive diagonally across the vacant parking rows to reach a destination. I’ll also tend to roll through the “make believe” stop signs, as those are not on city/state land, but on private real estate, and as such, not legally enforceable. Besides, on the odd afternoons, no one is there to see. However, legality aside, there is the issue with traffic. When I’m there on a busy day, which I tend to avoid as much as possible, I’ll slow down, even stop, and I’ll ride up and down the rows of parked cars like I’m supposed to. It’s only when it’s the odd, no people time, the times I tend to prefer — think agoraphobic — only then will I cross the painted rows in a diagonal fashion, and only then will I roll through those stop signs at a few miles an hour.

As a caution? Consider that this is a time when you think you’re all alone and no one can see you. Pick and choose which rules you would like to bend. Look around, first. Maybe reconsider my lax bending of the parking lot rules, or whatever dictum that you’re faced with.

Aquarius:

Along with my eclectic tastes, I’ve discovered a number of eclectic places to dine. One, in particular, place is actually in a coastal town, and the joint is a cross between a dive and fine dining. Great food, moderate prices, cafe ambiance. “Chalkboard” menu that was pretty much fresh caught seafood, and local produce, with a touch of European cuisine built in. I was down for fishing, but like to eat at that place at least once per trip. One evening, I’m in there, and I make a selection from the menu, the little waitress says, “Excellent choice, sir.”

I realized, I’ve been there often enough, there are no bad choices, not at that place.

“Excellent choice, sir.”

Kind of redundant, but then, that’s one of those “fine dining” situations. There are no bad choices there.

Some days we just need a little nice word, a little reassurance.

“Excellent choice, sir.”

Aquarius, about that selection?

“Excellent choice, sir.”