Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 4.16.2015

    “I have an humor to knock you indifferently well.”
    Nym in Shakespeare’s Henry V, Act 2, scene 1

Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 4.16.2015


Aries“Just set this baby on cruise and enjoy the ride!” I’ve been commuting to the Texas Gulf Coast for the better part of 20 years, as part of the circuit and my annual tour. Recently, my trips have gotten more frequent. The first hour south of San Antonio, is gentle, rolling coastal prairie. What feels like a sea breeze against a back drop of dusty mesquite trees, gradually flattening out until the last 50 miles of so? That’s what this week is like. That last 50 miles. Might be 40 miles, but there’s almost nothing to see until wind farms come into sight, and then, there’s gas stations, fast food joints, truck stops, and then? The skyline of Corpus Christi. Still half an hour to the coast, but it’s getting closer. From that point, the pulse quickens and it doesn’t matter how comfortable I’ve been in the truck, I get “itchy butt,” as in, I’m ready to be there, already. Despite Aries fascination with getting there faster? We’ll get there when we get there. Best thing to do?

“Just set this baby on cruise, and enjoy the ride.”


Next week, you’re going to wake up, one morning, and you’re going to feel totally, completely alive. The birds are chirping, singing a sweet song, the grass is greener, the sky is bluer, life is just better. Starts early next week. Maybe this weekend. Coming, soon. But not yet.

It’s a function of when the Sun rolls into your sign, Taurus. It’s a simple function or planet dynamics. As long as the Sun is cooking in Aries? None of the above, is the correct answer. Close, but not yet. Still, before the next horoscope rolls out, there will be that blossom, that bloom, that, “Suddenly everything is better” sensation, and yes, everything is better.


As little icing on the up and soon-to-arrive Taurus birthday cake? This week’s scope ends with Mars and Mercury right on top of each other, visible just barely, right after sunset. The cool part is this gives extra “insert positive comment here” to your birthday times. Going to be good. Greener grass. Bluer skies. Little birds chirping a tune you like, Soon. Very soon. So very, very soon.


“Charm will work for the first 20 minutes, but after that? Better have some substance.” Love me my Gemini component parts, but let’s be honest. Not a big “substance” kind of energy, not Gemini. Looking at Venus, now in your sign, you got charm.

Charm lasts for 20 minutes. To make this work? Keep the conversation, the in-depth material? Keep it to 15 minutes. That’s an extra 5 (five) minutes on top of that so you can make a good, decent Gemini escape. Or, stay true to form and at the ten-minute mark? The Gemini attention waivers, and then?

“Look, look over there! Did you see that?” Use the Gemini charm, you’ve got a lot of it, even now, but be aware that it can only go so far. Charm only works for a certain amount of time. Like I suggested to reiterate a point, “Charm world for about 20 minutes, after that? Better have some substance.” Which is why I’m suggesting, as a Gemini favor, keep it all to 15 minutes this week.


Heavy metal cover songs. I was looking for a single, easy-to-recall phrase, something that would work for my Cancer friends. This week? Heavy Metal Cover Songs. This can go different ways, for different people, depends on one’s tastes in music. One time, it was the guys with violas, those bigger than fiddle, but smaller than a bass fiddle things? They did a couple of cover songs that were amazing. Another time, though, and this was what spurred my thoughts, it was a “metal-core” band doing a country classic. Instead of a soaring fiddle, call-and-answer solo, it was an electric guitar, still the tune held.

One, or another, is the answer to deal with this week’s exigency. The Cancer emergency can be easily handled by soaring fiddles do a “metal” tune, or the reverse, soaring violas doing grunge. One way, or another, the trick is to copy, but own the copy. Cover a song, but add the obvious watermark, imprint, “own” it. Music is refuge, but we all need something a little different. Heavy Metal Cover Songs. One “metal” band did a country classic. Another “classical” group did metal. Either one works, but one works better.

Let me know.

The (mighty) Leo:

The Leo Have you ever see the “Redneck Engineering” series? Improbable images, makeshift structures and devices, and oftentimes, an odd collection of mismatched products. I recall one, look it up on the web someplace, it was a picnic-table/pontoon-boat with a trolling motor, and couple of long-haired rednecks, fishing, drinking beer. That’s might be kind of an example. Most of the lakes around me? I wouldn’t trust the craft as being entirely sea-worthy, but that could be me.

Some folks laugh at you, but with Mars — and Mercury Rising — squared off against your Jupiter? It looks improbable. Looks unwieldly. Looks like it might not work, but you’d be surprised how effective — and how much fun —you can be with a little redneck engineering.


Imagine me, facing off across the table from you, and as I spin your chart around on my screen, I make approving noises. I like Virgo, as a rule. As I’m sitting there, and as I’m glancing from the chart, and then up at your Virgo visage, I clear my throat a little. “We can make this easy or we can make this hard, and if past experiences are any indication, there is nothing that good Virgo can’t take and make more difficult.” Which means, I’ll bet, you’re going to take this as a binary decision and turn it into one of those “tree” designs, with multiple forks, ramification, details, asides, permutations, possibilities, and other aspects, too.

In my mind, that just complicates the matters, but I’m not a Virgo. It could be this, or that. Simple, to me. “Or this with that, and that over there, figuring in with this here, and then…” Way too much effort. Way too complicated. Too much for my non-Virgo brain to handle. See how this goes? “We can make this simple, if you want.” Simple answer is what I want. But I’m not a Virgo and I’m not seeing all the other ways this could work. Or not work, if something went wrong, and there’s always that.

So, this week. Make it easy. You can complicate it if you want, but that’s not what I’m all about. Keep it simple and go for the easiest solution. Most correct, simplest, or easiest.


Old Texas rocker had this one regional hit, “I like it better when she walks away.” The lyric includes a mention of sunlight filtered through a sun dress. Got an image? This isn’t really about overtly sexual material it’s about gentle, not-exactly-tame, but then, not overtly “dirty minded.” There’s a sway, a sashay, a way a women who is assured of herself, there’s a way she walks.

I do love me some Libra girls, but that’s not what this is all about. However, as a Libra, it’s all about presentation. I’ve watched as older women have moved in such a way, with certain kind of confidence, it just attracts attention. Maybe it’s because I’m older, too, but that’s not it, not really, as I noticed when I was much younger. Made me think about “presentation” and “presentation” in an obliquely tantalizing manner. Over the next few days, a little shimmy in your walk, girls, or a rooster strut for the boys, something along those lines. Work it. Work it like you own it. More about presentation and less about what you’ve got. More about how you — gently — strut your stuff.


Young woman, girl to me, works the counter at place I frequent. Think coffee shop, m’kay? She looked up at me, I was off to meet clients, and I was dressed in shorts, nice shirt, and my hair was down, with a bandana over it. Not an unusual look for me. My curls flowed down the sides, and the bandana covered the rapidly receding, thinning hairline. You’ve seen me in video form? Or in person? You know what I look like, right? So this wasn’t any different from “me” being who I am. However, that one person, Scorpio, she’s used to me in shorts, t-shirt, and hair back in ponytail, sometimes a bun.

“Wow, your hair is really pretty. I didn’t know it was so long, that’s, that’s, that’s so nice…” Her conversation trailed off. As Taurus starts to start, this is something unexpected. “Wow, nice curls, I didn’t realize your hair was that long,” and et cetera. Mars and Mercury ramp this up, too. Gush. It’s OK. You’re a Scorpio, and even though you’d like to think you know it all? Might find out something new, if you look and listen, observe.


Sag We’re going to run into a non-Sagittarius problem: the fixed, immoveable object. Tension is loose upon our world, the Sagittarius world, and that tension is bringing up issues, and those issues are turning into a rocks. Rock-hard. Brick-like. A fixed, immoveable object, hindering our forward action. Something in the way of Sagittarius moving forward.

Normally, I’d suggest flowing around the issue, like a big rock in the middle of the fast-moving Sagittarius River, but we’re a fire sign and that symbolism varies. Besides, this is a big, damn deal to some of us. Small problem with a big problem crawling out. This big object appears to render our passage useless. Can’t get around it. Can’t tunnel under it. There is but one way to surmount this obstacle, and as a native Sagittarius myself, I’ll be there, right beside you, doing to same thing, taking the same action. We must — laboriously — climb over this object, the obstacle. There is nothing short of hard work, maybe not much prep time is involved, but still, we have to climb over it. Stuck, right in front of us? Only way “through” it is over it. That simple.


Learned this from another Capricorn. It’s a simple exercise, take out the Capricorn daily carry bag, purse, backpack, or, in my case, the shoulder bag I’ve been using. Take that and dump everything out.

Two piles, sort that stuff out.

Crap that’s accumulated, meant to use, but never used. The other pile of stuff? Stuff that gets used. Plus, wires, pens, pencils, markers, business cards, whatever gets used. Put that stuff back in the bag. Here’s a weird thing, I found an old iPhone/iPod connector. Old style. Won’t be using that, no need to carry it anymore. That’s just an example from my experience. It’s a matter of sorting out that stuff we use every day, the Capricorn utility belt. Tools. Lighten the daily load by sidelining the material that might see use, but be real, the last thirty days? That stuff has just collected at the bottom of the bag. Thirty-day, thirty-minute makeover for Cap.


Easiest way to explain this, it’s like a “Brain Freeze.” Only, it’s not a really a brain freeze, which is a combination of too much cold beverage, perhaps a frozen libation, and too quickly consumed, which results in, oh, you know, “Brain Freeze!” Typical summer ailment, and this is bit too early in the season for this, but still, there it is. A “brain freeze” to an Aquarius can be much, much worse because it temporarily causes a seized-motor situation.

The pride — and joy — of Aquarius is the brain. When the brain seems to cease functioning, then there is a problem. Here’s the real trick, slow down with that cold beverage, the iced-frozen-whatever drink, beverage, ice cream, I don’t know, whatever it is. That will help to alleviate the problem with the brain freeze. That’s the first start of the process. The second part is understanding Mars, compounded with Mercury, with tension added by Jupiter, that just takes this situation and makes it feel that much worse. In the middle of a “brain freeze” sinus cavity ache, headache, stop everything moment? Means you should pause. Let the pain subside before taking any action. Let is go away before you take any further action. Period. Pause. That brain freeze? It could be a good thing.


Working around “metaphysical” rocks and crystals, all day, for a while, in Austin’s Rock Shop, I’ve become attuned to what various minerals have alleged powers. Towards that end, I would gather up odd collections of stuff, and place it on my table, buying the odd piece to carry home. I have a huge piece of jade that sits under a votive candle. I have some Ruby-Zoisite that I use under smaller candles, and part of an altar piece of sorts.

On my desk, currently, I have a tiny chip of Labradorite that — according to sources — helps turn spiritual, psychic wishes into hard reality.

Does it work? I have no “hard” proof. I do have substantial ancillary evidence, but that wouldn’t be accepted in the halls of science or a court-of-law. Circumstantial evidence, at best. But I feel better. I’ve just cited three examples of touchstones, and by that example, quite literally, stones that I use.

Good luck charms, pieces that are imbued with possibly mystical and magical powers, and in the real world, might be charged with some kind of energy.

Who knows?

It works for me.

These are touchstones for good luck, guidance, and, for lack of better term, good luck charms. As a Pisces, this is the week clarify and rely on your good luck charms, your crystals, whatever it is is that works. Need some luck, and this is the easiest way I know to make it happen.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

Use of this site (you are here) is covered by all the terms as defined in the fineprint, and there might be, maybe, a material connection between the hot links and this site (sometimes).

© 1993 – 2021 Kramer Wetzel, for astrofish.net &c.