Why, our battalia trebles that account;
Besides, the King’s name is a tower of strength,
Which they upon the adverse faction want.
Up with the tent! Come, noble gentlemen,
Let us survey the vantage of the ground.
Call for some men of sound direction:
Let’s lack no discipline, make no delay,
For, lords, tomorrow is a busy day.

King Richard in Shakespeare’s Richard III (V.iii.12-9)

Horoscopes starting 3.31.2016

Aries:

Always did like King Richard 3, with his dubious claim to the throne. In Shakespeare’s history of Richard 3, history rewritten to make it look better, or worse, depending on which side one falls on, but in the rewritten version, now borne out by archeological evidence, old Richard wasn’t as bad as they made him out to be. But what’s a good tragedy without a vile villain we can all really, really, hate? I borrowed part of the pre-battle speech, as there are foreboding elements within it. His delivery, when done correctly, is stiff and formal, aristocracy at its finest, with all that implies. Richard 3 got his just rewards, buried for years, centuries, in a parking lot.

Dead kings, failed monarchies, revolution and overthrown kingdoms? There’s something brewing in Aries, and it will take a full seven (7) days for this to come to fruition. A whole week. To Aries, that can be, like, forever. I’m going someplace with this, Aries, so think about it. It’s going to take a week. At least 7 (seven) days.

Taurus:

The next ten days — or so — are full of weird surprises for Taurus folks. This a reaction to other people. This is the stranger coming up to you and acting even stranger. Me?

I lived, have tons of family still, and worked, in Austin. With its mantra, more like a chamber of commerce slogan, “Keep Austin Weird,” I can honestly say I am not shaken by weirdness. This isn’t a challenge, just an observation. I’m not passing judgement, either. But Taurus tends to like life more even, more balanced, and probably a lot less weird.

Next ten days or so? Get ready for “really weird.” That simple. Might try my unflappable approach, or, even just the line, it’s the simplest, “Whoa. Look at at. Weird, huh.” Not a judgement, just uncommitted commentary. Works well for gentle Taurus.

Gemini:

The older I get, the more important hats are. At first, a hat was merely a social statement, less about covering my head, but as I’ve aged, hats are more and more important as head wear. In the few cold, winter months, I need a cover for warmth. In the summer months, basically March to October, the hat is to keep the sun off of exposed portions of my head (bald spots).

As a Gemini, we all need some kind of cover, something to protect against either the harsh spring sun, or the cold winter wind.

This week is about selecting some kind of protection. Something to shield your delicate Gemini heads from the elements. I use bandanas, gimme hats, and even a decent felt cowboy hat. All depends on what’s called for. As a Gemini? This week calls for some kind of protection from Mars. I suggest a hat. Going to need it a lot in the next two months.

Cancer:

I was down at the coast for a fishing trip, and part of the group was this one couple. Buddy’s wife, her and me? We don’t exactly get along together well.

“Your wife’s being mean to me,” was my statement one evening. Without looking up for what he was doing, rewinding fishing line on reel for the next morning, my buddy just deadpanned, “Get used to it. She’s mean all the time.”

We’re all packed into a couple of motel rooms for a few days, and her meanness — I wonder what I did to deserve that.

“It’s just how she is. Get used to it.”

It’s not like I’m not snarky and sarcastic on some occasions, myself. Just her unrelenting diatribe worried me some.

A few days later, my buddy was explaining that his wife likes me and her being mean to me is a way she shows affection. It had to be explained to me, as I missed all the obvious clues. As a Cancer, in the next few days it has to be explained to you. The obvious clues? Subtle hints, irony, wordplay, double-entendres? All misses the Moon-Child’s understanding. Don’t hesitate to ask.

The Leo:

I’m not much of a gambler, not these days. I’ve had my luck, good and bad, and I tend to shy away from games of chance that are clearly rigged to favor the “house.”

“Buy a lottery ticket. One.”

I’m not sure, but in Texas, the state lottery is basically a tax for people who are not good at math. Still, my majestic Leo suggestion?

“Buy a lottery ticket. One.”

There’s stuff up ahead, it’s not here yet, and I have no other way of alerting the authorities, the powers that be, the odd gods, whatever it is that your Royal Leo Self believes in? Whatever that is? Easiest way to let it, them, the universe, whatever it is? Quickest way to let it, them, know?

“Buy a lottery ticket. One.”

When you win big, I want one percent. I’m not greedy, just one percent will do.

I may not be much of a gambler, but I would bet on Grand Leo success, played right. Up to you, but my idea?

“Buy a lottery ticket. One.”

Virgo:

While I love the idea of hanging out in a bowling alley, it’s been decades since that’s actually happened. There’s been resurgence in the “sports” popularity, due to its social aspect and someone was bright enough to find younger audiences. As I was looking at the planets, eclipse action, Mars inaction, Saturn, Sun-Moon, I kept getting an image of a certain Virgo, at the end of the bowling alley, winding up to toss the ball down the lane.

Here’s the windup, all those planets? Virgo-Land is getting ready to roll the bowling ball down the alley. Is a strike, spare, or gutter ball? Depends on how we line up the next few days. Care, preparation, attention to detail, checking the facts, looking closely, does the lane pull to one side, or slope towards another? Maybe head over on a Tuesday and try out a few practice frames before the big game. Get it? Line it up right? You’re a big Virgo winner.

Libra:

“We might try this, just see if it works?”

I’m good with that Libra expression, sure, “We might try this see if it works.” There are three or four different ways to get from where we are to where the Libra parts want to be. In order to get there from here? We have to try a number of different routes. Takes three or four attempts to make this work. Ever buy concert tickets online? It’s just like that. Reload the page. Reload the page again. It’s not quite time, reload the again. Get the image? Got a good picture what this is like? It takes more than one try, more than one Libra point of attack, more than one process to get what we all want.

“We might try this, see if it works?”

That’s the spirit, try about three or four different approaches, see which one yields the best results for Libra.

“We might try this, see if works?”

Scorpio:

“Don’t laugh, it’s true.” Client was relating a side-tale, nothing to do with anything, about how his “metal barn” had termites. Buddy, lives in the country, or, rural area, small town. Ranch style house with a few acres then two other parcels of land, attached, that are leased for livestock and oil. For his couple of acres, he’s got a tractor and large riding lawnmower. He was thinking about running some cattle for lawn control, but there was hygienic element he didn’t want to deal with, so he just mows the lawn every once in a while. Lawn gear, lumber, stray projects, old bass boat, and I think a camper shell, all of that is in his back storage shed. He treats it like a barn, and it’s a mostly metal shell with large doors at each end, concrete slab of some kind, and now? Termites. The was room for endless ribbing about a metal building that got termites, and at least one modern author has suggested this is possible, but when my buddy told me? I just laughed and laughed. He thought it was funny, too. The way the planets spread out, and what type of confusion gets spread out in Scorpio? Termites in a metal building. Really, just gnawing on the concrete or lumber or something, I don’t know.

“Don’t laugh, it’s true.”

Sagittarius:

Many years ago, I built a “Digital product,” that was designed just for this kind of Mars action. Since I built the stuff, it was a small info packet, meditation audio file, short document that explained the mechanics of the retrograde period, and the various meanings, along with a list — including this one coming up — of the Mars Retrograde periods.

To sum it up in a short sentence? Chill. We have no control, especially not us November Sagi, over the events. The New Moon in Aries, in a week from now? That sets off the essence of this transit with Saturn as a potentially powerful indicator. Means there’s a heap of “karma” attached. In more realistic terms? What’s gone before is back to either haunt or herald. The trick with the “digital product,” its short mediation loop, I engineered that in such a way as to offset the two sides of the audio file. Stereo, but at a half-second, maybe a two-beat, offset. Not quite out of tune, yet, not quite in tune, either. Forces the brain, especially on headphones or earbuds, forces the brain to try and line up the disparate audio tracks. Makes way for the subconscious to come through with breakthrough answers. We need us some breakthrough answers. It’s about listening to what’s not there, to find the real answer. Or just buy the product. But my suggestion? Seriously? Listen for what’s not there. Then? It will either herald or haunt.

Capricorn:

A dozen years ago, I started to wear reading glasses. At first, I didn’t need them in the morning, for working and writing on the computer, but over time, my eyesight has deteriorated to the point that simple reading glasses are a boon, now, even a necessity. Eye doc explained, “Don’t use ‘cheaters,’ those are good for, like, reading the menu at a restaurant. Over time, they do more harm than good.” I have prescription for reading glasses, now, one lens is stronger than the other. To be sure, for work? I carry cheaters, as those are easier, and should I lose a pair, no loss. No big deal. Basically, throw-away glasses. I got in trouble because I used to mock some of my older friends who discovered that glasses were required with age.

As Mars assumes a war-like stance in Sagittarius, be prepared. The folks with glasses, that I used to mock? Now I am one of them. Mars, in his position, will make it so you can see one thing, one Capricorn issue, quite clearly. It’s like those reading glasses, when I first started to wear them. I did it because I could see the fine print easier. May not look cool, but little Ben Franklin cheaters are wonderful for ease of access. Think about it.

Aquarius:

Old nemesis, arch-rival, the Joker to my Batman? Old buddy who turned sour, and long sense decamped local climes, his name came up in conversation. I popped it into a search, and found out the guy had passed away, some years ago. Take a moment, pause and reflect, act appropriately reverent, then pause, a second time. I had a malicious, inward smile. Private smile. Then, that quickly changed to frown. Happy, then sad. I realized I was letting that old buddy, live, for free, rent-free, in my head, in a negative way, and since he passed a few years back, all that time, for free?

I was keeping his memory of right and wrong, alive in my own head, at no charge or burden to him. His soul, and his errant ways, damages done, all of that stayed with me, and he’s long since shuffled off this mortal coil. Weird, and slightly morbid train of thought, but follow me, here, I have a destination. This moment of reverie was sponsored by Mars, nearly stationary, in Sagittarius. Which, in turn, evokes memories for Aquarius, past, passed, and present. Let’s turn towards the future. Something to think about? Who is living, rent free, “Did you wrong,” kind of thing, who’s there, even now? Do you need to carry this other person with you? I was honest about my mistakes.

Pisces:

Great. Just great. April Fool’s Day on a Friday. Big run on the Onion and related tomfoolery.

As a Pisces, you have delicate sense of humor. As a Pisces, you understand part of what is going on. As a Pisces, you have a twisted sense of humor. As Pisces, with Mars almost stationary in Sagittarius, you have very little humor for me. More than anything else, a proper sense of the absurd, with an eye and a nod towards admitting it’s funny, is the easiest way to get through this. There’s a new day, a fresh start and material will settle out in a good way, before too long. We’re just not there yet. Humor me a little, as there’s an added amount of fiery friction, doesn’t really apply to Pisces, but it does rub off on you. Careful with that and perhaps a light laugh at the foibles of others would help.