Horoscopes starting 4.21.2016

    “X. This, what is it in itself, and by itself, according to its proper constitution? What is the substance of it? What is the matter, or proper use? What is the form or efficient cause? What is it for in this world, and how long will it abide? Thus must thou examine all things, that present themselves unto thee.”
    Excerpt From: Emperor of Rome Marcus Aurelius. “Meditations.” 8th Book, X.

“What is this, fundamentally? What is its nature and substance, its reason for being? What is it doing in the world? How long is there for?”

Different translation.

This just in — in time for the spring planetary retrograde season.

Horoscopes starting 4.21.2016



The Bull

A few weeks back, I was going through old fishing gear. I found I had four sets of the same fishing pole. Not sure how that happened, not really, but over the years, I’ve invested in quite a bit of tackle, and this was situation where I wound up with four (4) identical poles. Not terribly expensive poles, either, didn’t represent a large monetary investment. One of my fishing buddies now has two of them. I didn’t include reels, left that up to him. “We have to go fish soon, why’d you do that, send me those poles? I really do appreciate it!” Which was why, I was making an effort (Sagittarius, that’s me, and Saturn is in Sagittarius), I was making an effort to cut back on anything have more than two of. Like fishing poles of the exact same make, weight, design, length, identical. One of my friends, he claims he would keep all four — not me. I let two of them go. Happy birthday, think about letting go of something, too. Hint, it wasn’t a duplicate, it wasn’t triplicate, it was in fours.


Ivar the Boneless was a Viking warlord and ruled portions of what is now England and the U.K. during the dark ages. As a Gemini minded person, the name “Ivar the Boneless” intrigued me. I’m not interested in sources or a bloody history of his triumphs and ruling style, just how did he get that name, “The Boneless?”

A cursory web search turned up the two most plausible theories, one, that he was supple warrior, known for his prowess, so maybe he fought like there were no bones in his body. Two, the name “Boneless” could’ve been slightly mistranslated as the Scandinavian name looks, and presumably sounds, like “boneless,” and it the implied meaning is “leg less.” Perhaps he was one-legged, or particular strong legs? Lost in time and subject to conjecture with no real facts available to support any particular hypothesis. The sidetracked version of digging out this information,then realizing neither camp had a leg to stand on? Made me think of Gemini. It’s perfectly all right to present information as just that, hypothesis without adequate supporting data. Leave it at that. Let the reader and listener infer what they may, but no, lack of substantiating evidence? Don’t draw our conclusions for us. When I first saw the name, I kept thinking of Viking warlord and the famous “Boneless Chicken Farm” cartoon.


Looking after a fishing buddy’s kids has been immensely rewarding for me. The world would just be a better place if we all whimpered a little bit about 10:30 in the morning, then had a nap before lunch. Just short snooze, maybe 45 minutes or so. Then, around 2 in the afternoon? Get out a little, to me it looks like a yoga mat, get that out and take another 45 minute snooze. Just better, all the way around for everyone. This week, though, like my buddy’s son? The little kid was having none of this snoozing, nap-time stuff with me. I’m much larger than the child. Maybe not more mature, or as bright, but still, larger and with age? Experience. The first time, he fought me, a little feigning not being tired, but his little eyelids would droop to half-mast and then, thirty seconds later, he was snoring. He got a morning nap and an afternoon nap. In the morning, he helped me move some stuff around, and the afternoon was serious play time for both of us. Never underestimate the power of small children to attract females. Great bait. Not that I would ever do that myself, no, not me… This isn’t about fishing, not like that, this is about that nap.

I parked the kid on the couch with me, and I put on some mind-numbingly horrific children’s program, and he squirmed once, and was out. I turned the TV off and nodded out next to him. 20 Minutes later, I was awake again, and he was still snoring. I thought about Cancer, the placement of the Moon, and Mars. The world would be greatly improved if we all could take those naps again. It would help matters so much.

The Leo:

Not long ago, buddy of mine showed up while I was at work; he’d just gotten a rare CD and wanted to know if I wanted to “burn” a copy. Artist that we both like, and this was some stuff that wasn’t available — anywhere — online. He pops by the store, we chat, he asks if I would like to burn a copy for the ride home, and I nod vigorously in affirmation.

Problem: my current arrangement doesn’t include a CD player. No player, no burner, nothing. As I’ve gotten better about “traveling light,” that was one of the items that got left out of the day-to-day gear-bag. Don’t need it too often, and this was an exception. There are two possible scenarios for THE Leo week. One? Take the CD burner with you. Pack everything that you might need, even the things you don’t think you’ll need, all of it. Take it all. The second choice? Travel like I do, light, quick, easy, no muss, no fuss, and that one album? Surely, sooner or later, it’ll be available online. Right? Take everything and risk the back-breaking strain, or travel light, like I do, and have a minimal regret. We can always get together later and get that CD.


The problem with some of the so-called “Millennials” is that the younger ones have no clue from whence the current set of icons is derived. Think about the “Play” button, marked with a small triangle. Started life as a play button on an 8-track, then cassette players, and eventually, the portable CD player.

In those mechanical and analog versions, it was about forward motion. In software designs, it’s about a familiar image that implies “Play,” but the imagery is almost non-existent in current formats, at least, it’s neither analog or mechanical. I got hung up about the play button because I’ve watched as a certain Virgo repeatedly, forcefully, and with malice aforethought, mashed the software button, expecting some kind of relief. Or for the computer to respond to the emotional demands. The software button is unlike its counterparts, the analog or mechanical, and no amount of clicking will have a favorable result except possible damage to the clicking thing. Might break a mouse button, but the equipment doesn’t respond any faster. So? So slow it down. Mars, in his position? He’s trying to frustrate your forward progress. Stop punishing a piece of software that doesn’t feel a thing.


Clean up the yard. Pretty simple, and yet, it can seem so hard, or maybe my message is too enigmatic? Maybe you don’t have yard? It’s about cleaning up the immediate surroundings, to some, the window dressings, of the Libra Life. I was thinking of a typical suburban manse, not much different from my own, as a perfect example. This place is kind of small, and there’s not much of yard, but the idea holds up well, as an example.

Sort of like “Spring cleaning,” but, we have to make this appeal to the Libra, in a more cursory fashion. Not such a big deal, more like picking through what’s in the back yard, around the edge of the house, just mulling over that we should get out a rake, and maybe make a pile of some of the organic detritus, just get it all clumped up together, if not totally cleaned up. Get the idea? Yard cleaning isn’t the same as house cleaning, or a thorough “Spring cleaning,” not to mention names, but I’ve seen a certain Virgo scrub the baseboards in her home. No, not exactly what I was envisioning for Libra. Similar action, just not as thorough. Light dusting? Maybe, sure, I can see that. More like picking up a few stray twigs that landed by the side of the house, maybe make a plan to do something with the flower bed. Light cleaning, not too hard on the Libra self. There’s something, immediate vicinity, needs a light cleaning.


I have pedometer on my phone. Not a big deal, not one of the tricky fitness things, just a matter of approximate mileage and time, easy as can be. I have fun with it, on occasion, while it tracks me in my daily treks. Odd reading on it turned up the last few weeks, now that I’m walking again. I went to the bank then the grocery store then home. Right at 3 miles.

A few days later, I had no afternoon readings and there’s a new book out I wanted to pick up at the bookstore, same basic distance, bank, grocery, then bookstore, and when I read the meter for the mileage, I was an extra two miles. An extra hour and an extra two miles. Must be something wrong with the phone, no? How can a guy get in a few extra miles, just at a bookstore? To be sure, I do tend to wander — apparently aimlessly — through the aisles of a bookstore. I do wander a bit, and maybe I did an extra lap at the grocery store, who knows? Still, it was the extra hour and extra miles that confused me. Must be something wrong with the phone, no?

As a good Scorpio? You can do with one of my detours.


Like anyone else in the modern era, I get a metric-shit-ton of advertising delivered unto my mailbox. Like everyone else, I can get mildly annoyed by this. Then, too, there’s the advertising I subscribed to, which means, I asked for it to be delivered. Which is weird. I clicked through on one ad, looking at the product, deciding it wasn’t a steep enough discount for my cheap tastes, and then, I noticed another, previous ad. Looked like a product I would enjoy. I clicked, then realized, slowly becoming agitated with myself, that I had read this same ad, the week before, and after mere cursory research? I realized it was not a product that I needed. Oh, it was close, and the idea was sound; however, it was obvious that the implementation wasn’t what I was looking for.

Great idea, excellent advertising, nice link. Good ad copy. The annoying factor was that I had researched this the week before. It was one of those, “Have you seen our other deals” deal. Is it something that I actually need in my day-today business? No. Is it cool? Yes. Is there a “Wow” factor associated with its name, the acronym? Sure. Worth it? No. Might have to think twice, and might have to get a little upset with the wasted time, clicking, opening, thinking, and finally, recalling that I had examined this idea earlier. The point is, the analysis revealed I’d previously arrived at the same conclusion. Doesn’t stop this week’s thought-process from happening, but the outcome? Pretty much the same. Annoyed, if only for a moment.


I’ve been known to open up a chart, then scour. Not good bedside manner, I know, but I can’t help my reaction. It will be a puzzling array of planet energies, and I’ll be looking at a future rockstar, or some kind of great visual artist, clearly frustrated by a sign’s or planet’s energies that seem to hamper or “block” the correct flow. I’m not worried about the little stuff. To be sure, some days I do worry about the little stuff, but not usually. It’s like opening up a truck’s hood, same look on my face, “Look, here’s the problem.” To some, they might be worried that there’s a piece of motor sticking out of the motor, or large part that’s fallen off, obvious and expensive. Other times, though, it can be a simple problem.

There’s a simple problem, a simple blockage, and, good news, there’s an easy fix. You right handed? Look to the left of the obstacle. You left handed? Look to the right? The real obstacle is not the obstacle that Capricorn perceives is in front of them, no, that’s not it. The problem seems to be something off to one side, or rather, while you’re looking at the perception of the the problem? The easy way around, the solution, the fix, is to look a little to the left, or the right, depends, of where you perceive the problem to be. The obstacle? That which stands in your way? The easy-fix, work-around? Just of to one side. Full-Moon gift.


I’m not a fashion plate. I’m not a model of decorum and attire, and especially, I’m not one to tell anyone how to dress. Not me. I am — at best — fashion challenged. Never claimed otherwise. With what’s happening, as the Sun makes ingress to the sign of Taurus, though, there’s a modicum of attention that Aquarius can spend on appearances. Not a big deal, no, not making this a big thing about the way you look, but there’s an adjustment to be made.

To me, this looks like a nod towards comfort while also satisfying some urge to “Look good.” For me, “looking good” and feeling quite comfortable are synonymous. I wear ragged clothes that are frayed and worn, and therefore, quite comfortable to me. All that’s important, to me. No concern for outward appearances, that’s me. As an Aquarius, to answer the concern of the Taurus energies present? Time to dress it up a little. New, nice shirt, a new pair of flip-flops, something to class it up some. How you define that, “Class it up some?” How you define that expression is left to the individual. For one, it’s tucking in a straggly shirt tail. For another, it’s bathing. All depends on how you want to play this.

Class is it up, change it up, make a nod towards some kind of a fashion statement. The results will soon speak for themselves, it’s about a new way to express some of that tough Taurus energy in a manner and form that Aquarius will find pleasing.


“Life is short, eat dessert first.” While that’s been bantered around many times, my favorite location for that sign was in an Amy’s Ice Cream, up in Austin. Amy’s was a micro-brew, artisan ice cream before there were such things. Sort of the pioneer, in one way of looking at it. So that’s my source for this quote, and that’s the launch point for Pisces, too.

“Life is short, eat dessert first.” This isn’t about life being short, but it is about putting pleasurable priorities first. Like dessert. Or, in other terms, do the fun stuff first, then get around to the drudge work. This is a week, I’m a good friend at times like this, this is a week wherein we fish first, then think about getting back to work, well, later. Priorities, schedule the fun stuff first, or, the way I remember it? From the wall at Amy’s in Austin?

“Life is short, eat dessert first.”

There should be a note, about the source of that quote, they are in the business of selling those very desserts. “Just desserts?”


In recent round of correspondence, trying to explain a certain type of “Aries” energy, I explained that conversations would be, for the time being, limited to “Spurs, Longhorns, and Cowboys.” Looking at that list, I realized there’s a complete breakdown with rational thought. “Spurs” means, of course, the San Antonio Spurs, the local basketball franchise that is more like a religion than a professional sport, and locally, it is treated as such. “The Longhorns” refers to the University of Texas Longhorns, whichever team is currently in season and winning — or losing — as it’s an Austin thing. “The Cowboys,” again, to me this is obvious, the Dallas Cowboys, the football team that is so important in Texas. Locally, this makes perfect sense, “Spurs, Cowboys, Longhorns.”

How that might look to someone not from around here? Might seem like some kind of arcane reference to Texas/ranching/horsemanship/rodeo thing. The intent of the message is simple though, limit the Aries interaction to non-controversial topics, like the outcome of sporting events.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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  • anita dudek Apr 24, 2016 @ 21:34

    The weirdest unbelievable stuff is happening to me. My competitor is giving me business. WTF ?