Horoscopes running 12.29.2016-1.4.2017

    Men at some time are masters of their fates;
    The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
    But in ourselves, that we are underlings.

Cassius in Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar 1.2.139-141

That’s the exact quote, and many times, I look at an astrology chart, or the current disposition of the planets and I wonder.


Astrologically, 2017? In a brief form?

Mercury started his retrograde pattern 12/19/2016, slipping back into Sagittarius around 1/4/2017, going direct 1/8/2017.

Mercury is retrograde 4/8-5/3, 2017, starting in Taurus and backing down into Aries. Continuing this cycle, Mercury retrogrades 8/12-9/5, 2017 in Virgo, going direct in Leo. Finally, for the year, Mercury retrogrades 12/3-12/22, 2017, all in Sagittarius. That final Mercury retrograde has a two punctuation points in it, starting at 29 Sag., echoing the previous year’s pattern, and having Saturn exit Sag., sort of limping out, maybe making one last kick.

Almost up and until Xmas day, 2017, there’s a serious “Cosmic Review” period, and as a Sagittarius, I feel the most, but it’s a prevailing sentiment, solidly anchored in the Mercury Retrogrades.

Venus is Retrograde 3/4-4/15, 2017 with a pattern that starts in Aries and finishes turning around in Pisces. (This pattern overlays a Mercury Retrograde, hence the confusion.)

The source document — ephemerides — is here.

Horoscopes running 12.29.2016-1.4.2017



The Sea Goat

I was grocery shopping a few weeks back. Middle of the Xmas season, right? There, in the bread section, right above the “gluten-free, tastes like cardboard” stuff, there was a strange little package. It was “crust-free” white bread. Loaf of bread, maybe a smallish loaf, but sliced bread with no crust. Just a block of white bread-like slabs, stacked on each other. I was greatly amused. Sent a picture to my Sister.

“Look! Bread porn!” Short, reply.

Growing up, all we ever wanted was white bread, like all our friends, white bread with the crust cut off. Unlike all our other friends, we got grainy, textured, presumably healthier, whole-wheat bread. Later in life, I’ve developed a taste for crusty, grainy, dark-breads. My favorite piece of a loaf, now? The heel. All crust. Only two in the average loaf of bread, too. Strange how that all comes around full circle. So the discovery of “crust-free, white bread” in the grocery, store was bizarre novelty item. As a message for Capricorn? I’m sure your tastes have changed over the years, but I’ll bet you can find some kind of childhood desire, right there, maybe not on the shelf at the grocery store, but maybe, someplace that’s similar, like, right in front of you. With this new moon, with this Mercury Retrograde, and which this start of a new calendar year? Pick. Pick and choose. Pick, look, and don’t be surprised if there’s some kind of a childhood fantasy in front of you. Like me, on the shelf at the store.



The Water Bearer

The new year — for Aquarius — starts with clean slate. A startling clean whiteboard, a fresh start. An unpainted canvas. The problems, and there will be a few, as there’s part of the Aquarius past that keeps haunting you. Part of the past wants to desperately insert itself into the current state of Aquarius being. There is a myriad of indicators to chose from, Mars, Venus, Mercury Retrograde, Neptune, your own planet Uranus? Any of those are culprits, but what this spells out?

This is a chance to finally let go of the past. That old hurt, that old problem, that junk you’ve been carting around and has, as of now, ceased to serve you? I’m really big on symbolic actions, and the best time for that Aquarius symbolic action? Before the real, actual New Year starts, after all, this is just the calendar year, but as soon as this scope goes live? There’s an alignment between the Sun and Moon in Capricorn, and that instant it is the perfect time to let go. One step. One gesture, just do one thing to get this material out of the good Aquarius life, once and for all. The deal is, look over those Mercury Retrograde periods for the coming year. Failure to give it up? Some time in the near future, that which you refused to surrender? It will be wrenched from your grasp. Much easier to do this willingly. It should be obvious what needs to go.



The Fishes

For Pisces, this week and the tone it sets for the year ahead? I was listening to a buddy’s girlfriend talk about what she’d heard, about his upbringing.

“His sister used to eat all the icing on the cake, then give him the rest. He was teenager before he knew cake had icing.”

If, especially as a child, think in childhood terms, that direct stimulation results in clear convictions, then it’s easy to see that the poor boy went years before he knew that cake had icing. There’s always a catch, right? The tone for the next year is about working with available data to effectively construct some kind of a way of seeing the Pisces world.

If, like my buddy, you had a sister who ate all the icing on the cake? Maybe you’d be a teenager before you realized that the older sibling was stealing all the good stuff for herself.



The Ram

This year starts out with a boatload of cardinal energy, and it seems to be at cross-purposes to the Aries Way. The Aries Way, the way you want things to work out. What there is, a single, long-held belief that is shaken, not stirred, but shaken. Irrevocably? Maybe. Maybe not. Look, Mercury is Retrograde and we can all just blame the little planet for our problems, right? Means, the way this year starts out? All full of hope, new directions and better year? Means that there’s going to be a series of events that seem to be, feels a lot like, appears to be, perceived obstacles. Instead of tackling those obstacles, problems, perceived barriers that are insurmountable problems that can’t be fixed? Pause. Stop. Assess, then, in the spirit of Mercury’s current disposition? Reassess the situation before taking Aries Action. The Aries Way will be served, we just have to be ready to modify the means of getting to our goals.



The Bull

As a lover of Taurus, I’ve found there’s a certain kind of resilience. Pause. There’s also that thoroughly delightful sensual side that I adore, but that’s not what this is about. It’s about resilience. Pause. Pause for dramatic effect. In a recent reading with a Taurus, I was looking at the chart, and I paused. I had about three different tangents, ideas, directions, and profound statements all collide in my head, at the same time.

Three, or more, ideas, all bouncing around the empty cavity of my brain case.

With the Mercury Situation, and the relative motion of Venus, all of this adds up to great ideas, wonderful plans, and new year full of promise, and this moment? Pause. A well-timed pause might save a big mistake. Like me with those three ideas, three main threads, three “big deals that deserved to be mentioned first?” With all of that bouncing around, I got a look on my face, and I paused. Poor little Taurus girl, thought she’d upset me, “No, just trying to sort out importance.” Listen for the clues. Client, Taurus, suggested one topic, and that became the immediate focus. Wouldn’t have been able to pick a direction if I hadn’t paused for the Taurus. Wit the planets like this? Pause.

I didn’t say stop, just pause and assess the most correct direction given that the situations will change when Mercury unwinds.

Taurus: pause.



The Twins

I am completely inept at mimicking the accent, but it’s a buddy from Louisiana. With no shame, he can slip into a deep, Cajun drawl and talk like he’s from the backwaters of the backwaters. The swamp, to me, the home of “Boodreaux in the Bayou,” to him. Some of his tales seem a bit improbable, yet, I suspect from what I’ve heard, might be true.

According to him, growing up in the Louisiana swamp-land, he bathed with alligators. “No, really, we had one of those cattle-troughs, and that was like, our wading pool, when we were kids. My daddy kept a few small gators in there, too. ‘Swimming with the alligators,‘ like, no big deal, and not unusual.” Delivered in a deep Cajun accent, though, this sets a better tone, as I’m completely unsure if it is true, or if this is total fiction.

Could be either, given that he does hail from deep Louisiana. It’s not that improbable of a tale. So this year starts out like being thrown into a cattle trough full of baby gators. There is strength and there is hope, but, for starters, and for a tone? Between Mercury Retrograde, Saturn in Sagittarius, and now, Mars in Pisces, lining up with Neptune in Pisces? Like swimming with the baby gators. According to one my one buddy, though, it is a character-building exercise. I can’t say, either way.



The Crab

In some of my work, I’ve discovered that the hard lines between certain, let’s think in astrological terms, certain lines are not hard and fast. In one of my astrology charts, the line is drawn in with a thick, black marker, making it appear to be an absolute degree of demarcation. Single, solid line. One side means one thing, other side is a totally different subject. New topic, line is a hard and fast division.

Got an image?

That single line, right down the middle of the Cancer astrology chart, “This is ‘good,’ while over here, this is ‘bad,’ in as much as anything…”

Get the image? Fine line that divides two section. “This is left and this is right.” No room for discussion, correct? When is life ever so simple? Especially the Moon Children as this year introduces a new element, a new idea, a new spin on stuff, the “Gray Line.” Especially this week, this is all about that gray area. There is no definitive “Yes/No” answer. That single line? It’s like a fuzzy, gray line. It’s not a clear point of demarcation.

The Leo:

The Leo

The Leo

I am a real late bloomer in the kitchen. I didn’t start cooking, in ernest, until recently. I spent many, many years eating food that was prepared by other people. By choice, of course, back in Austin, it was BBQ. In San Antonio, it has been a variety of “south-side” taco joints. Tex-Mex, to some, “Mexican” to me, call it what you want. I started with a “paleo” diet, the efficacy obvious, as long as I stuck to it, but that required a lot of meal prep. I’m the cook, now. Not by choice, but sort of fell into the position. I’m not a good cook, mind you, but I do know a few things. One? Never compare oneself with the cooks on TV — it never works out like that.

The other part of the prep that I do enjoy? Orchestrating food in the kitchen. Not so much experimental as in just trying to get stuff chopped up, nice and even. For The Leo, this next year? This is about finely chopping veggies, roots, herbs, meats for us carnivores, slicing, dicing, and preparing. This is about making sure you don’t use any of my Sagittarius “easy way out” shortcuts. Recipe called for a bell peppers, diced. I tried just to slice them, lengthwise, and hoped that worked. Not an epic fail, but not a win for me, either. So the secret? Chop. Parse, slice, dice, chop. “Finely grated” does not mean big chunks. This is a year about doing the work, and it might seem little mindless, but this is a perfect example, too, as what is required is the hard work. Might seem bit repetitive, but this is about doing some of that, because, let’s face it, no one is a good as The Leo, for whatever task is at hand.

The Leo: “Lather, Rinse, Repeat.”



The Virgin

I have, looking over this next year, I have a catch-all expression that should work for Virgo. Simple expression, a way to work with the weird planet machinations, especially, that Mercury Retrograde thing. The expression is simple, and as any Virgo will surely agree, this is a useful one.

    “I think I got it. Can you go over it one more time, to be sure?”

I swiped and modified this from a coaching buddy, and he called it, “I understand.” Except, as a Virgo, you might not understand, not given where Mercury is, or where Mercury will be, and what it means for you? “I think I grasp the concept and the direction, but could you outline it one more time, just to be super-sure?” The Mercury Retrogrades, as defined, in this next year, and with the year starting out one just such a note? A simple clarification of goals, directions, definitions, and meanings helps a lot. A big plus.

Try it yourself.

“I’m pretty sure I understand what you mean, but can you go over those details one more time, just to make sure I’ve got the whole picture?”



The Scales

I used to travel a lot. Got to be, at one point, I was more comfortable with a suitcase for a closet instead of the real thing. I have an annoying tendency, when I live out of a suitcase to do just that, not pull anything out but the clothes I’m wearing, and the toiletries, then leave that suitcase packed, pretty much. Ready for a quick getaway.

This is the total opposite of “homesteading,” or, to some, “nesting.”

This is about being adaptable and ready to make a quick move. Locations can change. Part of that travel gear, over the years, I developed a portable pharmacy, pills, potions, lotions, and lip balm, various unguents to cure common travel maladies. Included in my gear, even to this day, I’ll keep a three or four types of stomach remedies. Usually antacid, anti-diarrhea, and some kind of other stomach settling compound.

I’m a big fan of all-natural, all-herbal remedies, too. There will be some of that. But mostly, it’s about having a section of pills on hand for what ails the Libra tummy. My method was borne out of years of on-the-road work. Different hotels, motels, couches, trailer parks. This Mercury set-up and the ensuing year? For Libra? Carry some kind of medicine for the Libra tummy, real, or imagined. A simple over-the-counter tablet can sometimes take a bad situation and make it a much more enjoyable prospect.



The Scorpio

Don’t gloat; it does not become you, Scorpio. Seriously, looks bad when you smile at another’s discomfort. This retrograde pattern, the one we’re operating under at this moment, and the rest of the year? Sets a tone. You’re Scorpio, you’re prepared. You understand the dynamics and best way to use the energies, as this stuff goes on. You do, don’t you? Sure you do. Instead of fighting with the retrograde pattern, take a single step backwards, and watch. That’s the secret. The Scorpio secret to success, this week, this year. Take one step back and watch.

And don’t gloat. Really. Looks bad when you do that.

No smirking, either.




This pattern started in December of 2014. Here it is, a few years later, and we’re still wondering about what the message is supposed to be. I firmly believe that the messages are going to be very clear, and the correct Sagittarius missive will be repeated, four more time in this next year. It’s more along the lines of hammering home a clear, cosmic message about Sagittarius goals, directions, and focusing on the somewhat lazy Sagittarius “work-ethic.”

This year also brings a certain amount of “house-cleaning” to the forefront. As an essentially lazy Sagittarius myself, the notion of “house cleaning” is noble, but I’m going to spend as much time, and energy, as possible trying to avoid the difficult tasks. This is a situation where my Sagittarius brothers and sisters can learn from my wayward ways. While I’m diligently avoiding hard work? It would be shorter, quicker, and easier to just do the one task, at hand, that I’m working so hard to avoid, it would be easier, shorter, and quicker to just do the work. Think of it like housecleaning. Now, you’ll have to excuse me, I have someplace I figure I need to be since I don’t want to clean up my own mess.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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