Horoscopes for 7.11.2019

Thou mighty one, that with thy power hast turn’d
Green Neptune into purple; whose approach
Comets prewarn, whose havoc in vast field
Unearthed skulls proclaim, whose breath blows down
The teeming Ceres’ foison, who dost pluck
With hand armipotent from forth blue clouds
The mason’d turrets, that both mak’st and break’st

    Arcite in Shakespeare’s The Two Noble Kinsmen 5.1.42-
Portable Mercury Retrograde

Horoscopes for 7.11.2019


The Crab - the Moonchild
When Mercury is in apparent retrograde motion, like now, “things” tend to go “sideways.” Simply put. I know, the Moon Children and their birthdays, and I know, “Happy Birthday!” Then, too, I understand, leave a little earlier, arrive a little late, that’s just how it goes. I don’t struggle with this, not anymore, but then I live in concert with the planets and their apparent motions.

“More like ‘motion sickness,’ this week,” mutters one moon child. Yes, thank you for that image. Some of you guys are just sick. “Get on with it!” So this week, next couple of days, nothing seems to point where you are supposed to be; you take a right, and the correct answer was go left; however, if you go left? The first answer was right. Gets a bit silly, and what with birthdays and all? Why not pretend this is just fun and games, not nearly as serious as you would make it out to be. It serves you well not to be become invested in silly expectations at the moment, as those are sure to fail. Enjoy the show, though.

The Leo

The LeoI got the perfect gift for The Leo’s week: the “mute” button. Phones have them. TVs have them. Too bad our significant others don’t have them? Yeah, that kind of commentary can get either one of us in big trouble in a hurry. So, yeah, no, keep that idea to yourself about installing some kind of sound-limiting button on the spouse (girlfriend, boyfriend, &c.) Back to my point though, what works?

The mute button. That’s what works best. I had my last phone set up so I could switch it to “silent.” Phone was on, and I could take a call, if the phone was in front of me, in a place where I could see it. Silent meant it didn’t buzz, vibrate, beep, or even breath. No flashing lights. Nothing. Dead silence. If you’re trying to read this on a phone, well, whatever. But if you’re not reading this on a phone, then grab your portable, digital leash, and let’s look. Is there a way to silence it without turning it off? Does it have a mute button? I pissed off one client because I wouldn’t take calls, but after running overtime, and then to bother me with material that wasn’t germane to the discussion, besides, I have a place to send material like that — astrofish.net/contact. That what works, and that’s what works, for The Leo, the mute button. Silent ring, mute button, or, for some? Change the channel. Works just fine.


VirgoFor years, I had a pair of dark cherry Ostrich Lucchese boots. They were repaired three, four times, resoled at least eight times that I can think of, and when the boots finally gave out, I decided it was time to let them go. My sister used them as planters or an art project, I think they sprout pink flamingoes now. Or did. Been a while.

Those cowboy boots lasted close to twenty years, and those were years when I was largely pedestrian. I think I have images of them in London, both summer and winter, and they were, it was a cool feature at the time, “Full Quill Ostrich.” Supposedly tough, good looking, held a polish, and seems to be a renewable resource. Exotic without being too exotic — and certainly not as distasteful as real exotic skins. The ostrich itself, large flightless bird, best known for its comic ability to hide its head in the sand when faced with danger. “If I can’t see it, then it doesn’t exist,” right?

Therein is the problem with the current state of affairs, planet-wise, “If I can’t see it, then it doesn’t exit” works for me, but I lived in denial for so long, I’m comfortable there. I’m also not Virgo. The Virgo contingent of the heavens are best served not burying their collective heads in the sand, loudly sticking to denial, whatever the issue? Like that ostrich with its head in the sand? You’ll wind up as a pair boots for somebody else.


LibraThere’s a fine line with ego that requires enough drive to want to push material out there, yet, at the same time, try and decide if this is pure ego, or, perhaps, for the reader’s good. Since I’ve been at this for more than 25 years now, I’m over the question of what drives it. If you have to know, really, I don’t think I’m smarter than anyone else, or more observant, or better, probably worse, but I can’t afford to compare what goes inside of me with what others might have as the perceptions I think they see.

Without asking, and validating a resource, I have no way to know what it is that I’m thinking that you’re thinking that I’m thinking. Convoluted enough?

I happen to thoroughly enjoy my “day job,” so yeah, there is that, and I pursue this with dogged determination. That kind of dogged determination is what is both lacking, and required, next couple of days in Libra. “Dogged determination,” is different from regular determination in that there is a relentless spirit to it. There is a sense that dogged determination prevails when regular determination, or self-will, or whatever we’re calling that sense that drives us forward? The extra kind. The “Dig Deep” dogged determination, that’s what is both required, and ultimately, rewarded. Two former teachers are upset with my current line of work, as I never became what they wanted me to become. However, with dogged determination, I have succeeded where I happen to find happiness. Isn’t that what this is really about? In the face the planets, and what’s happening around Libra, isn’t that what really matters?


ScorpioMark Twain suggested that a well-timed pause was far more effective than too many wonderful words. Words can be as pretty as we want, all glorified, and loaded up with Scorpio metaphors, and still, what works best?

A well-timed pause.

Although I am merely a silly Sagittarius with total lack of Scorpio gravitas, I have watched this stuff for a while, and this is the best time to employ that advice from Mark Twain, about the well-timed pause. Far more effective than doing like me, and just putting the great big old foot in my mouth and chewing. I’m warning you about my action to keep this from happening to you.

Love me my Scorpio buddies, but, yeah, this is a time when you’ll want to reply to my reply, or “reply all” when it should be just a single person, and then, this doesn’t go well. Remember, Mercury is still retrograde, and that one, in this location? Talk, talk-talk, talk-talk, talk, sounds like a jabbering idiot? I am personally trying to save you.

A well-timed pause.

Or even awkward pause, whatever works, but zip it, lock it, put the key in your pocket? Just be quiet and let the other signs flail helplessly. Come on, admit it, you like that, seeing them helpless. No, don’t say a word, remember? Just nod; cf., Pink Cake.


Sagittarius“What are you ordering?” I stood in front of a bewildering array of choices. It was, perhaps one of the most complicated coffee menus I’ve ever seen, a little, off-brand single-roaster house.

My buddy who was ‘turning me onto this great place,’ nudged me — his elbow in my back, “dude, just pick something; I’m treating, so don’t worry about the price, and seriously, you don’t like it? It’s a coffee, not a tattoo.” Small, medium large, free-range, organic, single farmer, burro named Angelo, way more data than I need to get coffee. Pour-over, espresso, espresso double, there! I know what I want, a basic standard can be applied across all third-gen (or later) coffee places. Simple, double espresso. From that bewildering array down to a simple choice.

Besides, no funny names, and I liked that “small medium large” were so named. Just the combinations of milk, steamed milk, 2%, fat free, and then, the combinations of the way it could be all combined? Bewildering array. As this week progresses, someone will nudge our Sagittarius selves, and remember, it’s just a cup of coffee, not a tattoo. Pick something. Quit dithering. It’s just a cup of coffee, not a tattoo. Get it wrong, remember Mercury? We can fix this.


CapricornThere’s an assumption I just roll out of bed, fart rainbows, and make this happen by magic. Not how this works. Approach of full-on crazy full moon. I roll out of bed. I drink a lot of coffee. Parts of me are more awake than other parts. I creak, groan, and drink another tumbler full of strong coffee.

This does not happen by magic.

Hard work, diligence, perseverance, and coffee. There is no magic for this week’s Capricorn conundrums. We ain’t farting rainbows here. However, drink some more coffee, see if that works. Stretch, creak, if you’re of the same vintage, and some days, it seems like not all the parts wake up along the same schedule. There’s a portion of the Capricorn brain that is like, “Let’s go, let’s go — let’s GO!” Then there’s the body, thinking, “no man, five more minutes in bed, then I’ll be ready,” and you see how this goes? Mercury is retrograde — drink more coffee.


AquariusGot one buddy who insists on picking up hard-luck cases and then turning the new-found friend into a cause. There’s a notion that this is noble, but some of the cases he chooses to work with? Kind of — makes me wonder. Not really being too judgmental, but one of my greatest realizations came when I finally understood that some people are happiest when they are unhappy.

Yeah, I know, makes no sense to me. But along those lines, it’s that trying to help someone who likes a little assistance, but doesn’t want too much help. A little help is fine. It’s not really about pride, either, or hubris, or any other arbitrary value. Yes, not about that. It’s the need to be needed? Then the upset that arises when that need is reciprocated? I’m sure there’s a heavy, pop-psychology answer to this, but I was looking at the planets, not the largest trend in self-help crap. Still, my buddy insists on aligning himself with the latest, greatest cause, or downtrodden individual to help lift them up. Some days, though, this doesn’t work, and then, too, like I suggested, there are some people who are just happy being unhappy. Watching him and one of his latest projects, I finally understood that.


PiscesHappened in Laredo, Texas, that much is true. Guy I know, knew this guy, he’d been at a party. Dancing at the party, there was probably booze, guy was dancing with this one “hot chick” most of the night. While he was being a gentleman, let’s review the facts, booze, dancing, hot summer night with “romance” in the air? Late in the evening, he offered her a ride home. They motor off in his truck. He follows her directions, and they went to a cemetery. She hops out, and disappears.

Never saw her again. The next few days, he can find no one who knew who she was, no name, no cell phone, nothing. While this sounds like a spooky Scorpio kind of story, that’s not what this is about. Apocryphal, sure, and it came from a friend of a friend, sure. Researching the current the state and disposition of the planets made me recall this story, and I’m unsure how true it really is. Some woman turns into a ghost at the end of the night? Brings a whole new meaning to the the term “Ghosted,” now doesn’t it? The question, figure where Mercury is currently retrograde, and what that means? Is it just a story? Or is it real?

“No, really, I knew a guy who know this guy, said it really happened to him!”

As Bubba would say? “True story.”


Buy big warehouse store coffee? Don’t buy their coffee? Same online magazine ran two articles, one said do, one said don’t. This is confusing. Wasn’t just an online source, either, the magazine has a fact-checked, properly-edited, respected print source, too. While I didn’t see either link-bait list-article referenced in print versions, I did see them both online. Funny, downright cynically amusing?

The reasoning was that coffee is best bought in small batches, so buying in bulk like that isn’t a time — or money — saver. But the price is right, and the quality is good, and as I’ve personally discovered? It’s part of a secret Mercury Retrograde Protection ritual, at least for me it is. In the last few days, I’ve had small-batch, hand-roasted beans, and the aforementioned warehouse store beans. What I’m having right now. I’m not confused, the hand-roasted, small-batch taste better, but when Mercury is Retrograde? Does it matter? I need quantity of coffee, fuel to power through, rather than artisanal quality. The original starting point, though was the same magazine recommending to not buy or not buy, depending on the article, and that renders their advice, otherwise? Kind of suspect.


When Mercury is retrograde in a fixed sign, especially like now? That causes tension in the Taurus sky. This is being exacerbated by Mr. Mars, and what’s going to happen, soon enough, Mercury slips backwards to Cancer, and that relieves a tiny amount of the “Mercury Retrograde” pressure, but that doesn’t stop Mr. Mars. Pressure is on, and the pressure is on Taurus, but how this plays out? Up to your Taurus self.

There is some direction available as the two “M” planets, Mercury and Mars? They are determined to dredge up something from the Taurus past that either needs elucidation, clarification, or closure. Maybe one, maybe the other, or maybe? All three. Get clear, get the matter cleared up, and then say “Good bye.” Simple enough, and the next few days offers opportunities to do just that. This can be on a grand scale, like leaving one state for another adventure, elsewhere, or this can be as simple as merely putting an annoying pest — from the past — to rest. Get clear, get it cleared up, and say, “Good bye.” Sounds almost too easy. Mercury is Retrograde yet, so, there is that issue.


That has got to be one of the best scams I’ve ever seen. I get an invoice that looks official, and looks like I owe some government agency money, and there’s a payment link attached. Just fill in the blanks and pay. The problem being, although it looks “official?” It’s not. One of them was a from a cleverly spoofed e-mail address, looked like an official state document. Except it pertains to a license I no longer own, and it also — never mind, consider it clever, but clearly fake.

It’s all in the numbers, though. Not the number of people who can tell it’s a scam, but with a broad distributions, say in the millions, then a handful of folks will fall prey to just such material. It’s a numbers game, as in, blast the message out to the millions of available addresses, and then hope for the best. When I tracked that kind of data, I found that my own horoscopes had an industry anomaly high conversion factor. When I did — don’t do this any more — but when I did postal mail notices, the norm is usually 1-2 percent while I was getting results as high as 50%. Still, for Gemini, given the way the planets are behaving badly? It’s a number game. Launch a lot, see what happens.

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About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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