Horoscopes for 4.23.2020

“Good Signior Angelo, you must excuse us all,
My wife is shrewish when I keep not hours:
Say that I linger’d with you at your shop
To see the making of her carcanet,
And that tomorrow you will bring it home.”

in Shakespeare’s Comedy of Errors 3.1.1-5

Horoscopes for 4.23.2020

Sun conjunct Moon (New Moon) loosely conjunct Uranus 9:45 PM, 4/22/2020. Saturn squares that mess, too.

Taurus

Taurus
Love me my little Taurus friends, and sure wish them a happy birthday season, and now? There’s a right way to do this, and there’s a “wrong way” wherein, “wrong” has the incorrect connotation, but there’s a less than wonderful, too dramatic route. I know, birthdays, new moon and all, but maybe, just maybe, this isn’t the time to rush straight into that situation. To me, this looks like a boss of one form or another, and it looks like the boss is making undue requests of your Taurus self. Way to win? Acquiesce. Consider, I know birthdays and all, but consider what I call a tactical retreat. Just falling back to regroup and rethink a tactical situation. Could be simple office politics, could be an overbearing friend. Give in a little to win. At least, for now, pretend they’re right. Makes for a lot more fun birthday time. Right? Stay home?

Gemini

Hard to believe and difficult to grasp, but there is a certain amount of sex appeal that every Gemini has, and it shines this next couple of days. It was an old joke amongst friend about the way certain places in Texas, certain people, would wear that — whatever it is — and work it correctly. As the Gemini, you’ve got, now use it. This can be employed in a number of different situations, and the problem being “sex appeal” doesn’t equate to “sex.” But there is something inherently appealing these days. Use it. Use it wisely.

I tend to see this type of allure as an opener of doors. It’s way to breach the gateway. It’s an opportunity finder. I’m not worried about Gemini not being alluring, each in her — or his — inimitable way, no, not the problem. However, when opportunity strikes, when there’s that sudden flash of brilliant Gemini insight, make note, and if action is required? Take action. An open door, any opening, is an obvious cue to go for it. Plunge forward, Gemini.

Cancer

I got, someplace, maybe BareFoot Astrology, I don’t know, but somewhere, I got stuff — general comments — about Aquarius. Worth a quick glance for the Moon Children. No, you’re not Aquarius, not what this is about, but that type of energy, embodied by Aquarius, at this time? That sets a tone, a flavor, for the way this next week looks. Oddball, offbeat, strange, weird. What this does, as this weirdness pervades the Cancer’s psyche? This offers a unique way of looking at a single problem, or a set of problems, or series of events that have been untimely, this weirdness quotient from the heavens offers a new way to see old problems in new light, which, in turn, affords the Moon Children a chance to address the old concerns in a different way than before, which, in turn, offers solutions, albeit solutions that “Nobody saw that coming.” Yeah, I know, how did that Cancer ever figure that one out? I know, it was the current spate of weirdness.

The Leo

Buddy of mine hired a guy to do some brush moving. Hired the guy off of online, like Craig's List. Went looking for the pick-up truck and had the hardest time finding the guy. It was nice, late-model pick-up, with small, magnetic lettering sign indicating what it was. “When I’ve done this before,” my buddy mused, “been pretty obvious, an older truck with makeshift panels, old signage about cartage and hauling, but no, didn’t even recognize this one until I got close enough to read the letting.”

This week is about The Leo and the obvious. In the example, it was stagnate for a truck, but in a general way, this is about the tasteful, discreet labels some people use, and the way that some of us are loud and discordant with our choices. Bright colors, maybe a flaming eagle gripping a snake, or a horn that plays a song, or, in one example, a horn that was as loud a train. Something that sets us all apart. Can be loud, crass, of dubious taste, but it is a way to see and be seen. In certain belief systems, the feathers from the male peacock have meaning and value, and in this setting? That might be as apt a metaphor as any, the way the male peacock spreads those majestic tail feathers to win over the adoration of his intended. Bet that works. Doesn’t always work, but as we shift around and get comfortable with the planets where they are? Think about making sure your signage is obvious.

Virgo

This is another one of my horoscopes that’s gone way off the rails, but I worked forward from a couple of stellar points to build up some decent imagery. I have this one, person is a client now, but I knew the parents, before the child was born. Child’s all grown up now, own issues, own interests, same astrology guy (me). But the kid’s parents, one of them came to me asking about the interaction I had with the child. Sorry, but as a fully functional adult, I tend to treat all my clients, friends or not, with the same kind of discretions and privacy. Have you read the fineprint?

All of it? Besides, as I have to point out, after soo many years? Confidentiality is about me not being able to remember anything. As I suggested this strayed far from its original destination, as this was about more prurient interests in Virgo-land, but those need to be seen through parental eyes, but not always. Adult eyes? However, in this situation, one must imagine that the child is far more “adult” than the adults-aged parents. Not this is a new situation, but unfolding in the Virgo section, who is acting more child-like, and which one is more “adult?” Exploring this theme might help.

Libra

I got a last minute call from a fishing buddy, “Hey, they’re really biting!” It’s a local lake, he swung by at 6, I tossed a couple of poles and a tackle bag in the truck’s bed, and we were off. Pictures on the web someplace, I’m sure. Check the feeds. The bass were really biting, and being a middle of the week outing, when we're ordered to "shelter-in-place?" Not a lot of traffic on the lake itself, no weekend warriors. The problem? I was grabbing my gear at the last minute, and I didn’t take time to prepare. I just grabbed a couple of poles that are perfect, felt the line on them, thought, “Good enough,” and away we went. Part way through the morning, I realized that the one fishing reel had really old monofilament line it, as the line was snapping off, and it didn’t dawn on me, until halfway through the morning, that I should just replace the line, right there, rather than lose more fish. After losing, maybe three? I figured out that it was worth it to sit in the bottom of the boat and crank a roll of new line onto the reel rather than hope I got down to where the stuff was good. In this case, it was merely a function of age, that old fishing line might’ve been on there for a few years — I don’t recall. I tend to crank new stuff on before a trip like this, but I didn’t get the chance, quarantine, last minute and all. The message is two-fold: always be prepared, and when you’re not prepared, as the second half of the missive? Stop long enough to make that correction. Think, about me, sitting on the edge of the boat, my buddy wrestling with a fish, and me, just winding up new fishing line onto my reel.

Scorpio

Being of a certain age, I watched as my elders grew-up on catalog shopping. It was a horrible misuse of paper products, but annually, or two, maybe three times a years, perhaps a seasonal event? Glossy, magazine-like catalogs arrived in the mail, and then, the shopping began. It was interesting as — even with the likes of Amazon today? There’s the promise of what the item looks like. I tend to observe that there are tone, fit models, appealing to a certain demographic on a number of different lines, and “If I only had one of these, then my life would be better…”

It’s the lie of advertising, and testament to the marketing department’s skills. Good stuff. What I like about shopping like that? If it is a known quantity, like a book? No worries. It’s the idea of shopping for styles that might — or might not — fit. Or the material in question looks good on a young model, will it look as good on me? In one version of this Scorpio horoscope, I lamented how the bricks and mortar places were subsumed by online retail. The greatest challenge with online retail, for it to be profitable, there must be sales. Sales with no catch, like “free returns.” There’s a problem between the “what is seen in the catalog,” what the item looks like when a model is wearing it, for example, and what arrives at the Scorpio home.

Sagittarius

There’s a special kind of leadership required to make it through these next weeks. “Leadership by example,” is the rejoinder. Yeah, yeah, yeah, or, to some? “Blah-blah-blah.” In person, one of my most frequent expressions, is “Don’t ask if I do this myself, I know, an example of ‘do as I say, not as I do,’ but....” However, there are two components herein. One, I’ve made these mistakes before, so I know of what I speak. Two, our Sagittarius fan base is more willing to follow us if we are leading by example. The little phrase that pays for the next few days? “Here lend me a hand with this, and maybe we can get this done,” rather than, “you, over there, do what I tell you.” There’s a matter wherein working together is far more successful — lucrative — than just delegating and standing on high, ordering the Sagittarius minions around. “Lead on, oh wonderful Sagittarius horse’s ass!”

Capricorn

Buddy of mine was doing that whole, “I’m eating healthier” thing. He was kind of buzzed, but claimed he was losing weight, and feeling better. I asked what the secret was. “Kale, of course, and tequila.” I had no idea. Remind me not to drink from his cooler when fishing next time. Capricorn buddy. We were looking over some new fishing gear, and he claimed his girlfriend (wife) was on him about getting healthier. “Kale, protein powder, salt, tequila, lime….” Sounded a little like a margarita smoothie, to me. Never thought of one of those. My friends are inventive, but kind of a one track mind. Not sure how much healthier it was. Certainly worth a try, I guess.

One of my favorite, this is long-standing, a certain Virgo noted that, “They put tequila in the coffee.”

Might be me, and I wouldn’t even taste that oddball concoction, but tequila and kale? Blended together? Whatever works. The tequila in the health drink idea? Thats from disparate elements that need to be combined, to insure Capricorn success. “Girlfriend busted me but two of her ‘soccer mom’ friends liked it.” Count that as a Capricorn win?

Aquarius

What I lead with, when working my Aquarius material? “Aquarius is the least stubborn of all the fixed signs, you know, air and all.” However, we must embrace the fact that Aquarius is, indeed, a fixed element, despite the air association. And while the term “stubborn” is too strong, tenacious and dependably independent still ring true. There’s a special kind of Aquarius flavor to the times, but not everyone gets it. This flavor also suggests change, and the stubborn Aquarius is going to suggest that the item need not be changed. But it might need to be changed.

Maybe.

Maybe not.

Maybe this is a good idea, after all, I don’t know, and then? “Let’s examine this idea, under hard, harsh, cold reality.” Tough words, but the closer the examination? The more likely that need for the Aquarius kind of change becomes apparent. The biggest obstacle to this change, at one level, someplace along the next few days, this doesn’t seem to come from Aquarius, and as such? There tends to be a tiny amount of that stubborn energy, digging in one’s heels, “No, nope, not going to happen.” Hint: you’ll eventually see that it was good idea. You can fight this all you want.

Pisces

That one was almost clever, in my mind. It was a video clip playing on the web with advertising at the beginning, the middle and the end, plus a bar across the bottom of the tiny screen. The ad in the middle? “How to get to see videos free of ads!” It was an up-sell proposition, a way to separate cash from a future customer. Having been on both sides the transactions game, I understand. What I was annoyed with was the dubious wording, “How to see the videos ad-free!” The emphasis is on “free” while the ad itself, not quite illegal but into a gray area? “Get our stuff FREE of advertising!” Yeah, no. In the example, no link because wasn’t worth it. But in the example? It’s — in my mind — guilt by association. Not really guilty, but such a close call, not really that deceptive, but a casual glance has some unwitting fool parting with cash for something that was advertised as “free.” Recent events have left Pisces a little more agitated? Aggressive? Agitated and aggrieved, and aggressive? The point is, you come across that same video, click through and buy, then wonder why the free stuff costs money. The agitation? The aggrieved nature and timbre of the times? Read it all, then pause. Then send the money, but pause, first.

Aries

New start. Fresh slate with which to work. Aries has a unique chance to make it all better, now. There is a certain element of the “unknown” that might show up, and that’s part of this equation, the sum total of the pieces in play for the Aries type, a bit of a wild card, to some, a maverick, to others, and a dash of the unknown for some. The keys to this week’s Aries? The big news is in Taurus, the second solar house, and the ruler for the second solar house is in the third house. The ruler of the third is in the first. Got all that? This is about a new idea, or two, or even three. Maybe five, ten new ideas. Launch them all, might look about half-assed, but in the next three days, maybe five days? Get that stuff launched. Most will fail. But one, two, or even three of those will succeed. Take the chance, place the bets, or, as the lyrical refrain might suggest? “Fire all the guns at once!” Might miss it with the musical note (c'mon, that's classic rock!)

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“Nothing runs on automatic.” - L.W. “Bud” Shipley, Jr.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.