Horoscopes for 8.6.2020

Dispatch us with all speed, lest that our King
Come here himself to question our delay;
For he is footed in this land already.

  • Exeter in Shakespeare’s Henry V, (2.4.142-4)

Rebels and rebellions, and such. Shakespeare's Henry V is a fun play, lots of action. Traitors to the crown are dispatched.

Horoscopes for 8.6.2020

The Leo

The Leo
If I had a chance to, if I could? If there really was a “Magic Wand” I could wave about and make one dramatic change — to make life better — for The Leo? What would that one change look like? I’m suggesting magical, wish-list granted kind of event. Win the lotto? Get an ex back into your life? What’s the main desire? It’s birthday time, for the most royal, most valuable, and most wonderful Fixed Fire Sign there is, The Leo.

There is some hint of trouble ahead. There is some indication of a turbulent past. Panic and pandemic aside? In the moment, in the here and now, in the present moment, indulge me a little and think of that one wish. Not three, this ain’t a genie. Not a long litany of matters that need correction in your life, just that one, over-the-top, perhaps a tad selfish, but we’re wishing and hoping here, this isn’t about the future of mankind. One wish, what would it be? Close your lovely Leo eyes, click your heels together three times. Well, still here. I don’t have a magic wand, and I can’t grant wishes. But as The Birthday Leo, you can, within the limits of time and space. Let’s look at that wish and see if there isn’t a way to make that happen, soon.

Virgo

I looked at the list, notes, really, and the food items were, “Bacon, graham cracker, and hummus.” Sounds like a game show or cooking challenge wherein one is tested on preparing some kind dish with those items. Honestly, I doubt I could make sense of that kind of grouping. When I see graham crackers, I’m always reminded of one of the earliest pieces of trivia I happened across, a certain reverend — no relation — Graham invented graham crackers as a whole-wheat food to help prevent the libido from being over-active. Turns out “heart smart” and libido are connected. Who knew? That doesn’t solve the problem of what to do with my list, “Bacon, graham crackers, and hummus.”

What happens, for real? Or, “for reel?” Me and a (Virgo) buddy got in from a long day on the water, and the cabin we were in, guest condo really, was partially stocked from whatever we had left over plus something about his wife and kids and there was some other data that I forget. We could fry the bacon, smear the hummus on the graham crackers and have a bacon/hummus sandwich of sorts. When I’m working on a Virgo horoscope, I want to be solution-oriented. Fished all day, tired, smelly, hungry. Grabbed a quick shower each and headed back out the door to a restaurant just down the road. Solution-based for Virgo? If life gives you bacon, graham crackers, and hummus? Maybe find a sandwich shop nearby. Ingredients like that are kind of a “Gordian Knot,” and I tend to favor an easier solution like Alex did.

Libra

I was corresponding with an old friend, hadn’t seen her in awhile, and I stumbled across a funny image. Something about “Crap, it’s Monday again, thy duplicitous bitch, thou.” I sent the image on Tuesday. My poor friend, with whom I was corresponding, responded quickly, “You do know today is Tuesday, right?” Yes, I knew that all along, but I was having fun, and nothing is better, or more amusing to me, then to feign “Monday Blues” on Tuesday, or even Wednesday. With the various stages of lockdown? Easy to lose track of the days. One buddy works weekends, and has for most of his adult life, so his “weekend” is, like Tuesday and Wednesday, and his “Monday” is Thursday. Friday? I don’t recall. Be willing to shake it up a little.

Scorpio

There’s a literary term for this, when one relishes the pain of another. The angst, the mental anguish, the torture of the others, ultimately, the self-inflicted pain and suffering? Watching someone else do this to themselves, and enjoying it? Yes, there’s a German term for, and at least one non-Scorpio person would suggest that the term really should be “Scorpio-like,” as some folks think Scorpio relishes seeing others suffer — especially when that pain is self-inflicted.

  • Seriously. Some of you people are twisted.

But that’s what this week is all about, learning how to not maliciously smile when other (mostly Cardinal) signs keep doing stupid stuff to themselves, creating more suffering for themselves. “If only you did as I suggested,” smirks the Scorpio. See: this is where I earn my dollars. Don’t do that. Don’t gloat. You are perfectly well allowed to silently enjoy their suffering, but you are not allowed to rub their faces in it even though, you know — and I know, you’re right. If they’d listened, this wouldn’t be a problem. But they didn’t, and now, they have to suffer. Seems that some people just have to learn the hard way. Oh well. No gloating. Doesn’t become you.

Sagittarius

One text suggested this was the best of all possible outcomes for Sagittarius. Another text suggested this was a bad time for the half-man, half-horse persons. Jupiter? Good. Saturn? Bad. Delving into it, though, it’s easy to see an approach that serves us Sagittarius quite well. A little less talk. A little less conversation. A little less perambulating about and making excuses for why we can’t do this or that, or whatever, yes, a little less noise from Sagittarius. A little more direct action. If it’s a problem, this becomes binary, either fix it, or move on. Either option is considered a viable answer. If it can be fixed, then fix it, already — then move forward. If it is too broken to be fixed? Quit trying to salvage an untenable position. If it doesn’t work? If it won’t work, can’t work? Then why beat our heads against the problem? Defies logic, no? “But maybe, if I just hit it hard enough…” Then that shatters into a bunch of pieces, which just makes this whole scenario worse. So if it can be fixed? Fix it. If it can’t be fixed? Move on the next item on the Sagittarius list.

Capricorn

“Man, I try to be an awake person. I drink green tea. I meditate. I do stretches. I’m kind to dogs and lonely people….” There’s a “but” coming soon enough, and there’s no way to be sure what direction that will take, but one can easily surmise by the long list of goodness, that this is headed down a dark road. The old joke is “My mind is bad neighborhood: don’t go alone or after dark.” Use the buddy system to explore the Capricorn options right now, because alone? Yeah, that’s not good. It’s Mars against Pluto and the Capricorn energy loses out on this account. This is one of those, where no one wins, or so it seems. It’s not bad, it’s just, despite the positive effect of both Saturn and Jupiter? There’s a temporary planet passage that brings up darkness. Therein is the problem. Not bad, just a single cloud scudding across the sky to occlude the sun’s light, if only for a moment. It’s a dark moment in an otherwise bright summer’s day. Not bad, not really, but it does seem a little upsetting. I’m here to to tell you what it is. And my solution? Don’t go alone.

Aquarius

There’s this inevitable sense of change, blowing in the wind, billowing along, as if it were driven by some outside force. Seems like certain elements have spun right out of the control of the Aquarius components? Seems like there is some nasty gust of wind that picks up and carries it away from our hands? There was a bit of nasty chop on the bay, the last trip. To be sure, we sailed off under ideal conditions, pictures are on the web someplace, near perfect pre-dawn departure. But as that August sun rose higher and higher in the sky? The wind kicked up. On the one side? This was nice, a stiff breeze to help moderate the searing August sun’s heat. But the other side? The boat ride to safe harbor, and chance to clean fish? It was brutal. Like getting beat up, only, from the inside or the bottom upwards and outwards. Not a pleasant experience. However, you know if you fish with me, when the fish are biting? We stayed and stayed then got the crap knocked out of us on the way back to the dock. That’s this sense of change, blowing in the current Aquarius airs, the local Aquarius atmosphere. There’s the calm before the rough seas, the rough seas themselves, and the welcome relief of dry land. Change. Change is blowing in, and soon. When? This week. Good with the ill, way I see it. I’ll take getting beat up on the ride back if the fishing is that good.

Pisces

Shakespeare’s character, Henry V is a great king. He is a born leader, and proved his mettle on the battle field, and then, at the very end, winning a wife, to seal the deal. The character, on stage, can be played either noble or street. He can be high-born, and royal, or he can be street-wise and canny. The way I’ve read the play, he can be played either way. I watched as one actor tried to play both and it was less than successful. Good show, just, I didn’t get the street-vibe even though he handled himself like it was backroom fight. In this situation, an actor (actor, director, cast ensemble, production) brings an interpretation to the character. Trying to be both, “street” and royalty? I didn’t think that worked, and as a critic, I found flaws in the performance. I prefer it when the actor, or the production, picks one. Either is great, but pick one, don’t try to be everything to all versions. This is akin to the “Swiss Army Knife” approach. The little tools, the scissors, the screwdriver, the nail file, all good for a limited use, but can’t be used over and over like an industrial tool. For Pisces? This means not trying to be everything to everyone. Be the great leader that you are, like Henry V, but pick one version — and it doesn’t matter which one, but pick one.

Aries

Mars, where he is, and as Mars, as a player within the Aries worldview? There is an expectant rush, and a less than focused forward motion. Striving, ever striving, but sometimes, our own Aries selves are unsure of just what it is that we are all so earnestly working towards. My first inclination was to use a child’s old school yard toy — a seesaw — as an example. Yeah, but as a metaphor for Aries? That seesaw gets going so fast it looks like a bird, flying rather than as an Aries situation, swinging back forth between “good” and “bad.” The motion will gradually slow down, but the cacophony of planets in Capricorn keep bouncing this good/bad/good situation back and forth. Like the seesaw, up one minute, down the next. Wait, we’re up again. Now we’re down. The apparent challenge is finding that focus, and while the notion of running up and down on the child’s seesaw is amusing to some of us? It can get boring, and while Aries tends to reward action, action, up and down, back and forth for no reason? That creates a tired Aries still bereft of direction. It is Mars, and that does reward action, but a more focused approach prevents the bird-like fluttering of that Aries seesaw.

Taurus

Just stop already. Seriously, just stop. There’s a kind of agitation, and that sort of irascible irritation serves to drive Taurus forward at the moment, only, you’re totally unsure of the casual target. “No, I’m pretty sure I’m mad at this one (person).” There’s a convenience factor, and that one (person or just a situation) cold appear to be the wooly bugger that is the problem at the moment. What did I start out with?

“Just stop already.”

That one issue, person, situation, whatever it is? That big, old honking object that is standing square in the way of good, forward Taurus progress? Attacking it hasn’t worked yet, has it? “But I’m making progress!” None that the rest of us can detect or measure. “So what should I do, instead, Mr. Smart Aleck fishing guide to the stars person?”

“Just stop already.”

That problem in front of you? If you’ll follow my advice and do nothing? Just stop already? That problem will, next five, perhaps six or seven days, that problem will cease to be a problem. No more challenges, no more obstacles, and this isn’t at all about Taurus except not agitating until the correct answer crops up. And until then?

“Just stop already.”

Gemini

I used to have the opening lines for Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales memorized. It illustrates a point, because the language was “Middle English,” and substantially different from what “English” sounds like now. That’s about 600 years for the language to shift dramatically. I can’t recite the lines any more, and all I can think of at the moment is the opening to T.S.Eliot’s “The Waste Land.” Both poems are about springtime and rebirth. Gemini, I know it’s hot, torpid August, pandemic pressures, but there is a gentle rebirth gradually dawning in Gemini — here’s the hot tip: give it chance to catch up. I tend to rise before the sun and take a walk, weather and location permitting. As language shifts, as definitions and meanings change? There’s an adaptable nature that’s required to tease out the nuances. The “new,” be it rebirth, spring-like, or just plain new? New definitions, new meanings, and new ways to utilize the extant structure of the Gemini language to put forth new ideas. Don’t be afraid to sail the new out there so everyone can see.

Cancer

Attributed to Groucho Marx? From his days as a TV host?

Groucho: “Why so many children?”
Contestant: “I love my wife.”
Groucho: “I love my cigar, but even I take it out of my mouth every once in a while.”

Not fact checked. Applies because, it was funny, that was a super-tame time on TV, and it has a suggestive spin without stepping over mid-century morality. That snark we’re used to in our insouciant youth? The age of irony and its generations? There is something that the Moon children find enjoyable. There is an action, a pleasant pleasure, could be as simple as food, or complex as intriguing problem solving. Kind of depends on what each individual likes. Tastes might vary, but the correct action for this week’s planets and their relative disarray? Give it a rest. Take a break. Pause long enough to enjoy whatever else might be going on, or, better yet, learn to savor the pleasure rather than over-indulging. Then again, for someone like me? I’ll overdo it, every time. I can save you from some of that, think about Groucho’s line.

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About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.