Horoscopes for 5.7.2022

O weary night, O long and tedious night,
Abate thy hours! Shine, comforts, from the east,
That I may back to Athens by daylight,
From these that my poor company detest.
And sleep, that sometimes shuts up sorrow’s eye,
Steal me a while from mine own company.

Helena in A Midsummer’s Night’s Dream (3.2.431-6)

Horoscopes for 5.7.2022

Jupiter taps into Aries May 10, 6:23 PM. Mercury turns retrograde around May 10, 7 AM at 4 Gemini.

The Portable Mercury Retrograde


Taurus I never collected baseball cards. I don’t intend to collect them. However, as an artifact, and as a snapshot of what this kind of week can hold for gentle Taurus? Think of what a baseball card represented. It was a data sheet, a short bio — like my original bio — a snapshot and brief listing of statistics. What made the notion of the baseball card even cooler is that, as a printed artifact, it’s set in a time and place, a certain season, the team that the player played for, the most recent runs, hits, pitches, whatever was the important data? It was, at the time of the card’s printing, current. What’s most important recall, is that this is a printed form, and that means, what is committed to print, that’s there, with those numbers, forever. Again, I know almost nothing about baseball, and I know even less about baseball cards, but as an idea, a way to approach this holiday, birthday, whatever-day for Taurus? Think in terms of a baseball card. Good publicity still on one side, action shot on the reverse, vital stats, seasons’ averages, and overall numbers. All on a card that’s not much bigger than a business card. Think: baseball card. That’s size, statistics, biographical data, images, and whatever else is necessary.


This is an opportunity, this is a chance, this is the one time, the one time when you can make one of those mistakes on a grand scale. Not just large error, but a billboard-sized mistake. Due to the largely contentious clientele I’ve seen over the years? I could see this being one of those mistakes that is enlarged and enhanced by social media, and other, similar ways of spreading amusing notations. Wasn’t bad enough that you were greeted at the airport with sign that said, “Welcome back from drug rehab!” What’s worse?

What happens, with this kind of Retrograde Mercury up against the way Jupiter just bumps into Aries? It’s not bad enough that the family greets you like that, but it gets turned into a meme that won’t die, and lives on perpetuity — on the inter-webs. One of those reminders that pops up every year or so, and guess what, dear Gemini? That’s the kind of life a mistake can have. If you’re going to make an effort, remember that the consequences can live on, and on, and on.


“Check under the hood,” it’s an outdated expression. However, as a sentiment for The Moon Children? As a Cancer elemental sense of what to do? “Check under the hood.” It referred to popping the front engine cover on a typical American automobile. Check the oil. See if the radiator needed fluid. Look at the transmission fluid. If the fluid was really cloudy? Change that stuff. Or offer a service. Before setting out on a long journey? Always “Check under the hood.” Last couple of vehicles I’ve driven? More appliances than car with character. A hybrid was fun, and I miss the mileage. I don’t miss the lack of seat-of-the-pants performance, but this is a more modern era. All the newer vehicles just have warning lights and electrical engineering that makes “checking under the hood” a mere reference, rather than an actual action. Pop the hood and look? Yeah, looks like there’s a motor in there, someplace under all the plumbing, wiring, sensors, and whatever else. So I doubt you’re really going to pop the bonnet on a vehicle and poke around at the motor parts. But as the expression, for the next few weeks? “Check under the hood.”

The Leo

Everybody else is freaking out about (something). That parenthetical (something), if you pause long enough to examine the problem, the challenge, the obstruction? It’s of no matter to The Leo. Let me reiterate that last point, as this is pretty important, especially now, the problem — the challenge — the obstruction? It is of no matter to The Leo. Stop getting worked up over a particular event that you have zero control over, and that has virtually nothing  to do with the outcome of your very Leo movements. There’s one who will cry, “But it matters — it’s the principle!” There is a time when one should stand on one’s principles, and this isn’t the time. A moment’s pause, a simple bit of reflection, and you’ll realize I’m right in that this perceived problem really has no bearing on the outcome of The Leo’s life. No real influence. If there’s no real influence? Why are we getting worked up about it? “But it’s just wrong!” You’re right; it’s wrong. But this has no direct influence — and arguing avails you naught.


Dialing and driving. For a period of time, a buddy of mine, not a Virgo, would dial me up on certain afternoons and he would chat away, as he threaded old Austin traffic. Old Austin traffic is no different from the current mess, but the streets were narrower. Same distance, same amount of time spent waiting, just different — but the same. I’m not even sure — there’s a new generation who doesn’t know what “dialing” means. Still, the notion was my buddy would hop in his car, hit the speed dial on his phone, and chat with me about females, work issues, fishing, the new boat, and the dirt bike he was going to get. More recently, this has come back in vogue, as I have a few clients who still “drink and dial,” that is, have a few too many adult beverages and want a reading, or exercise an urge to fill me in on how wrong I was last time. This starts out like a typical Mercury in Retrograde period. It will, eventually, morph into something else, but for now? Usual warnings apply, and one of those? Don’t drink and drive. Don’t drive and dial. And? Don’t drink and dial.


There’s another quote from Shakespeare, I’ve used it before — here 12.9.2021. The quote is about repetition being the way to learn a particular task. I’ve heard this variously referred to as the “10,000-hour” rule. Repeat a process, over and over, for 10,000 hours and it becomes habit, a learned action, a way of reacting with poise and control in the face of certain uncertainty. I’ve toyed with variations on the theme, ways to improve, perfect, or just get better at a given task. There are some tasks I’ll never master, like grammar. Doesn’t stop me from trying, though, and I make an effort to learn and grow, as much as I can, each time I start typing. It’s not me, it’s the fingers. Their fault, but the Shakespeare quote, and the idea of repeating a process for tens of thousands of hours, or just tens of thousands of repetitions? Shakespeare pointed it out, but I’d reiterate the motion, and for Libra? Think that “Practice makes perfect,” and while nothing will be perfect, we can get better at it, with constant repetition.


I got a catalog, really, it wasn’t addressed to me, it was addressed to a previous resident — or current occupant. Makes me “Current occupant.” As such I flipped through the slick, glossy catalog. Cool stuff. Tools. Tools I don’t need. Hardware for a specific service, and a task that I can accomplish, quite well, thank you, with a Leatherman set of pliers, an old screwdriver, and some personal know-how. No fancy tools are required. Not needed, not wanted, I mean, the catalog was cool, and there’s very specific tool for each step of the process, and then, those tools need to be wiped down with an oily rag since they are all high-carbon steel, and preferably, the tools would all then be stored in a specialty case that looks like it was built just for that collection of hardware. Or, as I’ve mentioned, pliers and an old screwdriver, works just as well. Not quite as cool, but function is what this is about. I liked that catalog and kept it for a few days, lingering over the photos of the hardware, a feeling akin to lust growing. Eventually, I tossed the catalog in the recycle, and forgot about it. Forgot until I looked at the stuff in Taurus, vs. Scorpio. Do you need those tools? No. Want? Sure. I still think, though, it’s cooler to say, “Look, I did this with just a pocket multi-tool, and old screwdriver.”


There are several “toys” I like to keep handy. I’ve got, just as an example, two or three pairs of portable field glasses, mini-binoculars, so to speak, useful for looking at far away things up close. I was always going to use them for bird watching, but the idea of guy standing there, in a South Austin Trailer Park, looking around with binoculars was unsettling for many of the neighbors. Periodically, I dig out a pair of the binoculars, and threaten to use them to observe birds. There are owls, hawks, a personal favorite — Crested Caracara — plus various jays, cow birds, and so forth. The hawks are the most interesting, and the Mexican Eagles are the most regal with a severe crest that looks truly regal and commanding. Again, just birds, and so far, I’ll think about the binoculars, fetch them out of the drawer, and promptly forget. Out walking, I’ll spot the raptors, the carrion feeders, and the ancillary avian life, but I won’t have those handy viewing devices. Just not the same. Right tools, wrong time. Right time, but the tools are at home, on the desk, where I wouldn’t forget them. As a reminder, that’s how this goes, Mercury and all, right tool, wrong place. Or the tools are carefully laid out in the workshop, and we’re on the road.


Ever face a decision, and realize, in advance, you’re going to do the “wrong” thing, but it will be fun? “I might not be right, but this will be vastly amusing!” The typical nonCapricorn rejoinder? “What could possibly go wrong?” I’m afraid I lack that enthusiasm, nor do I share that outwardly hopeful outlook — I can see how this can go wrong a number of different ways. But I’m not Capricorn. You are. That special Capricorn element plays into this hand we’ve been dealt. Might not be right, but it will be fun. Might get caught, but then again, what’s the worst that could happen? My suggestion? Go ahead and go for it against my recommendations, and understand this it will probably fail, but that doesn’t mean you didn’t have a grand time on the way down. Enjoy.


Has it come to this? In a simple answer? Yes, it has come to this. The barriers, safeguards, directions, and legislation, has left my precious electronic communications vulnerable to rampant misuse. What I do? If you don’t e-mail me a phone number, my “secretary” may not recognize the number you’re calling from, and I might not catch the call. Probably won’t even see the call. While my methods seem quaintly archaic, by many more modern standards, I’ve found that this is a system that works, and I’ve only had confusion a time or two in the last year. Kind of what I follow, how it works. Not what it looks like, not what is said, or not said, or whatever, no, none of that. Does it work? After a fashion, this has proven to be the most effective way — for me. Among more than one group of friends, I’ve been chastised for not keeping up with the latest and greatest, but I’m not about removing barriers, I’m about convenience. What’s easiest for me. What’s easiest for my way of working. Don’t text me. Now I sound like a cranky old man, but there is that. Don’t text, and unless we have a pre-arranged call? I might not answer. If you’re calling from a number I don’t already have on file? See how this works, and what this means, for bountiful Aquarius? If it works, no matter what kind of archaic system it is, if it works? Stick with that.


Quick Pisces question, “What did you learn?” This is a review phase of the pattern. Various lucubrations yield useful data points. Next few weeks, for Pisces, it’s all about stringing together that data, those various pieces of apparently disparate natures, and threading some sense into the mess. It’s like beading, you know, you’ve got a strand of wire, and you’re threading little nuggets of data onto that strand, trying to see what the connection is. You have an idea, but until all the information is in one place, it’s hard to see that pattern. Beginning by using Mercury in Retrograde to gather the different points you’ve got, get them all together in one place.

The Portable Mercury Retrograde.


There’s a whole lot of talking, and not a lot of action. The fallacy with that statement is that, grammatically, the verb forms should agree. Like, “There’s a whole lot of talking, and a lot of acting.” N.B., the grammar guards were not consulted. However, discussing my grammar, and pointing out my apparent misuse of the language? That distracts from what the message is, or should be, and it’s about less talk, more action. Less discussion about what will happen, and more doing. Mercury just adds fuel to this equation, which is why I suggested, more acting, less talking. More doing.

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About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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