Horoscopes for 3-26-2024

How far your eyes may pierce I cannot tell:
Striving to better, oft we mar what’s well.

Albany in Shakespeare’s King Lear 1.4.254-5

Horoscopes for 3-26-2024

  • Eclipse 3/25 12° Ari./Lib.
  • Mercury RX 4/2 27° Aries

Horoscopes for 3-26-2024


Aries“Technology” developed on a weird arc. My first “laptop” computer, despite living in a place where storage came with quite a premium, I held onto that computer for various sentimental reasons. It served me through a half-dozen girlfriends, then as the birthplace of the current iteration of website material, and that laptop lasted more than four years on the road, as a useful tool. It was a gift, then, almost like a family heirloom. Speaks to the sturdy nature of the construction in its day, after the turn of the millennia, seems like tech became disposable, with a lifecycle measure in months and billing cycles, not years. That strange arc, for technology? It applies in Aries. It’s about a piece of equipment in your Aries life that functions just fine. The latest and greatest technology is wonderful, but if you’ve got something that works, might not have the most recent upgrades, but it functions well enough? Maybe that’s better. Ever notice how easy the new ones break? Happy birthday, Aries, yeah, happy birthday.


There must be some universal law that applies to this. I was dropping off my package of tax receipts, documentation, bookkeeping pages, and other related materials to the tax guy. I’ve used the same service since college, although the service is on its third owner, and it is still in Arizona. Just as soon as I dropped my mailer off at the post office, it slid behind the slot of no return? I opened the mail box to find one last piece of spurious investment data that needed to be added to the tax bundle. What this means for Taurus?

That last piece of tax documentation, I think it was a late income statement from some tiny investment, where the paperwork doesn’t justify the return. But I’m precise about taxes. So I bought another quick-mailer, and dropped the stuff in the mail to the guy. Happens almost every year, and at the last moment, there’s always one piece that wasn’t included. I can scan it, and email it, fax it (not really), or just mail. But that last bit of documentation would never show up until after I mailed the stuff in. How it works. For Taurus? Know what this means?


I seem to have run out of ways to express this kind of energy. It’s about situations where there seem to be no correct answers. Feels like how it is going to be for the next few weeks in Gemini. Just letting you know. It’s a binary situation, and it doesn’t matter what answer your Gemini selves pick, since there has to be one answer or the other, doesn’t matter, see binary? Has to one or the other, right? Wrong. Doesn’t matter which answer our Gemini selves picks, that’s the wrong answer. “But I was going to guess the other one!” Then this would’ve been the right answer the one you guessed would’ve been wrong. Feels like the game is rigged, and it might be, but I doubt it. It’s the other guys, the outside forces, the material that lies beyond the grasp and scope of the Gemini realm of control. In other words? Mercury is retrograde. Don’t fight it. Second guess all you want, it’s like a three-card monte, there is basically no way to win because the quick hands of the performer. Sleight of hand, can’t win. There’s a good chance the performer, the guy dealing the cards, there’s a high probability that the card you’re looking for is up his sleeve, and won’t appear until you’ve lost all your money.


CancerI liked “Mercury is in Gatorade, stay hydrated.” It was a buddy from the shop and he thought it was amusing because in his words, “Isn’t Mercury like always retrograde?” Yes. No. But this one hit because it’s in fiery Aries, and that creates undue consternation for Cancer’s, the Moon Children’s business sector. In traditional astrology, the place where commerce takes place will suffer accordingly. Let’s rewrite right. The Mercurial influence and you’re feeling this already, but the sideways, sidelong, backwards spin to the apparent position of the planet of communication affects the Cancer’s place of work. Business deals, about 80% of them, seem to have a flaw or two in the making. Inherent design, deliberate intrusion, or just accidentally overlooked? Sort of depends. The usual warnings, disclaimers, and dire outlooks still stand, but a simple “second time over,” can save much trouble. I’m all about saving you the trouble. Look it over a second time, maybe a third, just to be sure you got it all right, correct tone, and the words aren’t misspelled.

The Leo

Leo heartI read a lot of books. Almost all are in digital format, but that’s just me, your preferences might be different from mine. However, I start way more books than I finish. “Life is too short for bad coffee,” or, in this version, “if I don’t like a novel, I don’t bother.” Which means I have more false starts than successful completions. Some novels drag on and on. Some novels are a little too easily predictable. Some are too graphic and don’t suit my tastes. Only way to know? Start reading. There’s maybe a handful of authors that I trust enough that I will frequently buy the hardcover when it’s released, and sometimes, I’ll even get or buy a digital copy. None of this is really new, but as I’ve aged, I’ve gotten shorter and shorter with the amount of time I’ll give a novel. If it doesn’t grab me in the first few pages, if there isn’t a stylistic, plot-driven, lovable (or hate-able) character, or some kind of insane action? Might lose me. If there are obvious holes in the material, I get lost. Look: I make mistakes2, too. But when I run into one that is glaring, obvious, or otherwise egregious? I put the novel aside. Why I like library books for starters. In case my point isn’t clear, dear magnificent Leo, borrow — or rent — before you buy. Unless you’re really sure.


On the road to, from Austin3? There was a large piece of truck tire, a retread, middle of the highway. Cars on the left, and big truck on the right, the safest route for me? I ran right over it. Got over most of it before the tail-end piece flipped up and dented the front license plate of the car I was driving. No big deal, and one I wasn’t worried about, not at first, figured it was just a scratch, a flesh wound. Later, when I had chance to more closely examine the damage, the license plate was pretty creased. Not folded in half, but the retread made a sizable dent. Navigating like this, on the highway trying to figure the best route for the little car? I have to be constantly alert for big trucks and blind spot vehicles, and then? Some days? Road hazards, like that spun-off retread that was no longer attached to a tire. I would complain, try to find fault, or figure someone to blame, but it’s just a fact of life on the highway, a normal hazard. I slowed down, but I couldn’t get around it, hemmed in like I was, so I just went over it, mostly with no damage and very little problem. Like a scorpion’s stinger, though, that last little bit nailed the front plate. Other than that? No harm, no foul, no problem. Virgo: you have to go over this one. Less problems if you do. Might slow down; might speed up. Depends.


LibraThere’s an arrogance of youth that I miss. Older, maybe not wiser, but certainly older now? What it amounts to is that I’ve been there, and done that4. I am — by no means — a paramount of virtue, no, that’s not it. I am a shattered hulk, as I’ve made those mistakes, time and again, and I have scars to prove it. Or better, I didn’t just make the mistake, once, I would do it two, three times, just to be sure it wasn’t working out. One mistake is a choice, two, three times — or more? Like me? That’s more about a conscious decisions to keep repeating the same ill-conceived action. Libra, gentle sign of the scales, do I have you attention about mistakes and arrogance? The error of arrogance stems from a typical, “I got this,” to “no need to worry, we can fix this,” to any number of other combinations, but the idea that it is easily correctible is the problem. That situation, that issue, it can be fixed, but easily? That’s the part that concerns me; and it should concern our Libra selves, as well. “No, man, I got this.” If you think so, then, by all means, go ahead.

“A little help, please?”

Thought you got this one.


Tomatillo and Jalapeño hot sauce — look, listen, I’ve had both. Locally, a green salsa is included, and usually, it is Jalapeño-based, so it’s hot like that. Or, it can be a green-tomato, a tomatillo-based version, with a citrus like quality, but not too hot. There’s been a local chain that is named for that salsa, “Tomatillos.” Guess that doesn’t matter. Around the corner, though, there was another place, and in an effort to set themselves apart? It was green salsa, and I figured, South Texas and all, it would be a jalapeño-flavored hot sauce. I shook a little out on the eggs. The green salsa was the texture of the tomatillo-based sauces I’m used to, but the flavor was the jalapeño-hot kind I like. Interesting, someone, back in the kitchen there, concocted a perfect green sauce, or a perfect green sauce for me. Jalapeño-hot but with the citrus-like tomatillo base. For Scorpio? Blend. Blend, combine, and search for that perfect combination that hugs both sides, and brings them together in a near-perfect concoction.


I developed a very bad habit of knocking twice on the table top in front of me, and saying, “I’m out.” Gentle rap with my knuckles, not hard enough to break the skin or even cause a bruise, no, more a gesture than a real motion. “That’s it. Tap out. Not my deal.” Followed by a handful of cliché-like terms, “Don’t have a horse in this race,” or “that dog won’t hunt,” or any other silly aphorism to convey, “It’s not my rodeo, so it’s not my bull to ride.” There’s much coming unglued, and none of this sticks to Sagittarius — and one Sagittarius? Screams, “But it’s a very big deal!” Yes, yes it is. It is a very big deal — to the other people — not to our Sagittarius selves. “But it bothers me!’ Question, questions, “Does it cause immediate physical discomfort?” Or, “Does it cause immediate pain?” Or, “Is this an emotional issue?” Sooner, or later, digging through the questions? We get to the point that this isn’t an issue. It is an issue especially for those involved, but we’re off to one side. Rap those knuckles on the table top, “I’m tapped out.”


CapricornOne word. One word to rule your week ahead, one expression, a simple acronym, easy to remember? I like to make this easy for Capricorn because, lord only knows, no one else tries to make it simple for you guys. I do have an abiding faith in Capricorn, the sign of the Sea Goat, or old goat, or any number of other, less complimentary, but sarcastically amusing names for Capricorn. Some of the names are pejorative, others, in a weird way, really do define the essence of Capricorn, being alternatively impecunious, illegitimate, or “other.” Yeah, not many people understand the strength and beauty inherent in the magnificent Capricorn form, and that gets overlooked, frequently unobserved. But that doesn’t cover what needs to be covered at this moment. There’s a pressure, an insistence, and what to do? Or what not to do? Simple acronym for the week ahead? TMI. Stands for “Too Much Information.” The secret? Don’t give us too much information.


My own, early misconception about what it takes to do what I do? I imagined I would be quartered in the attic of a rickety old building, preferably a small cell, perhaps some bats living under the eaves, outside the window. Late nights, by the light of a candle alone, I would be toiling away, a long plume from a quill describing looping figures in the still of the moon-lit night, little motes of dust swirling around. I thought I would look like a cross between a wizened wizard and a mad scientist. Odd mornings that don’t involve fishing poles and water? I stumble out of bed, stagger to the kitchenette, and make some kind of coffee. It’s a very different scenario from what I imagined. I don’t like working late nights, but some morning moments between dead sleep and fully caffeinated, there’s a sweet spot. As the fallout from this last astrological event5 starts to settle, Aquarius is desperately seeking that sweet spot between underwhelmed, damn near asleep and overly-stimulated with that extra cup of coffee you might not should’ve had. Aquarius is looking for that sweet spot.


The first — and significantly last — project that I did? Some years back, I saw an item, thought I could build it myself, so I undertook the task. I sketched out a plan, made a list of materials, and the crucial piece was not locally available so I shopped online. Only a couple of bucks, but shipping nearly doubled the price. Still, between that and the hardware store then lumberyard, I got my item assembled. I also discovered that all that toil and trouble? I was unimpressed with the outcome, the fruits of my own labor. Sure, looked cool, and, of course, it was handmade — by me — but it lacked something. More effort than it was worth, is how I would break that down. While there is a feeling from building it myself, from a rough sketch to finished project? The problem was availability of arcane and specialized parts all online. I’m not undertaking any more projects that require such specialized pieces and bits. Pisces? Just because we can order the parts to build it ourselves, do we need to? Want to? I mean, I get it, I did that. Once.

  1. You know the drill, right?
  2. cf. the fineprint.
  3. cf., astrofish.net/travel
  4. In Latin? “Ibam ibi, feci id.”
  5. Full Moon, Eclipse, &c.
  • Aperture: ƒ/1.8
  • Camera: iPad Pro (11-inch)
  • Taken: 29 November, 2022
  • Flash fired: no
  • Focal length: 3mm
  • ISO: 64
  • Shutter speed: 1/60s

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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