Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 5.28.2015

“The great enemy of truth is often not the lie — deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth — persistent, persuasive and unrealistic.” (JFK)

Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 5.28.2015


GeminiThis happens when I’m asked about building websites, something I’ve done as an adjunct to my business, for many years. I tend to teach “process” rather than specific, individual steps because the process doesn’t change whereas software can get updated about half-dozen times in a single cycle. Process, not steps. There’s a second part of the process that I teach, as well, it involves following all of the instructions, not just some. My favorite Gemini response? “Well (long pause) I didn’t get that part so I skipped it.”

And now it’s broken.

Can’t skip anything, not this week. Read the instructions. Follow the steps, all of them. No skipping around, no typical Gemini non-linear activity. Doesn’t work. Everything in the proper order.


Buddy of mine, me, we were fishing, and he took his wife along. I get along with her fine, she likes to be by the water, we like to fish, everyone wins. But that night after fishing all day, me and my buddy, we’re watching TV and talking about fishing while she was reading a book on her iPad.

I can watch TV, in a fishing camp, or read a book, or talk with my host about where we’re going to fish the next day. One at a time. Single item. His wife was watching one of those “reality” shows, and reading a book, no problem.

I’m a guy. One or the other, not both, not all three, can’t multitask like that, not now. As the Moon Child, this is not gender specific, but as a Cancer? Can’t multitask right now. Not this week. Pick one and stick to it. Watch stupid TV. Read a book. Not both, or, although some of you can, not all three.

The (mighty) Leo:

Look down, right now, look down at your phone or your tablet. Might even be reading this horoscope on such a device, and anyway, look down, look at it. For example, on my phone, the first two “pages” of icons are apps that I use frequently. There’s a third page of stuff that I thought I might use, but never have. Tablet, phone, computer, whatever.

Before the moon gets totally full? Next couple of days is best, but before the full moon? Delete those apps that you planned to use, but since you’ve had this one model of phone, those apps you’ve never used. Delete them. Right now. Toss. This is a reminder for me to to do the same, but for Leo, mighty, mighty Leo? Toss that material that you’ve been meaning to use, but haven’t used. Expiration date, check the “Use By” date and if it is more than a year out-of-date? Toss. Some items are hard to let go of, I know, but trust me, you’ll be happier by the Full Moon, if you toss it out now.


VirgoI warned you about this, and you went and made a big deal out of it, and now what do you have? Zip, nada, nothing. Of course, there’s the patterned, trademarked Virgo dramaturgy that has followed us around, but this Mercury Retrograde is no different than others. Except that you didn’t listen, and now what’s happened?

“You said it would probably fail, so I’m guessing, this is your fault, Kramer, for my project failing so miserably. I was humiliated.”

I warned you about the usual Mercury Retrograde list of items that had to happen to move you forward and you didn’t listen. This particular series of events is marred by Mars, also in Gemini, next to Mercury, and well, that just takes a situation and cranks it up higher, hence the Virgo dramatics.

Well, like I’ve often quoted, “If you can’t be right, be wrong at the top of voice.”


There was a local bookstore, called “The Thai Princess.” With a name like that, I sort of expected Thai Food, not a bookstore. I tried, valiantly, several times to arrange a book signing, to have my books for sale in that shop, anything. Nothing. I got to be friendly with a clerk, but she was just part-time help, as near as I could make out. After several attempts, I just stopped trying.

As a Libra, when is it time to give up? When is it time to say, “Enough is enough?” How do you know when you’ve reached your limit on whatever you can take? I tend to favor the indie bookstores, labels, writers and artists, as there’s a raw edge not found elsewhere. However, that one bookstore? After several failed attempts to get my books placed there, I gave up. Three strikes, and I’m down. Not out completely, but at this point, it’s up to them. I can only do so much.

As a Libra, when do you say, “Enough?” When have you exerted enough efforts and met with no prospects of success, and just want to pack it up and call it quits? I still swing by that bookstore when I’m at the downtown mall, just to see, but I’m not trying to get my books there, not anymore. Mercury, compounded with Mars? Is it enough already?


You can make this work, if you want to. However, there’s the lingering effect of a retrograde Mercury that does seem to hamper your good, Scorpio forward progress. Here’s an idea, try three different approaches to solve this problem. Not one, three. Minimum of three, might take four or five, see what happens. But try three, at the very least. With Mars, in Gemini, the first two might get foiled. The third works because it’s a variation on theme, not the exact same thing.

If you try the exact, same thing, three times in a row? And those three attempts fail? Can’t blame me — or the planets — because I suggested that the planets suggested three different approaches. Part of this is Mercury’s pattern, but part of it is Mars, in mutable Gemini, and Gemini is the sign of the twins, so it takes more than two tries, each time, maybe three or four. Or more. This isn’t supposed to confound you, either, no, now that you’re aware of the source of the trouble, and the easy solution, now you know you can look forward to trying this, three, four, maybe even five or six time, with a different approach, each time, see what works.


Sag“Dude, before that last girlfriend of yours? Complete makeover, what she did to you. You were a slobbering, hulking, smoking wreck of a human, barely able to form a coherent sentence, and you were busy humping everything in the street. Yes, she did a number on you, all dressed up and clean-cut, now.”

One of my fishing buddies was talking about the last girlfriend, and how she cleaned me up. Seriously, the only change I was able to see was I curtailed some bad language and since she bought the shirts, my taste in attire got better. Not much of a change. “Oh no, she did a real number on you, totally cleaned you up. Totally. Dude.”

Sure, whatever. Perceptible shifts and perceptions from my fishing buddy’s point-of-view. Not a big change to me, but — apparently — a big one from where he was.

In Sagittarius, there are some slight changes required. Almost sleight-of-hand, like that old girlfriend, not big, not dramatic, not sweeping, just a better cut and color of shirt. Consider the slight change of direction, heralded by the marked Saturn placement, and Mars, opposite us, fueling an urge to change something. Slight. Sleight-of-hand. One of those.


I was fishing with a guide, at the coast, a little afternoon bay fishing. “Man, Monday was rough. The tide was coming in and the wind was blowing out.” Tough times to fish, not impossible, just not as easy as other times. I’m sure pictures are on a website someplace, me and the fish we caught.

As a Capricorn, if it’s not tinged with some air of difficulty, then it might not even be remotely interesting, here’s the deal, tide is coming in and the wind is blowing out. Or the wind is coming in, and the tide is going out. We weren’t fishing on that Monday, but I recall, the conversation started because most of the guys I’ve fished with, the conversations starts like this, “Wow, should’ve been here (yesterday, last week, Monday), the fish were really biting then.”

No, in fact, they weren’t biting then, which is why I opted not fish that day, but another day. Like I suggested, images on the website, proof enough. Fishing itself is a perfect Capricorn activity for now. However, you’re going to be faced with some stiff weather conditions, unlike me, and you’ve got an outgoing tide but incoming wind. Blame Mercury, blames Mars, just be aware that it’s tough, not impossible.


“He was looking at you like a fat man looks at fried food.” I’m unsure of the origins, think it was from a Texas movie, but again, I can’t place the quote. However, context or not, that’s the sentiment for this week’s Aquarius outlook. There’s a hunger in the Aquarius soul, and some people see that like the expression. Desire, lust, wanton longing, something like that.

I can’t correct the orbit of the planets and their relative position to us, but here in Aquarius land? There’s an open “wanting” of something, just like a fat man looking at fried food, yes, just like that. The biggest problem is that Mercury. Mercury and Mars. Mercury, Mars, and the Sun. There’s a confusion about what you’re looking at. Might be right for you. Might not be. Ever have the diet food like “Flour-less, sugar-free chocolate cake?” It’s like that. Bland, tasteless, kind of flat, and nothing in it that satisfies. Therein is the problem, and the solution? Keep looking for that fried food, or whatever it is that you’re seeking. Doesn’t mean it’s the right time to pounce on it, not just yet. Close, but not yet. Yearning? Yearning is good. Unless you’ve got Mercury Retrograde in your natal chart, and you know who you are by now, maybe the desire is better than the attaining of the object of desire.

“He was looking at you like a fat man looks at fried food.”


PiscesA certain Pisces was out of work for a spell. Finally got a new position, good gig, and all of this came through on schedule, just as the “oracle predicted” (me). The problem being, that one Pisces got used to lazy days, get up, surf the web for a job, watch daytime TV, walk the dog, go to the grocery store when it wasn’t crowded, usually about ten AM on a Tuesday, the life of leisure.

The job pays way better than unemployment, and the position is respected, even got an office — just for one. Office, with walls — not a cubicle! So there’s the Pisces ability to manifest, like manifesting that job, and then, there’s the Pisces problem, like manifesting that job. Working, traditional employment, hampers daytime TV, channel surfing, languorous days at the shopping mall, that sort of problem. The planets portend powerful Pisces manifestation in the next few days. Very powerful. Careful what you ask for. You might get it. Might be Mercury delayed, but you’ll get it.


“I want to do this RIGHT NOW!” Yes, and I’d suggest you wait. What can follow, if you want all the details, ask me, but there’s a long “Yes/no” exchange between me and an Aries. If astrology is about picking a good time? This isn’t a good time to start. It’s not a bad time, by no measure is it a “bad” time, but not a great time for embarking on that new endeavor, which is why I was suggesting “No,” which should be translated as “Not yet.”

It’s not a total “No,” just a hint that the time might not be perfect yet. Part of this is Mercury, and he gets his mercurial loins all in a-twitter because Mars is so close at hand, and then, this is made worse with the Sun in voluble Gemini. Just more chatter and less action. Which, in short, is what I started with. More chatter. Less action. Might hurt the Aries, a little to not act on something that seems so decisive, but putting it off can help. More chatter, less action. Fewer problems, later, when it is a good time to act.


Ex-wife showed up, trying to convince me we had “unfinished business.” We don’t. Marriage wasn’t so much a mistake as a learning experience, youthful indiscretion, and tiny amount of fate sprinkled across the top of a series of — basically — bad decisions, on my part. We all have skeletons in our past. One came back to visit. Older, more mature, or, at least, I have lot more hours on my motor than before, and I can see a situation for what it is. In this example, it wasn’t good for me. Nothing was going to be beneficial for me. The emotional toll was a too high a price for promised, proffered gains.

Mercury Retrograde tends to bring former lovers back into our lives. Saturn, at the gateway to Sagittarius, tends to bring the wheel of karma around. Where do you stand? This week? In Taurus? Follow me, follow my example, it is okay to — politely — demure and refuse the request. No reason to get ugly about it, just gentle “No” might help. Or better yet? “Not yet, baby, not yet.”

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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  • anca May 28, 2015 @ 19:33

    well, I have a Gemini moon … and Nothing that I am doing lately is being done in order. Had the electric up-graded before the permit.., paid for the work before the invoice…. I guess none of this will go right or will need to be re-done. Probably at the next Mercury retrograde.

  • Kramer Wetzel May 29, 2015 @ 19:26

    Maybe doing it backwards was part of the Mercury Retograde plan.