5.26.1997

Week of: May 26-June 1

Nor can I fortune to brief minutes tell,
Pointing to each his thunder, rain and wind,
Or say with princes if it shall go well,
By oft predict that I in heaven find:

Shakespeare’s Sonnet XIV

Aries : I don’t care how you stack it up, we’ve got any one of a number of nice angles happening to you this week. The biggest one, of course, is that old focus on central authority in your life, but when I was in the military, I found there was something nice about always being told where to go and what to do. No questions to ask. Just do what you are told. So, this week, my fine Aries friend, do what those authority figures in your life tell to do. It’s a good week to be a foot soldier again.

Taurus : Once again, I would concentrate on your focus on the way you earn an income this week. This is not the same as focus on the way you spend you income, wither. And no whining about this week’s forecast: you’ve got some stubborn stars lined up overhead, and these stars will provide you with a great opportunity to show that you are worth something to somebody. Will you take the opportunity or not?

Gemini : The good news is that the Gemini party month is firmly in place. Flip side of the birthday bash is that you are getting a lot older now, and some people would have you believe that you are supposed to act more mature. The beauty of being a Gemini is that you don’t have to act too grown-up, and now that it’s you week or month, you’re not going to. I would be very careful with big-city driving this week, though, because your stars are not in cars.

Cancer : Long, dark knight of the soul. Maybe it’s just an evil specter from past life, or worse, an old flame here to haunt you. Whatever the case may be, you will find that you have some rummaging around the house to do, you know,m put on your slippers, and shuffle around in your threadbare bathrobe, thinking about how you really need to clean out the ice box. What you are doing this week is called “getting ready” because you’ve got a lot of activity coming up real soon, just not quite this week.

Leo : Poor old Leo. You’re getting tired of me picking on you, but I’m not really doing that. All I’m trying to do is to warn you about the number one enemy this week: yourself. You’re experiencing a great deal of unsettling change this week, and if you could just get out of the way, these changes will be very productive. You will found that friends and family will come along and be supportive of you, as long as you let them. The trick is being nice right now.

Virgo : In literature, there’;s this great term called “epiphany” and it usually refers to a little awakening, a sudden realization of just where the plot is going, or just what it is that motivates a particular character. You enjoy one of these this week. It’s a little thing, but with your exacting attention to detail, as a Virgo, you will find that it is a great event. Finally, some of the untoward events in your life will finally make sense. And, maybe, just maybe, you’ll understand why you spend so much money on chasing some fish out in the lake.

Libra : Bass fishing: it’s not for wimps. It takes an expensive boat, lots of high-tech gear, a wide assortment of fishing rods and reels, line, tackle, tackle boxes, lures, and the ever-present question of bait. Looks like the big fellers you’re chasing after are hunkered down in the bottom of the lake. In other words, it isn’t a time for working shallow water areas for fish — you need to go deep. Make sure you have some extra sinkers this week before you hit the lake.

Scorpio : In traditional astrology, this isn’t a good time for your luck. But here at FGS World Headquarters, our relentless effort to uncover the secrets of the universe has proven that you will be lucky this week. Now, you got to work with me on this one — luck can arrive in many different fashions. In this case, it looks like a signed legal document, often referred to as a contract. In other words, the deal you’ve waiting for, well, it should come through this week. At least you’ll get a break in negotiations.

Sagittarius : It’s one of THOSE weeks when the giant whiffle ball in the sky comes sailing in on its erratic course and leaves a bit of good luck with you. The one thing I can tell is to be ready for some unprecedented changes in your lifestyle this week. If it means a new boat? Go for it. New fishing friends? Go for it. New kind of bait? Go for it. New romance? Give it a whirl. Weddings? Just say “no” because I don’t think that’s a good idea this week.

Capricorn : You’ll actually, as a good Capricorn, experience a certain degree of joy this week. Sort of like being on the lake and having a big old “hawg” of a fish jump into your boat. Now, remember, in this case, the fish is a metaphor, but it’s like you’ve landed something really sweet without ever having to do anything about it. I would recommend as much action as possible, though, because you want to make sure you’re in the right place for this fish to land in your boat.

Aquarius : There’s this type of fisher-person you do not want to imitate this week — a weekend warrior with too much money and not enough sense. He goes careening around the lake, not watching where he’s going, fooling around with and electronic fish finder, and never stopping long enough to give the fish a chance to bite. On the VCR of life, try (please, just try) to hit the “pause” button. You don’t want to look too much like a loony bird all scattered over the lake.

Pisces : Pisces are usually such sweet and dear old souls, which means you feel like you shouldn’t be experiencing any trouble whatsoever this week. Doesn’t mean it won’t happen, though, because the world is spinning a new net for you. And with this new net, you will be able to catch just about anything that you want. Remember, dear Pisces friends, you heard it here first.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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