6.16.1997

Week of: June 16-22

“An oath of mickle might!”

in shakespeare’s Henry V, (II.i.66)

Aries : I always like to categorized Aries as “firemen” because you are very good at “shooting from the hip” to swipe an old (and still applicable) term. This week, though, your “shoot first and ask questions later” attitude might just backfire in your face. I know it’s a been a nasty world out there, but some one has to do the cleaning up occasionally. That would be you, this week. So if you are going to pull that trigger, just remember you’ll have to mop up afterwards.

Taurus : I would look to the heavens for some sort of inspiration this week. In fact, you are going to feel like nothing short of divine intervention is going to save you. That’s a problem, uh? No, don’t formulate an answer yet because you have a unique set of planetary influences this week which mean that, at the last minute, when you least expect it, you receiving a saving grace which seems to fall right out of the sky. Remember, when you get hit by meteorite, you heard about it here first. Should be this week, too.

Gemini : Can you imagine a frantic Gemini? Actually, can you imagine a Gemini who isn’t frantic about three quarters of the time? You’ll notice that the usual frenetic pace you maintain is moving into a more relaxed tempo, as this week comes to a close. I would recommend looking into new home furnishing, or even think about putting a bench seat in the bass boat so you could take more folks with you when you fish.

Cancer : That old love thing is kicking around in your sign again, stirring up the hornet’s nest of emotions. My recommendations is the abandon yourself to the BBQ grill. Men love cooking outdoors, especially if there is an element of danger. And with igniting most grills, there is definitely an element of danger. Go forth and explode under this weeks planets.

Leo : After telling the Cancer’s what I told ’em, I realize that you might be a little jealous. Look at this way, my dear Leo friend, this is just a temporary thing for them, and you always carry that passionate, fire-like energy with, at all times. It’s just a little subdued right now. The summer is heating up, and the good stuff just hasn’t kicked in yet, like the fabled afterburners on fighter jet.

Virgo : First of all, this not a store recommendation, nor is a an official FGS product endorsement. It’s just that the shag carpet in your trailer house is getting a bit fragrant. You shouldn’t have let all the fishing buddies over with their muddy boots, nor should you have let hem clean and gut that deer in the living room. The solution to this heady aromatic mess is it is a good week to think about steam cleaning the carpets. Or getting some one else to do some really heavy duty cleaning for you. I warned you about sky-blue shag carpet, didn’t I?

Libra : While Virgo is doing the Deep Cleaning thing, you can do just about whatever it is that you want, provided that you make a mess. It’s not like Libra’s are typically neat clean types, either, it’s just that this is a good week for you to go out and stir up a hornet’s nest worth of trouble. Even though you live in a glass house, it’s okay to throw a few rocks this week. the shards of glass laying around your feet are images which needed to be shattered. Besides, you’re feeling really rebellious this week.

Scorpio : (No Mom, I don’t have any issues with Scorpio’s) This is a good week for the Scorpio in the house because the disruptive planets are still being disruptive, but the Moon glides gently overhead for a little while this week, and that brings a welcome solace to the poor, fevered brow of the Scorpio. The unusual surge in energy level continues, sort of like being hooked up to an unregulated electrical charger. You might wind up the week with your hair standing on end. Don’t say I didn’t try to warn you.

Sagittarius : Dig into the back closet at the home stead. No, this isn’t an urge for you to do something like “come out of the closet,” no I mean this in much more literal sense. You’ve got some old fishing tackle, a favorite lure, a lucky bowling shirt, that sort of thing, lurking away in your back closet. Stuck some place where you had forgotten all about it. This is the week to get in there and dig this stuff out because it has been languishing in the dark too long. You’ll find that your old lucky charms work just as well as they always had, you just need to get to them again.

Capricorn : Fish or cut bait. One or the other. do something. By the time the weekend rolls around for you Sea Goats, the Moon will have made a fast pass at you, kicking some of this indecision into gear. While the prevailing attitude and style of the time suggests that a certain amount of hair spray is no longer useful, and even though it’s in the dead of summer, I would hazard a guess that big hair is the way to go this midsummer’s eve. Make a statement, a fashion statement.

Aquarius : From being the center of attention (you now you love it) to being an outcast, all within 48 hours, you are certainly still feeling the influence of the benevolent Jupiter which is goosing you like a real hot potato. Cap it all off with Uranus (your ruling planet) and there is all kinds of good things going on. The problem you have is that you are changing at a rapid rate, and the people around you, the lesser signs who are not Water Carriers, they can’t keep up with your energy. Please remember us and try to have a little compassion.

Pisces : The problem with Pisces is that the sign, as a whole, is generally associated with Neptune, and that planet is still poking along, retrograde, in Capricorn, the sign of the business suit. So you are still stuck with some less-than-wonderful marketing schemes which are full of promise but still don’t look like, in the real world (ugly words to a lovely Pisces), that these plans are going to bare any fruit soon. They will, but just not soon enough.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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