6.23.1997

Week of: June 23-39

“These giddy loose suggestions!”
in Shakespeare’s King John (III,i,218)

Aries : Did you pull that trigger last week? Do have a mess to clean up this week? Did you listen to the sage advice of your astrologer? Of course not. When do you ever listen to me? I realize that I’m starting to whine a bit about this, but I was just trying to save you from having to do such a thorough housecleaning. Unfortunately, last week you created a mess, and there is no time like the present to get out there and clean it up.

Taurus : This was a quite week, at least, it’s supposed to be. You feeling like “getting away from it all” and I agree with that idea. In fact, I would suggest a decent vacation plan would be a good idea this week. Stay home to avoid the oppressive summer heat. Look the door. Turn off the the telephone. Unplug the computer. If you really want communications, there is always the fax machine right? Whatever you do, it’s definitely a good time to not to go to work. Remember, I suggested it first.

Gemini : The summer solstice has come and gone, and it is officially summer, but you’ve been feeling the heat for a while. But with all the birthday parties behind you you, now is a time to get to work. I understand that work is harsh word, a vile word, but I recommend that you consider the fruits of your labors: money. you are going into a fresh cycle for starting stuff up. Time for a new project at work, despite the summer heat. And time to get your fishing gear ready for a big fishing party again this weekend. Who said the parties were all over?

Cancer : The week starts out with Mercury and the Sun doing a little tango in the sign of the Crab. Means that you will be particularly loquacious this week. Bet you wind up talking a lot and sounding just like a Gemini. You are experiencing some really unusual energy right now, which means if you can strike a balance between work and play, you can do well. Really well, in fact. So good that fish will just jump into your boat, and the boss will give you a pat on the back. Just don’t plan on sleeping too much, and have a happy birthday.

Leo : I like this time of year. The normal, active Leo lifestyle has gotten a little subdued as of late. I wouldn’t worry about it. You have developed a sleepy look in your eyes, and this can be termed as “bedroom eyes.” Use them bedroom eyes as much as you can because you can wind up with a new relationship, starting out this week. Some astrologers talk about hot romance. I think a volcano spewing lava would be a more appropriate metaphor for this week.

Virgo : I wouldn’t say that Virgo’s are compulsive. No, I would never even hint at that. But without a whole lot to worry about this week, in fact, without any troublers whatsoever on your personal horizon, you might worry that there is nothing to worry about. That would be a problem in and of itself. No problems are a problem for a Virgo. I’m tempted to say something tacky like “get over it,” but that doesn’t fly with you guys, either. But you’d better get over it, anyway.

Libra : Remember that song about “fight for your right to party”? That’s what you feel like this week. It’s also a week when I would warn you about fishing with dynamite because the old gamer warden (or other uniformed authority figure) could come along and give you a written reprimand for doing something that is blatantly illegal. Besides, using dynamite as bait has a few risks: loss of fish, loss of body parts, and the ubiquitous “raining down of fish” which can be like “manna from heaven” but it can also be like nightmare. Nope, not a good time for handling explosives. Or explosive situations.

Scorpio : If I were a Scorpio this week, I would nestle down into a nice, cool air conditioned trailer house, in the trailer park, and not go anywhere. Maybe complain about the heat. Look at the lawn turning brown, and then think to myself, “Self, we should conserve water and energy.” (Hint: if the lawn is brown, you don’t have to mow it.) Do you get the idea? Conserve mass and energy this week.. Stay home. If your boss wants you at work, tell him your astrologer said a rock was going to fall on your head so you decided to stay home. I know you’re employer will understand.

Sagittarius : There is a real unusual energy which is defined to hit you like a locomotive train, pulling a hundred cars or more, flat out through the West Texas night. If you’re smart, you won’t try to stand in the way of this oncoming train, because, if you tangle the hard way, you’ll become a little squish mark on the train tracks of life. However, there is a chance that you can stand off to the side of this train, and hitch a ride. That’s the best bet, because it will be the ride of your life.

Capricorn : The long, dark days of summer are here. I would recommend that you soothe your fevered Cappy brow in the shade someplace, perhaps with a nice cool beverage. Here at FGS World Headquarters, the preferred summer drink is Ice Tea. I recommend a long, tall glass of that stuff this week. Just cool it because now is not a time to picking fights you won’t win. Even your family wants to stir up trouble, and like I said before, it’s just too hot for this behavior right now.

Aquarius : Coming or going? Both? Only you can do that, like the true Aquarius that you are. Here at FGS World Headquarters, we always say, “fish or cut bait.” That’s an apt concept for for this week. If you would just take some action, take a step in any direction, the rest of the plan will start to come together. But you’ve got to take that first step. (I hate sounding like a self-help program.)

Pisces : I would just plan on taking the next month off. I mean, the next 30 days or so. You won’t really get much accomplished in the field of work, and no one wants to work in a field when it’s this hot out. Take some time off, kick you feet up, relax a spell, and forget about what’s going on around you in the unreal world of work. Take a vacation pool side, you know, in the backyard. If your trailer house is like ours, then it won’t take too much water to fill up the swimming pool. (Might want to clean out because it was last used for flea dip for the dog.)

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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