10.13.1997

From: ben@dallasnews.com (Ben McConnell)
Reply-to: ben@dallasnews.com
To: kramerw@aol.com (Kramer Wetzel), APSPisces@aol.com
I don’t have that distribution list handy. Can y’all forward to the
proper folks? Thanks. B.

Week of: Oct. 13-19

“O mischief thou art swift
To enter the thoughts of desperate men!”
— Romeo in Shakespeare’s “Romeo and Juliet” (V.i.35-6)

Aries
The way this week starts, anything could be better. Even being a wealthy
Chinese donor in Al Gore’s back pocket could be better. And yes, there
will be some things which are
better, like a real sense of relief in few days. In the meantime, buckle
under and don’t let the pressure
get to you. Some folks call it stress, I just call it amusing. Ask my
editor — he gets more worked up
than I do about missed deadlines. Speaking of which, don’t miss any
deadlines this week or I’ll sic Bubba
after you.

Taurus
I wouldn’t be using a Romeo-style introduction if it didn’t mean that
romantic elements in your life are
heating up. Now, I’ve lectured you about the difference between love and
romance, haven’t I? You need to
be careful, especially with that one relationship that’s warming up
nicely. Try not to drop it in the BBQ
pit this week. It needs more basting.

Gemini
I’ve always liked Geminis, but you tend to fluctuate too much for my
taste. Just ask Bubba: He’s been on the
Gemini RollerCoaster and nearly lost his cookies because it was so
topsy-turvy. And watch those fluctuations
this week. You’re like a pinball game, and the cosmic flippers are
poised to knock you around, bumping up
against the glass and in danger of falling into the proverbial drain. To
continue with the metaphor, you
are also set for a record high score this week, too. Now, imagine this
record score as a slot machine
instead of a pinball game, and you can see how you might reap decent
profits.

Cancer
One problem with being a Cancer is that you are like a so few animals in
the animal kingdom: You like to
mate for life. Your problem this week is that you are against the odds
with the “mate-for-life” ideal.
Lighten up and take a hint from other critters in the animal kingdom: If
you feel like you need to find
that one, true love, read Shakespeare’s “Romeo and Juliet” — they were
young, they were impetuous and (I
hope this doesn’t spoil the surprise for you) they died at the end.

Leo
Finish up your Halloween Costume. While everyone else is worried about
love and romance, you need to look
after your single, most important love relationship: you + you. Sure,
it’s a tad vain, but
don’t worry about it. As long as you look after number 1 (that would be
you, gorgeous), then the rest is
just a piece of delicious cake. Go ahead and work on that costume so
it’ll be a grand-prize winner this year.

Virgo
Forget the romance stuff that everyone else is paying attention to. Have
you done all the preparations for
a good weekend of fishing or hunting? If I were in your boots — an
amazing feat indeed — I would be getting ready for the good stuff.
Careful planning goes a long way to insure success. As you know from
years of careful study and observation, planning is everything. Timing
might need an adjustment. See your mechanic-astrologer.

Libra
This is the very end of the Libra time slot in the Big Tee-Vee Show in
the Sky, and it’s the last time to
enjoy the party atmosphere associated with birthdays. In your case, I
wasn’t joking about your love life
being a good thing. Stick close to home whenever possible, and be
attached to your mate at all times. Use your good
Libra sensibility for heating up romantic possibilities using propane
and propane accessories. Classical
music might help set the mood, but so would some old Willie Nelson. Or
try some Half Street.

Scorpio
I don’t really pick on Scorpios, I just give them a little dose of their
own sarcastic humor. But with
Mercury in Scorpio right now, you find that your humor is particularly
sharp, and the
rest of us need to watch out. Don’t plan on this romance thing actually
taking off anytime too
soon, and by that, I mean this week. To thoroughly mix metaphors in the
Big Blender of Writing, you have more fishing to do before your ship
arrives.
.

Sagittarius
Remember how Romeo was fatally attracted to Juliet, leading to an
unhappy denouement to his life?
Dead bodies everywhere. Of course, it’s no Hamlet. And it’s no Julius
Caesar, either (or “Cannonball Run” for that matter). Why talk about
blood when
romance and love is in the air? Just trying to warn you fellow Sagi
about the possibilities and pitfalls
of the love addiction. Don’t turn your life into one of these
Elizabethan tragedies.

Capricorn
I’m glad you enjoy challenges because that’s what this week is about:
one challenge after another. The
real problem, though, is with the old love life routine. Are you up for
this challenge? In order to confuse you as best I can, let me explain
that the relationship problem this
week doesn’t have to a be a romantic type, it could be a fishing buddy
who’ just difficult to get
along with. No use arguing with him over the kind of bait to buy,
either.

Aquarius
You need to be in two places at once this week. If you happen to have
any cloning technology at your disposal, now is the time to make use of
it. The best plan is to get no sleep whatsoever.
That way, you can actually do everything that you want to do. Two areas
of your life are hot: Finance and
Romance. And rather than say, “pick one,” I suggest that you go with
both. Just no sleep.

Pisces
Love is where you find it these days. In fact, with all the planets
pushing and pulling on you, get out
and stay out as much as possible. Go ahead and sub-lease you apartment.
Plan for a big week, starting on Monday, and watch as this big week
brings you lots of goodies. It’s sort of like a birthday, or an early
holiday. Now do something, and don’t
let Romeo’s ideals get in your way.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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