Week of: Oct. 27-Nov. 2

“Marry, sir, half a day’s journey; and I’ll tell you, he hath
a fair daughter, and tomorrow is her birthday; and there are princes and
knights come from all parts of the world to joust and tourney for her
— First Fisherman in Shakespeare’s “Pericles,” Act II, scene i.

Watch as we all do something special for Ma Wetzel’s Birthday. Fax her
at 214/521-0259.

With the Sun in Scorpio it seems that everyone is sneaky and subversive.
Use your critical judgment. I would never suggest that an Aries tends to
“shoot first and ask questions next week” but this week, use your
critical thinking on problems at hand. Old standards work well. Consider
your options before jumping on the first schmuck that comes along.

You bring a certain intensity to everything you touch this week. One of
my favorite t-shirts says: “Women want me; Bass fear me.” Of late,
though, this has been modified to, “Women laugh at me, and so do the
bass.” How is that going to help you? Look at the first version, and
figure your life is like that this week. You are desired, sought after,
and your enemies are scared. Now kick some butt, Chuck Norris!

That dang ol’ James Bond — he was a master secret-keeper. Not even the
evil Pussy Galore could pry Britain’s top secrets from his lips. The
problem Geminis are dealing with this week is the same thing: Secrets
for and kept from you. And these are apparent secrets, not even the real
thing. Just like a double-agent thing. I wouldn’t worry much, but there
is trouble on your personal horizon. If I were a good Gemini, I would
get into that special Aston-Martin — the one with an ejection seat and
machine guns — and go for a long drive. Let the secrets settle
themselves out.

Choices, choices, choices. You have a lot of them this week, and from
what I know about Cancer Lunar types, you will make a good decision. Use
your bountiful creative energy — it’s the key to making to the right
choice. Play artist this week. That means, get out the black turtleneck
sweater and head down to the coffee shop for a Clove cigarette and a
triple-double-tall non-fat.

As luck would have it, it’s a lucky week for you. Perhaps you don’t
“feel” lucky, but the lucky breaks will find you. After what you’ve been
through, this is welcome news. Now for the downside of this lucky
streak: it doesn’t look like it’s a big guy with a fat check. We’re
talking about different kind of luck here.

One word for this week: romance. That dirty old sock of love hasn’t left
you alone. You might need to clean those rose colored-glasses you love
to wear early in the week, then put in your contacts later on. Or as
that tee-vee Texan, Dale Gribbel would say after raising his mirror
shades, “Open your EYES man! Don’t you understand what this is about?
It’s code for alt.conspiracy.black.helicopters.” Or something like that.

It’s a Monday morning to hate. That’s the worst part. After that, the
rest of the week gets better like a slow climb up a tall hill — an ant
hill. Cautions this week include public transportation. Crowded places
are too crowded. Working alone, especially early in the week, bring you
just rewards. Like your own seat on the train.

Happy Birthday to you dark and secretive types. And speaking of
secretive, that big party we planned might not really happen. Are you
ready for that? I don’t want to introduce any paranoia into your head
nor tell you to check out alt.conspiracy.black.helicopters, but this is
a week when it’s a good thing to look over your shoulder.

You begin the week with the love planets doing the Masochism Tango in
your sign. That’s the good news, or the bad news, depending on your
relationships. With the Sun in Scorpio, intensity of feeling magnifies
feelings of love. Do something with this energy, like boogie all night.
The one thing I advise against, in a tender moment, is to turn to your
fishing partner and tell him how much you love him. He won’t understand.

Turn up the heat on an affair at work. This message can be taken two
ways, and I mean it two ways. It can be a business deal, like a new car,
or it can be love amongst the cubicles. Either way, this is what you
might be looking for. As usual, the standard disclaimers apply: your
mileage may vary, void where prohibited by law, etc.

Last week, you were trying to be in two places at once. This week, you
are more centered, and you can be in the single place that you need to
be. Listen to that voice in your head because you have good ideas — as
long as you forge ahead, you can hammer out the details to make it work.

Get yourself off to a good start this week. You have a chance to get a
new deal going. I hate to sound like a tired Democrat, but getting
something started now will bring beneficial results, even fund-raising
coffees might do YOU some good. In case you are a tad impatient this
week, these results can be realized pretty quickly, too. There’s nothing
under the sun which can’t be cured by the liberal application of money.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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© 1993 – 2022 Kramer Wetzel, for astrofish.net &c.

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