Week of: Nov. 10-16

“O! here
Will I set up my everlasting rest,
And shake the yoke of inauspicious stars
From this world-wearied flesh.”
— Romeo from Shakespeare’s “Romeo and Juliet” (V.iii.109-11)

Aries Look at your relationship right now. Is it all it can be? Does it require rigorous training? Should your relationship join the Army? There’s a thought. Consider undergoing strenuous relationship training this week. For you Bubbas, try saying, “I feel…” followed by a real feeling and not something like, “I feel… like I need another beer.” For you Bubbettes, try saying, “I feel… like watching the Cowboys with you this weekend.” For nine out of ten Bubbas, you will have won their undying love and devotion.

Taurus There are times when it’s pretty interesting being a Taurus. This is one of those times, unlike the last few weeks. Of course, the overriding planetary sentiment right now is about relationships and love, and you can thank the heavens that your personal stars aren’t nearly as inauspicious as Romeo’s. However, be prepared to begin the week with one of “those talks” with your insignificant other.

Gemini Well, bless your pointed and multi-faceted little head! While Romeo moans about his miserable state and considers a lethal cocktail of cold medicine and rat poison, you are headed the other way: straight to home base, home plate, the big score, everything. Yes, you get a heavenly nudge from the planets early in the week, and things just get better and better. Trust me.

Cancer You have a lot in common with Romeo in the quote “O! here/ Will I set up my everlasting rest/ And shake the yoke of inauspicious stars/From this world-wearied flesh.” Looks like you and Romeo are on the same path, metaphorically speaking. Now, if ol’ Romeo had just stayed his hand a little longer, his beloved would have arisen, and all would be well and they would have gone on to have gotten each other’s name tatooed on their butts, developed a tee-veeO series, talk shows, etc. Tragedy or Comedy? You decide this week.

Leo This isn’t such a good week for you. If anything is going to happen, it will be surprising and upsetting. Thinking about Romeo and weddings, the best thing I can suggest is to not wed any routines because life will be far from routine this week. Even mundane events are likely to change. Find a creative way around challenges. You’ll need it. Good thing you are the creative type.

Virgo Romeo was a tragic kid with a tragic flaw in a tragic situation. Other than that, he had a promising future. However, if you stop and think about it, he didn’t need to kill himself over some stupid mistake, like his wife/girlfriend being dead. The message is simple for you: Examine the details and check that everything is as it appears. Don’t be too hasty because it could result in an unlucky demise – your character could find a tragic ending. I mean that in an allegorical way. Please! At the worst, you might come home really thirsty and find you’re out of” beer! Aieee! The humanity!

Libra Some holidays are around the corner. Don’t let a momentary and fleeting run-in with depression worry you. In fact, if you step back and look at the larger issue, there’s a better chance for other events to work in your favor if you give them time. “Sorry the deal fell through, but it will pave the way for a better deal next week.” Sound too hopeful? Okay, try this one, “Everything is really bad right now, but there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, it’s a guy with a flashlight saying, ‘run the other way….'” (At least it isn’t a train.)

Scorpio We’re going into the late degrees of Scorpio right now, so there are Scorpio Birthdays to remember. That reminds me of a time with Bubba and the Law and a truckload of Cuban cigars, but that’s another story. You shouldn’t be having any run-ins with the law this week with stars being where they are. In fact, you should be having quite a nice birthday week. Even if it isn’t really your birthday week, you can always cut loose sayb, “Kramer and Bubba told me it was OK, officer.”

Sagittarius Don’t you feel like the Romeo guy/girl/extraterristial/Texan this week? No matter what, love is always tragic (just ask Marv Albert). I guess that’s a rhetorical statement for a Sagittarius, but I like it. Time to move on with your relationships, and it looks like a good week for ramblin’. Just don’t do anything too drastic – great literature is fine, but Romeo does get carried away in those final scenes of R&J. You don’t need to be THAT desperate.

Capricorn You have major influences kicking up dirt in your stockyard of life. A planetary love duo creates a triangle for you this week. If that weren’t confusing enough, you have to decide whether it’s more important to marry for love or money. I’ve seen many a young Cappy go for the money, tossing off love like yesterday’s wet swimsuit. For a Cappy, that’s probably the best bet. Problem is you have a nagging voice in the back of your head getting louder by the month, saying, “I told you so.” Don’5t you hate that?

Aquarius Have we had our lottery and games of chance talk recently? If not, here we go: Jupiter is the lucky star, and he’s invited you into his limo with the complimentary champagne, phone, VCR with his and hers drivers, bringing all kinds of untold fortune and fame to you. The problem is that Jupiter is associated with Sagittarius, and Sagittarius tends to be a little unstable at times. Like most of the time. So this good luck won’t last forever. Get in the lucky limo. Drive, she said!

Pisces You know, Romeo wouldn’t have been in the plight he was in if he’d just stuck to that first babe he was in love with. Rosaline. Rosie. Whole lotta Rosie. OK, Romeo/Juliet, you find yourself tempted between a series of lovers… What to do? Rather than accept Romeo’s untimely and melodramatic fate, consider sticking to one suitor at one time. It may be boring, but these days, you’ll be safer from swallowing an unwelcome dose of hemlock.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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