Week of: Dec. 15-21

“Dreams are toys;
Yet for this once, yea, superstitiously,
I will be squared by this.”

— Antigonus in Shakespeare’s “Winter’s Tale” (Act III, scene iii, lines

While sugar-plum fairies dance in the heads of most other, lesser signs,
you are imminently practical and getting work done. That’s the upside.
However, your three-month astrological check-up (from the neck up)
starts at the end of the week. While everyone plays and goes to parties,
you need to take a few minutes out of your hectic holiday schedule to
assess what direction you are going. And I mean right now. It’ll be like
changing the oil in your truck, if you know what I mean.

Speaking of good times to be had by all, it’s another good week for the
bulls, even if the stock market is acting like a bear. If you try to
tell me how dire things are, I will not listen. If you persist, I will
be forced to recite Dr. Suess rhymes to protect myself. A fortunate
line-up of the stars late in the week helps you over the hump, so you’ll
ride these holidays out with good cheer. Or maybe with a good chair.

Mercury and the Sun do a dance this week in your sign. In some terms,
this would be referred to as “up close and personal” or “intimate.” Call
it what you will but once the Sun flies past Mr. Mercury, you find
yourself in a better position. This whole retrograde thing is a mere
dream, right? I hope you don’t sign any formal documents this week.

The problem with being a Cancer is that you have a shell that you are
tempted, time and again (and with good cause, I might add) to retreat
into. That’s the way this week works out. You start off strong and
confident but gradually your confidence erodes like a poorly designed
roadside geological cut that the highway department overlooked. By the
time the weekend gets here, you’ll probably be following that famous
roadside sign’s advice: “Look out for Falling Rock” (which shouldn’t be
confused with Rolling Rock, a beverage).

This is a tough week. Tough to say anything nice about it. It’s not like
you don’t want to be a party animal, it’s just that you don’t FEEL like
one. Several astrological influences are affecting you, and while the
upshot of all this influence is ultimately for the best, it just doesn’t
feel so hot to be in your paws this week. Maybe that’s a clue, too, that
you need to give a everything a moment’s pause to reflect.

The problem with Mercury is that it is often closely associated with
your sign. As such, the characteristic need for order (that you so often
demonstrate) is stressed out by this little Retrograde thing. Eschew the
constant march for perfectionism this week. Remember two rules once
passed on to me by a wise teacher: Rule 1: Don’t sweat the small stuff.
Rule 2: It’s all small stuff. Following these rules will help you cope.

The week gets off to rousing start and then, by the weekend, you just
feel like you need extra time in bed, asleep. Some would say that this
is a reaction to a planetary influence. I say it’s because you have an
occasional lazy streak. With the planets lined up the way they are, it’s
OK if you oversleep once this week. Don’t push yourself hard, either. I
mean, it is the holidays, you know.

Ever notice how fast change can occur? One minute, everything is great,
and the next, it’s like watching Spanish soap operas on tee-vee. You can
make out some of the words, but not all. You get the general gist of
things, but not the whole enchilada. Things move along, but you can’t
seem to follow everything. Get the picture? Probably not. The deal is
this: everyone around you seems to be speaking in a foreign tongue.
Don’t try to translate, just stick to what you know.

I was tuning the Sagittarius Astrology Fish Finder for this week and
came up with some interesting information. Send me a note and let me
know that everything will be OK. Mercury is retrograde and Pluto is
doing a number on me. All early-degree Archer-types are having troubles
with bows and arrows this week, so be compassionate. We need all the
roadside assistance we can get.

Say goodbye to Mars and hello to Lady Luck. Under the
“not-so-benevolent” influence of Mercury in your Solar 12th House, you
feel a little under the weather like being in Fairbanks, Alaska, during
a week like this. It’s not a pretty sight. Or site. The operative word
is “frozen.” Now, before you send me weather reports, think about it.
In fact, I urge you to spend as much time as possible “thinking about
it” because that’s what you do best this week.

Mars brings a cutting edge to all that you do. And Mars lines up nicely
with Venus to make this cutting edge sharper (but no Yuppie toy store
Sharper Image jokes). Get out the old address book, and look up long
lost loves. Send them a postcard. Tickle their fancies, while being
prepared for someone interesting to tickle yours.

This is the last tee-vee sitcom metaphor I will ever use with you. I
promise. Well, at least for a little while. The series I refer to this
week was about a family called Robinson, and they were “Lost in Space.”
I would stick to this allegory for the week rather than “boldly going
where no one has been before” because the lost part fits better.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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