Week of: November 24-30

“It means you’re either dead or you’re mature adult and there may not be as much difference bewteen the two lifestyles as many people think.” (Roadkill by Kinky Friedman, NY: Simon & Shuster, 1997)

I’m was just wrapping up yet another of Kinky Friedman’s great novels, this one is called “Roadkill,” and I was doing my best to be in the same frame of mind as the great country song writer and singer turned novelist by smoking a cigar. Not any cigar mind you, but a special A. Fuente “Hemingway.” Hey, Kinky is a great writer and he deserves a cigar named for another great writer. Of course, I wonder when the estimable and prolific Mr. Friedman will have his own brand of cigars.

If you’re looking for that FGS brand of special cigar, try www.bobalucirgarco.com and see what they can whip up for you.

Youth of delight come hither:
And see the opening morn,
Image of truth new born.

(William Blake, “The Voice of the Ancient Bard” line 1-3)

    Blake’s Birthday was 11/28/1757.

Since I share Bill Blakes birthday, it’ only right to include some gift ideas. Just like Salty Sucker Bait Co. has the flavor bass crave, Bobalu Cigar Co. has the bait Fishing Guides crave. And remember, we do this Democratic Party style–we don’t inhale.

This week marks the annual 29th birthday of yours truly. Wish Kramer a happy 29th by sending him a fax at FGS Wolrd HQ, 512/445-2850.

Aries: There’s an unfortunate bump in the road this week. While everyone is concerned with bowl games and a late fishing season, you should watch the stock ticker, metaphorically speaking. It’s a time when you feel like your mental health and wealth are tied to your bank balance. A fallacious truism, ture, but it’s still important to you. Especially this week. Put in extra hours on a work-related task. Like getting the truck to work.

Taurus: Turn your attention to your significant Bubba. In fact, give him/her all you’ve got, and being a good Taurus, you have a lot to give. Get out the silk underthings, or silk boxers, or whatever it is that makes you feel good all over. I hope you understand. I can’t be much more direct unless I blow the family rating we’ve worked so hard to achieve.

Gemini: Last week, it was about inventory. This week, it’s the same thing except the emphasis is off the physical world and on toward the airy world of relationships. Take stock what you have and where it’s going or not going. Examine things about your present and past relationships, and do some soul-searching. Are you fulfilled? Are you going to be fulfilled? Have you been fulfilled? Are you going to change your mind again?

Cancer: Good news in your American Gladiators Arena of Relationships (after all, relationships should be considered a contact sport). Unlike Emmitt Smith and the Dallas Cowboys, you’re in a good position to score. I don’t like sports metaphors, generally, but a good flanking play or a fake pass would work well this week, if you get the picture, and I’m sure you do. Looks like you can catch an interception and return it for a touchdown — just be careful that some neckless 275-pound linebacker doesn’t blind-side you.

Leo: It’s the height of the party season for you! The impending doom of the holidays has left you a little shell-shocked, and that’ll take a big turn for the better starting this week. I’m sure about this, and you should be, too. Dust off the old unattended date book, grab a pencil and start filling in dates. Your phone starts ringing on Monday morning, and you know what? It won’t stop.

Virgo: That momentary fit of romance has lingering effects on your psyche but, thanks be, you are recovering your wits. At least I hope you are. Take some of that Virgo pessimism and put it on the shelf for a week or two. Lighten up and don’t be so critical. I warned you awhile back that a momentary infatuation would wind up being just that. You have other fish to fry right now, so get busy.

Libra: Monday might seem like a slow day at first but around midday, as soon as the Moon comes into your sign, things take off. There is a problem right now, and it’s something I’ve been meaning to talk you about: Your driving. It has come to our attention that you’re not paying attention. Need to do something about that. Pay closer attention to the road ahead or consider public transportation.

Scorpio: Late this week, there’s a one-in-100 chance that a new idea swimming in your brain will take off. To avoid a dangerous mix of metaphors, let me try it this way: flying fish. Let this idea you have see the light of day. Start this weekend. It has a chance of bringing in some extra holiday cash, and I mean quickly. Like flying fish.

Sagittarius: With the New Moon this weekend, you have all kinds of good energy lined up in your slice of the sky. Here’s the tough part: you need to be in two places at once. If you read enough science fiction, you know that you can clone a computer copy of yourself to be in both places, and I recommend this course of action. In fact, this week, I’m working on a special bit of computer programming to answer all my e-mail for me. Either that or the cat will do it. You should consider the same gesture.

Capricorn: The Love planets are playing hide and seek with your Bubba’s heart. That’s the bad news. The good news is that Mercury makes an entrance into your sign, and you’ll be more effective at communicating your thoughts of love. It’s a good time to practice writing love lyrics. If you don’t feel like writing, let me recommend Shakespeare’s Sonnet 130 as a starting point.

Aquarius: One of thsoe darned feminist asteroids (which is intimately associated with your sign) makes a big entrance into Aquarius this week. This means you have two orbiting objects in the heavens floating in your sign. This means you can do no wrong. Do something with this pent-up energy. Do something nice for humanity. Do something nice for yourself. Just do something.

Pisces: While everyone is running around worrying about this or that, you should cool your outboard. Take a break from the hectic schedule. Sit back on the couch, channel surf, flip through a magazine, maybe pick up the phone and call your astrologer. Of course, the better astrologers are on vacation this week. Better yet, flip through a catalog and run up the credit card bill with the purchase of X-mas gifts. While everyone is stuck in traffic, you can have everything delivered.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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