12.22.1997

Week of: December 22-28

“Boy, what sign is it when a man of great spirit grows melancholy?”
Armando in Shakespeare’s Love’s Labor’s Lost (Act I, scene ii)

Aries : Sweet relief! Isn’t it nice to get on the far side of the holidays? Oops! Not there yet? Well, here’s to hoping that you do make it…. and Mercury is going to turn around and supercharge a few of your recent activities. On the plus side, there’s a special package waiting for you, and I don’t mean an Xmas present per se, but a deal which needs some good news, and this is the week that you receive this (belated) good news.

Taurus : By now, you will have seen the Nutcracker Suite in one of its various forms. Fairy tales are good for a week like this because you need all the help you can get. For the last few days, that heroic rush right up to Xmas Eve, I’d take it easy. Old Mercury is standing still in Sagittarius, and that means it will effect you, one way or another. With your own ruler Venus making a square to you, perhaps some egg nog will help alleviate the frustrations brought on by this season. Make that egg nog laced with a powerful spirit, if youknow what I mean.

Gemini : This is not a happy time for you, due to the perturbations in the orbit of Mercury. Actually, Mercury is orbiting just fine, it’s the rest of the people down here on the planet that are feeling the negative effect of the little Messenger of the Gods. What to do about it? Nothing. Review that Xmas list of folks you were going to buy stuff for. Head down to a pawn shop or thrift store with the list and score some good junk. Makes life ever so much easier, now doesn’t it? Besides, that kind of store, like a good second hand book shop, is ever so much more fun.

Cancer : It’s that time of year, when I always remind my Cancer friends not to forget the Xmas packages on the way to the airport. Nothing like having a Bubba show up bereft of loot for the little ones, now is there? So where will it be this Xmas? The Caribbean? That sounds nice, but I always tend towards the West Coast for Xmas cheer. Just be careful of monsoons, if you know what I mean. Remember, Cancers (or Cancer in their chart) means they love to be by the water….

Leo : If it’s not one thing, then it’s another. I would worry about a mutating shape under the old Xmas tree right now. It’s as if someone got you a puppy (named Demolition, c.f., Robert Rankin), and left it in box under the tree. The problem is, that little puppy needs to have it’s litter box emptied from time to time. Hence the growing shape under the tree. Maybe it’s not a puppy, but there is something strangely amiss with one of the packages you receive this year. Exercise (exorcise?) caution with opening unclaimed freight.

Virgo : I learned this word from an old Virgo girlfriend, and the word is “loot.” That’s what it looks like you wind up with this year. Be a nice Virgo, and make sure you send out lots of “thank you” notes, too, because that’s what we all expect from you right now. Of course, some of this proffered “loot” might not really be something that you can use, but here at FGS World headquarters, we are sure that you will hang on to it all, and put it to some good use.

Libra : Loving Libra, that’s you this week, through and through. Things just keep looking up and up for you. In the British Holiday calendar, the real Xmas day comes on the 26th, and it’s called “Boxing Day.” Guess what? Your real Xmas comes on the 26th, as well, but it should be called Libra Day, not Boxing Day. In any event, or location, you should enjoy this week very much. Be the usual, loving and attentive Libra that you are.

Scorpio : Okay, Scorpio friends, work with me this week. The week starts out great, but you have to go into hiding a day or two before Xmas because you’ve got one too many projects which you just haven’t gotten around to yet. And you desperately need to finish some things. Quickly. However, as the week draws to a close, you will notice that there are subtle changes occurring in you and around you, and life is getting better. The holidays weren’t the big deal you thought they would be.

Sagittarius : I usually save this expression for the other fire signs because a decent Sagittarius never needs to be prompted in this direction. But with the recent turn of events, you might need a little poking to get yourself in motion. Try this expression out, and see if you can make it work this week: “Party on, dude.” I know it sounds rather puerile, but then, aren’t most Sagittarius just a little childish at times? Personally, I wouldn’t know.

Capricorn : Happy birthday to those Cappy’s out there who always feel a little left out. No one ever seems to remember that their birthday and Xmas come around the same time. Sorry about that, don’t you just hate getting those presents which are dual purpose, like a reversible jacket, one side for your birthday and one side for Xmas? (If you do get a fishing and hunting vest like this, though, and don’t want it, let me know, I might make you an offer….)

Aquarius : It’s not like you haven’t been supercharged all year. And it’s not like you haven’t been running along at top speed all year, either. And it’s not like you don’t feel a little worn out from all of this, too. Just when you thought it was safe to relax a little, you get a really huge strike. That’s what this week is like. You’ve got a 40 pound fish on light weight gear, and you are fighting for your life. It’s either you are the fish! Who will win? Me? I’d bet on the Aquarius this week.

Pisces : The week draws to a close with a new moon, and this is going to help put everything in perspective for you. We’re going at this backwards because, well, you’re a Pisces, you understand. That upcoming New Moon is a time for some changes. You know, that date you had prearranged for New Year’s? Bet there is a last minute hitch. It’s okay, there’s always me, or a stand in for me. You know I’ll be there for you.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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