6.28.1999

Week of: 6/28-7/4

[Enter Thersites.] “How now, Thersites! what! lost in the labyrinth of thy fury. Shall
the elephant Ajax carry it thus? he beats me, and I rail at him.”

Thersites in Shakespeare’s Troilus And Cressida, Act II. Scene III.

The question of the week is skulking in Scorpio.

Aries : Fireworks are in order this week. In more than one way, and I’ll promise that it’s good. Really good. Almost excellent. Maybe it is excellent. Then again, there’s always a planet or two which seems to be out of accord with the rest of them, but I mean, it’s a good week. Jupiter slides out of your sign into your buddies’ sign, Taurus. And Mars slides out of Libra, where he’s been opposing you, and on into Scorpio. All of this works out to be good for you. It’s a form of Astrological relief, and it’s been fine tuned just for you. In other words, not everyone will feel this welcome form of relief, but you will. Hope you wind up getting a bang out of this week — just please make sure you are beyond the city limit sign.

Taurus : I know you want to party. I know you want to fax the media and get the television crew out to look at this fine mess. I know that you are more motivated this week than you have been in long time. I realize that this is due to Jupiter, but let’s examine some astronomical facts, Jupiter is going to be around tantalizing you with his benevolent and beneficial energy for the next few months or so, therefore, you don’t have to do it all this week. And to add a little fuel to your personal fire, Mars is back in Scorpio by the end of the week, and that’s going to heat up a few of your interpersonal relationship. For good or for ill? That depends on what you do with fireworks that have short fuses.

Gemini : Fireworks are fun. But there are few little warnings that go with the fireworks this week, like, trying to find some sort of adult supervision. I realize that you’re going to tell me that you are an adult, but calling a Gemini an adult can be misleading. And you want to make sure that you’re not being mislead by fireworks this week. It’s a subtle thing, but the little nuances aren’t going to be missed by your fine Gemini mind. You just have this annoying, and potentially painful, habit of holding onto a firecracker just a little to long. Be extra careful about those short fuses.

Cancer : There are a lot of warm and fuzzy feelings kicking around in Cancer right now. But if you’re having a hot summer, like we are in Texas, then these “warm and fuzzy” sentiments are like a wool sweater, and who wants to wear a wool sweater in Texas heat? To exacerbate the condition of wearing a scratchy sweater in the summer time, there’s this annoying holiday called “July Fourth” and all the noise and ruckus is making you wonder. I realize that a few of you Cancer’s are having birthdays, and that means you should be enjoying yourself. But the recent movement of Mars adds a slightly perturbing effect to your celebrations. Wait, wait, it’s not bad, just, like all things Martian, a little caution is necessary.

Leo : I know that you feel like being a typical Leo this week. And I know that you have lots of little good things happening in your sign this week. And these minor but beneficial little orbits are going to leave you wondering just a bit. You might develop a quizzical look on your face this week, trying to figure out why something is happening. As much as I would like to explain the “why” of a situation this week, I find that it takes too long. Use your good Leo-like graces and accept the good fortune this week. The big party weekend has few extra surprises for you, and I think you need to do your best to be ready for it when it happens.

Virgo : Everybody else is geared up for a big holiday. And you’ve been thinking about it, but you just can’t seem to make up your mind. Beach? With it’s calming ocean spray and hordes of other critters in the sand? Maybe that’s not the direction you want to go in. Mountains? And be forced to camp close to a rowdy group of revelers, disturbing the otherwise serene landscape? Probably not. My Virgo self is going to sit on the patio, looking over the lake and enjoy free fireworks display. Perhaps that’s the best answer. Find a good vantage point and spend this week watching other people blow stuff up. Fireworks are amusing, as long as you don’t get too close.

Libra : Mars is making waves, and he is taking his wave machine into another sign. That bodes well for you because these waves have been more unsettling, and a little difficult to ride. It’s like surf fishing, only there’s a nasty little current that plays tricks on you. Now, this nasty little set of riptides and undertows is off to bother someone else. The problems you’ve encountered are going to ebb, and like the flow of the tides itself, gradually recede, leaving you with a smooth expanse of beach. Now, just get ready for fireworks because it’s a big party weekend coming up, and you want to be in position to enjoy yourself. A little advance planning helps at a time like this.

Scorpio : I love Scorpio, and I really love them when their ruler hits their sign. Like this week. Mars makes great waves splashing out of Libra, but he makes a stealth approach entering Scorpio. Sneaky Mars slips into your sign. Regrettably, this isn’t all good because Jupiter is on the far side of the Zodiac, doing the exact same thing, plunging into Taurus. Jupiter makes a big splash in Taurus, and this big splash has a wake which reaches all the way over to your sign. So between the two, we’ve got a big deal coming up. How you deal with this big depends on how you employ the Martian Energy which is floating your way. I think you’ll do fine. Thersites is a fine character to imitate this week, he must have been a Scorpio. Know why? Drop me an E-mail explaining why, and you might win a free abbreviated “el-cheapo” report custom crafted in Fireworks Bargain Basement Garage, just south of town on the way to Caldwell County.

Sagittarius : I saw the ultimate come on for a Sagittarius this week, on the highway, just outside of the city limits, “Buy One, GET NINE FREE!” Sounds like a Sagittarius ad, if ever I saw one. I didn’t stop at the first fireworks stand because I’ve discovered that the farther away you get from the city limits, maybe even on into the next county, the better the deals are. One of my Bubba friends used to run a fireworks stand, and I always hated going to see him because he had a way of appraising exactly how much cash I had in my pocket and then liberating all of it. I never did understand how he knew. That’s the caution, as the weekend gets closer, look out for good friends who are intent on selling you something that you need, but seem to fill their own pockets while emptying yours. Of course, I did enjoy the fireworks, those little things that “whiz-whiz, she-bang” and burst into colors….

Capricorn : I’ve written about times that try a body’s soul, and I’ve written about good times. This week has nothing but good times for you. Sorry about that. There are no pejorative influences this week. The planets are moving with enough harmony to make things happen. And as soon as I suggest things are going to happen, you think, in your typical Capricorn fashion, “Right, nothing good is going to happen….” Yes, Capricorn, something good is going to happen. The nasty little stuff which was voted “most likely to make a Cappy unhappy” has been vetoed. There is nothing but positive affirmation for you this week. It’s like fishing in a barrel. Better yet, it’s like fishing in barrel and the fish in the barrel are especially hungry right now. It’s as close as a guaranteed as I can get do.

Aquarius : It’s an interesting time. No two ways about that. But if it wasn’t an interesting time, you wouldn’t be paying attention. With some of the planets “doing their thing,” as we say in technical astrology terms, you’re going to find that this one of those weeks that rates as interesting. I think there’s a nefarious plot you hatched a while back, and I have strong feeling that your subtle manipulations might actually pay off in a big way. Then again, there’s a little hint from Jupiter moving into Taurus that might make you bungle this week. I know that “they” say, “There are no accidents,” but I would be a little extra careful with the live ammunition you were planning on using for a spectacular Fourth celebration.

Pisces : I know it’s an American Holiday, and the only words I could really effectively come up with from an author who renounced his citizenship and became a British subject. The opening lines for “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” by T. S. Eliot are particularly appropriate this week. And what does a former American Poet have to do with your week? English teachers love Eliot because he can be taught as both American Lit and English Lit. You’re going to need a little bit of this dual – purpose attitude this week. It’s like a reversible fishing vest, one side is for show, and the other side has all the stuff that really need, the hooks, the lures, the pliers. Check with Eliot and then get ready for a dual – natured holiday.

© Kramer Wetzel, 1998, 1999

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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