For the Week of: 11/19-25/01
“Done by death by slanderous tongues.”
Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing [V.iii.3]

According to my Sister, there is a family tradition that replays soon. It involves our family gathering to eat copious, even obscene, quantities of turkey and related foodstuffs. Then, according to Sister, I watch the Cowboy game through heavy lidded eyes. She claims I sleep. Facts have not yet been verified. Do you own fact checking this coming week — although, a nap might be in order. Mail will be slow around Thanksgiving time due to circumstances beyond our control — even though Mars is still poking along in Aquarius.

Aries: This is a cautionary tale, a little story about a fifty dollar bill I had. In some circles, gambling circles, a “fifty” ($50 dollar bill) is considered unlucky. Now, let’s jump forward to me getting paid, in part, for a reading with a $50 bill. Then, later that evening, I paid for drinks with my favorite Aries, with that same bill — only, the waitress was sure it was a $20. Fight it? Worry about it? Neither. Easy come, easy go. At the end of the night, that waitress wound up with an extra wad of cash. Besides, she eventually realized I was right, and I did slip her some extra money. It worked out well in the long run, and that extra cash wound up where it was supposed to be. Instead of creating scene, go with the flow. That waitress? She was an Aries, too (I ask these things for the sake of research, of course). So what seems unlucky might turn into a real piece of luck, if you don’t create a monster scene wherein you’re an irate customer. Smile and nod knowingly. And tip your astrologer when you get lucky.

Taurus: There is always solace to be found in food. And what better time of the year (at least here in the Southern States), what better time to seek a little comfort in food? While this might not work for absolutely every Taurus I know, I still figure there is something calming about going into the kitchen, even in my Taurus trailer, and smelling the various goods getting prepared. Do a little baking, maybe make some cookies, maybe brew up some coffee cake, maybe work on some stuffing. Get the idea? Time to get cooking. I prefer it when this is a real exercise, a trip to the freezer to see what’s there, and then a chance to start thawing out something for the next week or two. There’s an infectious holiday spirit and it all starts in the Taurus kitchen. Get some ideas together and get working on it.

Gemini: You’re supposed to keep your eye on the ball. While I loathe certain sports metaphors, this is a time when that one expression, “keep your eye on the ball,” is really appropriate. Keep watching, keep your wits about you, check that loquacious Gemini tongue, and make sure you focus on your objective. Now, the biggest problem is determining what is a distraction, what is a feint, and what’s really important. Therein is your weekly challenge. What is it that you need to keep working on, and what is not as important? My Gemini Sister once left her apartment with a note taped to her chest, “Toothpaste, toilet paper.” [True story — we have witnesses.] While you might not want to make such a bold statement, it’s not a bad idea to tape a note in a conspicuous place, just to remind yourself what’s important.

Cancer: I know you’ve been expecting good things, and I’ve been promising them ever since the middle of the summer, but I’ll still stick by my original suggestion, you are still in lucky phase. The deal is this: luck is strange, and you can never bet on it. I learned this lesson, the hard way, on an ill-fated trip to an El Paso casino. [There are several Native American casinos in the El Paso area.] I was not winning very much, then all of a sudden, one quarter in a particular slot machine ran the number up. I keep dumping change into this machine, and the numbers kept getting higher and higher. I was winning, in a big way. But I didn’t cash out soon enough, and I kept letting that one bet ride, only, after I depleted everything I won, I kept pumping my own, hard earned currency into that same machine, and it kept it all. The lesson? Quite when your ahead. Got that? And if your slot machine isn’t paying this week? Maybe just fold your money over, stick it in your pocket and come back on another lucky day.

Leo: Nothing works better than to occasionally stomp your cute Leo feet, have a bit of tantrum, and then move on. You’ve got one or two little issues which are bubbling up, and instead of worrying about them, have a little bit of raging fit. You’ll find that one, well timed temper outburst does a lot to make you feel much better. Then, once the tempest is over, you can go back to being your sweet self. It’s usually much better, given that it’s the holiday season and all, it’s usually much better to get this out of the way sooner rather than later. But there are a number of sublime influences which are good. But you also must remember that you are the Leo, and you are the mightiest of the signs, and every once in a while, a good little tempest in a Leo teacup is a good idea. Just one. You’ll feel better.

Virgo: I know the holidays times are upon us, and I know you’re prepared as best you can be. Now, skip the holiday stuff for a little while. Let’s turn your nice Virgo eyes towards the work scene. Before you scream at me for bringing up the idea of work during a holiday time, let me just try to make a simple point: this isn’t going to take forever. This isn’t going to be a big deal, but while everyone else is worried about parties and such, a little more effort spent in a wise fashion, address some career stuff, especially during the next few days, a little extra work attention, will pay off. Pays big. See? That didn’t hurt a bit. While everyone is out of the office, you can get some real work done, and you can get this accomplished in record time. That’s the hint. Then party. Then play. Then have some fun, which, I’m sure you will. Have just one extra slice of turkey breast for me.

Libra: You’ve been running for a while now, and it’s high time, you kicked your feet up on the desk (or the closest convenient resting place), interlaced your fingers behind your head, took a break, surveyed the pile of work in front of you, and thought,” My oh my, that turkey and dressing will be good.” Better yet, in my family, we’ve evolved a special tradition, we don’t do turkey these days. Instead, we wind up with something a little more exotic, and usually, a little better fare. While everyone else is indulging in large birds, try something different. A big steak comes to my mind, and for the seditious vegetarians, a nice, big Portabello mushroom done up in fine sauce is equally good — same texture, good flavor, you can cut it with a knife and feel like one of us. But in any case, concentrate on enjoying some of the nicer things in life, and go ahead, given in to the little pleasures in life at this point. You deserve a break, and now is the time to take one.

Scorpio: I’m feeling better, you feeling better? You should be. In fact, you should be feeling like you’re just about on top of the world by now. All the soft planets I use, the minor influences I use to help tune into what a chart is doing, all that stuff looks good. There’s one angle which I’m not fond of, but it’s passing influence during the week. When you get your feathers ruffled, just blow it off. Some fights are really worth it. Some struggles are worth the effort, and some fights, some battles, you know, they just aren’t worth the effort. Why would I belabor this point right now, unless that was the case? So when some messes with your breakfast muffins, when someone comes along and tries to make a mess out of your business, do the noble thing: turn the other cheek. Skip it. Look beyond the immediate problem. This is a passing influence, not one worth getting worked up about, either. Got that? Mostly good with one cloud in the sky, and you don’t need to position yourself so you’re under that cloud all the time. Not this week.

Sagittarius: In Kramer’s World, a place of myth and mystery, a land of magic and metaphor, a place where are lines are delivered in perfect iambic pentameter, in other words, in that world inside my head, things are good. Life is darn near perfect. In my world, even the Virgo’s say, “Wow, that’s perfect,” while the Capricorn’s suggest, “I’m not worried about it.” So much for the fantasy. The real world isn’t doing so hot about now, but the holidays are okay. Here at the office, we might as well close down for the whole week. In fact, most of the guys (and girls) in the office have this thing, and by noon on Tuesday, it’s one look at the computer’s screen, and we’re out of here. The week is a write off, at least, as far as getting any real, productive work done. But as a chance to play, a chance to hang out, and swill gallons of coffee with old friends? It’s good for that. Then in the wee hours of the night? You can get a lot of interesting stuff accomplished. Wrapping presents, dreaming up good gag gifts, maybe even work on another fishing lure earring set. See? Don’t let that real world interfere with your version and vision of “Kramer’s World.”

Capricorn: I’ve got a piece of amber, rock hard tree sap from some time in the dark and distant past, and this one piece is from Russia, or so I’ve been told. And it’s got a bug in it. To a computer person, a real technical person, that term, “Bug in it,” that’s a bad expression. But in this case, it’s a good expression. And just like that little critter from the Jurassic period, you’re feeling a little bit just like that bug, stuck in one position, frozen for all time. It’s an astrology cliché, but Capricorn’s are usually called “old souls.” And then the image of that bug in the tree sap, frozen for eons, and now you’re starting to get the picture. Okay? Now, in the right circles, a piece of amber with a bug in it is considered more valuable, rare, and it commands a higher price. Be that. Don’t get it? You feel a little stuck, but everyone else is looking at you and marveling at how [choose one or more: stately, elegant, lovely, beautiful, handsome, striking, delicious, delightful] you are. Play it up and enjoy being the object of other peoples’ envy right now.

Aquarius: Holidays put undue stress on certain systems. Normal systems, like relationships, normal situations feel a little undue pressure from outside sources. Normally cool, calm, and collected Aquarius folks tend to get a little freaked out. “Do I talk too much? I get this feeling that I’m talking and no one is really listening….” Talking and no one listening has never bothered me; I have a cat, and she patiently attends my every word. Except when she’s asleep, and even then, she acts like she’s listening — her tail twitches. As the big holiday time gets closer and closer, and you keep getting wound up about this or that, and worried that you talk too much, and no one listens, just chill out a little. Easy for me to say — I don’t have Mars in my sign right now, but you do. Finding someone just like my cat to talk to, that could help. I’d suggest I’m sympathetic right now, too, but then, I’m the astrologer who likes Aquarius types to begin with. Deal with the undue stress in whatever fashion you have. I still think my cat is a good listener.

Pisces: Hang it all up and write this week off to the holidays. Even if you don’t live in America, where nothing gets accomplished during the next few days while we pause to celebrate something or other, and even if this isn’t a national holiday for you, just consider this as a period of time when you’re setting the stage, getting the pieces in place, and getting ready for what is coming up. Time to pause, reflect, and maybe think about some new course of action you want to take. Maybe get a jump start on the holiday season, doing a little bit of list making early on. There’s an idea — yeah, make a ‘to do’ list for future reference. Matter of fact, given the Pisces in my chart, I think I’ll do that, too.

(c) Kramer Wetzel, 2000, 2001

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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