For the week of: 11/5-11/2001
“Friendships is constant in all other things
Save in the office and affairs of love.”
Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing [II.i.173]

We’re already having Scorpio birthdays, but to add a little fuel to the Scorpio stage set, there’s also Venus and Mercury mixing it up with those fun Scorpions. We decided to have some post-Halloween fun with everyone, not just the Scorpio, and the musical movie trivia question is, “What is Denton home to?” The only hint is that the answer is very popular at this time of the year. The cat is the final arbiter of answers, therefore address your correct answers, incorrect answers, graft and guesses to her.

Aries: You can use this term any way you want, although, to some, it might have a pejorative sense about it, whereas to others, the result might be more comic. Either way, use as you see fit because it fits you for the next few days: Space Cadet. I did some some pretty arcane twiddling with the Aries chart for the week — this week ahead — and all I could derive from it was that single term. Some of the other folks around you might get a little disturbed at the idea that you seem to be on another planet, but that’s the way it goes, you know? It’s not like you’re not yourself, you just seem to spend an inordinate amount of time with your head in the clouds, wearing rose-colored glasses, or doing something which seems a little out of step with the rest of us. And if you’re not happy with something, then you now know that you can pretend to be a space case, and not worry about it so much. There’s one of you who will write in [yes dear, I know], but other than that one, the the rest of you have this cool, space cadet thing going on. Do like I do, grab the sunglasses, and let everything bad miss you.

Taurus: I’ve got a cell phone — actually, I really think it’s a digital jobby, but we all call them cell phones, right? [I call it the boat phone.] And it has the usual cradle for charging up its battery. Again, this is normal stuff. I drop the phone onto its base, and the little light is red — means it’s charging up the battery. As common as phones are these days, this is no big deal. But watch that light for a little while, the battery wasn’t completely drained, and it should turn green any second now — watch for this. I do believe this is a new axiom for the times, a watched cell phone doesn’t charge. Or maybe it is charging, but you never get to see the light change. Blink, and suddenly the light is green — battery charged. Go to sleep while it’s charging, and you’ll never see this happen. Pull the phone off its cradle, and wait a few minutes. Then pop it back on, the lights red, no, now it’s green. See the change? Nope? Neither did I. So what’s this mean? Like watching that little telltale light, waiting on it to indicate a full charge, you never can quite catch the moment. Red light/green light. You never see it change, and if you spend your whole week watching this, waiting to catch it change, you might miss something else. A watched cell phone doesn’t charge.

Gemini: I know that if I write one more weekly screed about a Gemini and work, I know that if I even suggest the work thing one more time, I know, I can feel it, there will be a revolt in Gemini-land, and I’ll be in a world of Gemini hurt. I understand this. But in all fairness to me, as the guy who looks at the charts and tries to figure out what the best emphasis will be, I keep coming back to the work thing. Here’s a catch, though, there’s a break — a lot of planets start the week in Air signs, signs, which get along with Gemini pretty good, like Libra and Aquarius. Then, there’s a shift, later, and the emphasis comes back to work. [Oh no, I’ve done it now, suggested that awful word!] Suggestions for the Gemini camp? Play early, then turn your attention to work when everyone else is playing. Do a reverse on the week. Call Monday, Tuesday, or even Wednesday your weekend. Then work through the coming weekend. It’s a backwards way of doing things, but you’ll get a lot more accomplished when you everyone else is playing. No phones, no clients, no customers, just you and that pile of work stuff you’ve been meaning to deal with.

Cancer: Weird things are afoot. Maybe this is like a leftover Halloween feeling, maybe it feels like the spooky creatures are still out and about. Maybe it’s really something a little different, but the feeling is the same. You know something is up. There’s something in the autumn air now. You’re not sure what, but there’s something, and you keep looking for a way to get a handle of what’s going on, but nothing seems to work. Many times I extoll the virtues of patience, but sometimes the stars fail to deliver whatever it is that you’re supposed to be patient about. Now, I’ve got some good news, see — look: there’s a break, before the next horoscope goes up, and you find some welcome relief. That much is sure, but just when does this relief arrive? It’s like a houseplant I have — the only one the cat hasn’t considered for an after dinner treat — and the house plant (would this really be a trailer plant?) doesn’t do too well. It gets by okay, but it doesn’t thrive like some of the herbs I grow [nothing is better than fresh mint, and that’s a plant none of us can kill]. And since this is the one plant the cat doesn’t munch on, it should be doing great. Likewise, you should be doing great, but there’s just something afoot right now, and you’re not sure what, and it seems to impede the progress, just a little. Just wait, it all does improve.

Leo: When I usually describe the typical Sun Sign Leo personality, I use words like “Royal,” “Elegant,” and “better than everyone else.” This isn’t news, not coming from me, and it’s abundantly obvious that I like this particular fire sign. But you knew that. What’s the little problem at this point? That peculiar little sticking point is Mars, and he’s not being very nice to the most noble of all the signs. In fact, there’s also a few odd ball astrology influences floating in Scorpio, too, and this is making the Mars confrontation seem even worse. Notice the careful use of the word “seem.” It’s not all that bad, but be a little extra careful. I know you’re right, you know you’re right, but that doesn’t mean they know you’re right. What’s worse, given where the planets are, you could get started on a wrong foot, and never quite get it all lined up the way you like it. Here’s a tip: this isn’t a good time to start any battles. You’re better looking, better informed, and usually, better equipped to deal with situations. Instead of running off at the mouth, reel in your urges. Don’t say something you’ll just have to go back and apologize for later. Yes, I know you’re better than the rest, but I seem to be a minority at this point.

Virgo: Ever have one of those little struggles which seems to occupy a lot of your time? Ever have a minor problem which seems to take over, grow into a larger problem, and then this begins to take up a lot of extra space? There’s a special crook in the river, a slight bend, a sweet spot where I dearly love to hang out and fish. I spend more time napping in that one position than I do actually catching fish, though. And that’s the problem. It’s not so much as a problem except Fishing Guides are supposed to know where the fish are, not where they’re not. But back to your problem, it’s not so much a case of something that is there, as it’s a case of something that is not there. You’ve got this little problem, sort of like a lost set of car keys, something you just set down, and it suddenly disappears. But like my little crook in the river, it’s a great place to rest and reflect, although the fishing’s not too good. Little distractions are important, but try to keep it all in perspective. Don’t let little distractions become big problems, especially at work.

Libra: I know you’ve heard the expression, “Stuck between a rock and a hard spot,” right? Or the ever familiar, “Out of the frying pan, into the fire”? Know what I’m talking about? Sure you do. Instead, though, instead of conundrums, or something that doesn’t make a lot of sense, instead of weird allusions, how about stuck between a soft spot and easy street? It’s a remarkably simple spin on the old phrases, and this new, improved version would be a little bit easy to swallow. You are stuck, but you’re stuck in a position about what is the easiest, most expedient, nicest, simplest, most pleasurable route to take. Instead of trying to figure your way out of difficult position, you’re trying to figure your way out of what is better: the easy way or the easy way. Careful now, both routes over the next few days look perilously, deliriously good. Both routes seem to offer a lot of comfort. But examine the details, read the fine print, and make sure you decide which one is really the most harmonious to your particular lifestyle. Then take the easy way. Find that path of least resistance and follow it.

Scorpio: Some battles just aren’t worth the effort, now are they? Sometimes, you just find that getting all worked up isn’t really that good of an idea. In fact, sometimes, it’s just easier to throw the fish back, even if it is a decent size. You know, if you keep the fish you’ve just caught, eventually, you’ll have to clean it, gut it, and take care of all that other nasty work involved in preparing it for a meal. Sometimes, all that dirty work is just that. You’re finding that the next few days, you’ve developed some strange affliction. You’re lazy. No hard working Scorpio would ever admit to being lazy, but that doesn’t change the question here. And I’m inclined to suggest you try the “catch and release” program instead of the usual Scorpio version, “I caught it, it’s mine!” For one, you’re energy level isn’t at a place where you really care that much about the problem. For two, the getting worked up about an issue just isn’t really worth your effort. Instead of worrying about the fish that got away, enjoy the lackadaisical attitude right now. And for that one Scorpio [you know who you are] Happy Birthday!

Sagittarius: Rare autumn days in Texas, on certain afternoons, the air has a clean, crisp feel to it, there’s just the barest hint that there might be some real fall foliage this year (face it, most “fall colors” in Texas are variations on a brown theme), the impending holidays are looming up ahead like some sort of ill-fated omen. Then there’s the whole question about Thanksgiving. See, that’s another one of those uniquely American holidays, apparently, it’s just not celebrated elsewhere in the world. Being true to the expansive nature of the Archer’s Sign, too, one must take in all corners of the globe for considering this holiday spirit. Or lack of spirit. Since the world view doesn’t always share our bit about looking forward to the holidays, then consider there’s some sort of cool little party about to happen. Could be the approaching American holidays, or it could be a just a feeling. In any case, it’s something to look forward to. But in true Sagittarius fashion, right now, in the present, do a little long range forecasting on your own. Trust the process and do a little planning for further down the road. Maybe get out calculator and see what the numbers say about your financial future. It’s a good time to do a little budget work.

Capricorn: I started out with a big day planner, a cute, leather bound ring binder filled with goals, notes and stuff to do every day. I also found that trying to keep up with all the lists got to be too much, and I shifted to a smaller, more compact version. I finally got digital and moved everything over to a large, handheld computer. Over the years, the amount of data I need to store grew, but the devices kept getting smaller and smaller. I expect, one day, to have something no bigger than a thumbnail or a postage stamp, and it will contain all the important information I need to get by. The smaller day planners are useful because there’s not a lot of room for too many appointments. What’s the advantage of this? It keeps a schedule from getting too crowded. And that’s the message — do something to keep your schedule from getting too crowded. You don’t need to be in 14 different places at once. You only need to be in about three locations. You don’t have to keep an insane schedule in order to get everything done. Slow down a little, remember to regularly schedule some breaks. Matter of fact, after you get done reading this weekly note, get up and stretch — I promise, a little movement will make you feel better. You need a break from the routine.

Aquarius: You’ve got a basic, binary question facing you right now. It can be reduced to a simple “Yes” or “No.” Instead of me providing all the answers, how about you make the decision yourself? The best tool for this is to flip a coin. Now, statistically, the chances of that coin coming up “heads” is 50/50. Don’t like the answer you got? Flip the coin again. There’s a 50/50 chance it comes up “tails” this time. Still don’t like the answer? Try again. Each time, the chances are dead even at 50/50. Each time you spin the coin into the air, catch it, flip it over on the back of your palm, the chances of it being the same is 50/50. Each toss of the coin, every roll of the dice, each spin of the wheel, the odds don’t change. In a traditional setting, “heads” is usually “yes,” while “tails” is usually “no.” But you can assign whatever variable to each question and answer, any combination you like. But every time you ask the question, and every time the oracle returns the same answer, then it might indicate that there’s a trend in place. Maybe you should try following that trend for a change. Going with the flow is a new direction, and might yield better results before this week is up. Of course, you have to arrive at this decision yourself. Me? I’d flip a coin.

Pisces: Okay, so it’s turned into a tired, cliché joke around here at the office. A situation comes up, just like the planets are right now in the Pisces chart, and the office crew has but one question, “WD-40 or duck tape?” See: everything in the world, particularly in the Pisces world, can be fixed with either WD-40 or duck tape. [“Wait, isn’t that supposed to be ‘duct tape’?” Whatever.] If you have a problem with something that should move but it doesn’t move, then you use WD-40. And if you have a problem something that does move, but it shouldn’t be moving, then use duck tape. Simple answers are needed in times like this. Instead of wrestling with larger issues that can send problems spinning out of control, tackle the simplest of the problems with the simplest of solution. One or the other will work just fine for the time being.

(c) Kramer Wetzel, 2000, 2001

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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