Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 2.17.2011

“The miserable have no other medicine
But only hope.”
Shakespeare’s Hamlet [II.ii.207-8]

Aquarius: At the very beginning of this scope, right when Mercury, Mars, Neptune and the Sun all sort of roll around and influence each other? Full-Moon party, all of that, when it hits? Get out a (brand of indelible felt-tip marker), and grab something to make a mark on, like paper. Grab that marker and dream the dream, think big, then double it, one last time, for good measure, just to make sure that the wish/dream/Aquarius Vision is large enough. Go for the maximum that you can think of, make it big, and that wish? Marked with one of those markers that can’t be erased. Here’s what will happen, the Sun slides into Pisces, the full moon is over, and people are getting cranky. Not all people, just most of the folks that you have to deal with which is going to create the problems. From smooth sailing, and big wish, to me suggesting not everyone is on the same page, the same wavelength, the same ideal as you? That really isn’t news, but how you choose to deal with it? That’s why I was suggesting that dream you dreamed at the beginning? That’s why I told you to use ink that’s permanent. Keep your eyes set on that goal. Don’t assume that you’re just going to wake up and have it happen, magically. However, ink that can’t be erased? Why we used that. Keep looking at that goal (dream) and keep taking steps towards it. It’s not as far away as you think.

Pisces: Happy birthday to my fine Pisces friends. Best of your new year, coming along! Problems? Yeah, there are 11 other signs. Of that, 10 out of the 11 of the other signs fail to understand that it’s Pisces’ Birthday Time, and as such, should be reverentially (and with much felicity) celebrated. It’s about how you choose to interact with the rest of us. I’d suggest caution. Maybe that big stick? Sure, you’ve heard the expression, “Poke it with a big stick?” Or “Wouldn’t want poke it with a big stick?” That big stick. Use a long pole, maybe a ten-foot pole would be best.

The kind of ten-foot pole I’m thinking about? It’s one of those that’s commonly used for cleaning swimming poles. Middle of the winter, not in use around here, or anywhere, much, not these days. However, that aluminum ten-foot pole? Feels kind of thin-walled and flimsy? That’s exactly what I’m suggesting you use when you approach anyone who is a non-Pisces, or part of that group of about ten signs that are not interacting well with your excellent birthday self? Flimsy, ten-foot pole. As in, “I wouldn’t touch that with a ten-foot pole.” Still, find that correct sign? Then you two are good to party. The only problem is the other ten signs. You’ve been warned, now go have some fun. Carefully.

Aries: The first fork, according to either myth or archeology, the first fork is circa, 1100 AD. In Italy. Forks are handy, if you ask me. I need two utensils for eating, and fork is one of them. The other is a knife as I can use the back side of the blade like a spoon, but I certainly need something to help me cut my meat. Works for me. The fork, two, three or more tines? Handy for sticking, spearing, poking, tenderizing, aerating, and so forth. Those crafty Italians? Good idea. Now, the worst part of this fork trivia is that it is, from what I’ve seen, undocumented lore. Can’t say for sure. I’m sure there’s some basis for the claim, but I’m not all that sure I can believe everything I read on the inter-webs. Which is why I was addressing a fork, as the first part of this question. There’s an expression, born out of years with BBQ masters, a way to tell if something is done. Stick a fork into it. In case the message isn’t clear? My excellent little Aries friend? Stick a fork into it, see if the item that you were working, see if it’s done. Stick a fork in it.

Taurus: There was a loud banging on the trailer’s door. One of my neighbors was there, a slim, petite, svelte Taurus. “Hey, are you free later? I need a reading.” I looked up and down. Warm jacket, wool cap, tight jeans, feet in flip-flops? “Yes, are you crazy?” I pointed at her bare-ass toes as she shivered once for effect. “Pedicure. I’m going to get a pedicure, right now, can I see you later?” Sure. Sure you can see me later, that’s what nice about having a neighbor who is an astrologer, just stop on by and get a quick reading. I was taken aback by the bare feet in the cold weather. It was one of those blustery, cold January mornings when it feels like the there is no break — or no brake — from the arctic all the way down here. Cold wind, trailers rocking on their cinderblocks. The cold is a relative thing. The idea that there’s something you must do, like a pedicure — or some other task that is similar in importance to a Taurus? You have something. I might mock you, or I might try to mock you, but I won’t be very successful.

Gemini: At the very end of this horoscope, Mars bumps (and grinds) into Pisces. Doesn’t quite get to a whole degree of Pisces at the end of the chart I used to make my prognostications. I’m thinking about one Gemini a girl born in May, and she’s going to be the one who comes unglued. Rant. Rave. Angry? Oh yeah, and then some — every — Gemini I know goes to — at least — 11. On a scale of one to ten. Yes, I realize it’s an overworked expression from a different generation. But that’s what this is like. What I need to make clear, though this is a single Gemini who’s coming unglued, unhinged, and basically going nuts. Off the deep end. Highly agitated. The rest? If you’re not at that one particular point and if Mars, Pisces, Mercury doesn’t line up and push that Gemini “play” button? Then you’re safe. It’s less about big stuff and more about attending to some little details that you thought you could get away from.

Short form: can’t.

Longer form, can’t get away from the details that need your Gemini attention.

Cancer: It’s after the VD holiday, and that means it’s that spring is around the corner. In parts of South Texas, winter has worn off already. Not totally, but close enough. I’m thinking wildflowers along the side of the road in parts of southern most portions of Texas. I know parts of the country are still in the grip of winter and frozen wastes, but I’ve seen native flowers start this early. It’s a matter of looking. It’s a matter of looking. It’s a matter of opening your Cancer eyes, and looking at the obvious, signs, symbols and portents around you. You see silage and burnt, dry brittle roadside verge, covered with thin, dead grass. Me? I’m seeing the shoots of the new spring, already sprouting, south of here.

Leo: It’s all about delivery. There’s a workshop presenter that I know, I’ve seen him do his thing, at least once or twice, and as a presenter, he’s smooth. Eloquent, elegant, good message, and most of all, smooth delivery. There are no interruptions. No, “uh,” “oh,” “ah,” and “hmm.” No pauses, except when timed for dramatic effect. I suspect, although he looks like he’s speaking extemporaneous, my suspicion is he’s practiced and I suspect, he’s been coached. Directed. Edited. My weekly missive suffers from the same problem. I’ve done it for so long, I miss the direction. My faults and foibles are my own. As a Leo, as The Leo, you’ll join me on the assumption of faults. They are our own. However, as an astrologer, what I’d suggest, as long as we’re using this example? That speaker who is so smooth? Practice. Rehearse. Get an outside observer to make suggestions on how to fine tune that wonderful Leo delivery. Then rehearse one more time, after you’ve made the adjustments. This isn’t going to cure all that ails the Leo in the next five days, next three days, but that kind of practice will serve you well, even though, I’m sure, you’re going to have to wing it at some point. They never follow the script completely.

Virgo: Last week, I was thinking about fishing. Thinking about taking one or two week-day afternoons and heading to a spot on local lake. Thought about it. Looked at the weather, we’d had some rain lately, and even though the afternoon looked pleasant enough to be outside, I had to consider where I was going to be fishing — on the shore, alongside this one lake, fairly nice spot, open area, not too much boat or vehicular traffic, almost qualifies as secluded. Except, recent rains? Ground would be moist. Water-soaked. Like the water table and the surface of the shoreline coincide. Water-logged shoreline. Mud, sparse turf, more mud, sandy loam combined with too much water, and, believe it or not, little gnats. The gnats are born in the water-logged shoreline and breed like vermin, then annoy me when I’m trying to fish. I spend more time swatting the gnats, almost no-see-ums. You know, I’ve just about talked my self out going both afternoons. However, I did go one afternoon. Results are probably on the website someplace. However, I had to wash off a pair of sport sandals that were caked in mud and the insects that don’t bite, did. As this week gets underway, is the aggravation and expense worth the trip?

Libra: Between two major influences, that would Saturn and Jupiter, I was wondering what you should charge. First off, let me clear about this: I have no body ink. No tattoos. None. Always thought about a “red and blue tattoo on the muscle of my arm says Ft. Worth I love you,” but no, I never did it. I’m Sagittarius, I have trouble deciding what art work would be best. Then, since I waited too long, it wouldn’t be a tattoo, just an example of some middle-aged guy trying to recapture youth. Better I should date young girls. That, too, not happening. Dating some woman who’s about half my age just looks sad, to me. All of this gets around to what you should charge. I have a buddy works in tattoo shop. It’s kind of a swank, a little on the upscale side of Austin kind of place. When I asked, see, it varied from artist to artist, and the situation, too. Prices vary. On a slow night? Artwork that would normally cost several hundred dollars? That would cost a lot less. Some of the work is a strict hourly rate. Other designs are a set price, a dragon is so much, a large landscape scene might run hundreds or even thousands of dollars. All depends. This isn’t about tattoos. This is about Libra, and how much should you charge. On a busy night? Or say it’s a drunken fool who wants something stupid across a body part? Like I suggested, price varies.

Scorpio: New term, not sure this will fly, but I’l try — Dramanatrix. It’s like a dominatrix, only, this is a person who doesn’t use whips and chains, more commonly rope and restraints, but this kind of person doesn’t use that. Instead, there’s an accelerated level of drama, almost a hyper-sense of the dramatic. Having spent much of my life in the thrall of the theater, what with my fascination with Shakespeare’s canon and so forth, I understand the proper use of theatrical energy. That’s the problem and it’s a simple case, either this is Scorpio, or it is someone you encounter this week. I’d define as the use of punishing or even painful dramatic touches to coerce a person into doing something that the person would rather not do. It’s painful and potentially scarring. Some of this can be social, too, and it starts with a simple, “OMG, you are SO not going to believe this….” Other clues that it’s a dramanatrix? Tears, wailing, gnashing of teeth, fist beating, chest beating, exaggerated sighs. I’m sure you get the picture. Either this is you, or, it could be someone set out to manipulate a Scorpio. Consider yourself warned and advised to watch it this week.

Sagittarius: “Dude, she is so HOT,” and I can’t ever hope to express the pronunciation and stress on that last word, “hot.” It was drawn out, making it about three syllables longer than need be. It was like there was a whole other sentence tacked on to the end of what he said. It was just another Sagittarius, and he was describing a relationship, or relationship he desired, or a relationship that he hoped might transpire, or one that was active in his brian, whether it had a basis in the real world. Or not. Personally, I didn’t find the female in question any more or less temperate than other females in attendance. I asked. It was a Sagittarius/Gemini thing. “No man, we got that hole love/hate thing going on. She totally digs me.” The girl rolled her eyes, “No more Sagittarius. Ever again.” I’ve written about this, so I’m not going to belabor a point. In this situation, though, the Sagittarius exuberance was certainly unmatched by the opposing party. That’s also the message about the way week unfolds. Next seven days, “She totally digs me,” opposed to that roll of the eyes, “Cold day in hell, buddy.”

Capricorn: My ears are pierced, both sides, two holes in the right, one in the left. The left was “brotherhood” thing, like an initiation. Come to think of it, all the piercings were initiations, a “brotherhood” type of event. Sentimentally, it feels like the sailer issue, only, this was in the middle of the desert, so it’s kind of hard to call it a sailor thing. No water. Lots of beach, just no water. However, the feeling is the same. I’ve forgotten about one of the ears for so long, I had to check, thinking that the hole might’ve grown back. It didn’t. For years, I had what looked like a diamond stud in my left ear. Wanted to look like sailor. Not a big enough stud to look like a professional artist or athlete. I bought the stud-set, it was really a six-pack, of Cubic Zirconium ear studs, for about five dollars. Five bucks, six earrings, and they get pulled out, lost, misplaced. Doesn’t matter, not at that price. The first time I lost a cheap stud like that? I wondered how it happened. After a while, though, I quite wondering. It’s cheap, I bought in bulk, and the effect was what was desired, looked like I had diamond stud. As a Capricorn, what you’re looking for is simple, easy way to make it look like you’ve got an expensive adornment. However, like me, can’t be afraid to lose the items. It’s all about cheap solutions that look rich.