“Y’are lazy knave,
And here ye lie baiting of bombards when
Ye should do service.”

The Chamberlain to the porter, who is watching the commoners party at Elizabeth’s baptism in Shakespeare’s Henry VIII [V.iv.75-7}

Totally unrelated but cool sidebar item? “Baiting bombards” was drinking alcoholic beverages out of leather flasks.

Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 3.26.2015

Aries:

There was a running theme, started in last week’s Pisces, and that opening quote from Shakespeare’s Henry VIII just seems to fit with it. It’s about inaction and sitting around the house, drinking, when forward motion is required. In that play’s scene, it’s the Lord Chamberlain to some relatively lazy house staff, and seriously, if the end was near, who wouldn’t rather sit around and just drink, make merry, instead of worry? I know that’s disjointed, but the idea is served correctly. There’s a hint for Aries, too. Action. Any action, but forward action, forward motion, forward moving, just taking steps to get from here to there. Something. Anything.

The quote refers to folks who are unsure of the baby queen taking over as the Queen of England, and in historical perspective, Elizabeth was one of the greatest monarchs ever. (I might be a little bias, as she was a patron of the arts.)

Taurus:

When winter peppers that aren’t winter peppers? It’s a problem, this last few weeks, I’ve been eating some “grocery store” peppers, mostly fat Serrano peppers, and those tend to be more mild in the winter. Fat, juicy, good flavor, and not too hot. Usually. I sampled the end of one, and I hopped around the kitchen, “Hot hot HOT!”

You’d think I’d know better? Right? Which is why I was sampling instead of just popping a whole pepper in my mouth. I’m used to winter chiles being way more mild. Either these peppers were hothouse and I mean “HOT House” not just greenhouse grown, or the peppers were from an acrid environment, because, in my experience, the hottest peppers come from a slight (to severe) amount of abuse. Deprived of water, the peppers get hotter, and I’ve been assured, the meaner the farmer is, the better the pepper. Go out and don’t water the peppers, just urinate on them. Call the peppers ugly. Tell those their mothers dress them funny. Heaps of abuse makes a much more ornery vegetable. Pepper, anyway. So this last batch of winter peppers were more like summer peppers in heat quotient. Which was a good thing I sampled them before I sliced a half dozen for the meal I was fixing. Nope, one was more than enough. Don’t touch that pepper. Good for flavor, don’t need to eat it, just push it off to the side of the plate. Now, as a Taurus, what this means? Test it, first. Taste it, like I did. Taste a little bit, don’t pop that whole pepper in your mouth, although, I have done that on numerous occasions, with predictable results.

Taurus: I’m trying to save you the tears.

Gemini:

Recently, my appearance has come to resemble the “mad scientist” look. Gray at the temples, strands of unruly hair that pokes out at odd angles, balding pate, crazed look in my eyes? Sure, let’s call this the “Mad Scientist Look.” Kind of works for me, as I am a bit odd. I don’t have any kind of Frankenstein monster built in my basement, as a point, this place doesn’t even have a basement. No 80’s aluminum car with gull-wing doors, as a vehicle to travel through time and space. Nope, none of that. Look at the pictures, though, and I’m sure the “mad scientist” appearance makes sense. As the mad scientist, I’m busy at work making everything better for Gemini, but you have to work with me. As the mad scientist in your life, I’m cooking up some planets that will be nice to you, only, at this very moment, not so much.

As the Gemini Mad Scientist, we’re working on a project, I just need to point out that what we’re cooking up? Hasn’t reached the unveiling stage, hasn’t reached the launch point, isn’t ready for display. Not yet. Close, but not yet. Keep working on our secret, mad scientist project. Needs a little more refining.

Cancer:

One step back, all it takes. One step back. I got used to fishing on the dock in Austin, then again, down at the coast, on the jetties. My reaction, when I get a strike? In order to properly set hook? I take a step back. Sure, there’s my instinctual reaction to lift the rod’s tip, remove all slack, and get that hook buried deep enough so the fish won’t get away, sure all of that. Still, one of my learned responses is to take a step back. Just half step rearward.

On narrow boats, this is a problem, but most of the bass boats and shallow-draft bay boats I’ve been on, those crafts all have enough room that I can step back from the gunwale, to set that hook. Less one of those angry, aggressive hook-sets, and more like a gentle motion. Instead of making this a big deal? Mars eases out of Aries this week, and instead of making this a big deal? One step backwards, you know, to set the hook.

The (mighty) Leo:

Buddy of mine was a “Management Consultant” and efficiency expert. What I learned from watching his work? It’s about process, not about specifics.

Process, not steps. Not long ago, a client, I set up a website for her, she applauded the way I taught her process, not specific steps, to get something done. As a the regal and majestic Leo with Jupiter retrograde in your sign? It’s about process; it’s not about specific steps. Too bad, too, because, as the Leo you like to know specifically, what steps need to be taken to get from here to there.

It’s not about the specifics, as those change every day. It’s about which direction you head. It’s about, yes, coffee in the morning is first. If I’m alone, I grind beans and make a small French Press, larger if there are guests. If I’m at the coast? Hit the coffee maker, turn it own and dump in the horrid motel coffee. Process. At one location, the first thing I do? I roll into some clothes and find a Starbucks. Process. No two steps are the same, but the process is identical. Instead of delineating specifics steps for THE Leo? Think: process.

Virgo:

One of the greatest lessons I’ve ever learned, and I have to keep learning it, over and over? Ask. Ask for help. Ask for assistance. Ask for directions. Ask for the best place to fish. Ask for the best bait in local waters. Ask for the “super secret, I-won’t-tell-anyone spot that is SO good.” Ask. This is about asking for assistance, asking for help, and asking for whatever it is that you want.

One of my favorite questions, especially to ask cops? “What’s the best excuse you’ve heard?” Cops, in general, and local ones in particular, they can be friendly if asked.

When I toyed with your chart, the more I looked at the planets — and the angles between the planets and your Virgo self — the note I realized that it’s a simple solution for Virgo: ask.

One Virgo will have to ask me, though, “What if I don’t ask the right question?”

No wrong questions, but it is bad if you don’t ask.

Libra:

There comes a time when it is best to say, “No.” A simple, negative rejoinder. A simple, negative reply. The answer to the question that everyone seems to be asking? The best Libra answer might be a very simple, “No.” No equivocating, no “maybe” floating around, no extra details, just a simple negative.

“Is that the best you can do?”

Always a trick question, huh.

Anyway, see, I’m not saying every question is negative, but there’s one, usually a burning question, and instead of dragging this out? Instead of making a big deal out of nothing? Instead of one of those patented “Definitely maybe” answers? A simple, declarative answer? That works best. “Are you sure?” Yes, I’m sure. But I’m not a Libra.

Scorpio:

Decisive decisions. Just a single keyword for a Scorpio’s week, decisive. Decisions. Choices, then, like a good Scorpio, sticking to those choices. Good or bad, stick with the decisions.

Mars moves into opposition to Scorpio, and Venus is already there, and this planetary motion sets up a time when the best choice for my Scorpio friends?

Decide. One way, or another, but decide. Make a decision. Choose one. Or the other, doesn’t much matter, with this kind of material opposite you? You’re going to feel like it was the wrong choice. Doesn’t matter, as a fan of “All matters Scorpio,” I know that you can stick with what you decide, and I’ll promise you that eventually you prevail. Win. Conquer.

Scorpio will prevail, but this is about decisions, and sticking to those decisions, and then, figuring out what’s next. Venus and Mars, in conjunction after sunset, those are the culprits, that’s the source of the need to make a decision. The outcome of that decision, I believe that’s up to you, but this week? Be decisively decisive.

Sagittarius:

Mentors have come to me in many guises. Mentors, teachers, guides of one form or another have showed up in the oddest of ways, but if it was traditional, I might not notice. What I’ve learned how to do is listen to the wisdom when it arrives, via whatever source that the message chooses, because, let’s be randomly honest here, a straight man might not be the best choice for me.

“Straight man,” in this context, refers to an older, white male with more advanced years, perhaps a long, white beard and a flowing robes. Or maybe, like a judge’s robes, all black, still, elderly and advanced, sent to impart wisdom unto a heathen Sagittarius like ourselves. Still, not working.

Listen. Listen for the message and look for the messenger. One of my secrets is to be very still and quiet in a church, or church-like setting, and to “pray,” which, in my case, is more like repeating a mantra. I’m attempting to rid my mind of all the excess baggage. If I’m clear, if my intent is pure, if this is “From the heart,” then both message and messenger becomes quite clear. But I’ve got to listen — and look — for that messenger. The teacher, the guide, a mentor. As a Sagittarius, we need that kind of assistance at this moment.

Capricorn:

Due diligence. Simple term, what does it mean? In my mind, I spelled it incorrectly on the first try, and I came up with “Do diligence.” Not what this is about, either. Although, in a “Kramer-way,” even misspelled, it makes a twisted kind of sense.

Either way, the term suggests there’s some background research, something as simple as a title check, make sure the seller has clear title before handing over Capricorn monies. Or is the service exactly as promised? What was promised, and is that person, company, entity, capable of delivering what was promised?

Do the “Due Diligence,” check and see. Check and see if there really is one of those things in stock, check and see, like the old computer navigation fine print? “Do a reality check and see if the road actually exists, first.”

Seriously, the old school online, dashboard navigation systems did that. I can save you a lot of pain in your backside, if you do the “Due Diligence” in this next situation. I can’t perform the action itself, but even a cursory web search will turn up all kinds of information that will help you — keep you — from making a stupid mistake. If you do the “Due Diligence.”

Aquarius:

There’s a caution that comes with this week’s look at the planets and their energies. Really, I was only concentrating on one planet, but as a theme for the Aquarius week? The term that popped into my mind? “At any cost.” As in victory at any cost, or triumph at any cost, or whatever it takes to win, at any cost.

Hint: that’s NOT how this works.

Weigh the cost. Weigh the plus and minus. Think this one through before you say, “At any cost!” Not a good rallying cry, not for an Aquarius like yourself. Good idea, and true, in most situations, “At any cost! Charge!” Sure, that would usually work, but maybe, just maybe, not this week. Not saying it isn’t worth consideration, and not saying it isn’t a good idea, but the problem with the idea of “at any cost?” Sometimes, the price is too high for what you want to get. The benefits don’t outweigh the cost of the goods. The victory is too dear. No, some costs are too high.

Pisces:

Certain music can play in the background, and I don’t care. Other music can be hugely annoying, I was one place, and the speaker system — glorified boom box — had an iPod with 80’s music, nominally a good choice. The volume was one or two notches too high for me. Just my taste, not a problem, however, the next time I had an option to return to that place, I skipped it because the music had been just a little too loud for my tastes. Sometimes, that volume and that song set, sometimes, that would be ultimately soothing.

Other times, not as much.

I’m looking for something to soothe the Pisces soul. Musically, I’m thinking some dance-trance, played at a low volume. One Pisces I know will go for Texana, soft-core country music with local flavors. Another will go for some classical metal as a way to calm herself. Takes all types.

The trick is aural sedation. The near-ambient, “New-Age” music pablum tends to offend me, but that’s me. It’s a matter of finding the right music, the right “radio” station, the correct combination of volume and content to satisfy the Pisces and the Pisces’ fevered brow. There’s a certain tune that will help, but your version will vary. I can’t tell what will work, but a decent set-list, a CD, something new, something old, it’s something. Listen.