Horoscopes starting 1.5.2017

    I cannot by the progress of the stars
    Give guess how near to day.

Marcus Brutus in Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar 2.1.2~

Mercury isn’t “retrograde” much longer, but we’re not completely in the clear from the ensuing confusion, so keep that in mind.

Horoscopes starting 1.5.2017



The Sea Goat

Handy travel tip — if you have expandable luggage? Never leave home with the luggage expanded. You’ll thank me later, like later this year. It’s the beginning of the year, and there’s a big push to reduce, reuse, and recycle in the Capricorn’s life.

Before this inauspicious start gets done, like, in the next day or three?

There’s a packing tip.

I had this one, old girlfriend, and when we would travel, I’d always throw in a tiny, folded-up duffle. Sooner or later, there would be that “one thing” she would want. Had to pack it in a suitcase and the clothes had to go someplace else; hence, my portable, expandable duffle. However, the trick to use this energy correctly, in the next week? Pretend that the duffle isn’t there. Or, if it’s that expendable luggage, so common these days? Make sure it’s all compressed, to start with, I mean, just for now. Leave room for expansion.

Capricorn: Leave room for expansion.



The Water Bearer

How about, just as an idea, instead of getting all up and in your own, Aquarius face, how about we pause long enough to check the “Do not do” list. It’s like a — ubiquitous — “to do” list, only this is a list of items, chores, goals, tasks, or similar travails that your Aquarius self fervently does not want to do. Or shouldn’t do. The placement of the verbs there, “shouldn’t do,” or “don’t want to do,” both of those are important qualifiers. Either one, because this is a kind of generalization? Either one works as an excuse.

The Mercury thing, hit me a lot worse than it got you, but the Mercury-infused madness over the last few days, even as this is supposed to wind down? There’s a hint, there’s more at play than just Mercury, but let’s just blame that feller for now, the little, inside planet is playing havoc with certain issues. Best thing to do, your best Aquarius course of action? Nothing. Not a damn thing. Pause. If some other person gets in an all-fired-up hurry?

“Wait, just wait. I have to check my ‘Do not do’ list, first.”



The Fishes

Mercury is still kind of retrograde, and he’s stopping at a place that makes Pisces uncomfortable. Bad discomfort? Sort of depends. But the problems are tripled with the mess that’s currently occurring. I stopped for coffee, other afternoon.

Affable guy behind the counter, he knows me, smiled, we joked, then I suggested I wanted something different. “You want something sweet yet full of disappointment? We got sugar. Try a gingerbread flavored one.” So sweet, so full of promise, and yet, so full of disappointment? I looked at the guy, “Did you date her, too?”

Sugary-sweet, full of promise, and a cupful of heartache, too.

If your Pisces expectations are too high, too hopeful, and plainly unrealistic? You can wind up with a cupful of heartache, too. Mercury is intent on confusing an issue and this tiny bit of leftover tension needs no assistance.



The Ram

Old girlfriend used to love going to “Open Houses,” homes that were for sale. I got dragged around to a few of these, or, we’d be out some afternoon, and there would be an “Open House/Home for Sale” sign. Stop, look, listen to the real estate agent, and then leave. Most sales agents are cagey, wanting that contact point, “Can you sign in here?” With a spot for e-mail and phone. I’ll sign my name, no phone or e-mail. This one, however, insisted, so I put down a throw-away e-mail address. For the last several years, I’ll get a periodic e-mail, “New Listing!” Or, the usual, “Just on the market!” The problem is, I’ve tried, unsuccessfully, to get my name dropped from that list. I’ve hit the “Safe Un-subscribe” button. Many times, every time one of those e-mails comes around. It’s at a point, now, where that just gets marked as “spam,” and it gets filtered and deleted before I see it. Which is too bad, as I might’ve been a customer at one time, but the complete lack of ethic ruined it for me.

Etiquette, common sense?

Practical and pragmatic suggestion, if a person doesn’t want to receive the message, then don’t force it on them. (Me: “Take me off your stupid list!”) This is personal example of a person who doesn’t “listen,” and what happens. I’m sure that the absolute refusal to remove me from her list is borne out of years of selling houses, and making an impact, just like that. But it doesn’t work, and all it’s done? Served to irritate me. So, Aries, with that irritation that the planets serve up? Mostly Mercury, but you can pick and choose, that irritation? Follow me on this, filter and toss, don’t call them up and yell. That just creates more problems. “Filter and toss.”



The Bull

“Looks like I was counting my money when I should’ve been counting my sheep…” Misquoted lyric from a rare oldie, seldom on anyone’s playlist but mine. Still, the sentiment — for Taurus — holds up well under the nearly un-retrograde Mercury.

Get rested.

There is an impeding situation looming large, a left-over project or task, goal, destination, something left from, my guess? Previous year’s worth of crap that needs attention at the moment. But that might not be it, still, there’s a cosmic hangover, and that means, like the lyric suggested, you should be getting some rest instead of working.

As a Sagittarius, I’m used to getting by on “Not enough sleep,” like something between 4 and six hours at night. I can function, days on end, just keep the coffee warm, and I’m good. This isn’t about me; this is about Taurus. The planets describe a situation wherein adequate rest is imperative for Taurus. It’s that simple. Instead of counting your money, or hoarding cash, or whatever it is that is of that vein? Sleep. Rest. “R & R,” to some. A nap to me. Or, as I sometimes do, a “Brief (horizontal) Meditation.” Rest. More than anything else, this next few days, adequate rest.



The Twins

“Instant coffee.” Which, to be honest, the best instant coffee, for years, wasn’t “instant,” but freeze-dried coffee crystals.

But that’s the answer to the Gemini question.

“Instant coffee? What are you smoking?”

Maybe it is “Instant coffee.” The deal was there’s a certain amount of Gemini attention to detail and focus required. Easiest way to insure that you’re on it? “Instant coffee.”

I tend to favor an afternoon break of some kind, while I prefer to walk over to a real coffee shop, as it feels like an outing for me. However, Gemini? This is less about getting out, and more about concentrating on that one item that still needs to get done. The quickest, easier way?

Instant coffee.

A quick cup of nasty, instant brew, sugared and watered, creamed to your tastes, just enough to sweetener to hide the acrid flavor? Sure, that’s the idea. It’s the simplest of notions, but with Mercury halting at a critical point in Sagittarius — opposite from Gemini? All that stuff in Pisces? Yes, try to focus, never a Gemini strong suite, but to help that? Maybe some instant coffee, one way or another.



The Crab

Close to 11 PM, local time, one New Year’s Eve, I took a quick, panicked call from a client. “Really? Working on the one night you should be partying?” Yes. Call lasted less than three minutes. From angst-ridden to happy, the message was clear and concise, and, at that moment, I was the “Go-to” person to call. Last one on the list, so it would seem. Two messages, here, one: don’t ever bother calling me after 6 PM, local time. I will not answer. I’m “off the clock,” and two? For the Moon Children (Cancer), this week? Take that call. No, don’t call me, I can’t really work late evenings anymore, rather, I really prefer not to work late evenings, but drop me an email, and I might answer. No, wait, what I was suggesting, for Cancer? Take that business call. Might be late. Might not be a real emergency on the other end, but it might also appear like it is.

I always liked the message on one doctor’s machine, “If this is an actual emergency, hang up and dial 9-1-1.” So here’s the deal, with where things are, Mars/Venus in Pisces? Mercury coming un-retrograde at very end of the Sagittarius slice of sky? All of that spells out a chance, an opportunity to work after hours, work late, extra work, and all of it adds up to extra income. If you take that call, stay late, or do the extra work. Whatever it is, do it.

The Leo:

The Leo

The Leo

I’ve long maintained that every Leo needs to be equipped with an “entourage,” a following of loyal camp movers, the people who do the back-breaking work of maintaining “The Leo” and The Leo’s lifestyle. Fans, lay patrons, minions to do thy bidding, etc. Got an image of what I’m talking about, now?

The camp-followers who look after the details for The Leo? Just much easier this way, you know? As the most royal of all the signs, yes, you need, deserve and should have, a loyal and royal retinue. This week, the Full Moon, and onward? This is about listening to the camp-followers, the entourage, the loyal fans, and finding out what they want from you. This is the time for the care and feeding of the minions. The people in your Leo Life, the folks who do some of the dirty work for you? This is the time recognize, applaud, and reward those who do the work. Those who do the work for you. Smile and and feed the underlings, the groundlings that make this possible. All about reaching out to help us. We’re your fans, you know. Acknowledge us.



The Virgin

I spent the better portion of my career, hopping off and on local commercial air. Not exactly a frequent flyer, but at one point, the sky cap at the Austin airport knew me by name. Another example, a flight attendant greeted me on the plane with, “Oh no! Not you again!” It was humorous, not mean-spirited.

Anymore, though, I travel less and less. I’ve had to make adjustments to lifestyle choices. I’m no longer looking for gear and accessories that travel well, as an example. I watched a video of a guy trying to stuff an Xmas-sized box into the overhead bin on a commercial flight. Made me think of Virgo, as this is a scene I hope to never see repeated, not in my own life. The foibles and problems with modern life, as we know it? With Mars and Venus, Neptune and onward, all stacked up in Pisces, opposite from Virgo? There’s a sense that you’ve been holding onto the old style, the old ways of thinking, the previous approach that used to work so well? The way we used to do it, and is that still the most effective way to do this? You have to ask yourself, “Virgo, dear one, is this the best way to accomplish the stated goal?”

Oddly enough, some times it is.



The Scales

By the end of this horoscope, there’s a tight, brief, tension angle in the heavens. Sun, accentuated by the Moon, “squares” Jupiter. Stepping back from that, for just a second, there’s more to it, but this single event illuminates what this week is about, Jupiter’s good fortune is at odds with the rest of the planets, or so it would seem. Unwinding from a Mercury Retrograde, first thing I do? Nothing. I tend to let something like this week’s series of events serve as touchstones, reminders, place holders, and bookmarks, just as a way of being able to refer back to this week, thinking, observing, but not taking any direct action.

“But we need to fix this RIGHT NOW!”

No, no we don’t need to fix this right now. What we can do is start searching for an optimal route to take to get this fixed. But fixing it ourselves? Right now? Might not be our best course of action.

Trigger events like this lunar phase and the Jupiter thing? These serve as touchstones, reminders, and bookmarks, maybe not something that we have to attack, not at this moment.



The Scorpio

When was the moment? I was thinking about this in terms of a Shakespeare play I’d seen on stage, but let’s get away from me and my afflictions, let’s turn this on over to Scorpio. When was the moment? That play, there was one scene, a snippet of a scene, just a few lines, but the emotion carried by the actors was perfect, and it nailed it, sealed it, and shut the door on that play, for me, once and for all. With Jupiter in Libra, and Mars/Venus/Neptune playing tag in Pisces, and then, Mercury (unmoving, unwilling, unwitting, unfiltered) unwinding in Sagittarius, you’ll find this is a moment to think about the moment.

In another way to look at this? When was the moment that you subscribed to astrology because you had a tangible result that proved, in your Scorpio mind, a result that just proved, beyond a shadow of doubt, that this worked?

To build forward, with what’s up ahead for Scorpio? We have to have a foundation moment. When was your moment? Start there. We’re building forward from that.




The approach of the Full Moon, then its subsequent fallout? All about trying to make nice in a situation where our Sagittarius selves would prefer to be brash. I prefer blunt, direct communication, not a lot of of words qualifying and surrounding the stated purpose. Fewer words, more direct, but I can’t say that I always follow that advice. However, with the unfolding and ensuing Mars/Venus crap in Pisces? Maybe being nice is what this is all about. Or maybe, we need to employ more flowery language to better wrap our normally blunt missives.

“Dude, you can roll that in powdered sugar, and it’s still not a jelly donut.”

But it looks like a leftover Xmas decoration, after the powdered sugar trick. Doesn’t make it any more palatable in the long run, but in the short term, like this week? Makes it seem more palatable. That’s the secret to Sagittarius success for the next few days. Less blunt, more powdered sugar.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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