Week of: October 28 – November 3

Week of: October 28 – November 3
Kramer’s Momma’s is Nov. 1, send her a fax at 512/521-0259, and tell her that you think all Scorpios are great people.

Aries [3/23-4/20]: A wedding is not a good idea right now, not for you. Trust me on this one, despite what your innermost feelings might reveal, I would urge you to reconsider the elopement idea. Why? Just because the the source of this infatuation is bound to wear off pretty quick. Don’t confuse “love at first sight” with a slightly different (but somehow related) concept called “lust at first sight.” Remember, you like to fish, too, so don’t throw everything overboard for this relationship thing.

Taurus [4/21-5/22]: The odd bits of gravel in the sky, some of them darned feminist asteroids, are making some VERY interesting activity going on for you this week. You are torn between lavishing many hours on the finery for a beautiful costume for the grand Halloween ball, and just cleaning up the house. Decisions, decisions. You might want to consult a real astrologer, like myself, for further elucidation on these matters. And fashion consulting, too, because that plays a big part in what you want to be this Halloween.

Gemini [5/23-6/21]: I hate to talk about “windows of opportunity” but you have one this week as the stars (well, planets, actually) line up and make you particularly incisive for a moment. How about this: you have more depth and range than the average (or even above average) fish radar? You have greater insight into past lives with ex-wives than ever before. You can see what your future holds. And you will be critical of the whole mess. That’s you, this week.

Cancer [6/22-7/22]: There is collateral damage, a nice media term, associated with one of those e romantic relationship things going on this week. Don’t get caught in he crossfire. Keep your head down. Go with what you know. Despite all the forebodings, this would be a great weekend for you to play poker. Try and gather the gaming buddies around for a nice, friendly game of high stakes cards. Or something along those lines. I don’t know if I would recommend Las Vegas, because I don’t really see travel this week, but a good game of chance might bring you some windfall.

Leo [7/23-8/23]: Some Leos need an agenda for the week. Try this one: Monday, Tuesday, assess work situation. Wednesday, Thursday, contemplate the meaning of life. Friday through whenever, party with wild abandon, as if there were no tomorrow. It’s a simple plan, but I think you will find it most effective. I still have to warn you about handling explosive devices like bombs, dynamite, loaded firearms and jealous girlfriends.

Virgo [8/24-9/23]: The love planets play a game of hide and seek with you this week. Venus starts out in your sign (but leaves) and Mars comes into your sign (and doesn’t leave). What’s this mean? Mars is energy and drive. So if you did something to help accentuate that last hit from Venus, like get involved in a relationship, or start dating someone, then with Mars coming along, you will find that you have the drive to make this thing work. One planet made you soft, the next planet makes you hard-driven.

Libra [9/24-10/23]: With Venus now in you sign, you will find that you have a better than average sense of taste. I would consider cruising the flea markets this weekend, looking for that one piece of art that you have always wanted: dogs playing poker on black velvet. Yes, with this sort of planetary configuration, now is the time to move from low-brow art to high art. You might want to consider a Black Velvet Star Trek, too, and boldly go where no artwork has gone before.

Scorpio [10/24-11/23]: “Now is the winter of our discontent/Made glorious by this sun of York” Know the rest of the lines? Let me know by Email. The villain of that play, Richard, was much ,maligned in history, and some scholars have suggested that he was done so based strictly upon this one play. Scorpios feel like that too, this week, much picked upon because there was a Scorpio once who was vile and mean and vindictive, and screwed it up for all the rest of the sign. Oh yeah, let my mother know what nice people Scorpios are as we try to stem this tide of history.

Sagittarius [11/24-12/21]: Feel like there is 60% more to you right now? The deal is this: all the little odd bits of pea gravel, like the stuff that gets caught in your boot, is in your corner of the sky. What that means is small and insignificant problems blow up like a volcano and these little problems become big problems. Are you going to let it get to you, O Mighty Archer Dude? Of course not. I’ve just told you that these are minor problems. The only constraint is that, after a week of minor problems, you want some relief. Send a fax to your favorite Scorpio, or if you don’t have a favorite Scorpio, send a fax to my favorite Scorpio, and you might Archers will feel better.

Capricorn [12/22-1/20]: Cappy’s should be feeling rather good about their lot in life, by now. You should have the new bass boat, the old car should be in great shape, and, as long as you stayed out of that fake money-making scheme, you should be on solid financial ground. In fact, you should be reaping some benefits from some of that “sweat of my brow” stuff, too, this week. You should find that more folks are willing to listen to your expert advice, whether that’s fishing advice, astrological advice, or sage work wisdom.

Aquarius [1/21-2/18]: You have a neat sort of week lining up with a lot of romantic possibilities coming along. Another thing I would urge you to consider this week is buying flower for your fishing partner. Usually, this is considered a bad move in poor taste, but I mean it metaphorically. Don’t get the guy real flowers, or one of those stupid “I Love You” cards. Get him something useful, like antacid in special, brightly colored box. Breath mints. Something that would make your hours in the boat a lot more comfortable with your partner. I hope your partner gets the hint.

Pisces [2/19-3/22]: There is one problem that might be plaguing poor, much beleaguered Pisces this week: a concern about weight. Not the weight of the fish you catch this weekend, but that’s certainly another story. No, what we need to talk about is those few extra pounds which have been creeping up and onto your waistline. Well, looks like this isn’t the week to do anything about it, but I thought I would point out to you that the stars have it in for your waistline unless YOU do something about it. Want to bet I hear from a number of irate Pisces this week, as they sit there and console themselves with chocolate?

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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