Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 12.12

“Do thou amend thy face, and
I’ll amend my life.”

Shakespeare’s Falstaff to Bardolph in Henry IV, part 1 [III.iii.22-3]

Horoscopes by the Fishing Guide to the Stars starting 12.12

Sagittarius HoroscopeSagittarius: The comment was, “I bet they don’t have a Hallmark card for that.” I’ll wager you’re right, they don’t. I was joking about how I needed to drop a line, maybe, like an xmas card, to all the “rat-bastard” ex-boyfriends that send me business over the previous year. While this isn’t limited to just males, it does tend to skew in that direction . Still I have a few buddies, one fishing buddy in particular, and he doesn’t have rat-bastard ex-boyfriend, he has an obsession with a waitress at a local joint. She doesn’t know he exists, other than as another customer who frequents the place for short uniforms and tall beers. Again, I seriously doubt it’s the food. I got tired of answering the romance question so I wrote it all down in a book.


It’s our Sagittarius birthdays and spending any portion of it whining about an ex-girlfriend who doesn’t have the decency to return an email, while that’s rude, what did we expect? Birthday! Party! Xmas season is here, for reals! We don’t have the luxury of looking back in the mirror for too long. Just can’t afford it.

I really have to find a card for all those people who don’t return their calls.

Capricorn: I don’t always chat when I’m traveling, but a friendly or even just agreeable nod is an opening for me. I chatted with the guy next to me on the plane. We talked boats and fish, lumber and desert views. We exchanged business cards. Plane took off.

He pulled out a self-help book. He opened it up, then took off his glasses and began to read. I took out a murder-mystery novel I’ve been trying to read, pulled out some reading glasses, and put them on. Both of us were adding books, but his was probably more instructional, and therefore, more useful. Mine might’ve been more entertaining. He took off glasses to read while I put some on. Adjust, adjust as the situation calls for — as a Capricorn, he was, there’s similar but opposite adjustment that’s required to make the best of what is going on. Figure it out, us make the correct adjustment. With glasses. Without glasses. I don’t know, but you do.

Aquarius: “Back in the day, in Austin…” and even now, in other locations, I’m used to ordering a coffee beverage called a “macchiato.” I tend to prefer small, independent coffee shops, typically “mom & pop” stores. When I order, I’ll start out by ordering that beverage then I’ll hastily amend, “It is a double shot of espresso topped with the tiniest amount milk foam, from steamed milk.”

Properly prepared, it is a heavenly treat. It is the original, Italian, version. There’s a world-wide chain that offers a similarly-titled beverage, but the contents are very different, as it is large serving of milk and sugars, with only the barest hint of coffee. Because I’ve carried on like this for years, discussing, really acting like I was knowledgeable, about the name of the beverage, I wondered what that made me look like to a regular “Seattle-trained” coffee person. I asked one Aquarius who runs an admirable set of coffee shops along the Texas Gulf (Third Coast). I was worried that I sounded like an arrogant customer. “No. Man,” the surfer-barista answered, “I get that it shows you know something.” Punctuated with a knowing head nod. As an Aquarius, and the guy who answered me is, but as an Aquarius, is there a gentle, conversational way to show you know your stuff?

Pisces: Happened again, a few days ago, I was staying with friends, and in the morning, I heard a familiar sound. The aural image is one of water being forced through thin pipes, like an espresso machine. There’s a certain noise that accompanies the morning shot of coffee. So my friends have this “one cup wonder,” and it’s a fancy machine that works much like a home-espresso unit kicking out one cup of regular coffee at a time. Have to put in single-serving coffee grounds things, but the coffee is good. What got my motor running, though, was the espresso machine-like sound. Whoosh. The holiday season, and Sagittarius, will cause a similar rush of mental images for Pisces. I doubt you’ll be sleeping on a couch, when you hear it, unlike my experience, but there’s a good chance there’s a familiar sound that evokes that same, heady rush indicating good hints ahead. If you seize the moment that gets presented? Like that first shot of morning caffeine, the Pisces world is full of possibilities.

Aries: When life gives you lemons? Refuse the lemons. Ask to speak to the lemons’ manager. Fight back. Return the lemons. Don’t accept the lemons that life gives you. Refuse the lemons. Locally, the old adage was, “When life give you lemons, do the tequila.” It works, more or less, and tequila soothes a chapped and weathered mind better than lemonade. Personally, I think it’s less about the stars and more about the holiday season, but in the northern hemisphere, it is winter. The normally sunny Aries disposition is somewhat soured by twin influences, one being the season (nominally Xmas) and the short Sagittarius days. Here’s the deal: refuse the lemons. Doesn’t have to be that way. You can make a call and make it what you want to be. Refuse the lemons.

Just say, “No,” to the lemons.

Taurus: Walnut-colored Mission-style. I was in a health retreat resort, place had that undetermined age about it, part old, part old-school but recently plated, and just a touch of post-punk modern to matter. The furniture in my motel room was walnut-stained, California Mission style. I’m guessing either local or ordered and imported from Mexico, the style is a clear knock-off of the light-colored Spanish Mission Style, which, in later years became California Mission Style, then abbreviated to Mission Style. At one point in recent history, Southwestern Style was immensely popular. All of these are variations on a theme, and while I was looking at the furniture in the sort-of resort, I was also thinking about Taurus. Blending styles, kind of a secret way to get stuff to work. For all I know, that furniture might’ve been old California Mission stuff that was just stained slightly darker. Reuse, recycle, or blend a new color on an older style to make Taurus look new.

geminiGemini: “Unnamed Source,” are my current favorite for rumors, lies, and ambiguous details that might be misleading. There is the more reliable source, “Industry Insider,” as another term. Then, too, there’s the source, “Speaking on the condition of anonymity,” as the supposedly reliable, qualified, fact-checked, peer-reviewed source. As a Gemini? Any time in the next week, you see any of those terms? Our, little secret? It’s probably not true. It’s double-talk, spin, posturing, and most important, most likely not factual. I find that those terms, this only applies to Gemini in your chart, but those terms are sure indications that there is some misleading disinformation happening.

As one author suggested, “There are lies, damn lies and statistics.”

Studies have shown that those terms are all misleading for Gemini, this week.

Cancer: Where did I read that before, “Trust but verify?” I think it was in connection to an adult and child, the parent-child implied relationship. I’m also guessing I picked it up in book, probably a cold-war thriller. Sounds like an antidote for getting the truth out. Sounds like a good tag line for my little Cancer friends, and how to al with what they say this week. “They” say a number things. “They” are responsible for much data seaming into the Cancer’s consciousness. Worse yet? “They” claim it is all true. Is it? I’m not saying other signs are inherently dishonest, but given your magnanimous nature? I just have a feeling that someone is trying to take advantage of you and your good ways. I’m not saying be suspicious, but, as I suggested, a good tag line for you, of this next couple of days? “Trust but verify.”

Trust me?

The (mighty) Leo: I love this time of year. As a Leo, as The Leo, you should love this time of year, too. I was getting a massage, not long ago. After an arduous work schedule, I need some kneading to help work out the kinks. One arm, elbow, was overworked. The massage therapist dug into a point on my shoulder and I grimaced. (Bitch hurt me!) There was a brief tingle, and my sinuses started to clear up. I could feel it. The incessant pain in my elbow, an aggravated fishing injury, that went away. The massage therapist eventually greased up the rest of me, and I was rendered temporarily mute. The elbow — and my sinuses — I ha no idea how that is connected to some pressure point in my shoulder. I do know where certain planets are right now, though, and if your Leo majesty is willing to work through the pain, there is relief. Lots of pain-free Leo holiday time.

Find that pressure point.

VirgoVirgo: It was the sound of rain, but it came from a diesel, idling, its echo off an empty downtown parking structure. Kind of a rare moment, early November morning, still warm enough to walk, and the downtown area essentially empty. Weird combination of weather and pre-season holiday, I suppose. Now that it’s almost Xmas, last month seems so far away. The illusion of rain — and its weird source — that’s an echo of what is happening for Virgo. With Mars where he is, now, there’s an echo off the Virgo mind, maybe the Virgo face, maybe some other place. It sounds like a familiar noise. But it’s not what you think it is. The first part of the problem is looking for the solution. The second is acknowledging the source of the illusion. My example was pretty simple, but I’m a pretty simple guy. Look around. Even a cursory examination of the details — as it pertains to Virgo — will quickly reveal the source. Not troubling, just not what you suspected. Like the echo of a diesel motor at idle, bouncing off an empty parking structure.

Libra: I was in a typical, small-town bakery/cafe/coffee shop. Town was too small to justify a ubiquitous Starbucks. Cool. The woman behind the counter, I asked, almost immediately, what her birthday was. She was Libra, and since — I’m guessing — she thought I was trying to pick up on her with my question, she rattled off that she had a partner, three grandchildren, and she was happy with her life. I’d be happy with her life, too, she had what she wanted. She knew most of the patrons by name, a tiny resort in New Mexico, and there was a burgeoning artist colony.

My people.

My people except for the defensive move. I think that was a Libra move after the last few weeks, things have been tough. Then, too, there’s Mars, and he’s going to add a level of combat-ready attitude to every Libra move.

Scorpio: Towards the end of this horoscope, there’s going to be a moment of clarity. However, I wouldn’t take this as a time when you can chill, relax, and then, not move forward. That moment of clarity will reveal one issue, one answer, might not be the answer you want, not now, but there it is. The moment of clarity, looks like next Monday-Tuesday, for the timing. That means, between now and then? Got some work that still needs attending. Attend to it.

Some days, like now, there are no big deals, other than the High Holy Days, and even then, the holidays this year seem a bit boorish. It’s a Scorpio and Saturn thing. Since I can’t spice it up? Long term relief lies in working hard, now. Results count.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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  • jose quinones Dec 15, 2013 @ 14:58

    Yup, I’ve been on edge…ready to pull out my Bowie and commando the world. But then I get sleepy and forget about it all.