Horoscopes starting 12.1.2016

    First my fear, then my cur’sy, last my speech. My fear, is your displeasure, my cur’sy, my duty, and my speech, to beg your pardons. If you look for a good speech now, you undo me, for what I have to say is of mine own making, and what indeed (I should say) will (I doubt) prove mine own marring. But to the purpose, and so to the venture. Be it known to you, as it is very well, I was lately here in the end of a displeasing play, to pray your patience for it and to promise you a better. I meant indeed to pay you with this, which if like an ill venture it come unluckily home, I break, and you, my gentle creditors, lose. Here I promis’d you I would be, and here I commit my body to your mercies. Bate me some, and I will pay you some, and (as most debtors do) promise you infinitely; and so I kneel down before you—but, indeed, to pray for the Queen.

Rumor in Shakespeare’s Henry IV, part 2 (epilogue)

The last time I watched that epilogue, it moved me. There’s some connection between that the way the planets are, even now, in Sagittarius and beyond.

Horoscopes starting 12.1.2016

Sagittarius:

Sagittarius

The Archer

My day job is fun for me. I was out with some friends, and one guy, I’d call him a fishing buddy, but we’ve never fished together. However, our relationship carries the same energy. He was drinking heavily and and his ex-girlfriend was there. She showed up, and I’m unsure of the details, but she was there, he was there. They appear to be more than amicable. My Sagittarius buddy, deep in drink, his arm was draped casually across his ex-lover, ex-girlfriend, and her, deep into her cups, too, they were both quite “friendly,” for lack of better word.

Don’t have to be psychic to see how this one wound up. Doesn’t anyone remember last year? He was swearing he’d cut his arm off! I don’t recall if the arm was to get away from her or get her back, but he was offering to lop of a limb, just like that. That magic elixir of time, liquor, healing, beer, absence, mind-numbing substances, and a low-cut blouse? As a Sagittarius myself, I’m just warning about actions with serious repercussions that might await further down the line. The short-term pleasure might be best put off, especially if there are any “extenuating circumstances,” or if it could be argued that one, or both, of the participants in this Sagittarius adventure were not in his and her right mind.

Glad it was him and not me.

Capricorn:

Many years ago, there was a holographic representation of a certain movie director, and the three-dimensional image? It was a laser, or something, in a rotating tank, and it looked like the movie director would put a cigarette to mouth and take a long pull, then, as the image rooted around, he would exhale a cloud of smoke. All laser defined and very “futuristic” at the time.

That image of smoke? An eery, incandescent image of smoke filtering up, when there was no smoke, no possible carcinogens, just an image of something, yet, as an animation, it seemed real enough? That image of non-smoke smoke, filtering upwards in the rotating tank? That image is what’s going with us in Capricorn. It’s not real. Seems real. Seems more real than real, but it’s not real. At its inception, that image, the “holographic image” of the film guy, smoking? That’s the starting point as Venus finishes up her passage in Cap, while Mercury starts his, and the Sun still in Sagittarius? Leaves Capricorn with an image of something wherein the image is not real, but seems more real than real. Hint: it’s a holographic image — that’s all.

Aquarius:

There’s always an element that is present in Aquarius, always sense that you’re willing to share it all with the world. As I poked your chart and twiddled the planets, as I watched Mars — and Venus — advance, I kept thinking about publicity. There’s a current generation who is not afraid to post part of the most mundane parts of life, with details about breakfast, lunch, dinner, and anything else, right there. While I’m semi-transparent, there are factors I tend to keep to myself. As this week unfolds in Aquarius? What’s for public consumption, what’s private for Aquarius eyes only, and what’s semiprivate? The part that might appear to be sort of private but you might want to post? I’d place extra emphasis on keeping private Aquarius data private. Like, on one of those forms, like on websites, there’s a check box, “Do you want to be added to our mailing list?” Uncheck that box before you hit “send.” Or maybe it’s under a “buy” button, “do you want to receive our crap in your email?”

Just uncheck the box. Privacy matters. This week, tend to err on the side of not telling anyone.

As a further example of this? When someone signs up for my site’s membership? I set it so it DOES NOT automatically add the email address to the mailing list. That’s an Aquarius favor, this week.

Pisces:

So close. So very, very close. So very, very, very close and yet? Not quite. So close, but not quite. There’s the tiniest amount of Sagittarius inspired friction in Pisces. Poor, poor Pisces, inflicted with a Sagittarius problem. Annoyance, not really a problem, but as a Sagittarius, we can annoy to the point that you want to smack us. Really, takes thirty seconds to escalate from, “Would you please go away?” All the way up to violence. Bodily damage. Ouch.

    “Why’d you hit me?”

    “Because you wouldn’t shut up.”

    “What do you mean I wouldn’t shut up?”

See how this goes? Minor Sagittarius inspired annoyance. How you deal with this is going to require an extra dose of Pisces pleasantness, an extra layer of Pisces charm, or an extra layer of something, spread around liberally, to deal with that Sagittarius-inspired issue. Annoyance. Problem. Whatever it is. Charm, with, pleasantness, and maybe shovel, will help Pisces.

    “You’re not going to hit me with that, are you?”

    “Are you going to shut up?”

Aries:

Over the years, I’ve toyed with various methods for working with a weekly column. At the outset, when I first started, each weekly was a separate document. It was executed in Microsoft Word, Word Perfect, and originated on a Macintosh, so it also, went out as a text file. Three different formats, with a single file for each week.

Over the years, I streamlined my approach, trying to remove as much distance from whatever tumbles out to my brain as an analysis for the weekly astrology for Aries, whatever tumbles out and getting that into a useful format, namely a website, the quickest distance from my brain to your eyes. I tend, in the last years, to just use a single file with me adding the next week after a page break or a section break, in the document. Single document instead of 12 x 52 text snippets, or, at the very least 52 or 53 weekly documents, separated by month, again, needless problems. Streamline. Think streamline. What’s the easiest way to do this? Aries, you have a task, a goal, a desire, something that must be done, soon.

Another easy example? Have to get an Xmas gift delivered to my Left Coast family. I’ll order, online, and have it delivered, and I’ll order this week. Pay an extra two bucks, less than the coast of a subscription, and get it gift-wrapped. All done. On time. Ahead of schedule. Plenty of time for the shipper to lose it, find it, and get it there.

Streamline. Easiest route for Aries, to get this done? Easiest route. Pick the easiest way to get it done.

    “It’s not lazy, it’s prudent.”

Taurus:

Austin’s vehicle traffic has now reached epic proportions. The traffic outstrips both Dallas and Houston for breadth, depth, and scope of hassles. The old joke? Friday’s afternoon rush hour starts Thursday at three? It applies. It’s not funny anymore. I have a secret for traffic. I have a — apparently — seldom employed source of inner-strength and patience for dealing with traffic. Some years ago, I set out to listen to all of Shakespeare’s plays — all of them — not just greatest hits — all the plays — read aloud. There are various versions available, and before I head into something that might, or might not be traffic gridlock? I make sure I have a play spooled up. I can get lost in the plot, story, or way the reader evokes the characters, or, if it’s a bad version, I can think of the problems. Better than talk radio, better than chatting with friends and family on the phone, as there’s less frustration. I hit one of those two-hour delays, and I’m good. I have another play I wanted to listen to. I don’t have to do anything. I tend to pull over for a rest stop right before Austin, and I make sure I’ve got something running that will take me through town, delays and all.

Listening to a version of Shakespeare’s Henry IV, matter of fact, was where I grabbed that quote from, but because I was driving? I didn’t note how that was supposed to tie into this week.

As a Taurus, there is a share of frustrations this week. I can’t stop that. I can warn you to be prepared, like I am, with something that will divert some of your attention away from the source of the frustration. Like listening to a silly Shakespeare play, read aloud. They run, on average about three hours. Just enough for one trip to Austin.

Gemini:

My first telephone headset was a monstrosity. I had to plug it into a regular telephone handset. There are now generations of people who never saw handset, or rotary dials, or, to be even more cryptic, corded phones. At the current time, I’m using a wireless headset that’s not much more than two earbud with a tiny bulge in the wires for an on/off/microphone/charging plug-thing. While I tried the single ear-bud with a clip, that never worked, not for me. I tend to move around, get excited, and make extreme gestures. Besides, when working with clients, I like to have all my attention, which means, both ears, plugged in, so to speak.

As this week unfolds for Gemini? Both ears, on the road. No, wait, that’s both eyes, listening. No, look with both eyes, and listen with both ears. While it might appear archaic to some? There’s an up coming holiday issue that requires your attention. Both ears on the wheel, both eyes, listening, and watch with both hands.

Again, that’s sideways, but a task that you can do with one hand? A task you can marginally adhere to with only a single digit, usually? Pay closer attention as the Sagittarius Sun, us, other things, but let’s just pretend, it’s the Sun and it’s your half-birthday, and pay attention. Both ears. Both eyes. Both hands. One task.

Cancer:

There’s a kind of course correction going on in Cancer? The Moon Children are best served if they adjust, as need be, to slightly different directions. This isn’t a big change, it’s a little change. This isn’t half-way around, or even a right angle turn. This is simpler, easier.

I was trying to explain this, in person, and I was trying to sketch a circle. 360 degrees in a circle. So a right angle is 90 degrees, correct? 180, that’s, like, opposite from where you’re at, correct? So this is lesser angle, I’m guessing between 15 and 30 degrees, but it could be much less. It’s a simple “course correction,” and, in other ways of explaining it, you’re going in the correct general direction, just need to be lined up a little bit better. Not by much, just a little to the left. Or the right.

Mercury enter Capricorn and Venus exits Capricorn, and these two little planets, almost a subtle influence, they both give a nudge in a slightly different direction, Not a big change, just a course correction, like, aim a few degrees more to the left. Or the right. All depends.

The Leo:

The Good Leo? The best of the Good Leo’s? Quick, zip it. Sit down and shut up. Or shut up and then sit down. You’re allowed to glare at me as much as you want. I’ve been glared at by lesser signs, it won’t bother me. I know what the source of your ire is: not me. Glower, glare, stare, wish that frogs will rain down on me, sure. I don’t care.

Shut up and sit down.

There is always a time to let your assertions be known and to make everyone knows how you’re right and we’re wrong. I’m just suggesting, this next few days, with what’s happening on a global scale, given how these planets and their influences roil away?

Cross your arms and give us that evil eye that only you can do, but the problem is Mars, in Aquarius, opposite from you. There is a time to make a stand, take a stand, stand up and fight. Tis isn’t one of those times. There’s time to loudly, and with force, let the world know there is a problem. This isn’t one of those times.

Now isn’t the time to assert yourself. Think about Xmas parties, think about xmas shopping. Think about holidays and fun. Maybe think about family. Maybe not. Still, when confronted with that one issue where you want to stand and holler?

Shut up and sit down.

You will be grateful in one to three weeks, when, it turns out, being quiet and out of the line of sight helped you the most.

I love you, Leo, now live to fight another day.

Virgo:

Old family friend, also an astrology client of mine, anyway, there was a life-changing event. My family, thinking of my mother here, she told one version of the story that was patently funny. Amusing, wry, with just enough Scorpio sarcasm to be achingly amusing. Dry wit and all. So I heard the story from my wee mum, then I heard it from the actual person it happened to. Totally different tale. Woe, heartbreak, dire circumstances, and more woe.

Same tale, two tellers, one I could deal with astrologically, and one I just listened and laughed. Same basic facts, all a part of the presentation, how that data was streamed to an audience. Same basic set of facts, it’s all in the telling. Ask any good PR Flack, all in the telling, how it gets spun.

This is about style. The style of the telling of the tale. This is a Virgo tale, so will there be woe and horror, oh the horror? Or can there be an uplifting and amusing version? All about how you spin this week, and there’s some hope, but it’s all about the spin.

When we get done? I don’t want to be able to recognize the original ingredients, is that a deal?

Libra:

There’s — apparently — an architectural feature known as a “Welcoming” staircase. It was used, primarily in the pre-war south, although, I’d figure it would prevalent elsewhere from that era. The “Welcoming” staircase, there’s one example in the historic district here in San Antonio, although, I think it’s just a feature, I don’t think it was intended as a “Welcoming” staircase, since, this is South Texas, and many of the settlers weren’t quite as prudish as myth would have us believe.

The “Welcoming” staircase was designed so that a woman’s ankles were not visible when ascending the stairs.

Seems silly, in this day and age when nudity, damn near naked, when body parts are so visible. Ankles were a risqué view, at one point. So the “Welcoming” staircase of pre-war architecture was to hide those body part, all right? Decorum and taste changes, however, there’s a sense that good, Libra decorum rules the day.

There’s a point to be made, and when there’s stiff competition, and when the odds are long? A little more Libra decorum helps cover up a multitude of “sins.” So to speak.

Scorpio:

Every day, when I wake up, I have a choice. I can have a bad day or I can have a good day. Before my feet hit the ground, before I’ve sworn I won’t stay up that late, before anything else happens, I get to make a choice. Good day or bad day. Up to me. Now, lately, it seems like there’s been more nasty stuff piling up on me, and as a Scorpio, you’re silently grinning, “Suffer, Sagittarius — then thinking, ‘smart ass,’ serves him right.” The problem being, the challenge as this isn’t really a Scorpio problem, no, not really, but the planetary energies present? You get a chance to do the Scorpio happy dance at some other person’s misfortune.

“Dude, that’s like so uncool.”

I know, right?

So with this week’s planets working this way, you have a choice. It’s almost binary, like, is it going to be a good day or a bad day, and which one would make you happier? You have choice, like me, when you get up. It can be a good day or bad day. You’re choice, Scorpio.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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